1. "This year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers will get molested before they get to their uncle's house." —Seth Meyers
2."Have you heard the TSA's new slogan? 'We handle more junk than eBay.'" —Jay Leno
3."TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish." —David Letterman
4."The TSA, it's our business to touch yours." —from a "Saturday Night Live" skitportraying TSA agents as sex workers
5. "In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don't mind being patted down by airport security, but I don't like it when the guy says, 'Now you do me.'" —Conan O'Brien
6.From David Letterman's Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent: "In five years, whose pants do I see my hands in?"
7."The TSA has changed airport security guidelines. Now you can have an extensive body pat-down or a naked scan. I think I speak for everybody when I say, "Hey, why can't we have both?" —David Letterman
8. "You know, if I wanted somebody halfheartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I'd get married." —Seth Meyers
10."The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity." —Jimmy Fallon
"There was supposed to be a protest, but nobody opted out of the full-body scans, maybe because of the signs TSA posted: 'If you are embarrassed by your size, you may opt out of being scanned.'" –Jimmy Kimmel
"In spite of all the hubbub, security at the airports has been surprisingly smooth. Oddly enough, 'surprisingly smooth' is what the TSA agent said after my last patdown. Ever seen a Ken doll?" –Jimmy Fallon
"I was over at Burbank airport and you could tell it's Thanksgiving. I saw a TSA agent probing a guy with a turkey baster." –Jay Leno
"The TSA says they will allow pilots to pass through security more easily than before. I'd be happy if the pilots just went through the breathalyzer." –Jay Leno
"'Has anyone handled your bags?' 'Yes. You. Right now.'" -Seth Meyers
"Hillary Clinton said on CBS that she would not submit to a pat-down, to which Bill Clinton said, 'Tell me about it.'" –Jay Leno