Author Topic: Engagement Rings  (Read 23057 times)

Offline MarkS

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #40 on: May 14, 2013, 09:24:17 AM »
so according to your logic, you might as well buy a CZ as most people dont notice the difference....
+1! Some people have started doing that in this economy!
The only reason not too is because she will feel bad since all her friends are getting real ones etc.
One of those things in the frum world where we spend money just because everyone else is doing it.

I hear your point about giving something of value, but in this economy where many people just don't have the $$, there are a lot of chasunah expenses that are over the top but just needed because that's what's expected. A ring is not the only expensive gift that needs to be given....
As far as the giving something of value, starting a savings account for a down payment etc should be (in a practical world) a better way to start off the marriage then thousands of $$'s of jewelery.
Don't think I didn't buy all the required things when I got married - I did. But the money can definitely be better spent/saved (hope my wife isn't reading this lol).
I've always said when attending fancy weddings where $10's of thousands of dollars over what a basic wedding costs are blown in one night that it would be much more beneficial to the couple to have a basic wedding and a savings acccount with $20K instead of an over the top extravagant wedding where it is all blown on one fancy night.
An example would be a wedding dress. Some people rent from a gemach for $300 and some spend $2K-4K$ buying a dress which then sits in their closet for years getting yellow. Both have very happy weddings and happy marriages but the one who lost $4K on a dress isn't any better off for it!

Part of the 'problem' is that you only get married once. So all commen sense goes out the window. You can talk from today until tomorrow about what makes sense and is practical but at the end of the day no girl wants to be the only one of her friends getting a CZ or having a 'below accepted standards' wedding.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2013, 09:28:10 AM by MarkS »

Offline sky121

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #41 on: May 14, 2013, 09:31:17 AM »


If the other side was up for it I'd get married in the back yard and have less than 100 people.


All that matters with buying a CZ is telling the girl IMO. But I def agree with all you've said. The problem is finding a girl who doesn't mind and having in laws and parents cool with not having a big fancy wedding.

And forget all the money that could be given to the young couple. What about all the money the parents don't even have and spend anyways? 
Weddings are much happier when the parents haven't been put in debt for them.
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Offline sky121

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #42 on: May 14, 2013, 09:37:57 AM »


Part of the 'problem' is that you only get married once. So all commen sense goes out the window. You can talk from today until tomorrow about what makes sense and is practical but at the end of the day no girl wants to be the only one of her friends getting a CZ or having a 'below accepted standards' wedding.

-1 There are some girls that wouldn't mind.
And just because you spend less on a wedding does not mean it has to be below standards at all. I helped a young couple make a wedding where it was small and in a local community house which was gorgeous and cheaper than the hotels people get married in.  Everyone thought it was so "funky" and different.   

And I know a couple who hand wrote their wedding invitation and had it copied on a nice paper by themselves and again it was a lot cheaper and everyone thought it looked really special.
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Offline meshugener

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #43 on: May 14, 2013, 09:44:56 AM »

If the other side was up for it I'd get married in the back yard and have less than 100 people.

come on.
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Offline sky121

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #44 on: May 14, 2013, 10:01:58 AM »
come on.

What's wrong with that? You could make a really nice wedding in a nice backyard.
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Offline judahk88

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #45 on: May 14, 2013, 10:03:25 AM »
What's wrong with that? You could make a really nice wedding in a nice backyard.
+1 unfortunately it is hard to come by people who would actually do it.

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #46 on: May 14, 2013, 10:08:23 AM »
come on.
I agree besides the people limitation. I always said I could make an unbelievable BBQ for $5,000 :)
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Offline meshugener

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #47 on: May 14, 2013, 10:33:49 AM »
@sky
I have no idea whether you're married or not, but my guess is you wedding was quite a while ago.
Its easy to say now I'd have no problem with a wedding of <100 people attending, but I highly doubt you'd say that back then, when you think this MY - once in a lifetime - celebration.
I don't think you'll find anyone in the stage of getting married, saying that
.

But hey, perhaps mid-westerns are different....
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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #48 on: May 14, 2013, 10:43:26 AM »
@sky
I have no idea whether you're married or not, but my guess is you wedding was quite a while ago.
Its easy to say now I'd have no problem with a wedding of <100 people attending, but I highly doubt you'd say that back then, when you think this MY - once in a lifetime - celebration.
I don't think you'll find anyone in the stage of getting married, saying that
.

But hey, perhaps mid-westerns are different....
I agree besides the people limitation. I always said I could make an unbelievable BBQ for $5,000 :)
We are. We're just better people in general :P
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Offline whacked1

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #49 on: May 14, 2013, 11:06:14 AM »
We are. We're just better people in general :P
stop lying to yourself! Lol. The truth is that it isn't easy to make  one of those outdoor/backyard  weddings. I have a relative that wanted to make one, the fact is that most ppl have more than 100 ppl that they "must"  invite. How are you supposed to start choosing who to invite and who not?! Also once it starts getting big, cost wise it can come out only a couple of $ cheaper (if not the same) as a hall. The big cost isn't the actual wedding, it's the jewelry, car, apt, support etc. Which you will have anyways

Offline sky121

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #50 on: May 14, 2013, 11:12:05 AM »
I don't think you'll find anyone in the stage of getting married, saying that


But hey, perhaps mid-westerns are different....
-1 I agree that most people wouldn't say that. But I'm not most people.




And we are different. Some of us. Thank G-d. :)
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Online jj1000

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #51 on: May 14, 2013, 11:12:41 AM »
stop lying to yourself! Lol. The truth is that it isn't easy to make  one of those outdoor/backyard  weddings. I have a relative that wanted to make one, the fact is that most ppl have more than 100 ppl that they "must"  invite. How are you supposed to start choosing who to invite and who not?! Also once it starts getting big, cost wise it can come out only a couple of $ cheaper (if not the same) as a hall. The big cost isn't the actual wedding, it's the jewelry, car, apt, support etc. Which you will have anyways
1. Read what I wrote, because I said I agree with sky121 besides the 100 guest limit. 2. I said I'd do a BBQ for $5,000. If it's in your back yard than we aren't talking about making the same wedding you'd make in a hall or all your saving is a few grand on the hall.

As for other expenses, that's the whole point. The wedding isn't the main thing living is. Yet people spend at least $20K on a wedding and when it comes to buying diapers they need a gemach. The whole point is have a nice, but inexpensive wedding as to save up for real life expenses, rent, car, food etc...
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Offline whacked1

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #52 on: May 14, 2013, 11:24:01 AM »
1. Read what I wrote, because I said I agree with sky121 besides the 100 guest limit. 2. I said I'd do a BBQ for $5,000. If it's in your back yard than we aren't talking about making the same wedding you'd make in a hall or all your saving is a few grand on the hall.

As for other expenses, that's the whole point. The wedding isn't the main thing living is. Yet people spend at least $20K on a wedding and when it comes to buying diapers they need a gemach. The whole point is have a nice, but inexpensive wedding as to save up for real life expenses, rent, car, food etc...
I wasn't arguing with you, my point was only that a backyard wedding would be expensive. (I didn't realize you meant only a bbq) a backyard wedding would be super hard for me considering I can fit maybe 15 ppl in my backyard! :))


Offline moish

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #53 on: May 14, 2013, 12:02:42 PM »
i only heard of one wedding in a backyard. it was during the LA riots and at least it was on a tennis court...

Offline damaxer91

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #54 on: May 14, 2013, 12:03:56 PM »
A nice backyard wedding will be more expensive than a regular hall in most cases

Offline puddles

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #55 on: May 14, 2013, 12:07:01 PM »
Meh, my mother is still waiting for one...just depends on priorities I suppose.
Sounds on the high end to me.  Especially if you "know" someone in the business as we all do.  Got both a diamond and setting that way.
Diamonds have no intrinsic value as it is, just one big farce.
as does cash...Its all about supply and demand

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #56 on: May 14, 2013, 12:11:19 PM »
as does cash...Its all about supply and demand
Eh, if Da Beers bust the world will still be fine, just your wife's diamond will be close to worthless.

If the US Government busts you have much bigger problems than not having money.

my point is you buy the diamond for the value
@Moish I think some googling shows diamonds are a terrible investment of money from a financial viewpoint.
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Offline skyguy918

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #57 on: May 17, 2013, 01:06:34 PM »
I once took a Gentile acquaintance to a frum guy who sold high-end watches out of his house for 20%-40% off retail. He was amazed, but once the guy offered to let him bring home a few to decide he left because "there was no way the #@$#$ was real"

I got my diamond from a neighbor who is one of the biggest - if not the biggest - Jewish diamond dealers. He said he'd bring home a few diamonds in my price range. I knocked on his door, we go into the kitchen and he takes a packet made of folded paper out of his shirt pocket, opens it up and starts showing me some diamonds. I'm thinking, he just carries them around in his pocket like that? Then he tells me to take it home and decide which one I want. I could barely sleep that night thinking I would lose a diamond out of the packet! ;D

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #58 on: May 17, 2013, 01:08:38 PM »
I got my diamond from a neighbor who is one of the biggest - if not the biggest - Jewish diamond dealers. He said he'd bring home a few diamonds in my price range. I knocked on his door, we go into the kitchen and he takes a packet made of folded paper out of his shirt pocket, opens it up and starts showing me some diamonds. I'm thinking, he just carries them around in his pocket like that? Then he tells me to take it home and decide which one I want. I could barely sleep that night thinking I would lose a diamond out of the packet! ;D
Where does he live? :P
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Offline skyguy918

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Re: Engagement Rings
« Reply #59 on: May 17, 2013, 01:16:12 PM »
Where does he live? :P

You're not in diamonds, are you? Trying to figure out who it is?