Author Topic: Dating in the jewish world while disabled  (Read 3987 times)

Offline wayfe

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #45 on: February 13, 2018, 05:19:45 PM »

Yes and no.  Bad choices of doctors and bad surgical procedures to remove tumors left my face scarred. I could fix it with more surgery but at this point I'm just tired of it all. If that was a factor of attraction and something I needed to fix, it would be my responsibility to fix it.

Years of untreated spinal stenosis and bad lifestyle choices made me very weak. I owned up to it, insurance didn't cover physical therapy, I didn't get to gym. I pay for after care rehab 3 times a week and there are other people there fighting for a better life. ..

im sympathetic to people's challenges,but I would not be attracted to that.

The point is that you're judging capacity for love, companionship, worldview, etc., based on something as unrelated and even somewhat irrelevant as physical appearance.

Same as you hate others doing to you.
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
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Offline Dan

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #46 on: February 13, 2018, 05:20:36 PM »
At the end of the day I believe if frum people could actually just meet those of the opposite sex there would be a lot more shidduchim. When you start judging on paper you definitely nix out people you could connect with, love and build a home with.
There would also be more one-night stands, no?
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Offline sky121

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #47 on: February 13, 2018, 05:21:54 PM »
There would also be more one-night stands, no?
That many more? How many people who are ok with one night stands aren't having them because socializing with the opposite sex in any relaxed setting isn't allowed ?
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline davidrotts63

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #48 on: February 13, 2018, 05:23:44 PM »
That many more? How many people who are ok with one night stands aren't having them because socializing with the opposite sex in any relaxed setting isn't allowed ?
It's not about being OK with it, or "not doing it", it's where things can lead you.
I'll tell you later

Offline sky121

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #49 on: February 13, 2018, 05:29:46 PM »
It's not about being OK with it, or "not doing it", it's where things can lead you.
It would lead to less older singles IMO.
A small amount of 'risk' would be worth it as far as I'm concerned.
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline cmey

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #50 on: February 13, 2018, 05:43:58 PM »
There would also be more one-night stands, no?
There could be a middle ground here. If there was limited interaction in more supervised settings- work, weddings, etc. that could lead to a boy and girl setting up a shidduch date using a “shadchan” post facto with none of the stigma that might be a net positive.

At the very least it would certainly avoid the type of conversation a woman by a rather high-end, frum event/conference I attended, was having. She was loudly talking on her cell saying she didn’t know if the girl was for her son because she had just seen the mother by the event, and the mother’s looks weren’t all that great. “Then again”, she said “they tell me the family is well off”.

Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #51 on: February 13, 2018, 05:48:27 PM »
There would also be more one-night stands, no?
Not if you practice what you preach.
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Offline Dan

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #52 on: February 13, 2018, 05:50:42 PM »
Not if you practice what you preach.
Sin doesn't always work like that. That's why we don't put ourselves into situations that could lead to it.

I agree that there ought to be a middle ground. But it's not a simple matter.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #53 on: February 13, 2018, 05:53:57 PM »
Sin doesn't always work like that. That's why we don't put ourselves into situations that could lead to it.
I look at it differently. A true test of ones faith is when you overcome these situations. Trying to constantly shield someone IMHO does a disservice.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2018, 05:58:21 PM by ChaimMoskowitz »
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Offline cmey

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #54 on: February 13, 2018, 05:57:49 PM »
Sin doesn't always work like that. That's why we don't put ourselves into situations that could lead to it.

I agree that there ought to be a middle ground. But it's not a simple matter.

Agreed. You can easily create a situation where you are playing with fire.

Offline mercaz1

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #55 on: February 13, 2018, 05:58:30 PM »
I can't imagine if singles had more social settings to meet that there would be a wave of one night stands all of a sudden

Offline Dan

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #56 on: February 13, 2018, 06:00:15 PM »
I look at it differently. A true test of ones faith is when you overcome these situations. Trying to constantly shield someone IMHO does a disservice.
Judaism isn't about purposely testing one's faith. In fact most of our practices these days are specifically designed to avoid those situations. That's why I don't hold my wife's hand for 2 weeks out of every month...
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Dan

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #57 on: February 13, 2018, 06:00:35 PM »
I can't imagine if singles had more social settings to meet that there would be a wave of one night stands all of a sudden
Depends on the setting obviously.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline mercaz1

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #58 on: February 13, 2018, 06:01:05 PM »
Depends on the setting obviously.
of course

Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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Re: Dating in the jewish world while disabled
« Reply #59 on: February 13, 2018, 06:02:48 PM »
Judaism isn't about purposely testing one's faith. In fact most of our practices these days are specifically designed to avoid those situations. That's why I don't hold my wife's hand for 2 weeks out of every month...
Does G-d test us at times (non-PC)?
I just found a new supply of forks!