Poll

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

I'm frum and I (mostly) daven with a minyan 3x a day
86 (60.6%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven without a minyan 3x a day
16 (11.3%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven daily
22 (15.5%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) don't daven every day
13 (9.2%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) daven daily
1 (0.7%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) don't daven daily
4 (2.8%)

Total Members Voted: 142

Author Topic: Do you Daven?  (Read 7141 times)

Offline Moshke

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Do you Daven?
« Reply #45 on: January 10, 2018, 06:59:16 PM »
Yes, this was the way I tried to think about it until I realized that I don't respect him because of it... Which causes a whole host of other problems.

And we are raising a family.
It comes you credit for at least trying to think this way.

The way to accomplish is only by not forcing just showing appreciation and respect and being upfront.

Offline Eliyohu

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #46 on: January 10, 2018, 07:05:19 PM »


You serious? I'm not saying that she should be bossing him around to get to shul on time, learn 5 hours a day, etc but of course she should encourage and appreciate (actually it's she shows her appreciation, it will automatically encourage him) to always strive to grow in ruchnius. And btw, it's the same the other way.

A spouse is NOT a personal mashgiach! Showing appreciation would possibly be different..

Offline sky121

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #47 on: January 10, 2018, 07:08:55 PM »

A spouse is NOT a personal mashgiach! Showing appreciation would possibly be different..
What a spouse should be or should feel is one thing. Even someone raised in a certain community with certain things that are accepted as 'we all do this' type of things and then the spouse stops or does something different most spouses would understandbly be concerned with that or might have trouble accepting that. If it's because it's something they inherently believe in or even if it's just because of how others in the community will view them. Even if they shouldn't care, we're humans and it's understandable if it would happen.

And trying to get advice and talk it out to work it out is the only right answer.
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline aygart

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #48 on: January 10, 2018, 07:11:38 PM »
Have you ever actually discussed it with him? What was the purpose of the discussion with this mentor?

1. As mentioned we are buying into the exorbitantly expensive frum lifestyle
Does he realize this contradiction? Has he addressed it and how?

It bothers me for a few reasons:
3. Like @iAm mentioned, my daughter is nearly 3 and I want her father davening to be a part of life.
4. It makes me not respect him, because I see him as teenager slacking off, not taking his responsibility to his family, to his parenting role seriously
Does he know that you are bothered for these two reasons? Does he realize that it is making you not respect him? Is your feeling that he is slacking off only due to the responsibility to the family or due to davening itself?

2. We (personally) have a lot of daven for (not just in a general world peace kind of way....)
5. I daven on occasion- but then it's not my mitzvah.
Could it be that the personal issues are partially the cause of his, in your words, slacking off? Maybe he is feeling a level of yi'ush.
If you have a lot to daven for why don't you daven more than occasionally? While women do not have the obligation to daven the specific nusach in the siddur they do most definitely have an obligation to daven since they too need hashem's protection. It is possible that if he sees a greater commitment on your part that he will be more committed as well.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used to start a religious discussion.

Offline Sammy82

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #49 on: January 10, 2018, 07:12:19 PM »

A spouse is NOT a personal mashgiach! Showing appreciation would possibly be different..
I agree. And that's more or less what I wrote. But to say it's none of her business is absurd.

Offline ExGingi

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #50 on: January 10, 2018, 07:13:03 PM »
Need to add following options to the poll:

  • I always say the words but only occasionally really daven.
  • I say the words and try to daven at least X times a week.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #51 on: January 10, 2018, 07:39:51 PM »
Have you ever actually discussed it with him? What was the purpose of the discussion with this mentor?
Does he realize this contradiction? Has he addressed it and how?
Does he know that you are bothered for these two reasons? Does he realize that it is making you not respect him? Is your feeling that he is slacking off only due to the responsibility to the family or due to davening itself?
Could it be that the personal issues are partially the cause of his, in your words, slacking off? Maybe he is feeling a level of yi'ush.
If you have a lot to daven for why don't you daven more than occasionally? While women do not have the obligation to daven the specific nusach in the siddur they do most definitely have an obligation to daven since they too need hashem's protection. It is possible that if he sees a greater commitment on your part that he will be more committed as well.

Thanks, for your thoughts. I'm not going to answer because I'd rather not share all these details about my personal life on a forum.

And about your last point, you are right, I will make an effort to daven more often.
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
ó Richard Feynman

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #52 on: January 10, 2018, 07:43:05 PM »
Need to add following options to the poll:

  • I always say the words but only occasionally really daven.
  • I say the words and try to daven at least X times a week.

I think that saying the words forces you to remember Hashem so that you'll be more likely to think about Him and talk to Him throughout the day.
Saying the words is a way of grounding you (especially as an adult, who isn't as engrossed in Yiddishkeit as a child in school is) and connecting you to the religion.
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
ó Richard Feynman

Offline aygart

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #53 on: January 10, 2018, 07:45:59 PM »
Thanks, for your thoughts. I'm not going to answer because I'd rather not share all these details about my personal life on a forum.

And about your last point, you are right, I will make an effort to daven more often.
I understand that and wasn't expecting you to answer publicly. They were mainly for you to answer to yourself and they either are or aren't relevant to your personal situation. If you did not actually discuss it with him (including the various aspects mentioned) and that was not the discussion you already had with this mentor, you may want to discuss those aspects with your mentor and to decide whether and how to address them.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used to start a religious discussion.

Offline elit

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #54 on: January 10, 2018, 07:48:52 PM »
I'm sorry but this topic is not and shouldn't be wife's problem.
Your husbands Yiddeshkeit is not your business as long it don't effect the kids or the way you wanna raise ur family.
??? ???

Offline LetsGo

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #55 on: January 10, 2018, 07:49:19 PM »
As a mom of an almost bar mitzvah boy, this is a big issue in my house. My son is very concerned how he will daven mariv daily, since dh doesn't go out at night, unless it's to the gym.

A father that doesn't daven isn't the best role model for the kids. It seems like it would be up to me to drive my son to minyan every night and on days off. This is the main reason why I am sending him to camp.

Offline cholent

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #56 on: January 10, 2018, 07:51:56 PM »
This sounds more like an imamother discussion
Don't ask stupid questions and you won't get stupid answers

Offline TimT

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #57 on: January 10, 2018, 07:52:13 PM »
??? ???
Rí Shais Taub has covered this on more than 1 occasion. He was very clear that the woman should not be his mashgiach. (Unfortunately I didnít save that issue)

Offline Dan

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #58 on: January 10, 2018, 07:53:37 PM »
This sounds more like an imamother discussion
So that men (besides henche) shouldn't have input?
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline cholent

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #59 on: January 10, 2018, 07:54:12 PM »
So that men (besides henche) shouldn't have input?
Is henche the only man on imamother?
Don't ask stupid questions and you won't get stupid answers