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« Last edited by myi on November 23, 2017, 05:51:17 PM »

Author Topic: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...  (Read 184129 times)

Offline AJK

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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1120 on: May 07, 2024, 11:49:12 AM »
Also there needs to be some discussion that asking about a safety issue is not itself worthy of ejection, especially in today's climate of boeing and whistleblowers.
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1121 on: May 07, 2024, 11:54:02 AM »
Also there needs to be some discussion that asking about a safety issue is not itself worthy of ejection, especially in today's climate of boeing and whistleblowers.

I think so too, but I think focusing on that might distract from the primary issue @Dan is trying to report.

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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1122 on: May 07, 2024, 12:01:52 PM »
Draft post, please proofread/offer suggestions:
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/news/airline-news/outrageous-american-airlines-ejects-17-year-old-orthodox-jew-flight-due-actions-unrelated-orthodox-jewish-passenger/
Any chance to get a response from AA?
There is either more to the story or one of the most blatant cases I have ever seen.
ETA: I see at the end about off the record comment.
What happens when their official comment contradicts their off the record comment?
« Last Edit: May 07, 2024, 12:08:29 PM by CountValentine »
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Offline biobook

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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1123 on: May 07, 2024, 12:08:47 PM »
Sharing soon if anyone has any quick edits
Where are my copy-editors ;D @mevinyavin @Yehuda57 @lcm @biobook @etech0 @Joeymc @YitzyS @TimT @Joel @Euclid
Have you found a way for DDF pings to bypass email and go directly to a user's subconscious?  I had just decided to take a break and mosey around DDF, when I chanced upon this @biobook, but I hadn't gotten the usual email ping. 

Anyway, I'm here.  The post looks great!  I have no edits beyond what's already been mentioned.

The only very general edit I would suggest - not for this post now, of course, but for all posts in general - is that they would be more effective if more concise.  Travelers are often advised to pack your suitcase... then take out half of what you packed, and that concept can be applied to writing as well. 

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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1124 on: May 07, 2024, 12:09:25 PM »
I hadn't gotten the usual email ping.
I didn't either
The only very general edit I would suggest - not for this post now, of course, but for all posts in general - is that they would be more effective if more concise.
And that's why I skimmed it and didn't proofread :D
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1125 on: May 07, 2024, 12:10:52 PM »
Quote
Reuvi is a minor, so I also spoke with Reuvi’s father Motti. Were you on AA flight 4447 on 5/5? Please email Dan@DansDeals.com to share what you saw.
I'd put the "Were you on..." in its own paragraph instead of attached to the paragraph before.
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1126 on: May 07, 2024, 12:11:04 PM »
Have you found a way for DDF pings to bypass email and go directly to a user's subconscious?  I had just decided to take a break and mosey around DDF, when I chanced upon this @biobook, but I hadn't gotten the usual email ping. 

Anyway, I'm here.  The post looks great!  I have no edits beyond what's already been mentioned.

The only very general edit I would suggest - not for this post now, of course, but for all posts in general - is that they would be more effective if more concise.  Travelers are often advised to pack your suitcase... then take out half of what you packed, and that concept can be applied to writing as well. 
Thanks.
If I had more time, I would have written you a shorter letter!
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1127 on: May 07, 2024, 12:11:15 PM »
Quote
as otherwise it is only a he said, she said situation.
I would put "he said, she said" in quotes
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1128 on: May 07, 2024, 12:11:45 PM »
Quote
non-smartphones with only phone and SMS capabilities, which is very common among yeshiva students
I'd say "call and SMS" instead of "phone and SMS"
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1129 on: May 07, 2024, 12:18:53 PM »
Quote
The very shy boy
I'd say "This" instead of "The"
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1130 on: May 07, 2024, 12:19:09 PM »
Quote
dressed in the yeshiva uniform
should be followed by a colon, not a comma
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1131 on: May 07, 2024, 12:19:47 PM »
Quote
The shy boy complied without making a scene, his father always told him how
should be "as his father always"
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1132 on: May 07, 2024, 12:20:11 PM »
Quote
to which the gate agent replied that he should know what he did wrong. He had no clue.
I'd say "But he had no clue." And then remove "However" from the next paragraph.
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1133 on: May 07, 2024, 12:21:00 PM »
Quote
Yehudah is also a yeshiva student, dressed in the same standard yeshiva uniform, a white
I'd say "and was dressed" and then a colon after "uniform"
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1134 on: May 07, 2024, 12:21:23 PM »
Quote
their paths haven’t previously crossed.
haven't should be changed to hadn't
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1135 on: May 07, 2024, 12:22:25 PM »
Quote
should find another airline to take him to NYC.
"him" should be changed to "them"
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1136 on: May 07, 2024, 12:23:56 PM »
I think that's it. I'd say sorry for the deluge but you asked for it :D
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1137 on: May 07, 2024, 12:39:14 PM »
Sorry, I was offline - but the post looks great (I read it fast because I have to run).
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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1138 on: May 07, 2024, 01:30:28 PM »
The only very general edit I would suggest - not for this post now, of course, but for all posts in general - is that they would be more effective if more concise.  Travelers are often advised to pack your suitcase... then take out half of what you packed, and that concept can be applied to writing as well. 

I recently came across a great quote, supposedly from Mark Twain, something along the lines of: “I’d have written you a shorter letter, but I didn’t have enough time”.

ETA: כיוונתי לדעת Dan
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Offline YitzyS

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Re: Proofread DDMS Posts In Advance...
« Reply #1139 on: May 07, 2024, 04:32:13 PM »
Where are my copy-editors @YitzyS
#1 - my resume just got a glorious new addition!  ;D

#2 - I just saw this now, and I don't know what the post looked like at the beginning, but right now it's an absolutely stunning work of journalism that only Dan could pull off. It's written so interestingly, with a real compelling and personable feeling, yet without compromising at all on the professionalism and restraint needed to really make an impact. Kudos!