This is almost a true story:
3 guys sitting on a plane to IAH. Two big Texans and a small Jew with hunched shoulders in between them...
First guy says, 'howdy, my name is ivan johns, I have me 5000 acres, me 5000 livestock, they call me big johns'. Other guy says, Jack Dong, have me 5000 acres, me 5000 cows, they call me big dong.
They turn to the jew, nu, what do u have? 5 acres... So they say '5 acres?
!!! what do they call your place?'
'Downtown Houston'