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DansDeals Forum => Just Shmooze => Topic started by: avadah on January 13, 2014, 11:55:04 AM

Title: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: avadah on January 13, 2014, 11:55:04 AM
I'll kick it off.

Q) What was the snowman doing on DDF?

A) Just chillin'
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: good sam on January 13, 2014, 03:11:57 PM
(http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/112.gif)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: SamKey on January 13, 2014, 03:23:07 PM
??? The joke thread is titled everything goes
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: avadah on January 13, 2014, 05:01:56 PM
Right. And this is titled Corny Jokes & Bad Puns meaning only these types of jokes.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: SamKey on January 13, 2014, 05:27:30 PM
Right. And this is titled Corny Jokes & Bad Puns meaning only these types of jokes.
put a fork in it
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: normallyavoyeur on January 13, 2014, 08:34:58 PM
Why can't you keep jews in prison?  They eat all the lox.

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on March 30, 2018, 12:28:14 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: davidrotts63 on March 30, 2018, 12:49:42 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
You had waaaay too much pun there, one more and we'd have to punish you :)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Mordyk on March 30, 2018, 01:25:48 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
After such an article does united try to reach out to you? ;) I imagine they dont like reading articles like this...
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on April 22, 2018, 03:22:24 PM
Via https://www.facebook.com/almamariacarter/posts/987546538068851

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a clich้ walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on April 22, 2018, 03:56:46 PM
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

like
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on April 22, 2018, 09:40:10 PM
Oh no, a thread for bad puns? (a redundant redundancy, if ever there was one). This thread is going to quickly become the most ignored thread on DDF.

Anyhoo, here are a few:

Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on April 26, 2018, 11:52:21 AM
Some are better than others...
   


    Two atoms walk into a bar. One says to the other, "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
     
    A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much is a beer?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
     
    The tachyon orders a beer. A tachyon walks into a bar.
     
    Why Did the Chicken Cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
     
    Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any noble gases in this bar." Helium doesn't react.
     
    A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any neutrinos in this bar." The neutrino says, "Don't mind me; I'm just passing through."

    A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! There are no superconductors allowed in this bar." The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
     
    Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any bacteria in this bar. The two bacteria say, "Hey, but we work here. We're staph."
     
    Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.
     
    A parasite walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! No parasite are welcome in this bar." The parasite says, "Well, you're not a very good host."
     
    An infrared photon walks into a bar and says, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
     
    A scientist is denied entrance to a microbiology lab. When he asks why, he is told that it is for "Staph Only"
     
    Why are molecular biologists fashionable? They wear designer genes.
     
    What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
     
    What do you call a microbiologist that has traveled to every country in the world? A man of many cultures
     
    A Higgs boson walks into a [Catholic] church and the priest says "thank god you made it, we cant have mass without you."
     
    Why was Heisenberg's wife never satisfied? Answer: When he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
     
    A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind here!" The mushroom says, "Aw c'mon bartender, I'm a fungi (fun guy)"
     
    Heisenberg stopped by the police for speeding. They asked him if he knew how fast he was going and he replied: "No, but I know where I am".
     
    In other news, DNA helicase was arrested this morning for unzipping his genes in public.
     
    What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Answer: Pumpkin Pi!
     
    Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second "if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside"
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on April 26, 2018, 12:27:09 PM
Brilliant.
Is this your own?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on April 26, 2018, 12:37:46 PM
Brilliant.
Is this your own?
Sadly, yes.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on April 26, 2018, 12:41:03 PM
Can you count how many puns are in this post?
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/
No but you spelled rough wrong.  :P
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on April 26, 2018, 12:58:44 PM
No but you spelled rough wrong.  :P
Repost
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/#comment-1349210
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on April 26, 2018, 01:04:35 PM
Repost
https://www.dansdeals.com/more/dans-commentary/ruff-month-united-will-4-hours-compassion-training-fix-airline/#comment-1349210
Where do you think I got it from?  :)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Dan on April 26, 2018, 01:21:27 PM
Oh no, a thread for bad puns? (a redundant redundancy, if ever there was one). This thread is going to quickly become the most ignored thread on DDF.

Anyhoo, here are a few:


Good stuff man.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 22, 2018, 05:08:14 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ExGingi on August 22, 2018, 06:28:17 PM
Nice. Though your own wit is superior.

I just stumbled on this thread, and really liked your puns above.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on August 22, 2018, 11:55:06 PM
[quote author=whYME link=topic=37255.msg1923793#msg1923793
    Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second "if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside"
[/quote]🤣🤣🤣 love this one! (Whoops messed up that quote)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: joe1234 on August 23, 2018, 12:17:46 AM
One atom asks the other, hey what's the matter?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: justaregularguy on August 23, 2018, 12:40:52 AM
Why did they invent suspenders?

 To improve the overall situation.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: whYME on August 23, 2018, 01:03:17 AM
Why did they invent suspenders?

 To improve the overall situation.
ALOL
(I must be tired)
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 23, 2018, 09:34:35 PM
Nice. Though your own wit is superior.

I just stumbled on this thread, and really liked your puns above.

So, like them, but not like "like" like them?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ExGingi on August 23, 2018, 09:36:41 PM

So, like them, but not like "like" like them?
My head is like spinning.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on March 22, 2019, 02:07:54 PM
Purim at a Chabad House is always interesting.
I gave an hour gemara shiur in middle of the day and then had to come up with puns and jokes for the party decorations. It's like I was in punovitch.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: davidrotts63 on March 23, 2019, 02:08:09 PM


Purim at a Chabad House is always interesting.
I gave an hour gemara shiur in middle of the day and then had to come up with puns and jokes for the party decorations. It's like I was in punovitch.

Why not Punovitz?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 15, 2019, 11:27:53 AM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on August 15, 2019, 11:35:03 AM
If pronouncing my Bs as Vs makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: GAM Z. on August 16, 2019, 08:30:40 AM
What do you call a bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on August 22, 2019, 02:09:44 PM
You could argue either way. It's a chalukei dais.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on September 15, 2019, 09:50:50 PM
What do you call it when you cross a chicken and a rabbit?

Nisht a Hin, Nisht a Herr
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on October 30, 2019, 08:40:33 PM
After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: TimT on October 31, 2019, 12:17:46 PM
How many cellphones did they have in the teiva ?
7 kosher & 2 treifa

And of course
What kind of lights did they use in the teiva ?   Floodlights

What did they eat in the teiva ?   Mobbel cake
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: aygart on October 31, 2019, 12:45:05 PM
What did they eat in the teiva ?   Mahhbul cake
FTFY
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: srap on October 31, 2019, 05:11:33 PM
...
    Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second "if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside"
Excellent!  ;D
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 03, 2019, 07:48:21 PM
If life hands you melons, chances are you're dyslexic.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 05, 2019, 11:52:12 PM
As a famous frog once said "time's fun when you're having flies."
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 06, 2019, 02:40:55 PM
Knock knock
who's there?
control freak-now-you're-supposed-to-say-control-freak-who
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: sguitarist18 on November 06, 2019, 02:55:19 PM
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting cow wh-
MOOOOOOOOO!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 07, 2019, 11:24:43 PM
If life hands you melons, chances are you're dyslexic.
When Wife hands you lemons, make lemonade....NOW!!!!
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on November 07, 2019, 11:26:36 PM
How do you think the unthinkable?










Crash it into an itheberg.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: ah giten on November 08, 2019, 12:02:30 AM
which is correct.

Money or life?
or
Money or Wife?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: CountValentine on November 08, 2019, 12:16:17 AM
I have posted in and started many stupid threads. This one takes the cake.

Knock knock
who dare
Boo @mmgfarb
Boo who
Don't cry about it
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: myi on November 08, 2019, 02:29:30 AM
I have posted in and started many stupid threads. This one takes the cake.

Knock knock
who dare
Boo @mmgfarb
Boo who
Don't cry about it
Nah..
  Something like knock knock,
  who's there?
  Aytch
  Aytch-Who?

 Gezuntaheit..
🙈
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: username on November 08, 2019, 09:45:23 AM
I have posted in and started many stupid threads. This one takes the cake.

DATOTYA?
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 11, 2019, 07:27:58 PM
I was thinking of redoing my bathroom, but then I realized it's just a pipe dream
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: Yehuda57 on November 11, 2019, 07:31:22 PM
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: yungermanchik on November 12, 2019, 03:20:03 PM
Learning Bassar B'chalav, I realized sometimes it's not not bar not, it's just not.
Title: Re: Corny Jokes & Bad Puns Thread
Post by: chief_mag on November 12, 2019, 03:20:57 PM
A bad moshul is like a polar bear.