Do you Daven?

[wayfe]

Mods, I hope this allowed.

So I'm part of the small percentage of female DDF'ers and I'd like to pose a poll to you majority holders.

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

The reason I'm asking is that my husband (we're a BY type Chassidish family from BP and pretty much fits in with the DDF male demographic) does not and when I finally reached out for support from a mentor I was told I am in very, very good company.

[iAm]

lol this is extremely prevelant and one of the things that's very misunderstood in shidduchim

[Mordyk]

why not add an option that you try to daven with minyan(or mostly daven with minyan)

[tzifanya54]

Mods, I hope this allowed.

So I'm part of the small percentage of female DDF'ers and I'd like to pose a poll to you majority holders.

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

The reason I'm asking is that my husband (we're a BY type Chassidish family from BP and pretty much fits in with the DDF male demographic) does not and when I finally reached out for support from a mentor I was told I am in very, very good company.

Does he daven sometimes? Shabbos? With a minyan when he does?

[wayfe]

Does he daven sometimes? Shabbos? With a minyan when he does?

During the week: Occasionally
On Shabbos: 50/50
Shul on Shabbos: Occasionally

[iAm]

Here is my theory: Most married males, over time, begin to daven more often. This often occurs as they are raising kids and sending them off to school, and recognize that they should be some form of a role model if they want their kids to get up for minyan in yeshiva.

Consequently, girls grow up in a home where they see their dad davening (him having already evolved), and assume this is the norm. Hence, they expect this as a bare minimum from potential spouses, and are shocked when their husbands in their 20s/30s don't go to minyan.

However, my experience is that davening penetration in the 20s/30s group is quite low, even among people who are 'good' (for lack of a better term) people.

[gingyguy]

gotta have an option i daven just not to the same G-d and dont daven not jewish

[wayfe]

lol this is extremely prevelant and one of the things that's very misunderstood in shidduchim

Please explain to me why it's an issue?

I'm not a new bambi-eyed kallah. However, I understand that we are both sacrificing (time and money, etc.) so much to belong to a Jewish community. So this confuses me. If he told me he's done with this 'fake frumness' and wants us to move to a non-jewish community- I might even be ok with it.

Why is it that my father would not dream of skipping a minyan and my husband's father walks over a mile to shul every Shabbos and yet my husband doesn't seem to see this as an important aspect in raising a Jewish family?

[churnbabychurn]

Mods, I hope this allowed.

So I'm part of the small percentage of female DDF'ers and I'd like to pose a poll to you majority holders.

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

The reason I'm asking is that my husband (we're a BY type Chassidish family from BP and pretty much fits in with the DDF male demographic) does not and when I finally reached out for support from a mentor I was told I am in very, very good company.

Wait, you asking about men or women??

[iAm]

Why is it that my father would not dream of skipping a minyan and my husband's father walks over a mile to shul every Shabbos and yet my husband doesn't seem to see this as an important aspect in raising a Jewish family?

Key word being father, thats why i wrote this

Here is my theory: Most married males, over time, begin to daven more often. This often occurs as they are raising kids and sending them off to school, and recognize that they should be some form of a role model if they want their kids to get up for minyan in yeshiva.

Consequently, girls grow up in a home where they see their dad davening (him having already evolved), and assume this is the norm. Hence, they expect this as a bare minimum from potential spouses, and are shocked when their husbands in their 20s/30s don't go to minyan.

However, my experience is that davening penetration in the 20s/30s group is quite low, even among people who are 'good' (for lack of a better term) people.

[yhaller14]

 (we're a BY type Chassidish family from BP and pretty much fits in with the DDF male demographic)

How did u get to that?

[Dan]

Please explain to me why it's an issue?

I'm not a new bambi-eyed kallah. However, I understand that we are both sacrificing (time and money, etc.) so much to belong to a Jewish community. So this confuses me. If he told me he's done with this 'fake frumness' and wants us to move to a non-jewish community- I might even be ok with it.

Why is it that my father would not dream of skipping a minyan and my husband's father walks over a mile to shul every Shabbos and yet my husband doesn't seem to see this as an important aspect in raising a Jewish family?

Orthoprax?

[wayfe]

gotta have an option i daven just not to the same G-d and dont daven not jewish

Those can be included in the last 2 options

[yhaller14]

Orthoprax?

Maybe just a bum?

[iAm]

However, I understand that we are both sacrificing (time and money, etc.) so much to belong to a Jewish community. So this confuses me. If he told me he's done with this 'fake frumness' and wants us to move to a non-jewish community- I might even be ok with it.

The starting point is that men that dont go to minyan, dont view going to minyan as "fake frumness" at all. They just dont do it. There's also the fact that male education (unfortunately or not), does not put nearly as much an emphasis on it as female education.

[churnbabychurn]

Please explain to me why it's an issue?

 If he told me he's done with this 'fake frumness' and wants us to move to a non-jewish community- I might even be ok with it.

If we define fake frumness as acting frum but not having any relationship with gd (ie not davening to him etc), then I hear what you are saying. Otherwise this needs work....

Better question, why does it bother YOU that he doesn't daven? Just cultural, or you are disturbed by the lack of commitment? Do you daven?

[wayfe]

Orthoprax?

Explain?

[Mordyk]

Here is my theory: Most married males, over time, begin to daven more often. This often occurs as they are raising kids and sending them off to school, and recognize that they should be some form of a role model if they want their kids to get up for minyan in yeshiva.

Consequently, girls grow up in a home where they see their dad davening (him having already evolved), and assume this is the norm. Hence, they expect this as a bare minimum from potential spouses, and are shocked when their husbands in their 20s/30s don't go to minyan.

However, my experience is that davening penetration in the 20s/30s group is quite low, even among people who are 'good' (for lack of a better term) people.

very well said! i totally agree with this theory

[HBS]

Here is my theory: Most married males, over time, begin to daven more often. This often occurs as they are raising kids and sending them off to school, and recognize that they should be some form of a role model if they want their kids to get up for minyan in yeshiva.

Consequently, girls grow up in a home where they see their dad davening (him having already evolved), and assume this is the norm. Hence, they expect this as a bare minimum from potential spouses, and are shocked when their husbands in their 20s/30s don't go to minyan.

However, my experience is that davening penetration in the 20s/30s group is quite low, even among people who are 'good' (for lack of a better term) people.

I think there are a few categories of people.
There are those that truly don't believe, there are those that deep down believe but are not willing to push themselves, there are those that truly believe and try, but may slip up occasionally.
This is true for all mitzvos, including davening.
If you went through your entire life doing things by rote and not by having a meaningful relationship with God, then the second it gets rough (or you find that there are enough people like you) you will slack off. And maybe not show up/daven at all.
The difference between our father's generation and our generation was that in some sense, lines were drawn more clearly. To deviate would put you in a different group.

[sky121]

Why is it that my father would not dream of skipping a minyan and my husband's father walks over a mile to shul every Shabbos and yet my husband doesn't seem to see this as an important aspect in raising a Jewish family?

I think it has to do with how connected you are to davening in the first place. And the fact that many in the younger generations feel less connected to going to shul and davening as out parents and grandparents.