she easily makes 7k more bc she works in Manhattan. Not sure what she would make in Denver but I know compared to other citys they pay about 40% more in nyc.
Also, my effective tax rate is nowhere close to 40%.
Lastly, they have commuter funds that are pre tax.
Maybe you are right about some salaries but if you are a medical professional for example, you make more outside of hyper-competitive markets like LA or NY. I'm not saying she shouldn't drive and park. I used to live that kind of life in LA. We may be unique in that we have businesses that can make the same or more where we currently live and literally almost every single thing except for some kosher food products are cheaper: gas, car insurance, property tax, state tax, school tuition, housing, costs of commuting (in money and time). Maybe some jobs make 40% more but plenty of jobs aren't and your costs are so much less so that you can actually accumulate wealth and have more time with your family.