Poll

Are you frum and do you daven daily?

I'm frum and I (mostly) daven with a minyan 3x a day
72 (59%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven without a minyan 3x a day
13 (10.7%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) daven daily
20 (16.4%)
I'm frum and I (mostly) don't daven every day
12 (9.8%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) daven daily
1 (0.8%)
I'm not frum and I (mostly) don't daven daily
4 (3.3%)

Total Members Voted: 122

Author Topic: Do you Daven?  (Read 4678 times)

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #90 on: January 10, 2018, 08:33:35 PM »
A. shias taub who?
b. there is a far cry between being your spouse's mashgiach which would be counterproductive and saying that your spouse's yiddeshkeit isn't your problem unless it effects your kids
c. the fact that line can be said with out any sort of protest and a lot of what else is being said in this thread is so so sad. we have created a different sect. a cultural Judaism not much different then reform Judaism just with emphasis on different things that are or aren't important.

It's not only with spiritual matters.

When asking advice about anything relating to men, I pretty much always get the same answers that give me the idea that men are too fragile. You can't nag, or even ask them to change.

All you can do is reinforce positive behavior (but not so much so that it feels contrived or adds too much pressure) and / or change your expectations.
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
ó Richard Feynman

Offline elit

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #91 on: January 10, 2018, 08:33:58 PM »
A. Rabbi Shais Taub. He writes a weekly column in the Ami responding to peopleís (90% women) issues and concerns.
C. Weíre talking about someone married with children who Iím assuming would like to remain married.
a. I was being facetious
b. you totally ignored my main point
c. not sure what that has to do with my c. unless you think my comments on this issue in a public forum will effect OPs marriage which if it is then we have much bigger problems

Offline elit

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #92 on: January 10, 2018, 08:36:05 PM »
It's not only with spiritual matters.

When asking advice about anything relating to men, I pretty much always get the same answers that give me the idea that men are too fragile. You can't nag, or even ask them to change.

All you can do is reinforce positive behavior (but not so much so that it feels contrived or adds too much pressure) and / or change your expectations.
well clearly I have a very different view point then most men here so maybe I should step out of this conversation.  but I will say there's a big difference between being a nag and having healthy open communication between a husband and wife

Offline TimT

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #93 on: January 10, 2018, 08:36:17 PM »
a. I was being facetious
Why ?
c. not sure what that has to do with my c. unless you think my comments on this issue in a public forum will effect OPs marriage which if it is then we have much bigger problems
These are all very important things to find out before marriage but if it happens once married itís a different ballgame

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #94 on: January 10, 2018, 08:36:39 PM »
I totally understand the social pressures that underpin a society. I'm just surprised that davening 3x a day isn't right there among them.

Take off your black hat and you're no longer Jewish, but skip davening (and tefillin) and you're a still a Sheineh Yid?

And adding my own cycnicism- isn't there some Big Brother keeping an eye out to see who shows up to shul or not?
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
ó Richard Feynman

Offline elit

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #95 on: January 10, 2018, 08:37:30 PM »
Why ?These are all very important things to find out before marriage but if it happens once married itís a different ballgame
a. bec u quoted him like he is an authoritative final say on the issue
b. you've lost me

Offline Abebee

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #96 on: January 10, 2018, 08:38:34 PM »
And adding my own cycnicism- isn't there some Big Brother keeping an eye out to see who shows up to shul or not?
Depends which shul, and what pressure you feel from those people. People give comments all the time to others that don't show up. But unless you belong to a Chassidis there are plenty of shuls in most neighborhoods that you can Daven "anywhere"

Offline iAm

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #97 on: January 10, 2018, 08:42:09 PM »
And adding my own cycnicism- isn't there some Big Brother keeping an eye out to see who shows up to shul or not?

I really dont think men and woman in their 20s view religion the same way. We definitely dont think about Big Brother. That would require Yiras Shemayim. Which we don't have. We are working on it. We hope to have a greater sense of the world around us as we gain responsibility. We may even gain yiras shemayim. When we get that, well make it to davening.
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Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #98 on: January 10, 2018, 08:44:57 PM »
This is the point. And while we may band aid up issues that have been arising the past decade, that just perpetuates this very "other-cultarism". I feel like we all deep down recognize this, and in the effort to correct this, the Institution is going to error on protecting itself, and were going to devolve into further tribalism.

That scares the h*ll out of me.
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
ó Richard Feynman

Offline elit

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #99 on: January 10, 2018, 08:46:39 PM »
I really dont think men and woman in their 20s view religion the same way. We definitely dont think about Big Brother. That would require Yiras Shemayim. Which we don't have. We are working on it. We hope to have a greater sense of the world around us as we gain responsibility. We may even gain yiras shemayim. When we get that, well make it to davening.
sounds like a whole lot of projection going on...

Offline wayfe

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #100 on: January 10, 2018, 08:47:37 PM »
I really dont think men and woman in their 20s view religion the same way. We definitely dont think about Big Brother. That would require Yiras Shemayim. Which we don't have. We are working on it. We hope to have a greater sense of the world around us as we gain responsibility. We may even gain yiras shemayim. When we get that, well make it to davening.

Ah, maybe we're getting to the crux of the issue.

Don't guys realize they've just gained a huge responsibility when they get married?

Which makes me wonder whether this is also an issue for Type A kind of frum guys...
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
ó Richard Feynman

Offline Sammy82

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #101 on: January 10, 2018, 08:52:58 PM »
Men don't think, so you're already expecting too much from us. We also don't do a lot of other things you may or may not realize. Brachos both before and after eating. Washing is dwindling. Wearing Tzitzis wearing is starting to go down in teenagers (something that wasn't a question to do when I was in high school)...
I must have been living under a rock. I and my chevra would never ever ever think of [not] doing those things. Not to show off or ch"v put people down. But to make statements that sounds like what ur saying is the norm is completely foreign to me. Maybe it's my OOT upbringing. IDK. But I'm blown away.

Offline iAm

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #102 on: January 10, 2018, 08:54:41 PM »
sounds like a whole lot of projection going on...

Perhaps - its literally a running monologue from my head to your screen, so i think thats pretty implicit. But the 2 woman on this forum so far have concurred. so maybe theres a point to be said. I also have no clue how old anyone else is, and Im getting the feeling that the average age of the other males is double me; so we may have different paradigms.
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Online yitrap

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #103 on: January 10, 2018, 09:16:07 PM »
Perhaps - its literally a running monologue from my head to your screen, so i think thats pretty implicit. But the 2 woman on this forum so far have concurred. so maybe theres a point to be said. I also have no clue how old anyone else is, and Im getting the feeling that the average age of the other males is double me; so we may have different paradigms.
.
Maybe in your community. Not among the people I know

Offline iAm

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Re: Do you Daven?
« Reply #104 on: January 10, 2018, 09:16:20 PM »
Ah, maybe we're getting to the crux of the issue.

Don't guys realize they've just gained a huge responsibility when they get married?


Yes and no. I dont think that the initial marriage responsibility, which good male spouses do recognize, translates to religious observance well. Child raising (and more specifically, adolescent raising), is a much better catalyst for that IMO
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