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Re: For the old age: The LMS thread
Yo yo yo

FRIDAY!

Too many Fridays recently.

October 28, 2016, 08:21:52 AM
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Re: DDF Trivia
tied with these.
I guess I don't check random threads often enough.
At least in some of them he has an asking price

December 13, 2016, 11:21:39 AM
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Re: Master thread to help me with words/phrases. Non-Jews might not know this, but there are quite a lot of different types of Jews — of all races, countries, political beliefs. Even religiously, there is a huge divide between two large camps in particular: The “Ashkenazi” Jews of general European descent, and the “Sephardi” Jews, who originated from the golden age of Jewry in pre-inquisition Spain.

What’s the difference between these groups?

Let me explain it in terms a non-Jew might understand.

The first thing to know is that Spain, insanely, is Ashkenazi because it’s part of Europe, even though “Sephardi” literally means Spanish. The middle east, on the other hand, which has had its own continuous Jewish communities for millennia, is very Sephardi. The rest of Europe is Ashkenazi, except for the Netherlands, which by some accident is honorarily Sephardi, and the small parts of Germany owned by Mercedes-Benz. You see, BMW is Ashkenazi. Audi is very Ashkenazi. But Mercedes is Sephardi.

How about socks? Socks are Ashkenazi. Sandals are Sephardi. Sandals with socks are more Ashkenazi than socks alone. Cargo shorts are also Ashkenazi. Basketball shorts are Sephardi. Bike shorts are goyish (non-Jewish). Suspenders are Ashkenazi. Belts are Sephardi.

Is this beginning to make sense?

Contact lenses are non-Jewish; glasses are Ashkenazi; sunglasses are Sephardi.

Eyebrows are unbearably Ashkenazi but foreheads have a Sephardi feeling to them.

Black is Ashkenazi. Blue is Sephardi.

How about the way they think? OK, try this: Mystical questions about the nature of G-d are Ashkenazi. The answers to those questions are Sephardi. But general philosophical inquiries are Sephardi, while the answers are Ashkenazi. The notion of geniuses is very Jewish, generally, but respect for geniuses, less-so. Everyone thinking they’re a genius is very Jewish. If the person who thinks they’re a genius drives a cab, that’s Sephardi. If they drive a wagon, that’s Ashkenazi.

If they write short stories or slam poetry, that’s Ashkenazi. If they pen novels, that’s Sephardi. Flash fiction is suspiciously goyish.

Confused yet? Disagree? Very Jewish.

Arguments are just plain Jewish, see, but physical violence is goyish. If it comes down to it, Ashkenazim will shove, whereas Sephardim go for outright blows. Everyone throws things, but throwing a chair is Sephardi, and someone over the age of sixty throwing a chair is very Sephardi. This is somehow true even though chairs are quite Ashkenazi, whereas benches are neutrally Jewish unless they have pillows on them, in which case they are indelibly Sephardi. Pews are, it goes without saying, goyish.

Sephardi kids are prone to afternoons on the town, whereas Ashkenazim are more prone to nights on the town. Obedience is goyish.

If a Jew wakes up to eggs over-easy for breakfast, he’s doing it the goyish way. Ashkenazim would have eggs boiled in water. Sephardim would have eggs boiled in stew. Salt is Ashkenazi. Tomatoes are Sephardi. Rice is very Sephardi. Peanut butter is very Ashkenazi but Sephardim get it on a technicality. Gelatinous marrow-based “delicacies” are, regrettably, Ashkenazi. Neither group eats off of their fine china if no guests are invited: Ashkenazim will use plastic dinnerware; Sephardim will use paper.

If she wears a wig, that’s very Ashkenazi. If she wears an urban turban she’s doin’ it Sephardi.

If you see a Jew spit, that’s Sephardi. If you see him sweat, that’s Ashkenazi. If they shake hands, that’s Ashkenazi. If they bump fists, it is hilariously Ashkenazi. Avuncular shoulder slaps are Sephardi (Uncles, as a concept, are Sephardi, but Aunts are Ashkenazi). Hugging is Sephardi and encouraged, but watch out: If two men greet each other with a kiss on the cheek, they instantly become Ashkenazim for life.

Fingers are clearly Ashkenazi, though knuckles are Sephardi. Beards have a faintly Sephardi aura about them, but then, hair is generally Sephardi. Fingernails are quite Ashkenazi.

Stores are Ashkenazi things; stalls are Sephardi. Haggling is Sephardi. Sales tactics are Ashkenazi. A meeting starting on time is Sephardi. A meeting ending on time is Ashkenazi.

Piers are Ashkenazi; wharves, Sephardi. Boats are Sephardi. Ships are Ashkenazi.

Cleavers are Ashkenazi; fruit knives are Sephardi; combat knives are goyish, unless they’re from the IDF, and even then…

Home repair is Sephardi, as are plumbers, electricians, roofers, handymen. Appliance repair is ever-so-slightly Ashkenazi. Tech support is Ashkenazi but Sephardim are better at it; computer programming is decisively Sephardi but Ashkenazim have a knack for it.

As far as domesticated animals go, goats are Sephardi. Sheep are Ashkenazi. We all pass on hogs. If we have to go for insects, bees are more Sephardi whereas flies are profoundly Ashkenazi. Cats are Ashkenazi and dogs are Sephardi. Birds are Sephardi, fish are Ashkenazi. Guinea pigs are cute but not Jewish. Bad memories.

All comic books are Jewish, but DC leans Ashkenazi and Marvel leans Sephardi.

Led Zeppelin — classic Ashkenazi mascots. AC/DC represent the Sephardim. Deep Purple is just plain goyish. Frank Zappa is weird Ashkenazi. Bob Dylan is profoundly Ashkenazi. Bob Marley should be Sephardi but the Ashkenazim stole him. Johnny Cash is proper Sephardi. Black Metal is goyish as landed nobility, and opera once attended a pogrom, but show tunes are Ashkenazi and Top 40 music generally is Sephardi.

Google is Sephardi. Apple is Ashkenazi. Microsoft is goyish.

On the Internet: Facebook is Sephardi. Twitter is Ashkenazi. If you meme about Harambe you’re doing the Ashkenazi; if you play Pokemon Go you are doing the Sephardi. This dude was circumcised in an Ashkenazi synagogue: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, whereas this guy has a profound Sephardi heritage: ಠ_ಠ.  This guy attends a restricted country club: :).

An Ashkenazi might argue that there are no differences between Jews at all, whereas a Sephardi might quibble on the details and say my distinctions are not stark enough. Either way, it’s one big family, and we all love to laugh. I hope.

December 27, 2016, 07:18:17 PM
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Re: Where Are You Posting From Now?
verazano bridge
On DDF there are other ways to get across the Verrazano.
#DDS

December 30, 2016, 02:43:05 PM
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Re: help for stranded family members in Antalya turkey
Hi forum-
2 of my family members are stuck in Antalya turkey from a flight from TA that was diverted. Airline is telling them they might be there for 3 days.
any one have a tip for what they can do to get home to the US. anyone know a savvy travel agent that can assist them?
or at least get them to a European capital city where they might be more comfortable while waiting to get home?

any help would be great appreciated!
I wouldn't make any of my own arrangements not through the airline and your not saying which airline it is. As soon as you fly to somewhere else they have NO obligations to you.

January 09, 2017, 12:36:55 PM
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Re: help for stranded family members in Antalya turkey
thanks again guys.
its turkish air. the flight was from TA to IST but they diverted to AYT.
airline is saying it will be about 4 days to get them back to NY, but they cant wait that long.
they are willing to layout the money to get home rather than wait for the airline to figure it out and be stuck in AYT.
Just don't expect to lay out and get it back.

January 09, 2017, 01:06:47 PM
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Re: Crown Heights master thread
Kretchme stated בהכשר הבעלים.
בהשגחה פרטית

January 11, 2017, 11:17:28 PM
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Re: DDMS Redesign Suggestions
Here's a quick list of site suggestions/ideas of the bat in addition to posted upthread.

1. Static header and footer.
2. Footer to have a sitemap. ( Good for SEO too )
3. Have a load comments button ( in addition to load the full details )
4. Advertisement banners between deals
5. Less deals per page?
6.  Or Have them listed side by side lineup ( example Slickdeals )
7. Allow users to respond to questions posted?
I can't stand #4
Just my 2¢

Look at VIN mobile site where between every article there are 4 ads.

January 15, 2017, 06:33:25 PM
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Re: Jokes Master Thread Obama meets the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?  Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen. "The important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned and then asked, "but how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent? "

The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy: you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle. Watch:

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.  "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you? "

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty? "

The Queen smiled and said.
"Answer me this please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child.  It is not your brother and it is not your sister.  Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me!"

"Yes, very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question.

"Joe, answer this for me.  Your mother and father have a child.  It's not your brother and it's not your sister.  Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one."

He went to his advisers and asked everyone.

But none could give him an answer. 

Frustrated, Biden went to work out in Congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey, Paul, see if you can answer this question. Your mother and father have a child, and it's not your brother or your sister.  Who is it?"

Paul Ryan answered, "That's easy; it's me!"

Biden smiled and said, "Good answer, Paul!".

Biden then went back to speak with President Obama.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.

"It's Paul Ryan!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden and angrily yelled into his face,

"NO, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR THE PAST 8 YEARS......

January 25, 2017, 12:51:02 PM
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Re: Jokes Master Thread Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What’s the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then I’d like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It’s my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You’ve got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I’ll check and see if we have any paint available.
Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
Clerk: But it doesn’t mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don’t have any more $12 paint.
Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I’ll have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy paint and don’t use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: WHAT?
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.
Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don’t, it causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night!
Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.
Customer: But what are all these, “Paint on sale from $10 a litre” signs?
Clerk: Well that’s for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
Customer: To hell with this! I’ll buy what I need somewhere else!
Clerk: I don’t think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won’t be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.
Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
Clerk: That’s if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.
Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you’ll confiscate the remaining paint.
Clerk: No, we’ll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you’re getting it now, sir.
Customer: You’re insane!
Clerk: Thanks for painting with Friday Fun Airlines!

January 31, 2017, 01:15:24 AM
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