Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 726376 times)

Offline ilherman

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You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline ilherman

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You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline whYME

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Sorry @george, but I found it quite funny.

Offline danrocks613

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As is this one (please forgive me if alreDy posted can't remember wher I saw
it

Offline george

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Sorry @george, but I found it quite funny.

Mildly funny. Nothing wrong with it per se, it's just a weak joke IMO.

Offline george

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As is this one (please forgive me if alreDy posted can't remember wher I saw
it
Now THAT'S a good one!

Offline Centro

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My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke,
So I attached my payslip on the first slide..

Offline pizzahut

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My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke,
So I attached my payslip on the first slide..
loled

Offline whYME

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On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Offline srap

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On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Cute, and the last forty?

Offline Super Speed

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Cute, and the last forty?
ואם בגבורות שמונים שנה

Offline Centro

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Boss said to an employee:
Do you believe in life after Death?

Employee:
Certainly not! There’s no proof of it, he replied.

Boss:
Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral, He came here looking for you.

Offline ilherman

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א חסידישער יונגערמאן א וואך נאך די שבע ברכות קלונגט אהן זיינע עלטערין און לאכט און לאכט און לאכט....
וואס איז געשען ?, פרעגט די מאמע.
יונגערמאן: פרעג נישט, מיין ווייב איז א בטלן
מאמע: פארוואס ?
יונגערמאן: איך קום אהיים, איך טרעף א צעטיל אויפן פרידזשעדער זי שרייבט מיר: עס טיט מיר זייער וויי, עס ארבייט נישט, איך מוז אוועק גיין.....
מאמע: וואס ? וואס האט פאסירט ?
יונגערמאן: גארנישט שרעק זיך נישט, איך האב אויפגעמאכט די פרידזשעדער, עס ארבייט א מחיה !!!‬
You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline stbaum

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א חסידישער יונגערמאן א וואך נאך די שבע ברכות קלונגט אהן זיינע עלטערין און לאכט און לאכט און לאכט....
וואס איז געשען ?, פרעגט די מאמע.
יונגערמאן: פרעג נישט, מיין ווייב איז א בטלן
מאמע: פארוואס ?
יונגערמאן: איך קום אהיים, איך טרעף א צעטיל אויפן פרידזשעדער זי שרייבט מיר: עס טיט מיר זייער וויי, עס ארבייט נישט, איך מוז אוועק גיין.....
מאמע: וואס ? וואס האט פאסירט ?
יונגערמאן: גארנישט שרעק זיך נישט, איך האב אויפגעמאכט די פרידזשעדער, עס ארבייט א מחיה !!!‬
alol
My greatest achievement? I am fluent in FRIENDS quotes

Offline good sam

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א חסידישער יונגערמאן א וואך נאך די שבע ברכות קלונגט אהן זיינע עלטערין און לאכט און לאכט און לאכט....
וואס איז געשען ?, פרעגט די מאמע.
יונגערמאן: פרעג נישט, מיין ווייב איז א בטלן
מאמע: פארוואס ?
יונגערמאן: איך קום אהיים, איך טרעף א צעטיל אויפן פרידזשעדער זי שרייבט מיר: עס טיט מיר זייער וויי, עס ארבייט נישט, איך מוז אוועק גיין.....
מאמע: וואס ? וואס האט פאסירט ?
יונגערמאן: גארנישט שרעק זיך נישט, איך האב אויפגעמאכט די פרידזשעדער, עס ארבייט א מחיה !!!‬
I love jokes that are only funny because they're in Yiddish.
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline Achas Veachas

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I love jokes that are only funny because they're in Yiddish.
I told it to someone in English and it worked just fine...

No pun intended...
« Last Edit: May 08, 2014, 12:26:06 PM by Achas Veachas »

Offline SamKey

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I told it to someone in English and it worked just fine...
lol same here ::)

Offline MC

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Can someone translate on here for the non-yiddish speaker(s)?

Offline good sam

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Can someone translate on here for the non-yiddish speaker(s)?
Sure:

Quote
A Hasidic later a week after the seven blessings sounds ahn his parents and laugh and laugh and laugh ....
What has happened?, Asks the mother.
Younger: Ask not, my wife is a bum
Mother: Why?
Later I come home, I eyed a tsetil on Frieder she writes me: Teeth me very far, it does not work, I must go away .....
Mother: What? What has happened?
Later: nothing fear not, I have presented the Frieder, working a raised!!!
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline MC

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I think something got lost in translation