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DansDeals Forum => Just Shmooze => Topic started by: avadah on January 13, 2014, 11:55:04 AM

Title: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: avadah on January 13, 2014, 11:55:04 AM
I'll kick it off.

Q) What was the snowman doing on DDF?

A) Just chillin'
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: good sam on January 13, 2014, 03:11:57 PM
(http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/112.gif)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: SamKey on January 13, 2014, 03:23:07 PM
??? The joke thread is titled everything goes
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: avadah on January 13, 2014, 05:01:56 PM
Right. And this is titled Corny Jokes & Bad Puns meaning only these types of jokes.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: SamKey on January 13, 2014, 05:27:30 PM
Right. And this is titled Corny Jokes & Bad Puns meaning only these types of jokes.
put a fork in it
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: normallyavoyeur on January 13, 2014, 08:34:58 PM
Why can't you keep jews in prison?  They eat all the lox.

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on March 30, 2018, 12:28:14 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: davidrotts63 on March 30, 2018, 12:49:42 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
You had waaaay too much pun there, one more and we'd have to punish you :)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Mordyk on March 30, 2018, 01:25:48 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
After such an article does united try to reach out to you? ;) I imagine they dont like reading articles like this...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on April 22, 2018, 03:22:24 PM
Via https://www.facebook.com/almamariacarter/posts/987546538068851

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a bar.

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a clich walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on April 22, 2018, 03:56:46 PM
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

like
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on April 22, 2018, 09:40:10 PM
Oh no, a thread for bad puns? (a redundant redundancy, if ever there was one). This thread is going to quickly become the most ignored thread on DDF.

Anyhoo, here are a few:

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on April 26, 2018, 11:52:21 AM
Some are better than others...
   


    Two atoms walk into a bar. One says to the other, "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
     
    A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much is a beer?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
     
    The tachyon orders a beer. A tachyon walks into a bar.
     
    Why Did the Chicken Cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
     
    Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any noble gases in this bar." Helium doesn't react.
     
    A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any neutrinos in this bar." The neutrino says, "Don't mind me; I'm just passing through."

    A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! There are no superconductors allowed in this bar." The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
     
    Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any bacteria in this bar. The two bacteria say, "Hey, but we work here. We're staph."
     
    Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.
     
    A parasite walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! No parasite are welcome in this bar." The parasite says, "Well, you're not a very good host."
     
    An infrared photon walks into a bar and says, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
     
    A scientist is denied entrance to a microbiology lab. When he asks why, he is told that it is for "Staph Only"
     
    Why are molecular biologists fashionable? They wear designer genes.
     
    What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
     
    What do you call a microbiologist that has traveled to every country in the world? A man of many cultures
     
    A Higgs boson walks into a [Catholic] church and the priest says "thank god you made it, we cant have mass without you."
     
    Why was Heisenberg's wife never satisfied? Answer: When he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
     
    A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind here!" The mushroom says, "Aw c'mon bartender, I'm a fungi (fun guy)"
     
    Heisenberg stopped by the police for speeding. They asked him if he knew how fast he was going and he replied: "No, but I know where I am".
     
    In other news, DNA helicase was arrested this morning for unzipping his genes in public.
     
    What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Answer: Pumpkin Pi!
     
    Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second "if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on April 26, 2018, 12:27:09 PM
Brilliant.
Is this your own?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on April 26, 2018, 12:37:46 PM
Brilliant.
Is this your own?
Sadly, yes.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on April 26, 2018, 12:41:03 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
No but you spelled rough wrong.  :P
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on April 26, 2018, 12:58:44 PM
No but you spelled rough wrong.  :P
Repost
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/#comment-1349210
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on April 26, 2018, 01:04:35 PM
Repost
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/#comment-1349210
Where do you think I got it from?  :)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on April 26, 2018, 01:21:27 PM
Oh no, a thread for bad puns? (a redundant redundancy, if ever there was one). This thread is going to quickly become the most ignored thread on DDF.

Anyhoo, here are a few:


Good stuff man.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 22, 2018, 05:08:14 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ExGingi on August 22, 2018, 06:28:17 PM
Nice. Though your own wit is superior.

I just stumbled on this thread, and really liked your puns above.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on August 22, 2018, 11:55:06 PM
[quote author=whYME link=topic=37255.msg1923793#msg1923793
    Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second "if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside"
[/quote]🤣🤣🤣 love this one! (Whoops messed up that quote)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on August 23, 2018, 12:17:46 AM
One atom asks the other, hey what's the matter?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on August 23, 2018, 12:40:52 AM
Why did they invent suspenders?

 To improve the overall situation.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on August 23, 2018, 01:03:17 AM
Why did they invent suspenders?

 To improve the overall situation.
ALOL
(I must be tired)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 23, 2018, 09:34:35 PM
Nice. Though your own wit is superior.

I just stumbled on this thread, and really liked your puns above.

So, like them, but not like "like" like them?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ExGingi on August 23, 2018, 09:36:41 PM

So, like them, but not like "like" like them?
My head is like spinning.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 22, 2019, 02:07:54 PM
Purim at a Chabad House is always interesting.
I gave an hour gemara shiur in middle of the day and then had to come up with puns and jokes for the party decorations. It's like I was in punovitch.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: davidrotts63 on March 23, 2019, 02:08:09 PM


Purim at a Chabad House is always interesting.
I gave an hour gemara shiur in middle of the day and then had to come up with puns and jokes for the party decorations. It's like I was in punovitch.

Why not Punovitz?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 15, 2019, 11:27:53 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on August 15, 2019, 11:35:03 AM
If pronouncing my Bs as Vs makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: GAM Z. on August 16, 2019, 08:30:40 AM
What do you call a bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 22, 2019, 02:09:44 PM
You could argue either way. It's a chalukei dais.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on September 15, 2019, 09:50:50 PM
What do you call it when you cross a chicken and a rabbit?

Nisht a Hin, Nisht a Herr
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on October 30, 2019, 08:40:33 PM
After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on October 31, 2019, 12:17:46 PM
How many cellphones did they have in the teiva ?
7 kosher & 2 treifa

And of course
What kind of lights did they use in the teiva ?   Floodlights

What did they eat in the teiva ?   Mobbel cake
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on October 31, 2019, 12:45:05 PM
What did they eat in the teiva ?   Mahhbul cake
FTFY
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: srap on October 31, 2019, 05:11:33 PM
...
    Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second "if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside"
Excellent!  ;D
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 03, 2019, 07:48:21 PM
If life hands you melons, chances are you're dyslexic.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 05, 2019, 11:52:12 PM
As a famous frog once said "time's fun when you're having flies."
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 06, 2019, 02:40:55 PM
Knock knock
who's there?
control freak-now-you're-supposed-to-say-control-freak-who
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: sguitarist18 on November 06, 2019, 02:55:19 PM
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting cow wh-
MOOOOOOOOO!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 07, 2019, 11:24:43 PM
If life hands you melons, chances are you're dyslexic.
When Wife hands you lemons, make lemonade....NOW!!!!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on November 07, 2019, 11:26:36 PM
How do you think the unthinkable?










Crash it into an itheberg.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ah giten on November 08, 2019, 12:02:30 AM
which is correct.

Money or life?
or
Money or Wife?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: CountValentine on November 08, 2019, 12:16:17 AM
I have posted in and started many stupid threads. This one takes the cake.

Knock knock
who dare
Boo @mmgfarb
Boo who
Don't cry about it
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: myi on November 08, 2019, 02:29:30 AM
I have posted in and started many stupid threads. This one takes the cake.

Knock knock
who dare
Boo @mmgfarb
Boo who
Don't cry about it
Nah..
  Something like knock knock,
  who's there?
  Aytch
  Aytch-Who?

 Gezuntaheit..
🙈
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: username on November 08, 2019, 09:45:23 AM
I have posted in and started many stupid threads. This one takes the cake.

DATOTYA?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 11, 2019, 07:27:58 PM
I was thinking of redoing my bathroom, but then I realized it's just a pipe dream
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on November 11, 2019, 07:31:22 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 12, 2019, 03:20:03 PM
Learning Bassar B'chalav, I realized sometimes it's not not bar not, it's just not.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: chief_mag on November 12, 2019, 03:20:57 PM
A bad moshul is like a polar bear.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on January 01, 2020, 09:38:39 AM
In hindsight, I think we all knew
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on January 01, 2020, 12:25:25 PM

Some might be offended being quoted in this thread, but for better or for worse, I say pun zu letovah
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on January 01, 2020, 03:04:46 PM
Some might be offended being quoted in this thread, but for better or for worse, I say pun zu letovah
Ha! But I am pretty sure it is in line with your intention...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on January 02, 2020, 10:36:59 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: gingyguy on January 05, 2020, 08:42:25 PM
The funny/strange/interesting/random pictures thread (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=5396.msg2178931#msg2178931)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on January 05, 2020, 10:00:01 PM
The funny/strange/interesting/random pictures thread (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=5396.msg2178931#msg2178931)
Weird you used that post to get me in this thread, usually I have keyless entry
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on January 29, 2020, 05:32:53 PM
what's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on January 31, 2020, 01:00:33 PM
How much space did the EU free up because of Brexit?

1 GB :)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on May 26, 2020, 05:50:24 PM
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on May 26, 2020, 05:56:27 PM
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

I think peaks are the highest. Plateaus are where flattery comes up kinda flat.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 26, 2020, 06:07:14 PM
I think peaks are the highest. Plateaus are where flattery comes up kinda flat.
peaks are higher but they aren't flat
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on May 26, 2020, 06:09:30 PM
peaks are higher but they aren't flat

Great, I feel stupid. Not the first time today. Good stuff.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: username on May 26, 2020, 06:20:18 PM
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
Allegjdes are higher.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 26, 2020, 06:24:29 PM
Great, I feel stupid. Not the first time today. Good stuff.
Sorry!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on July 09, 2020, 02:13:47 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: username on July 09, 2020, 04:00:16 PM
UUYYY!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on July 09, 2020, 09:58:42 PM
I thought you wood screw up but wow did you drill it.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on July 09, 2020, 11:17:09 PM
saw a tweet that said :

man: i may have hurt myself doing hagba'ah just now

Rabbi: i think you may have Torah ligament
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on July 09, 2020, 11:22:22 PM
saw a tweet that said :

man: i may have hurt myself doing hagba'ah just now

Rabbi: i think you may have Torah ligament

Invalid Tweet ID
She has great horrible puns.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on July 09, 2020, 11:32:59 PM
Invalid Tweet ID
She has great horrible puns.
thats the one. ( looks like you follow the tweets thread too 👍)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on July 14, 2020, 05:42:34 PM
 ::)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on July 21, 2020, 03:46:36 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/5tv9pcXV/Happy-pun.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yeshivabucher on July 29, 2020, 11:39:10 AM
Better shave than sorry.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on August 20, 2020, 10:51:59 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/QMtTyL2M/Whats-App-Image-2020-08-20-at-9-52-10-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on August 20, 2020, 10:52:13 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/vmNVRqyt/Whats-App-Image-2020-08-20-at-6-21-24-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CZb1k4zR)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on August 21, 2020, 10:58:56 AM
Big Horn 19251 8" Precision Compass Pencil Holder/Spring Divider/Scriber ($6.43) (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CS30G28/?tag=cl03f-20&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER)

(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/512eTiKlmjL._AC_SX679_.jpg) (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CS30G28/?tag=cl03f-20&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER)
Weapon of Math Destruction
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on August 21, 2020, 11:00:26 AM
Math Instruction
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 21, 2020, 02:24:38 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on August 28, 2020, 07:59:56 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/qqt2Y2G1/Eb-E6-Z7-MWo-AEBZNF.png) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on August 28, 2020, 08:02:01 AM
On that note,

(https://i.imgur.com/AA4m92I.png)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on August 30, 2020, 10:50:09 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/HWrVS9V8/53187449-4b65-4b16-90b0-854614201c77.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on August 31, 2020, 10:49:38 PM
Seen on an ad for a shoe repair:
We are NOT G-d, but we WILL save your soles.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 01, 2020, 02:19:29 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/gJD2z1Bf/20200901-021825.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/BLj0N73g)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on September 01, 2020, 11:24:26 PM
You heard about the guy who was addicted to deli sandwiches....he quit cold turkey!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Luvisrael on September 02, 2020, 11:47:58 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on September 03, 2020, 12:38:50 AM
I tried to make it as a bartender, but I just couldn't get a head.

Jews don't use the solar calendar, they're lunatics.

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 03, 2020, 11:46:28 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/Wbrf10hF/Whats-App-Image-2020-09-03-at-11-44-35-AM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 03, 2020, 03:28:42 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/q79sBPrH/Screenshot-20200903-152605-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/8FmJtnsZ)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 04, 2020, 10:28:20 AM
What did master Yoda say when he saw himself on a 4K TV?
HDMI.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 06, 2020, 09:15:24 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/yd4Mt0b9/Whats-App-Image-2020-09-06-at-1-51-34-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/94bgqwVF)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 06, 2020, 02:54:50 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/wMnJPFkp/Whats-App-Image-2020-09-06-at-1-21-49-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PvzPvWc3)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on September 06, 2020, 04:40:48 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/vTAN9AR.png)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 08, 2020, 01:25:40 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/mrc9f52n/Whats-App-Image-2020-09-08-at-1-17-14-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on September 08, 2020, 09:14:54 PM
Ok, so my headlights went out and I gotta buy new ones.

I dont know the first thing about this, can anyone enlighten me?

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: good sam on September 08, 2020, 11:43:17 PM
&ved=2ahUKEwibwvTxk9vrAhUcoHIEHW-dDLUQFjAAegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw0cmUUff6G-ceWu1mUQjvpC
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 09, 2020, 09:34:42 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/jS7X6XKR/Screenshot-20200909-213206-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4YXVspm0)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 10, 2020, 09:37:14 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/85qWW9vr/Whats-App-Image-2020-09-09-at-10-29-03-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/vgtcwP3Q)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 10, 2020, 10:04:19 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/nhJKWW3g/20200910-100322.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/SJgz2gFf)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on September 10, 2020, 09:27:00 PM
.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 11, 2020, 07:37:35 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/tJ2HD4HH/20200911-073630.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/SY25xqsZ)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on September 11, 2020, 11:25:54 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/NM41s7f6/Whats-App-Image-2020-09-11-at-11-23-19-AM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 13, 2020, 11:00:23 AM
I find this thread (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=117153.msg2268880#msg2268880) contrary to my belief that a two-state solution will never happen in Israel.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 13, 2020, 11:26:05 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/ZnzD3mBX/20200913-112310.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gX4DFfKK)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on September 14, 2020, 01:41:49 PM
Endless circle is redundant
Redundantly repetitive and repetitively redundant two time twice!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on September 14, 2020, 02:33:27 PM
Redundantly repetitive and repetitively redundant two time twice!
This thread title is iteself redundant, as noted
Oh no, a thread for bad puns? (a redundant redundancy, if ever there was one).
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: lcm on September 14, 2020, 07:23:33 PM
With neuralink, solving coronavirus is as simple as pie, just install an antivirus.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on September 14, 2020, 07:27:13 PM
With neuralink, solving coronavirus is as simple as pie, just install an antivirus.
(https://i.imgur.com/URgtdtH.png)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on September 15, 2020, 10:39:24 PM
I had the same problem. Couldn't find the right Leibel.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 16, 2020, 07:21:20 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/D0Rqwndq/Screenshot-20200916-192015-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FkgfPt6R)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 18, 2020, 07:30:55 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/HsV4xG9r/Screenshot-20200918-072925-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/8jgrK03G)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 21, 2020, 10:18:00 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/wTQsNg14/Screenshot-2020-09-21-101720.png) (https://postimages.org/)

https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=118498.msg2325263#msg2325263

via @Lurker
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 21, 2020, 04:04:54 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/TPgpqFGV/Screenshot-20200921-160330-Chrome.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on September 22, 2020, 08:18:57 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/yxNqV9rz/Whats-App-Image-2020-09-22-at-7-42-11-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on September 25, 2020, 01:22:57 PM
Just reviewed my EZ pass statement, round trip tolls for Brooklyn-Lancaster is $64. Highway robbery !!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on September 30, 2020, 10:27:42 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/6qtDmYxt/image001.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/YGDn4NSs)

*Received by email from a Rav in FL.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on September 30, 2020, 11:03:10 AM
Repost Alert.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on October 07, 2020, 02:42:08 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on October 07, 2020, 03:23:35 PM




Is this a ploy to get likes on my posts?

Blah blah blah
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on October 12, 2020, 08:41:54 AM
Is this a ploy to get likes on my posts?
It always works... until now.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Happyguy on October 12, 2020, 09:30:02 AM
It always works... until now.

I would give you a like but then it would just defeat the whole purpose ;) ;)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on October 12, 2020, 09:49:37 AM
Be very careful before liking @YitzyS he may like you back.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: zh cohen on October 16, 2020, 06:04:32 PM
You know what Joe Biden and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?

Neither can complete a sentence.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on October 16, 2020, 06:35:52 PM
Be very careful before liking @YitzyS he may like you back.
Insider trading alert.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on October 17, 2020, 08:44:58 PM
Insider trading alert.
You can trade likes on the stock market?? Hook me up!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on October 18, 2020, 08:39:12 AM
A hammerhead shark:

(https://preview.redd.it/49lcz4xddst51.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=768f0e45aa3b86d829b49b31ec75da099298fc67)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on October 18, 2020, 04:38:44 PM
Self reporting   :-[

That depends... did you put your left hand on blue and your right leg on yellow?
Sorry, twisted joke.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on October 26, 2020, 12:16:25 AM
How old is @12HRS ?
a half a day old.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on October 27, 2020, 11:39:03 AM
Maybe people want to live in a gatored community
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on October 27, 2020, 11:40:05 AM
Did you hear the joke about the cure for Corona? It's a riot!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on October 27, 2020, 02:05:02 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/NMfH3DKB/Screenshot-20201027-140341-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsgr7vKP)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: cholent on October 27, 2020, 02:52:41 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/NMfH3DKB/Screenshot-20201027-140341-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsgr7vKP)
So bad it's good
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Happyguy on October 27, 2020, 04:57:19 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/NMfH3DKB/Screenshot-20201027-140341-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsgr7vKP)

please explain
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ckmk47 on October 27, 2020, 08:31:51 PM
please explain
You realize those are TV remote controls?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on October 27, 2020, 08:34:58 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/NMfH3DKB/Screenshot-20201027-140341-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsgr7vKP)
Ever wondered what happened to those remotes after the guy scattered them in his lawn and took the picture? I think I know... (https://www.ebay.com/itm/Lot-of-23-Remotes-Samsung-and-LG-fast-ship/254745145004?hash=item3b4ffe6eac:g:RjgAAOSwJ7Ffglwd)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on October 29, 2020, 02:16:20 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/MHGfwmfs/Whats-App-Image-2020-10-29-at-1-19-19-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/N9Wj7T4T)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on October 29, 2020, 02:21:52 PM


They don't make 'em like that any more.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Toasted on October 29, 2020, 08:07:28 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/gkyTMqvS/Screenshot-20201029-200553-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 02, 2020, 08:56:51 AM
(about lending a ladder)
He's already over extended himself helping me reach new heights.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on November 02, 2020, 10:40:05 AM
https://hudsonvalley.news12.com/goats-on-the-lam-found-in-spring-valley
Goats on the lam
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on November 02, 2020, 11:06:06 AM
https://twitter.com/miss_vivu?s=09

Absolute gold mine
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on November 02, 2020, 11:07:43 AM
https://twitter.com/miss_vivu?s=09

Absolute gold mine
Invalid Tweet ID
She has great horrible puns.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on November 08, 2020, 11:19:51 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/9FHddRB3/Gravity.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PNKvhqcK)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on November 18, 2020, 07:16:30 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/tRLRz03P/Whats-App-Image-2020-11-17-at-10-49-40-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Yjzwpsyq)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: cholent on November 18, 2020, 08:04:12 PM
If someone calls you fat, ignore them. You're bigger than that.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on November 19, 2020, 03:55:31 PM
Quote
Germany Announces Full Lockdown, Stockpiling of Sausages and Cheese

They're preparing for a wurst kse scenario.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on November 22, 2020, 11:15:08 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/hP7x1NWf/Whats-App-Image-2020-11-22-at-10-25-48-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cr0rs9JS)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on November 22, 2020, 11:16:32 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/hP7x1NWf/Whats-App-Image-2020-11-22-at-10-25-48-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cr0rs9JS)

The amazing part is it actually worked for 8 hours.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 22, 2020, 08:41:03 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/9QVkC9yL/shine.png) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Tomorrow on November 23, 2020, 10:47:01 PM


I don't know if alcohol will help but it's worth a shot
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Joeymc on November 25, 2020, 12:29:00 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on November 25, 2020, 01:05:22 PM

Comma, man!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on November 26, 2020, 10:37:49 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/MpXjCZ6t/Whats-App-Image-2020-11-26-at-10-31-03-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on December 03, 2020, 07:16:29 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/Wcck4ec.png)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on December 06, 2020, 02:36:45 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: lcm on December 06, 2020, 10:40:00 PM
Any indecisiveness belongs in the "up in the air" board
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on December 06, 2020, 11:59:06 PM
Any indecisiveness belongs in the "up in the air" board
Me? Indecisive? I'm not so sure about that...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 07, 2020, 08:39:15 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on December 07, 2020, 09:37:59 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/wj0NBMrq/Whats-App-Image-2020-12-07-at-9-31-59-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on December 08, 2020, 12:40:30 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 09, 2020, 12:53:26 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on December 10, 2020, 12:30:41 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on December 13, 2020, 08:19:59 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/XJhmtZgM/2044-C66-E-3-CE3-48-F8-B5-E3-75-EBCE64-B404.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 15, 2020, 08:16:05 AM
Invalid Tweet ID
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on December 15, 2020, 09:04:31 AM
Invalid Tweet ID

Invalid Tweet ID
Or did you leave this one out 'cause it's a good pun?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: skyguy918 on December 15, 2020, 10:40:34 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/XJhmtZgM/2044-C66-E-3-CE3-48-F8-B5-E3-75-EBCE64-B404.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Quote from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Funniest_Joke_in_the_World
Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der Strae, und von vas assaulted...peanut. Ohohohoho!"

Couldn't find a decent version on YT, below is from DailyMotion, the whole sketch is classic Monty Python, but the joke starts around the 9 min mark.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2hwqqd
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 15, 2020, 11:18:51 AM
Invalid Tweet ID
Or did you leave this one out 'cause it's a good pun?
I didnt want to face an onslaught of
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on December 15, 2020, 11:25:07 AM
I didnt want to face an onslaught of

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on December 15, 2020, 11:26:34 AM
Invalid Tweet ID

And if I'm already self-promoting my responses

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on December 15, 2020, 11:28:31 AM
And if I'm already self-promoting my responses

It is my honor to be in the same "self promoting (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=60501.msg2373650#msg2373650)" club as you.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 15, 2020, 09:44:12 PM
Invalid Tweet ID
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on December 15, 2020, 10:21:57 PM
Invalid Tweet ID
I have a joke about tortillas but it's corny.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 17, 2020, 09:48:35 AM
Invalid Tweet ID
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehudaa on December 17, 2020, 09:51:05 AM
Yes, they say those towels are next to the sink so you can wash your hands after you dry them.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on December 19, 2020, 10:03:33 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/hjLXhdQ0/4cc0a179-8731-47c1-a90c-190b5c2bb207.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MMG6FXDc)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehudaa on December 20, 2020, 05:05:56 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/Y212BwqS/IMG-20201220-WA0007.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Kobe Bryant on December 20, 2020, 05:44:39 PM
Repost
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on December 21, 2020, 11:58:48 PM
If I say I had LIFE and Leben for breakfast, IS THAT REDUNDANT?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on December 23, 2020, 11:42:11 AM
Everyone PLEASE be careful because people are going crazy from being locked down at home!
I was just talking about this with the microwave and the toaster while drinking my coffee, and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
I didnt mention any of this to the washing machine, because she puts a different spin on EVERYTHING!! Certainly couldnt share with the fridge, cause hes been acting cold and distant!
In the end, the iron straightened me out! She said the situation isnt all that pressing and all the wrinkles will soon get ironed out!
The vacuum, however, was very unsympathetictold me to just suck it up! But the fan was VERY optimistic and gave me hope that it will all blow over soon!
The toilet looked a bit flushed but didnt say anything when I asked its opinion, but the front door said I was becoming unhinged and the doorknob told me to get a grip!! You can just about guess what the curtains told me: they told me to pull myself together!
We will survive!!
#alonetogether2020

 Daily Dose Of Laughs -
(845) 217-0750

Sign up! 👇🏻
https://wa.me/message/OY2KMNVTMXLIG1
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on December 23, 2020, 11:43:44 AM
If I say I had LIFE and Leben for breakfast, IS THAT REDUNDANT?
I've DUN-DAT
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on December 24, 2020, 01:20:57 PM
We should start a conspiracy about Fauci preferring the Moderna vaccine...
No beard, a chupp. Hes a Moderna.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 24, 2020, 01:21:44 PM
Invalid Tweet ID
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on December 24, 2020, 01:33:49 PM
I find this entire genre of making corny plays on word in torah offensive.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on December 24, 2020, 01:38:24 PM
I find this entire genre of making corny plays on word in torah offensive.

We can turn them into songs and merge threads
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on December 24, 2020, 02:09:08 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on December 24, 2020, 02:39:31 PM
We can turn them into songs and merge threads
They already are songs.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: good sam on December 24, 2020, 06:15:50 PM
I find this entire genre of making corny plays on word in torah offensive.
Agree. Parsha jokes became a whole genre of humor on Twitter and I'm not saying I never laughed but it's wrong. Moish Francesa is the biggest offender because he's so darn funny but it's still wrong.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 29, 2020, 07:47:14 PM
Invalid Tweet ID
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on December 31, 2020, 10:14:52 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on January 03, 2021, 12:06:33 PM
So, who's looking forward to 2020 II?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on January 03, 2021, 12:07:05 PM
I was looking forward to 2020 too
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on January 03, 2021, 12:42:53 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/tJn2yShX/Whats-App-Image-2021-01-03-at-12-38-00-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on January 03, 2021, 04:10:59 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on January 04, 2021, 12:47:57 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/fRFpQqnz/Whats-App-Image-2021-01-04-at-7-31-11-AM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
                                                                           Mazal Tov!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on January 04, 2021, 12:53:37 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/fRFpQqnz/Whats-App-Image-2021-01-04-at-7-31-11-AM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
                                                                           Mazal Tov!
Muzzle Tov!!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on January 05, 2021, 07:48:47 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/fT2zcF5K/11102555-a572-4742-95dc-08933f203493.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/mt9WRmvz)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on January 11, 2021, 12:12:40 AM
Yes, in fact https://Baruchlevine.com is just a gateway to Doni's website
I heard Baruch Levine's website is a gross site
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on January 14, 2021, 08:59:41 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on January 14, 2021, 09:01:00 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on January 17, 2021, 03:53:10 AM
The most common of all cryptids:

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p526x296/139413323_4362780827072014_2938806271014251038_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&ccb=2&_nc_sid=825194&_nc_ohc=bxMNnDcuukMAX8LADug&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.xx&tp=6&oh=28f5e553a8fa88501ed310152b44578a&oe=602A9B15)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on January 17, 2021, 07:54:25 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/3NghtLgH/Whats-App-Image-2021-01-17-at-12-15-40-AM-1.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on January 24, 2021, 02:41:00 AM
Which knight invented the Round Table?

Sir Cumference.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on January 26, 2021, 09:02:04 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on January 26, 2021, 09:09:49 PM
Megilas Esther will now be known as Parshas HaWoman.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on January 29, 2021, 07:45:11 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on January 31, 2021, 09:24:09 AM
Could be genetic, since both you and your father have such eleffated antibody levels.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 01, 2021, 07:58:21 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/sx1Mx1b5/a14e052d-3a91-41e5-ba07-6f2f28fd7023.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CnTh6MhK)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on February 01, 2021, 08:02:05 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/sx1Mx1b5/a14e052d-3a91-41e5-ba07-6f2f28fd7023.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CnTh6MhK)
the author of this joke must be defeeted.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on February 01, 2021, 08:02:37 PM
the author of this joke must be defeeted.
someone got cold feet
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on February 01, 2021, 08:04:15 PM
someone got cold feet
and no legs to stand on
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 01, 2021, 08:04:32 PM
the author of this joke must be defeeted.
If it's in New York, you can assume the whole person fell, but the rest just got stolen.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 01, 2021, 08:05:03 PM
and no legs to stand on
Then the caption would read: "New York Mayor de Blasio"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 02, 2021, 07:44:32 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/FzZ9rRdv/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-02-at-12-38-47-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 02, 2021, 08:00:54 PM

There's always money in the banana stand
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 02, 2021, 08:14:14 PM
There's always money in the banana stand

NO TOUCHING!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 02, 2021, 08:14:45 PM
Can't believe I finally found someone who watched it as well.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 02, 2021, 08:19:07 PM
Can't believe I finally found someone who watched it as well.

It has a cult following!

Victor Borge on the other hand, it's just us and the Friedmans
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 02, 2021, 08:22:35 PM
It has a cult following!

Victor Borge on the other hand, it's just us and the Friedmans

ALOL
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on February 02, 2021, 08:41:24 PM
Can't believe I finally found someone who watched it as well.
Come on, it has a huge fanbase.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: S209 on February 02, 2021, 08:42:04 PM
I'll kick it off.

Q) What was the snowman doing on DDF?

A) Just chillin'
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 02, 2021, 08:54:56 PM
Come on, it has a huge fanbase.

Well of course, but no one I knew (til now).
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on February 02, 2021, 08:58:00 PM
Well of course, but no one I knew (til now).
You made a huge mistake.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 02, 2021, 09:13:57 PM
Well of course, but no one I knew (til now).

It's all I think about seeing the model homes in the Chassidish community in Tampa thread
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on February 02, 2021, 09:43:28 PM
It has a cult following!

Victor Borge on the other hand, it's just us and the Friedmans
inflationary language
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 02, 2021, 09:47:05 PM
inflationary language
Sorry, it's just us and the FriedmEn. Have a twoderful night!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 05, 2021, 08:55:36 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/5y4NYWLz/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-04-at-11-46-17-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/zbQ16MdD)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on February 07, 2021, 12:33:18 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on February 07, 2021, 01:52:16 PM
Q: There are 3 men on a boat with 4 cigarettes and no source of fire. How do they manage to smoke?

A: They throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on February 07, 2021, 02:07:01 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on February 08, 2021, 08:34:27 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on February 08, 2021, 09:07:56 AM

Good pun, IMO.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 08, 2021, 10:29:14 AM

I literally snorted, which I suppose is the highest form of compliment in this thread. Like.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on February 08, 2021, 10:36:48 PM
Good pun, IMO.
Feel free to like, some say that's important :P
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 08, 2021, 10:43:05 PM
Feel free to like, some say that's important :P
You pinged me?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on February 08, 2021, 11:12:52 PM
You pinged me?
Time for you to get some tips from @Euclid :P
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on February 09, 2021, 11:32:33 AM
Feel free to like, some say that's important :P

This thread is for bad puns.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 09, 2021, 11:43:14 AM
This thread is for bad puns.
All puns are bad.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on February 09, 2021, 11:57:00 AM
There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.

He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.

After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.

The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution
was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.

And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.

Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.

The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.

For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.

After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.

And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.

To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.

And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.

On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.

"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking
out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.

The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.

The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 09, 2021, 12:00:24 PM

Now THAT'S a bad pun
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 09, 2021, 12:03:22 PM
All puns are bad.

Oh no, a thread for bad puns? (a redundant redundancy, if ever there was one).
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 10, 2021, 01:04:48 AM
You know those people who start sentences and don't
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: beeweegee on February 10, 2021, 01:14:09 AM
You know those people who start sentences and don't
There are three different types of such people: the ones who are also good at math, and the ones that aren't.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 10, 2021, 07:51:24 AM
There are three different types of such people: the ones who are also good at math, and the ones that aren't.
...and the ones who repost




There are 3 types of people in this world: those who know how to count, and those who don't.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on February 10, 2021, 07:58:05 AM
And there are two secrets for success:
1) Don't say everything you know
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 10, 2021, 07:59:01 AM
And there are two secrets for success:
1) Don't say everything you know
Alternatively,

"Make believe you know more than you say..."

 :P
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 10, 2021, 09:00:09 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/L5nDFZR6/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-10-at-8-57-49-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/64xndqyD)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 11, 2021, 12:12:24 PM
These are all from a "Dad Joke" calendar I got for Chanuka


(https://i.postimg.cc/zfmZRFBK/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-11-at-12-11-08-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/75NQF7SZ)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on February 11, 2021, 04:31:51 PM
Invalid Tweet ID
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 12, 2021, 08:50:01 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/nhk8fXRb/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-11-at-11-50-12-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hXfZ9tRp)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: cholent on February 12, 2021, 09:04:14 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/nhk8fXRb/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-11-at-11-50-12-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hXfZ9tRp)
Double groan
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 14, 2021, 11:48:23 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/rwW7R2zN/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-14-at-1-48-47-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/3k8tz6Xk)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on February 15, 2021, 10:46:55 PM
Horrible font, but berry punny

(https://i.postimg.cc/W4PRDN5H/E96-FEE0-D-6-EE1-4-D0-F-889-B-6-B743-A5-D18-FD.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/pmkc4Hbf)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 16, 2021, 09:00:58 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/Yq4ccfBZ/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-16-at-8-57-38-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CzVrk81s)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 16, 2021, 09:17:00 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/CzVrk81s/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-16-at-8-57-38-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CzVrk81s)
I love these!

I sense that JJ (or Yo ssi) may soon start "Master Thread Of NTorch's Awesome Corny/Pun Posts"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 16, 2021, 09:25:08 AM
I love these!

I sense that JJ (or Yo ssi) may soon start "Master Thread Of NTorch's Awesome Corny/Pun Posts"

From a Dad Joke calendar my paralegal got me.

I'm glad you like them, since my kids often compare with their friends as to who makes the worst dad jokes.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 16, 2021, 09:28:14 AM
Actually my most recent groaner was directed to my parents after they got vaccine #2 last week I asked them where they were going to throw their party for their "siyum hashots."
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on February 16, 2021, 12:21:49 PM
These are all from a "Dad Joke" calendar I got for Chanuka
Can you post a pic of the cover please?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 16, 2021, 12:45:38 PM
Can you post a pic of the cover please?

https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Dad-Jokes-2021-Calendar/dp/1549214160
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on February 16, 2021, 01:42:31 PM
https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Dad-Jokes-2021-Calendar/dp/1549214160
Thanks!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on February 16, 2021, 04:14:26 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/cJ96WxHp/Pun-thread.png) (https://postimages.org/)

And on that note, what's the difference between a weasel and a stoat? A weasel is
weasily recognized, and a stoat is stoatally different (that might work better spoken).
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ckmk47 on February 17, 2021, 12:50:16 AM
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Friend sends along: &quot;Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege. The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet, the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.&quot;</p>&mdash; Olivier Knox (@OKnox) <a href="?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 16, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>[/size]
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 17, 2021, 09:00:53 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/mr369GnW/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-17-at-9-00-17-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gwJD91dg)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 18, 2021, 07:26:58 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/26X55QZb/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-18-at-7-23-50-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MMVwPjtq)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 18, 2021, 09:41:32 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/MKXFZCMz/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-18-at-9-40-17-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/D8kgBYPN)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 18, 2021, 10:21:29 AM
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?






The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the ones in Abu Dhabi do.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 18, 2021, 10:22:19 AM
(Pretty certain that was posted somewhere on DDF in the past, but I can't find it (maybe it was an image?))
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 18, 2021, 08:35:19 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/LsSSXkFx/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-18-at-6-19-27-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/87Z9X65v)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on February 18, 2021, 08:41:47 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/LsSSXkFx/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-18-at-6-19-27-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/87Z9X65v)
Wow that's huge - whoever takes it will be crowned king?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: lcm on February 18, 2021, 09:49:39 PM
Wow that's huge - whoever takes it will be crowned king?
If you take it to the right then you'll be a chossid
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on February 19, 2021, 12:37:25 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 19, 2021, 12:42:40 AM

More like Hoomin Poopin
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: S209 on February 19, 2021, 01:53:11 AM
After being accused of stealing the Royal Crown, the Count refused to confess and name the location of the priceless artifact. Enraged, the King threatened to put the good Count to death if he would not budge. Pleading, begging, asking for mercy, the Count insisted upon his innocence. Finally, the King ordered the executioner to lower the death axe.

As the hatchet descended, the Count cried OK! I confess! The Crown is.. But it was too late to pull back. The blade descended and the severed head fell with a thud into the receptacle with the end of the sentence forever a mystery.





Moral of the story: Dont hatchet your Counts before they chicken.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on February 19, 2021, 08:37:49 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 19, 2021, 10:21:21 AM

My kind of humor!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: cholent on February 19, 2021, 10:42:44 AM
https://mobile.twitter.com/JewishPitch/status/1362088310437478400
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on February 19, 2021, 01:05:08 PM
https://mobile.twitter.com/JewishPitch/status/1362088310437478400

Drop "mobile." and you get:
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on February 19, 2021, 04:50:04 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/986bnfU.png)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 20, 2021, 08:41:08 PM
Microsoft Wireless Mobile Mouse 3500 - Loch Ness Gray (GMF-00010) ($9.99)
Alive again
Alive again, again
Soon (at 9 lives) this mouse will be a cat... :D
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on February 21, 2021, 01:09:35 AM


If I like this, am I liking my own post?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: shabbosabba on February 21, 2021, 06:58:56 PM
Cynic שנשבה
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 22, 2021, 11:11:29 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/6qJ8dFnG/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-22-at-11-02-37-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/HczWmZSp)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on February 22, 2021, 11:12:34 AM
If someone is the DDF king of puns, and puns are inherently bad, does that mean they bring you the worst of DDF?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 22, 2021, 11:41:19 AM
If someone is the DDF king of puns, and puns are inherently bad, does that mean they bring you the worst of DDF?
Your reasoning makes sense. However, I've seen the worst of DDF, and it's a lot worse than the worst puns...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on February 22, 2021, 12:07:09 PM
Your reasoning makes sense. However, I've seen the worst of DDF, and it's a lot worse than the worst puns...
L/POIDH
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on February 22, 2021, 12:43:41 PM
L/POIDH

Oh, it happened...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on February 22, 2021, 12:55:54 PM
Your reasoning makes sense. However, I've seen the worst of DDF, and it's a lot worse than the worst puns...

Which is why the real king of corny jokes is popcorn (threads)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 22, 2021, 12:58:29 PM
Which is why the real king of corny jokes is popcorn (threads)

It's father, not king. The father of corny jokes is popcorn. Otherwise it's not a joke. /rant
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on February 22, 2021, 01:09:20 PM
It's father, not king. The father of corny jokes is popcorn. Otherwise it's not a joke. /rant

To Jews Our Father and Our King are almost interchangable...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 22, 2021, 01:16:45 PM
To Jews Our Father and Our King are almost interchangable...

This is a bad take, especially coming from a Chassid. They are very much not interchangeable, and both are specified specifically because we are appealing to G-d in two separate capacities.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on February 22, 2021, 01:18:20 PM
Talk about a joke gone bad...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on February 22, 2021, 01:22:47 PM
This is a bad take, especially coming from a Chassid. They are very much not interchangeable, and both are specified specifically because we are appealing to G-d in two separate capacities.

Wrong thread? 😝
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 22, 2021, 01:43:54 PM
Talk about a joke gone bad...

Look, don't walk into a pun thread if you're bothered by people reading too much into things.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 24, 2021, 04:53:53 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/c4dYWxTH/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-24-at-4-53-03-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PNFNzkgs)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 25, 2021, 10:48:50 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/4462km3q/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-25-at-10-46-46-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7bLnSP0n)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on February 25, 2021, 11:58:04 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/gk96yvL5/Whats-App-Image-2021-02-25-at-11-57-23-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Hj2xd824)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 25, 2021, 02:33:44 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/TP5kVVqH/9db6d6ed-6364-4b1f-a4ec-0637b154749c.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4KZbZh0z)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on February 27, 2021, 07:05:30 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: EliJelly on February 27, 2021, 10:33:52 PM
Can February march? No, but April may.

-Weekly Link.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on February 28, 2021, 01:23:33 AM
What do you call a polar bear transplanted to Antarctica?



Bipolar.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: EliJelly on February 28, 2021, 01:57:32 AM
What do you call a polar bear transplanted to Antarctica?



Bipolar.
Penguin predator
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on February 28, 2021, 05:29:03 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/eor0e8s.jpg)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on February 28, 2021, 08:35:42 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/vHpK6WHq/50168ab4-e766-4f45-9081-0d7ce53dfd19.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ykyjM3Rc)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on February 28, 2021, 11:31:51 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/vHpK6WHq/50168ab4-e766-4f45-9081-0d7ce53dfd19.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ykyjM3Rc)
the best part of this joke is the menorah in the background .
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 28, 2021, 11:35:02 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/vHpK6WHq/50168ab4-e766-4f45-9081-0d7ce53dfd19.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ykyjM3Rc)

The friend could have been a Brother.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on March 01, 2021, 12:08:42 AM
Of course not, that wouldnt fly.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on March 01, 2021, 08:49:53 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 01, 2021, 09:21:09 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/vZLFxqkb/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-01-at-9-16-51-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Jsnd9qR2)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 01, 2021, 10:49:07 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/0Nw7wWry/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-01-at-8-33-48-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/f3M34vxG)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yerushabubby on March 01, 2021, 10:52:38 AM
This thread needs a groan button!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: lcm on March 01, 2021, 10:58:44 AM
This thread needs a groan button!
Maybe just respond AGOL?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 01, 2021, 11:06:13 AM
This thread needs a groan button!
There is an ignore button. I come here specifically for a daily groan.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 01, 2021, 11:16:21 AM
There is an ignore button. I come here specifically for a daily groan.

As a proud maker of Dad jokes I represent that remark.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on March 01, 2021, 11:25:20 AM
In the corny jokes thread, a like = a groan
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on March 01, 2021, 11:28:51 AM
In the corny jokes thread, a like = a groan

Time for @YitzyS to write an introductory post on the Start Here board. "DDF Likes: What They Are, What They Mean, How To Use Them, And Why I Like Them"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 01, 2021, 11:37:31 AM
Time for @YitzyS to write an introductory post on the Start Here board. "DDF Likes: What They Are, What They Mean, How To Use Them, And Why I Like Them"
I already explained my mentality about giving likes here (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=114639.msg2221161#msg2221161)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on March 01, 2021, 11:40:21 AM
I already explained my mentality about giving likes here (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=114639.msg2221161#msg2221161)

I'm aware, that's why I think you should do the full feature.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 01, 2021, 11:50:15 AM
What some fail to understand is that the pun maker is fully aware of how groan worthy the "joke" is. Can't find the link, but iirc it was an interview with sit-com writer Megan Amram, where she explained that pun lovers love either 8-10 or 0-3 rated puns. If they are just average, like a 5, then they hate them.

The more it makes you groan, the better.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 01, 2021, 11:52:01 AM
The more it makes you groan, the better.
Pharaoh loved puns apparently.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 01, 2021, 11:58:25 AM
This conversation is becoming to sensible for this thread, and it must cease immediately, or you will be pun-ished
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: cholent on March 01, 2021, 12:39:01 PM
This conversation is becoming to sensible for this thread, and it must cease immediately, or you will be pun-ished
I rate that a 1. Congratulations
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 01, 2021, 12:39:53 PM
I rate that a 1. Congratulations

Nope that's an even 5. Sorry YitzyS, but then he the consequences for hating on Chassidim
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 01, 2021, 12:41:24 PM
Nope that's an even 5. Sorry YitzyS, but then he the consequences for hating on Chassidim
Could someone remind me how to block members  ;)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 01, 2021, 09:49:05 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/cC6jXQVC/e4b7e689-93b4-4779-aab2-8ac98d572a10.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/GTwqps3n)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 02, 2021, 08:58:18 AM
Would go well with...

(https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/FngAAOSwmNxagfBO/s-l1600.jpg)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 02, 2021, 09:03:02 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/1R0c4mfm/DDF-fencing.png) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 02, 2021, 02:29:25 PM
Real old knee slapper


(https://i.postimg.cc/pTTCPd8g/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-02-at-2-28-43-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/qtPyL41L)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 02, 2021, 02:31:09 PM
Real old knee slapper


(https://i.postimg.cc/pTTCPd8g/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-02-at-2-28-43-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/qtPyL41L)

But it would still smell
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on March 02, 2021, 02:33:45 PM
But it would still smell

Congratulations, 2.5
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 02, 2021, 02:34:41 PM
But it would still smell

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you must be standing on your head.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 02, 2021, 02:35:14 PM
Congratulations, 2.5

It's not original, from the old "why do noses run and feet smell?"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 02, 2021, 02:39:07 PM
Real old knee slapper


(https://i.postimg.cc/pTTCPd8g/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-02-at-2-28-43-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/qtPyL41L)
new knees too
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Shmulie on March 02, 2021, 02:44:45 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 02, 2021, 02:48:45 PM

Meh
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on March 02, 2021, 03:03:29 PM

I feel like this is missing context.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on March 02, 2021, 03:06:51 PM
I feel like this is missing context.
https://apnews.com/article/dr-seuss-books-racist-images-d8ed18335c03319d72f443594c174513
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on March 02, 2021, 03:10:42 PM

Meh
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yerushabubby on March 02, 2021, 11:25:22 PM
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you must be standing on your head.

Either that, or you're built upside down.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on March 03, 2021, 12:16:26 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 03, 2021, 09:52:12 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/L4JjhRFt/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-03-at-9-51-26-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/s1RM0kXx)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:40:10 AM
Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:40:28 AM
If youre bad at haggling, youll end up paying the price.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:40:48 AM
I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:41:07 AM
I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:41:30 AM
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:41:48 AM
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, its a whole sentence.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:42:10 AM
Im trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:42:37 AM
What do you say to comfort a friend whos struggling with grammar?

There, their, theyre.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:44:09 AM
Someone sent me a list with 25 puns. I posted only the one's I though were good. Your Welcome.

**Note: Stop looking for the pun in this post. There is none. It's just a word of explanation on my last few posts.**
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on March 03, 2021, 10:48:01 AM
need a dislike for separating only the good ones out of 25 into about 30 posts :)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 10:50:48 AM
need a dislike for separating only the good ones out of 25 into about 30 posts :)
Here's the original. Read it. You'll then agree that there is nothing worse than reading a list of puns. It's much more enjoyable to read a few posts with one pun in each.


1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

5. If youre bad at haggling, youll end up paying the price.

6. Just so everyones clear, Im going to put my glasses on.

7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
 
8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

12. My friends and I have named our band Duvet. Its a cover band.

13. I lost my girlfriends audiobook, and now Ill never hear the end of it.

14. Why is dark spelled with a k and not c? Because you cant see in the dark.

15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.

16. When I told my contractor I didnt want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, Oh no, not U2 again.
 
18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, its a whole sentence.

19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a persons walk, and the result was staggering.
 
20. Im trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I wont lie, it was a rocky road.

22. What do you say to comfort a friend whos struggling with grammar? There, their, theyre.
 
23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, Aisle B, back.
 
24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
 
25. Ive started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. Its all about raisin awareness.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on March 03, 2021, 10:53:02 AM
Your Welcome.

What about it?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on March 03, 2021, 10:54:14 AM
Someone sent me a list with 25 puns. I posted only the one's I though were good. Your Welcome.

**Note: Stop looking for the pun in this post. There is none. It's just a word of explanation on my last few posts.**

No puns, but one typo: Youre*
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on March 03, 2021, 10:54:42 AM
What about it?

Jinx
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 03, 2021, 11:13:10 AM
No puns, but one typo: Youre*

4 typos, actually.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 11:16:05 AM
4 typos, actually.
Someone sent me a list of 25 puns. I only posted the ones I thought were good. You're Welcome.

**Note: Stop looking for the pun in this post. There are none. It's just a word of explanation on my last few posts.**
FTFM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 03, 2021, 11:42:49 AM
I wasn't thinking of "is" instead of "are" as a typo (it was the capitalized W).

(Also, that was meant as "If you're going to comment on grammar, be more thorough" rather than as a comment about grammar.)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on March 03, 2021, 11:53:05 AM
I wasn't thinking of "is" instead of "are" as a typo
It depends on what the meaning of the word is is.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 12:06:14 PM
I wasn't thinking of "is" instead of "are" as a typo (it was the capitalized W).

(Also, that was meant as "If you're going to comment on grammar, be more thorough" rather than as a comment about grammar.)
Welcome can be capitalized if you place a strong emphasis on hachnasas orchim
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on March 03, 2021, 12:12:36 PM
I wasn't thinking of "is" instead of "are" as a typo
I believe it should be "is" unless pun is in plural.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 03, 2021, 01:19:03 PM
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, its a whole sentence.

The better one (if you dont tell my AC that I wrote this) is:

Marriage isn't a word, its a sentence.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 03, 2021, 03:39:02 PM
I believe it should be "is" unless pun is in plural.

That's correct, but "is" instead of "are" is intentional, not a typing mistake.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 03, 2021, 03:43:51 PM
I only posted the ones I thought were good.

We clearly have different tastes in puns.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 03, 2021, 05:24:19 PM
We clearly have different tastes in puns.
Is that a bad thing?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on March 03, 2021, 07:25:25 PM
Is that a bad thing?
Definitely a good thing IMHO
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 03, 2021, 08:39:58 PM
Is that a bad thing?

Only if we were each other's sole pun sources.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 03, 2021, 08:43:06 PM
Only if we were each other's sole pun sources.
Sole mates
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Shmulie on March 03, 2021, 10:49:09 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/0NG2SQ4z/IMG-20210303-WA0021.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on March 04, 2021, 01:51:50 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/MW9oC9W.jpg)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: shabbosabba on March 04, 2021, 01:59:15 AM
I just bought a belt that has a watch on the buckle, its a waist of time
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 04, 2021, 11:54:03 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/wMrd64bz/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-04-at-9-02-57-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0K74nnsX)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on March 04, 2021, 02:45:53 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on March 05, 2021, 05:00:19 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/6vx5hQ1.png)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on March 07, 2021, 05:29:20 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 09, 2021, 01:18:48 PM
Q. What would he do, if he was walking in the desert and came across a dead body. And the murderer was now coming towards him.

A. He would use the mace to fend of the attacker...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: shabbosabba on March 09, 2021, 03:08:53 PM

Double groan!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on March 09, 2021, 06:17:46 PM
Long story short

Heehee
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 09, 2021, 07:06:37 PM
Heehee

More like a tall tale than a short story, amiright?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: EliJelly on March 09, 2021, 08:28:58 PM
More like a tall tale than a short story, amiright?
Tall tale better than a long tail
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 10, 2021, 09:45:29 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/zXcHCgyX/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-10-at-9-44-12-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/tYFgy7dL)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 11, 2021, 06:45:11 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/FsZ2vdGX/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-11-at-2-38-43-PM-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/3dkLCwPt)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on March 11, 2021, 06:51:23 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/FsZ2vdGX/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-11-at-2-38-43-PM-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/3dkLCwPt)

My kinda store.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on March 11, 2021, 08:42:48 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/FsZ2vdGX/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-11-at-2-38-43-PM-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/3dkLCwPt)

This is so Gary Larson.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 11, 2021, 09:30:45 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/gJ7TMQVM/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-11-at-2-38-43-PM-4.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/xJK58sFH)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Shmulie on March 13, 2021, 11:46:42 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/sfWpthJT/Screenshot-20210313-233338-Whats-App.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 14, 2021, 09:22:47 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/8CHms20j/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-14-at-9-15-27-PM.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on March 15, 2021, 11:37:14 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/pryvLj4q/ff69ae32-4b40-4510-a5c6-dca38bca80fc.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/sGFqnMVh)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: EliJelly on March 15, 2021, 11:40:26 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/pryvLj4q/ff69ae32-4b40-4510-a5c6-dca38bca80fc.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/sGFqnMVh)

But they say installing a filter is equivalent to Biur chometz
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 15, 2021, 12:07:03 PM
But they say installing a filter is equivalent to Biur chometz
I sell my chometz to people who don't have a filter on their phone.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on March 15, 2021, 12:11:24 PM
I sell my chometz to people who don't have a filter on their phone.

You mean the Rabbi or the gentile? :P
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 15, 2021, 12:21:57 PM
I sell my chometz to people who don't have a filter on their phone.

If the chametz is your search history, ain't no one gonna be buying that
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on March 15, 2021, 12:36:23 PM
If the chametz is your search history, ain't no one gonna be buying that

Have heard horror stories of community filter admins tracking peoples browsing history, so I guess some sick people do want it.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 15, 2021, 12:41:48 PM
You mean the Rabbi or the gentile? :P
Yes. ;)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 15, 2021, 12:42:23 PM
Have heard horror stories of community filter admins tracking peoples browsing history, so I guess some sick people do want it.
Living vicariously.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on March 15, 2021, 01:19:21 PM
Living vicariously.

Or exploiting access to control/manipulate/intimidate people.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on March 16, 2021, 03:21:52 PM
I havent had activity on one of my cards and I see now my UR balance is zero! Is this normal? Anything I pecan do about this?
that's nuts
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: S209 on March 16, 2021, 03:36:13 PM
Is it Pot Yisroel?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on March 16, 2021, 11:35:29 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on March 18, 2021, 04:20:52 PM
Anyone use an Ooni to make their own matzah?
Lechem Ooni

Haha




I'll see myself out now.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 18, 2021, 04:54:00 PM

corn isn't kfp
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on March 18, 2021, 05:00:09 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on March 19, 2021, 09:32:22 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yeshivabucher on March 19, 2021, 09:37:40 AM
If you think the sheets you are sleeping on are actually Egyptian cotton you are in de'nile'
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Jellybelly on March 19, 2021, 02:54:56 PM
Met a guy who was a little grumpy that he wasnt eligible for the stimulus.
He told me what the government is doing is mamish שפיכת דמים
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on March 23, 2021, 04:02:20 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/dtWDmqj7/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-23-at-3-48-29-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/2VZzCNJm)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on March 24, 2021, 07:37:25 PM
CVS observation area after getting my vaccine 💪💪
They said they usually have between 2-7 shots extra each day. Its worth a shot (🤦‍♂️) to stop by cvs on burnside in inwood to check. Come in 6:45
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on April 01, 2021, 10:27:14 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/9QGKjxbk/Whats-App-Image-2021-03-31-at-9-48-03-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/YvCb6zJN)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: cholent on April 06, 2021, 12:12:27 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/SNjcr1cw/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-05-at-12-05-22-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/1fhgRHCH)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on April 07, 2021, 08:32:39 PM
I found חמץ שעבר עליו הפסח (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=121029.0) and I'm not sure how to get rid of it.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: shabbosabba on April 07, 2021, 09:20:05 PM
I found חמץ שעבר עליו הפסח (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?action=profile;u=10681) and I'm not sure how to get rid of it.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Jellybelly on April 08, 2021, 08:20:44 AM
My 6 yr old came home from school with a joke

Can Trump go into the White House now?
No, its forBidden
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Happyguy on April 08, 2021, 01:17:16 PM
I found חמץ שעבר עליו הפסח (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=121029.0) and I'm not sure how to get rid of it.

Double groan ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 09, 2021, 10:33:00 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/W4Lt3XNh/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-09-at-9-59-02-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Mn5z30jS)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 09, 2021, 12:41:08 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 09, 2021, 02:12:56 PM

This should get two likes, one because of the sefirah reference and the other because last Shabbos was Shevi'i shel Pesach.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 09, 2021, 02:53:51 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 11, 2021, 10:09:57 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on April 11, 2021, 01:12:20 PM
I don kea...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on April 11, 2021, 05:50:50 PM

He better glue his cabinet together or itll fall apart pretty quickly...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on April 11, 2021, 06:17:30 PM
He better glue his cabinet together or itll fall apart pretty quickly...
But not with crazy glue... unless hes planning on throwing a crazy party...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 12, 2021, 10:45:30 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/NFCGhT4k/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-12-at-10-44-54-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kR8PK2L2)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on April 12, 2021, 11:45:47 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/k55j35Ys/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-12-at-11-43-44-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZW1P6JSv)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yerushabubby on April 12, 2021, 11:53:56 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/NFCGhT4k/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-12-at-10-44-54-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kR8PK2L2)

My Mom used to say something similar when I complained about all the family politics involved in planning my wedding - "You cantaloupe, I'll be melancholy"!   :-*
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 13, 2021, 09:27:40 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/FzNgpWGB/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-13-at-9-25-03-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/wy4mTkCX)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 14, 2021, 11:12:47 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on April 15, 2021, 10:47:09 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/rspS5y6W/z-XSf-Pfl-d.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 19, 2021, 09:16:35 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/dVRs2nMN/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-19-at-9-13-05-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4YdRZ6xp)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 20, 2021, 10:40:53 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/brTVP2LP/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-20-at-9-20-56-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0Kz0djLX)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Shmulie on April 20, 2021, 06:43:20 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/ZKLKrShW/IMG-20210420-WA0022.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 22, 2021, 10:50:49 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/MKgH8Xvh/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-22-at-10-50-08-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/56qbB453)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 23, 2021, 09:37:25 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/ncVnCSdY/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-23-at-9-36-44-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hhYkYsRf)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 26, 2021, 12:54:31 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 27, 2021, 09:32:03 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/W1N3TdWs/4-26-J.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/F76mxHX6)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: MeirS on April 27, 2021, 09:39:25 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/ncVnCSdY/Whats-App-Image-2021-04-23-at-9-36-44-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hhYkYsRf)
What's the difference between a burglar and a literalist?

A literalist takes things literally
A burglar takes things, literally
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 27, 2021, 01:33:21 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on April 27, 2021, 01:34:51 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/50PFVXC.png)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on April 27, 2021, 04:43:28 PM
Q. What do you call the guy who finished last in his class in medical school?

A. Doctor.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: myi on April 28, 2021, 02:19:51 AM
I Went to a library and asked for Trumps book on illegal immigration,  the librarian said, Get the hell out of here and don't come back!
I said, Yes that one!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 28, 2021, 08:09:00 AM
I Went to a library and asked for Trumps book on illegal immigration,  the librarian said, Get the hell out of here and don't come back!
I said, Yes that one!
Geneiva!!
From twitter:

I just walked into the local liberal-run bookstore and asked for Trumps new immigration book.

The owner said Get the f@+# out!

I said Yeah, that one.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on April 29, 2021, 07:56:50 PM
https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=114650.msg2438126#msg2438126
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on April 30, 2021, 12:25:25 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 03, 2021, 11:01:41 AM
Would have been better if this was before Lag B'Omer
(https://i.postimg.cc/NFSCmMTN/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-03-at-11-00-49-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9wPBjcLT)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 04, 2021, 09:59:55 AM
Who is dressed for the Chag today? I told my AC and she did not get it, even after I hummed the tune.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Lurker on May 04, 2021, 10:02:06 AM
Who is dressed for the Chag today? I told my AC and she did not get it, even after I hummed the tune.

Neither will most DDFers, even if you spell it out.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on May 04, 2021, 10:06:15 AM
Neither will most DDFers, even if you spell it out.
Mike Tyson definitely will get it
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 04, 2021, 10:09:02 AM
Neither will most DDFers, even if you spell it out.

*Iyar The Twenty Second*
*Twenty Two Iyar*

Checks out.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 04, 2021, 10:34:06 AM
Neither will most DDFers, even if you spell it out.


(https://i.postimg.cc/3rs1k4mP/thumbnail.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/dD9rX0WB)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on May 04, 2021, 04:10:29 PM
https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=124564.msg2440537#msg2440537
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 05, 2021, 08:48:58 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/PJ9vvn0h/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-05-at-8-48-00-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/D4QwRH2Y)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 05, 2021, 10:12:00 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/PJ9vvn0h/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-05-at-8-48-00-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/D4QwRH2Y)
On a serious note, I can really relate...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 05, 2021, 10:16:15 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/CLstwQgK/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-05-at-12-26-46-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JGtKqKtw)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 05, 2021, 12:04:59 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 05, 2021, 12:30:30 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/JGtKqKtw/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-05-at-12-26-46-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JGtKqKtw)
A vowel movement
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on May 05, 2021, 06:12:21 PM
If you're not familiar with the Star Trek franchise, skip this.

(https://i.imgur.com/qYME57h.jpg)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 07, 2021, 09:29:10 AM


(https://i.postimg.cc/SKZsmcxP/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-06-at-3-49-32-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/McQxDMR0)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 07, 2021, 09:58:14 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/02kRVx0k/Screenshot-2021-05-07-095552.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/HjhhLqNR)


...if it doesn't get smashed.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 07, 2021, 10:01:32 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on May 10, 2021, 03:33:33 PM
Whiteboards are remarkable.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 11, 2021, 09:41:23 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/MTJGSTsj/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-11-at-9-38-52-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/67zKV9x9)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on May 11, 2021, 02:44:01 PM
MOURNING THE PASSING OF A KNIGHT
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on May 11, 2021, 09:20:02 PM
fastest bump I've ever seen
It was a speed bump
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: herb on May 11, 2021, 11:01:31 PM
It was a speed bump
brutal ;D
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 12, 2021, 09:29:41 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/G2pQnmrv/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-12-at-9-28-46-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MchRyxnG)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 12, 2021, 08:45:39 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 12, 2021, 09:49:25 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 13, 2021, 10:03:17 AM
It's a process. Arial work needs to be done first, and a very precise plan of action needs to be created in order to minimize collateral damage.
They need some Arial Bold action.
That's what will make a real Impact when all Hellvetica breaks loose
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 13, 2021, 10:29:06 AM
This is why it's sometimes better not to correct a typo
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 13, 2021, 10:37:11 AM
This is why it's sometimes better not to correct a typo

Its all good with me, those jokes were not my type.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 13, 2021, 10:37:39 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/ZYcYFR3x/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-13-at-10-33-26-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/c6vNddFv)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on May 13, 2021, 10:49:42 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZYcYFR3x/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-13-at-10-33-26-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/c6vNddFv)
Great one!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 13, 2021, 11:27:36 AM
Its all good with me, those jokes were not my type.

You're saying you weren't font of them?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 13, 2021, 08:37:50 PM
On Walmart - 1,000 for only $14.47!
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Dixie-PerfecTouch-12-oz-Insulated-Paper-Hot-Coffee-Cup-5342CD-1-000-Count-50-Cups-Per-Sleeve-20-Sleeves-Per-Case/14982873 (https://www.walmart.com/ip/Dixie-PerfecTouch-12-oz-Insulated-Paper-Hot-Coffee-Cup-5342CD-1-000-Count-50-Cups-Per-Sleeve-20-Sleeves-Per-Case/14982873)
And get to keep the cups?
In most CASES yes
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: myi on May 13, 2021, 11:16:23 PM

Impressive, you actually caught on.
Well deserved like.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on May 13, 2021, 11:17:59 PM
Well deserved like.
🧐
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: myi on May 14, 2021, 12:08:31 AM
🧐
Oops, was driving and that moment and forgot to click that blue little guy.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on May 14, 2021, 01:36:50 PM
How do the goyish blogs know about an HT? How do they know what Hakaras Tov is?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 14, 2021, 02:26:42 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/SNwTB2xC/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-14-at-2-25-48-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/GHxxYpYm)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 14, 2021, 05:27:32 PM
You mean to say people are exaggerating the effects of an IDF air strike on social media? No way!
What a bombshell!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 14, 2021, 06:14:54 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/2SpCTxgb/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-14-at-6-08-02-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/1fHx3Dms)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on May 16, 2021, 12:44:27 AM
thats a healthy approach to medicine in general.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 19, 2021, 09:37:33 AM
My desk calendar's joke for erev Shavuous
(https://i.postimg.cc/05mHGvjG/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-16-at-9-13-14-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/8spHDqhs)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on May 19, 2021, 02:07:32 PM
Why did the גנב steal the ספר רות?


Because he was RUTHless!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on May 20, 2021, 12:00:52 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/fL5RjdXv/Screenshot-20210519-235848-Instagram.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JDD8RGpy)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 20, 2021, 11:21:44 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/prdC3Bdg/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-20-at-11-20-00-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/mz07HCCw)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 20, 2021, 03:25:23 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/YCbw1w9q/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-20-at-3-24-23-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/fVtFNpm6)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on May 20, 2021, 03:26:40 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/YCbw1w9q/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-20-at-3-24-23-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/fVtFNpm6)
You mean to make it  "lit"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Shmulie on May 20, 2021, 03:27:11 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/vmgScRxK/IMG-20210520-WA0009.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 20, 2021, 03:41:15 PM
You mean to make it  "lit"

My AC teaches kindergarten and she complains bitterly that many children use the word done as an adjective.

"I done my puzzle"
"I done my drink"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on May 20, 2021, 03:57:04 PM
My AC teaches kindergarten and she complains bitterly that many children use the word done as an adjective.

"I done my puzzle"
"I done my drink"
I know, the grammar there is all off.

It should be:
"I done did my puzzle"
"I done drank my drink"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on May 20, 2021, 04:04:41 PM
I know, the grammar there is all off.
"I done drank my drink"
"I done drinked ma drank"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 20, 2021, 04:07:14 PM
"I done drinked ma drank"
Not in a Beis Yaakov.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 21, 2021, 08:56:23 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/3x9g9gnX/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-21-at-8-55-17-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QF99dWLC)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Shmulie on May 21, 2021, 09:33:19 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/3x9g9gnX/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-21-at-8-55-17-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QF99dWLC)

Did you hear about the period that broke the law?

He didn't finish his sentence.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 21, 2021, 10:03:06 AM
Did you hear about the period that broke the law?

He didn't finish his sentence.

How about this one - Marriage isn't a word...its a sentence.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justmeha on May 21, 2021, 11:12:50 AM
Oops, was driving and that moment and forgot to click that blue little guy.




ETA:
Help is available
Speak with someone today
DDF National Helpline Thread
Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information. Learn more (https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=19398.msg287630#msg287630)

 ;)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on May 23, 2021, 02:55:22 PM
I wish I had better news or that I could share actual details, of which there's quite a lot.

My problem is multifold, my time/headspace is valuable, I'm not willing to make aliya at this point in my life (though I'd be open to commuting for a period of time), I would want at least some level of automony to make changes or at least be on board with people who understand the need to innovate, adapt, and take risks to win big.


from the way u are talking it seems like it is a serious option???
the dan lounge may take on a new meaning?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 24, 2021, 09:06:39 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/gjGQgbtY/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-24-at-9-05-25-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/dkS50pKX)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 24, 2021, 01:33:11 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 24, 2021, 06:25:37 PM
https://www.dansdeals.com/credit-cards/5-24-day-whats-chase-5-24-strategy/
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 25, 2021, 10:10:38 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/SxsbgwQG/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-25-at-9-27-57-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/D8tNZpXW)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 25, 2021, 08:13:46 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 25, 2021, 09:02:48 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/8CX1TzTs/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-25-at-8-31-27-PM-1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/R3frR96z)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 26, 2021, 09:15:18 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/RCGQykh3/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-25-at-9-21-23-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rz0rtYSc)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on May 26, 2021, 09:37:47 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/RCGQykh3/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-25-at-9-21-23-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rz0rtYSc)

And I really excel at that. Look out! I will make a powerpoint!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 26, 2021, 10:10:20 AM
And I really excel at that. Look out! I will make a powerpoint!
Nice outlook
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 26, 2021, 10:30:20 AM
Nice outlook
And the best thing is that it can be done real efficiently without any basket monitoring or grammar slipdisks.










*reading it for the tenth time trying to find the Microsoft program included*
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on May 26, 2021, 10:37:00 AM
Nice outlook
I will send my teams after you. They have access to publishers. One Drives.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 26, 2021, 11:30:39 AM
I will send my teams after you. They have access to publishers. One Drives.

They're no match for my mad macs, they're crazy. Though they are out on safari so you might have the edge.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 26, 2021, 11:35:07 AM
They're no match for my mad macs, they're crazy. Though they are out on safari so you might have the edge.
lots of explorers going to check out the safari
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on May 26, 2021, 11:39:45 AM
They're no match for my mad macs, they're crazy. Though they are out on safari so you might have the edge.
we will chuck them out the windows. They have no DOS.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 26, 2021, 11:45:09 AM
lots of explorers going to check out the safari

They were going to explore new vistas, but they crashed
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 26, 2021, 11:46:53 AM
I'd totally understand if the Mods shut down the entire DDF because of this thread
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: JlmBoi on May 26, 2021, 11:50:15 AM
They were going to explore new vistas, but they crashed
Best of the lot. Now we need something with 8.1
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on May 26, 2021, 11:56:57 AM
I'd totally understand if the Mods shut down the entire DDF because of this thread
Calling for punitive action
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on May 26, 2021, 11:58:22 AM
Best of the lot. Now we need something with 8.1
That got lost in the calculation from 486 to 585.99999999999999999999999999999.... umm Pentium.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 26, 2021, 11:59:47 AM
Best of the lot. Now we need something with 8.1

Glad you 8 1 already. I'm not ready for lunch, but am thinking about a kit kat, donut or eclair as a jellybean wont be enough.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 26, 2021, 12:13:23 PM
(https://external-preview.redd.it/1WN9Vrz1gjERiGjyfJ8kUZEANRBBcFdd-Sn2D1CXD0U.png?auto=webp&s=71e25910eba00481fc53ccba97139b52023ddb72)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: biobook on May 26, 2021, 12:40:32 PM
Gee, what is it with you males, getting all googly-eyed at your own jokes?  Some of us gotta work here.  Like me, in my workplace, frantically sliding pages around, hoping to discover that one sheet with something serious on it.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Ver hut gazugt on May 26, 2021, 01:10:54 PM
Gee, what is it with you males, getting all googly-eyed at your own jokes?  Some of us gotta work here.  Like me, in my workplace, frantically sliding pages around, hoping to discover that one sheet with something serious on it.

Thats new, I though pcs only allowed you to plug in the female side.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yo ssi on May 26, 2021, 01:20:50 PM
lots of explorers going to check out the safari
Update: explorers are going extinct better stay away from the safari and get closer to Cr'home.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 26, 2021, 01:23:46 PM
Update: explorers are going extinct better stay away from the safari and get closer to Cr'home.
they like living on the edge
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 26, 2021, 05:22:27 PM
/conversation.


(https://i.postimg.cc/tJM12js1/6f87958d-b734-4fc4-9623-8bc07753e2ef.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rR5Fw7Cc)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on May 26, 2021, 05:25:37 PM
/conversation.


(https://i.postimg.cc/tJM12js1/6f87958d-b734-4fc4-9623-8bc07753e2ef.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rR5Fw7Cc)

Just needs to get the right type.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: sguitarist18 on May 26, 2021, 05:38:53 PM
Works better verbally, but...

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 26, 2021, 05:51:23 PM
Works better verbally, but...

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.
what do you call a deer with no eyes?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 26, 2021, 05:54:08 PM
what do you call a deer with no eyes?
music scales?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Realshlomo on May 26, 2021, 06:37:23 PM
what do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Eye Deer
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: zh cohen on May 26, 2021, 06:39:43 PM
No Eye Deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yeshivabucher on May 26, 2021, 06:42:57 PM
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
still no eye deer
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: dasmo801 on May 26, 2021, 06:43:43 PM
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

True story. I knew a guy with a three legged dog. He told me his Hebrew name is shalosh ragalim but in Yiddish we call him Drayfus.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on May 26, 2021, 06:50:08 PM
still no eye deer

What do you call a blind, lame, castrated deer?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yeshivabucher on May 26, 2021, 06:51:36 PM
What do you call a blind, lame, castrated deer?
still no f-ing eye deer
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 26, 2021, 07:18:39 PM
What do you call a blind, lame, castrated deer?
Doe Biden  ;D
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on May 26, 2021, 08:03:09 PM
Originally in Random questions, but  it really belongs here:
What do you call a female Tina Beigel?
Tina Baguette (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/-ette)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 27, 2021, 10:17:07 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/kMF5j8vq/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-27-at-10-16-23-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/5jy1yXrR)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on May 27, 2021, 10:22:21 AM
That one just doesn't work.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on May 27, 2021, 10:24:11 AM
That one just doesn't work.
Slept like a baby
... woke up screaming every 2 hours
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Randomex on May 27, 2021, 11:27:16 AM
And that one does.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 27, 2021, 11:33:41 AM
Slept like a baby
... woke up screaming every 2 hours
And that one does.

A classic
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on May 28, 2021, 09:35:29 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/FzR1hQYZ/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-28-at-9-32-26-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WFBs7C6F)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 28, 2021, 10:50:05 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on May 29, 2021, 11:33:55 PM
What do you call a blind, lame, castrated deer?

Oh, deer G-d...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on May 30, 2021, 02:24:54 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/fybJHRNZ/Whats-App-Image-2021-05-30-at-12-29-45-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0MLkjxjH)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 30, 2021, 08:16:38 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on May 31, 2021, 02:29:27 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 01, 2021, 12:08:39 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/28Nqk5Vw/0b5a5f59-563d-4e90-909e-efef23dea002.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/z3pDp8wb)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on June 01, 2021, 12:10:23 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/28Nqk5Vw/0b5a5f59-563d-4e90-909e-efef23dea002.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/z3pDp8wb)


No, youd have to change your name to be Frank
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: etech0 on June 01, 2021, 12:10:37 AM
old one but good one
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 01, 2021, 09:31:48 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/cJjq0Cgs/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-01-at-9-31-09-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/06pXC803)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 01, 2021, 10:04:19 AM
No, youd have to change your name to be Frank
Honestly, that was the first thought that went through my mind when I saw it. I almost posted the picture with an added line: "...and forget the rules of capitalization."
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehudaa on June 01, 2021, 01:25:58 PM
Looks like Chase.com is down- login fails. Anyone else?
It's back up
No need to Chase them now
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 02, 2021, 09:16:42 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/hvvCBnLR/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-02-at-9-15-01-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/q6fcs9D1)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TzviR on June 02, 2021, 11:47:39 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/t4RWPCM3/6023-FD95-9-A0-E-402-B-82-C8-928-E81-FB7-E19.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/crjvGZZC)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on June 03, 2021, 08:44:11 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/t4RWPCM3/6023-FD95-9-A0-E-402-B-82-C8-928-E81-FB7-E19.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/crjvGZZC)
It just found enough food for many years.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 03, 2021, 09:11:09 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/15jznJxK/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-03-at-9-09-10-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/sv5zbPgB)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 03, 2021, 11:21:26 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/wTZPcQQ9/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-03-at-10-12-52-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/zVw0qWQQ)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on June 04, 2021, 12:10:02 AM
One galley officially designated as minyan central, lets see how that flies with the FAA.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 04, 2021, 09:15:02 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/FR8tCVfm/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-04-at-9-14-36-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/BLTwXDcw)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TzviR on June 06, 2021, 02:09:56 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/8CV8Ymwd/F251583-B-451-C-4-C8-F-B010-92-D2-C11-FB0-F3.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yuds70 on June 06, 2021, 02:50:06 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/8CV8Ymwd/F251583-B-451-C-4-C8-F-B010-92-D2-C11-FB0-F3.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Lol

Is that your twitter handle?
SC after 1s of being posted...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 06, 2021, 08:33:44 AM
Lol

Is that your twitter handle?
SC after 1s of being posted...
Could've been SC by the poster and than sent around on WhatsApp...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on June 06, 2021, 08:35:05 AM
Could've been SC by the poster and than sent around on WhatsApp...

The Frum equivalent of omnichannel posting :D
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TzviR on June 06, 2021, 12:04:16 PM
Lol

Is that your twitter handle?
SC after 1s of being posted...

This:
Could've been SC by the poster and than sent around on WhatsApp...
I dont even have Twitter, saw it on Rebbejokes WhatsApp status
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 07, 2021, 09:27:20 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/ncB047kW/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-04-at-6-31-22-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RNC79W21)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 07, 2021, 08:38:17 PM
What did the mathematician do when he got an ingrown toenail?

Sohcahtoa
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 08, 2021, 09:32:05 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/t48VmQcr/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-07-at-5-45-15-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/w1cv7PgJ)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 09, 2021, 09:29:23 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/5tMfc25R/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-09-at-9-27-22-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/v4XJfMNr)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on June 09, 2021, 09:48:15 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/5tMfc25R/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-09-at-9-27-22-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/v4XJfMNr)
הים ראה
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on June 09, 2021, 03:01:45 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/xTgjMnVd/well-well.png) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on June 09, 2021, 10:29:50 PM
הים ראה
וינוס
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 09, 2021, 10:55:04 PM
Reminds me of the joke:

Ruven overhears the person next to him saying Hallal and he didn't pause after the word vayanos, instead he pauses after the word hayarden:

הים ראה וינס הירדן

So Ruven points out the mistake, but the person is adamant that he's right. So Ruven notes that it doesn't make sense, because why would the Yarden run if it was the Yam who saw?

To which the guy responded, "That's precisely the question in the next line! מה לך הים כי תנוס הירדן
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yos9694 on June 09, 2021, 11:09:37 PM
Reminds me of the joke:

Ruven overhears the person next to him saying Hallal and he didn't pause after the word vayanos, instead he pauses after the word hayarden:

הים ראה וינס הירדן

So Ruven points out the mistake, but the person is adamant that he's right. So Ruven notes that it doesn't make sense, because why would the Yarden run if it was the Yam who saw?

To which the guy responded, "That's precisely the question in the next line! מה לך הים כי תנוס הירדן

Now we can have the proper kavanah tomorrow
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on June 09, 2021, 11:21:55 PM
Reminds me of the joke:

Ruven overhears the person next to him saying Hallal and he didn't pause after the word vayanos, instead he pauses after the word hayarden:

הים ראה וינס הירדן

So Ruven points out the mistake, but the person is adamant that he's right. So Ruven notes that it doesn't make sense, because why would the Yarden run if it was the Yam who saw?

To which the guy responded, "That's precisely the question in the next line! מה לך הים כי תנוס הירדן
I actually only added that word to reference the joke about splitting the sea
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on June 10, 2021, 06:47:24 AM
Reminds me of the joke:

Ruven overhears the person next to him saying Hallal and he didn't pause after the word vayanos, instead he pauses after the word hayarden:

הים ראה וינס הירדן

So Ruven points out the mistake, but the person is adamant that he's right. So Ruven notes that it doesn't make sense, because why would the Yarden run if it was the Yam who saw?

To which the guy responded, "That's precisely the question in the next line! מה לך הים כי תנוס הירדן

Reminds me of the joke with the ignoramus Kohen who was told hes supposed to understand ברכת כהנים, which he insisted he does.

So when they asked him what ויחנךּ means he said it means and he should choke you. The questioner gasped and asked so thats what you think by ויחנךּ when youre benching me?! To which the ignoramus Kohen replies no, by ויחנךּ I think about the עכו״ם...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Iz on June 10, 2021, 08:47:11 AM
Reminds me of the joke:

Ruven overhears the person next to him saying Hallal and he didn't pause after the word vayanos, instead he pauses after the word hayarden:

הים ראה וינס הירדן

So Ruven points out the mistake, but the person is adamant that he's right. So Ruven notes that it doesn't make sense, because why would the Yarden run if it was the Yam who saw?

To which the guy responded, "That's precisely the question in the next line! מה לך הים כי תנוס הירדן
Reminds me of the joke with the ignoramus Kohen who was told hes supposed to understand ברכת כהנים, which he insisted he does.

So when they asked him what ויחנךּ means he said it means and he should choke you. The questioner gasped and asked so thats what you think by ויחנךּ when youre benching me?! To which the ignoramus Kohen replies no, by ויחנךּ I think about the עכו״ם...
Wrong thread. These are neither corny nor bad! :D
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 10, 2021, 09:09:12 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/0QyJYNK3/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-10-at-9-08-46-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WDx3jTn6)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on June 10, 2021, 09:19:44 AM
Wrong thread. These are neither corny nor bad! :D

Reminds me of is code for off-topic tangent
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Euclid on June 10, 2021, 12:58:08 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/8Pgbq4qx/C1-FD8455-EC2-A-4709-95-E2-A16-ECDB9-FB50.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: JlmBoi on June 10, 2021, 04:22:14 PM
A chusid once bragged to me that his Rebbe is greater than the Maharal. The Maharal created one goilem. His Rebbe created thousands.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: EliJelly on June 11, 2021, 12:56:54 AM
A chusid once bragged to me that his Rebbe is greater than the Maharal. The Maharal created one goilem. His Rebbe created thousands.
Lol. But this goilem is conflating creating a goilem with attracting goilems. The latter is super easy, hence their big success.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on June 11, 2021, 01:27:00 AM
Lol. But this goilem is conflating creating a goilem with attracting goilems. The latter is super easy, hence their big success.

There's a goilem born every minute
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 11, 2021, 12:41:50 PM
There's a goilem born every minute

Speaking of every minute


(https://i.postimg.cc/j5HQSznn/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-11-at-12-41-03-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/vgm6PxzG)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 11, 2021, 01:00:47 PM
Speaking of every minute

Alternatively:
What did the robber say to the clock at midnight? "Hands up."
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on June 11, 2021, 01:55:15 PM
Alternatively:
What did the robber say to the clock at midnight? "Hands up."

Nah, the robber doesn't have to say hands up when the hands are already up

#dissectingaDOAfrog
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on June 11, 2021, 02:08:49 PM
Nah, the robber doesn't have to say hands up when the hands are already up

#dissectingaDOAfrog
he said it kachatzos...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: AsherO on June 11, 2021, 02:11:33 PM
he said it kachatzos...

Past his bedtime?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on June 11, 2021, 06:35:22 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 13, 2021, 01:40:47 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/QdT222SS/ecf115fc-c45c-4728-8d1a-1e3579f41055.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/pmPc81wn)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 14, 2021, 09:50:37 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/yxJ8CdHr/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-14-at-9-37-43-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9whhGczG)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on June 14, 2021, 09:51:00 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ckmk47 on June 14, 2021, 10:40:03 AM
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">How much space should you give fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible. <a href="https://t.co/cAQc9Fu0dJ">pic.twitter.com/cAQc9Fu0dJ</a></p>&mdash; Keith Humphreys (@KeithNHumphreys) <a href="?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 11, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>[/size][/font][/color]
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on June 14, 2021, 01:03:03 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Happyguy on June 15, 2021, 07:11:28 AM
Which area in Israel has the most ambulances?
Kiryat Mada
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 15, 2021, 09:27:30 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/7Lcp4Qz1/Microsoft-Teams-image.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/d72Wm64D)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: grodnoking on June 15, 2021, 12:50:31 PM
Even if both parents have that trait, the kids can still end up traitors

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Shmulie on June 16, 2021, 09:51:05 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/tTj57GNp/Screenshot-20210616-094452-Facebook.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 16, 2021, 07:00:58 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/cCJjsjr4/f1063b92-3d8a-4af2-ab7a-d6b8ffc1da27.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/R6jGdg7j)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: NTorch on June 18, 2021, 09:47:54 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/kMyMRTgv/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-18-at-9-44-44-AM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/yWkCwX9D)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: YitzyS on June 18, 2021, 04:07:43 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/c47zLQMV/Whats-App-Image-2021-06-18-at-1-09-20-PM.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MvT5sfLD)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TzviR on June 18, 2021, 04:39:05 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/sx9QK7Pt/8-D7-B38-E9-B421-48-D5-ACEE-ADBD85-D4-B6-D4.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)