DansDeals.com Forums

DansDeals Forum => Just Shmooze => Topic started by: chuchem on February 06, 2011, 08:34:45 PM

Title: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: chuchem on February 06, 2011, 08:34:45 PM
I will be making sheva broches for a couple soon. I will need to say a few words. Can someone help me with a good opening joke please. It should have to do with marriage, jewish, inlaws, sheva broches. Something decent, that everyone thinks is funny.

Thanks
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: YOSEF on February 06, 2011, 09:11:25 PM
Q: What's the difference between sheva brachos speeches and gehenom?

A: one makes you wish you were alive, the other makes you wish you were dead.

(More appropriate for shabbos sheva brachos or aufrufs, but it should work anyway.)
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: danielz on February 06, 2011, 09:11:40 PM
The gemara in kesubos, 16b says "keitzad merakdim lifnei hakalla, beis shammai omrim, 'kalla k'muves'".
http://hebrewbooks.org/shas.aspx?mesechta=15&daf=16b&format=pdf last line.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Yordai Dooma on February 06, 2011, 09:24:46 PM
The gemara in kesubos, 16b says "keitzad merakdim lifnei hakalla, beis shammai omrim, 'kalla k'muves'".
http://hebrewbooks.org/shas.aspx?mesechta=15&daf=16b&format=pdf last line.
Oh my! Why didnt someone say that at my sheva brachos?!?!?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: danielz on February 06, 2011, 09:29:16 PM
I said it at my brother's sheva brachos. the famous one
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Yordai Dooma on February 06, 2011, 09:30:05 PM
I said it at my brother's sheva brachos. the famous one

What kind of reaction did you get from the crowd?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: danielz on February 06, 2011, 09:31:37 PM
the learned ones liked it.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Avid Reader on February 06, 2011, 10:03:06 PM
I will be making sheva broches for a couple soon. I will need to say a few words. Can someone help me with a good opening joke please. It should have to do with marriage, jewish, inlaws, sheva broches. Something decent, that everyone thinks is funny.

Thanks

Badchen Yankel miller has a bunch of these. Did you hear his (Yiddish) tape?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: YOSEF on February 06, 2011, 10:35:08 PM
I said it at my brother's sheva brachos. the famous one
Famous or infamous?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Dan on February 06, 2011, 10:40:58 PM
It should have to do with...inlaws...

Q:  What do you do if you miss your MIL??
A:  RELOAD, AND TRY AGAIN!!!

Well, maybe not all that appropriate ;)
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: SuperFlyer on February 07, 2011, 04:47:31 AM
How about, I bought for my MIL a chair.

She just didn't plug it in yet.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: daastorah on February 07, 2011, 01:27:48 PM
Why did adam harishon live so long?

Cause he didn't have a MIL.

Imagine he wouldnt of had a wife...
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Dan on February 07, 2011, 01:33:10 PM
Why did adam harishon live so long?

Cause he didn't have a MIL.

Imagine he wouldnt of had a wife...
Why did Adam and Eve have the perfect marriage?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: moish on February 07, 2011, 02:25:58 PM
whats the difference between an inlaw and an outlaw?
an outlaw's wanted.....
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: ChAiM'l on February 07, 2011, 05:48:27 PM
This should be renamed the "Shvigger Joke Master Thread"...
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Crazy tools on February 07, 2011, 05:52:39 PM
a husband & wife were fighting on a drive through the countryside. after a cold silence they passed some cows grazing on the side of the road. the wife turns to the husband and asks, "relatives of yours?" "yup" he answers "in-laws"
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Chaikel on February 07, 2011, 06:01:35 PM
Don't know what all you guys are talking about. My wife's fam is awesome. I love her in-laws
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: moish on February 07, 2011, 06:05:49 PM
what about her husband
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Dan on February 07, 2011, 06:07:49 PM
Don't know what all you guys are talking about. My wife's fam is awesome. I love her in-laws
It's a jokes thread, doesn't mean we're talking about our in-laws.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: moish on February 07, 2011, 06:17:57 PM
i think it was also a joke. note "i love her in laws" = his own parents
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Dan on February 07, 2011, 06:22:27 PM
i think it was also a joke. note "i love her in laws" = his own parents
hehe, went right over my head.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Avid Reader on February 07, 2011, 09:56:00 PM
A Rov is asked to say a few words at a Bar Mitzva of one of his Shull goers. They asks for five minutes max.
The Rov says he can't talk because he forgot to bring his teeth. So someone runs to the Rov's house, pics up the teeth, and comes back. The Rov then get's up and starts speaking, first 5 minutes, then 10, 20, 30... he finally steps down after an hour. When the Bar mitzva was over the father of the boy asks the Rov why did you speak so long, we gave you five minutes max? The Rov scratches his head and says Oy, the guy brought me my wife's teeth.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Crazy tools on February 08, 2011, 02:57:47 PM
To be said by the kallah's brother,
     Being that the chosson will be learning he needs a wife that will be machshiv Torah, I can tell you that my sister the kallah is very machshiv torah, because every time I come home for an off shabbos she's quick to ask me "when are you going back to yeshiva"
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: daastorah on February 13, 2011, 01:05:02 AM
Joe lieberman ran for vice president in 2000, after losing the election to bush he came home terribly bothered.
his wife calmly told him dont worry Joe in this house you will always be vice president!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: mancunian on February 13, 2011, 01:26:22 AM
is the kala kimoves thing the whole joke? or is there a punch line i'm not getting?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: smurf on February 13, 2011, 01:59:51 AM
is the kala kimoves thing the whole joke? or is there a punch line i'm not getting?
the word should be read "kallah kamois shehu" the joke is to misread it as kallah kamoves
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: MarkS on February 13, 2011, 09:43:42 AM
Chazal say that a Chosson is 'Domeh L'Melech'. The question is, why only 'Domeh'? Who is a real Melech?

Well, it seems that a Bochur is a TRUE Melech. He can come and go as he pleases and doesn't have to answer up to anyone.
Once he's engaged he is only 'Domeh L'Melech because while he is still single, his liberties are in the process of being taken away.

After marriage it's completely over and he's now a simple regular person!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: MarkS on February 13, 2011, 09:47:51 AM
They say marriage is not as great as Bochurim make it out to be;
and not as terrible as married men say it is!


Marriage is not as bad as people say it is -  it's actually a whole lot worse!

Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: moish on February 13, 2011, 10:18:33 AM
going on a trip with a friend - double the fun, half the price
going on a trip with a wife - double the price, half the fun
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: mancunian on February 13, 2011, 06:57:33 PM
the word should be read "kallah kamois shehu" the joke is to misread it as kallah kamoves
ah
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: danielz on February 13, 2011, 08:43:32 PM
I did post a link to the gemara.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: mancunian on February 13, 2011, 09:10:35 PM
it was late at night ;)
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: SuperFlyer on February 14, 2011, 01:15:03 AM
A guy said: we got married before the war.

The war started after we got married.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Avid Reader on February 14, 2011, 11:48:59 AM
A 30 year old girl comes to a Shadchan and tells her sob story. Whenever she found a guy she liked, her father would always find something wrong with him. So the Shadchan asks what did he find wrong with the last three? So she says one was too tall, one was too short and one had bad breath. So the Shadchan says I think your father is really being bothered by something else. Try to find a guy that is similar to your fathers personality and that should solve the problem.
A year later the girl bumps into the Shadchan again, still single. She asks the girl did you follow my advice? The girl says yes, I found someone just like my father and he was ready to let me marry him, but now my mother didn't like him.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: how on February 19, 2011, 02:23:54 PM
Chazal say that a Chosson is 'Domeh L'Melech'. The question is, why only 'Domeh'? Who is a real Melech?
Chosson is 'Domeh L'Melech' The Kallah she is the real Melech!!!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: moish on February 19, 2011, 02:47:46 PM
people with a somewhat command of the hebrew language wouldnt find that funny
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: how on February 19, 2011, 03:44:33 PM
most people would understand domeh as like a king but not exactly king. If your audience is that clueless then they never heard of the saying either
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: moish on February 19, 2011, 05:28:30 PM
i dont understand what you are referring to, but i was talking about calling the kallah a melech when the word melech is inherently male.
i personally find it ridiculous and unfunny, but thats just me
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Yordai Dooma on February 19, 2011, 08:13:20 PM
i dont understand what you are referring to, but i was talking about calling the kallah a melech when the word melech is inherently male.
i personally find it ridiculous and unfunny, but thats just me
+1
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: smurf on February 19, 2011, 08:21:32 PM
Chosson is 'Domeh L'Melech' The Kallah she is the real Melech!!!
i believe the joke goes,
Why is a chosson only domeh l'melech? Because as a bochur he's a melech as a husband he's an eved as a chosson he's domeh l'melech.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: moish on February 19, 2011, 08:23:37 PM
if you go back a few posts you will see it
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: SuperFlyer on February 20, 2011, 04:47:46 AM
alright, this 7 brocho is doomed, unless we get some fresh jokes...
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: lubaby on February 20, 2011, 04:58:47 AM
Not really Sheva Brochos, but here's a bunch of MIL jokes:
http://bit.ly/miljokes
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: IzzyG on February 21, 2011, 03:27:55 PM
A man tells his friend he's thinking of divorcing his wife.
"We just don't communicate anymore. She hasn't spoke to me in weeks."
"Think it over," his friend advises. "A woman like that is hard to find."
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Deal Guy on March 11, 2013, 01:17:15 AM
Any fresh jokes or anything that ties into the parsha or rosh chodesh?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: L'Chaim on March 11, 2013, 01:54:49 AM
Any fresh jokes or anything that ties into the parsha or rosh chodesh?
You want to speak about korbanos? Lol, that seems appropriate!  ;D
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Deal Guy on March 11, 2013, 02:14:26 AM
You want to speak about korbanos? Lol, that seems appropriate!  ;D
Be more specific please ;D
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: L'Chaim on March 11, 2013, 03:38:26 AM
Be more specific please ;D

That's all I have to say... (i.e. no jokes)
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Mutty on March 11, 2013, 01:19:26 PM
A man goes to his Rabbi and tells him his wife is trying to poison him. The Rabbi says, no way, impossible. He said, yep, she's definitely trying to poison me. The Rabbi said he'll talk to the wife. The next day he calls back the husband. The husband said, so what happened. The Rabbi said I spoke to your wife over an hour last night. The husband said, so Nu!! The Rabbi said, "I would say, take the poison"
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: njmacman on March 11, 2013, 02:28:41 PM
Great one!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: smurf on March 11, 2013, 04:18:24 PM
A man goes to his Rabbi and tells him his wife is trying to poison him. The Rabbi says, no way, impossible. He said, yep, she's definitely trying to poison me. The Rabbi said he'll talk to the wife. The next day he calls back the husband. The husband said, so what happened. The Rabbi said I spoke to your wife over an hour last night. The husband said, so Nu!! The Rabbi said, "I would say, take the poison"
sounds based off a famous quote by Winston Churchill
When told by lady Astor "if you were my husband is poison your drink"
he responded "if you were my wife I'd drink it"
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Mutty on March 11, 2013, 04:29:56 PM
sounds based off a famous quote by Winston Churchill
When told by lady Astor "if you were my husband is poison your drink"
he responded "if you were my wife I'd drink it"
Speaking of Churchill, he was once, as usual, drunk, and told a woman - Lady you are really ugly! The woman said - Excuse me, but are really drunk!. He said - Yes, but I'll be sober in the morning!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: good sam on March 11, 2013, 05:25:40 PM
Speaking of Churchill, he was once, as usual, drunk, and told a woman - Lady you are really ugly! The woman said - Excuse me, but are really drunk!. He said - Yes, but I'll be sober in the morning!
Don't think that's how it goes.  Searched around found many versions.

Quote
Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Quote
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Quote
Yes, I Am Drunk, But Tomorrow I Will Be Sober, And You Will Still Be a Fool

Quote
Bessie Braddock: "Winston, you are drunk, and what's more, you are disgustingly drunk."
Churchill: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."

Quote
"Sir, you're drunk!" "Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly."

I guess nobody know how is goes, but importantly, Churchill did not instigate by calling the woman ugly.  That would not be witty!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Mutty on March 11, 2013, 05:49:24 PM
Don't think that's how it goes.  Searched around found many versions.

I guess nobody know how is goes, but importantly, Churchill did not instigate by calling the woman ugly.  That would not be witty!
Guess I was drunk when I heard it!!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: A European on February 16, 2014, 10:21:45 AM
Any jokes for a sheva broches?
This whole thread has maybe 3 sheva broches jokes!

(I need one urgent for today)
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: A European on February 16, 2014, 10:56:55 AM
I need one urgent for today!
BUMP

Anyone?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: sillypainter on February 16, 2014, 10:58:11 AM
Not sure if it was mentioned already.

When snowing in israel a teacher got a call from the menahel that he doesn't have to come in because there are only 5 children that came to school today, so the teacher answered that he will come in because at home he has 15 children.

Why is "ushamni" listed with the aleph bet ushamni, bogadni because we wouldn't finish otherwsie.

This is d, but good one. A man sees his friend carrying 2 television sets and asks him why. He answered  because my shriver (mother in law) said that she will give away half of her life for a TV, so he brings 2....

Now a racist joke. What's the difference  between a jew and a canoe? A canoe tips and a jew doesnt.

Sorry for the typos.

The main thing we should have simchas by klal yisrael.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: A European on February 16, 2014, 11:09:17 AM
Thanks, but I need a joke that has to do with sheva broches.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: A European on February 16, 2014, 11:50:53 AM
http://m.bhol.co.il/forums/topic.asp?topic_id=1180078&forum_id=771
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Mutty on February 16, 2014, 12:03:24 PM
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Someone asked what the secret to their happy marriage was.

The husband said it all started when after Sheva Brochos they took a trip to the Grand Canyon. They went to the bottom of the canyon on a mule. 

At one point the mule tripped and stopped moving. My wife said to the mule, "That's once". We went a little further and it happened again. The mule tripped and stopped. Again, my wife said to the mule, "That's twice". A little further, and it happened for the third time. My wife took out a gun from her purse, got off the mule, and shot the mule.

I started to complain to her. She gave me a look and said, "That's once".
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Achas Veachas on February 16, 2014, 12:06:39 PM
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Someone asked what the secret to their happy marriage was.

The husband said it all started when after Sheva Brochos they took a trip to the Grand Canyon. They went to the bottom of the canyon on a mule. 

At one point the mule tripped and stopped moving. My wife said to the mule, "That's once". We went a little further and it happened again. The mule tripped and stopped. Again, my wife said to the mule, "That's twice". A little further, and it happened for the third time. My wife took out a gun from her purse, got off the mule, and shot the mule.

I started to complain to her. She gave me a look and said, "That's once".

Heard it the other way around but whatever floats your boat...
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Achas Veachas on February 16, 2014, 12:11:26 PM
The large family sat gathered for their grandparents' 50th aniversary, at the head of the table sat the elder grandfather with tears rolling from his eyes, when asked why he was crying he replied "I'm just thinking if I would have had her killed back when we were married I would have been out of jail by now..."
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Chaikel on February 16, 2014, 06:23:52 PM
Heard it the other way around but whatever floats your boat...
The mule had the gun?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Super Speed on February 16, 2014, 06:28:51 PM
The mule had the gun?
:D

Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: rj95 on February 16, 2014, 09:50:40 PM
A guy is walking down the street, when suddenly he hears screaming and yelling coming from above. He looks up and sees that it's coming from the top floor of a nearby apartment building. He goes in the entrance, and runs up the twelve flights of stairs. When he gets to the top, he sees a man, and an old woman. He asks, what's wrong? The man yells, 'my mother-in-law is trying to jump out'! How can I help, the rescuer asks. The man yells, I CAN'T GET THE WINDOW OPEN!   
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: robbie on February 16, 2014, 10:42:36 PM
two woman were sitting quietly together.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: meshugener on February 16, 2014, 11:20:29 PM
two woman were sitting quietly together.
lol
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: etech0 on February 16, 2014, 11:23:01 PM
two woman were sitting quietly together.
I hope you're joking..............
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: meshugener on February 16, 2014, 11:29:25 PM
As a side note, just think a moment: do you think it's nice and appropriate to make all these jokes about mother-in-laws?
They're not human? They have no feelings? They don't get offended?

I actually respect my mother-in-law very much.

Just think about it.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Myccrabbi on February 16, 2014, 11:37:19 PM
As a side note, just think a moment: do you think it's nice and appropriate to make all these jokes about mother-in-laws?
They're not human? They have no feelings? They don't get offended?

I actually respect my mother-in-law very much.

Just think about it.
u r so sweet:-*
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Deal Guy on February 19, 2014, 02:30:55 AM
Any more jokes?
Any good vort for parshas Vayakhel and the MISHKAN, and building one's home?
Thanks
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: A European on February 19, 2014, 04:04:13 AM
A good הקדמה to a sheva brooches:
כל הנהנה מסעודת חתן וכלה (ואינו משמחו you could leave out this part) עובר בלאו.

That's why we give droshes on sheva broches! ;)
So why is one droshe not enough?
Because we don't want the first darshan should be over be lav.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: AnonymousUser on February 19, 2014, 08:14:14 AM
Any more jokes?
Any good vort for parshas Vayakhel and the MISHKAN, and building one's home?
Thanks
My bracha to the chosson and kallah is that their home should always be like the mishkan; everything in it should be donated.
Although, you have to know how that shtims with another vort: the key to sholom bayit is, if you want sholom, buy it!
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: bestwatchman on February 19, 2014, 08:59:36 AM
Sheva brochos is the only thing worse than shiva, shiva at least you get shabbos off.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: skyguy918 on February 19, 2014, 09:59:05 AM
Sheva brochos is the only thing worse than shiva, shiva at least you get shabbos off.
Heard it better (IMO) with gehenom.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: good sam on February 19, 2014, 10:49:11 AM
two woman were sitting quietly together.
What was the biggest neis in the Megilla?
לֹא הִגִּידָה אֶסְתֵּר
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: philbenjoe on February 19, 2014, 10:51:02 AM
My bracha to the chosson and kallah is that their home should always be like the mishkan; everything in it should be donated.
Although, you have to know how that shtims with another vort: the key to sholom bayit is, if you want sholom, buy it!
lol
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Deal Guy on February 19, 2014, 01:06:31 PM
A good הקדמה to a sheva brooches:
כל הנהנה מסעודת חתן וכלה (ואינו משמחו you could leave out this part) עובר בלאו.

That's why we give droshes on sheva broches! ;)
So why is one droshe not enough?
Because we don't want the first darshan should be over be lav.
Lol. Where does the lav business come from?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: A European on February 19, 2014, 01:47:31 PM
Lol. Where does the lav business come from?
גמרא
Don't know exactly but it's very famous.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: good sam on February 19, 2014, 03:57:40 PM
I think it's in perek 1 of brachos - עובר בחמישה קולות
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: aygart on February 19, 2014, 04:10:05 PM
I think it's in perek 1 of brachos - עובר בחמישה קולות
that ain't a lav
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: SamKey on February 20, 2014, 11:09:37 AM
Why was Bilam's donkey of the ten things created erev Shabbos?
They needed someone to speak at Sheva Berachos
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: whacked1 on June 20, 2014, 12:11:58 AM
Bumping this thread, I need some good jokes for my friends aufruf this week.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Joe4007 on June 20, 2014, 12:49:09 AM
Bumping this thread, I need some good jokes for my friends aufruf this week.
Check out this (http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=9303.0) thread.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: davidmal on July 26, 2016, 06:43:43 PM
This is great
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: avadah on June 14, 2017, 02:23:21 PM
Trying to remember a joke about a Rabbi who only has one speech on pars has korach and pulls it off to say it every week. Anyone know it?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: davidmal on June 14, 2017, 02:30:08 PM
Trying to remember a joke about a Rabbi who only has one speech on pars has korach and pulls it off to say it every week. Anyone know it?
I know what your talking about.
I'm not sure if it was the one where his dog was named Korach....
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: avadah on June 14, 2017, 02:38:14 PM
No. Something like he would drop his glasses every week  and say they fell  down by korach.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: davidmal on June 14, 2017, 02:38:45 PM
No. Something like he would drop his glasses every week  and say they fell  down by korach.
nope.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: yitrap on June 14, 2017, 02:59:06 PM
Trying to remember a joke about a Rabbi who only has one speech on pars has korach and pulls it off to say it every week. Anyone know it?
He'd walk in and all his papers would scatter over the floor, when everyone bent down to pick them up he said "oh this looks like the scene by Korach speaking of Korach...."
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: chaimmayer on June 14, 2017, 04:39:21 PM
Version I heard was after he dropped the papers he'd say cursed be koach and all rashaim
Oib mredt shoin vegan korach - if we're talking about korach already....
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: avadah on June 14, 2017, 05:58:03 PM
Thanks guys.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: myi on March 03, 2019, 01:46:26 AM
Any more jokes?
Any good vort for parshas Vayakhel and the MISHKAN, and building one's home?
Thanks
If still interested, have a beautiful one for this past week and can be used for the coming week.

 Will try to put it together.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: cmey on March 03, 2019, 09:04:06 AM
How about the one about the chosson who meets his friend shortly after getting married. The friends asks “how’s marriage treating you”? “Well, she really worships me”, he answers. “How so?” Asks the friend. “Well, she’s always bringing me these burnt offerings”.
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: davidmal on March 28, 2019, 04:29:56 PM
A man tells his friend he's thinking of divorcing his wife.
"We just don't communicate anymore. She hasn't spoke to me in weeks."
"Think it over," his friend advises. "A woman like that is hard to find."

+1
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: cmey on March 28, 2019, 05:53:15 PM
Chazal  tell us כל הנהנה מסעודת חתן ואינו משמחו עובר בחמישה קולות
It’s a very difficult thing to be misameach the חתן properly.
That’s leaves us with only one other option: the speeches during sheva berachos to take away the הנאה.

Just in case the speaker has הנאה we make sure to line up other speakers to take care of his הנאה too....
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: S209 on August 14, 2019, 04:38:02 PM
Vaeschanan, anyone?
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: Yonah on August 16, 2019, 12:32:21 PM
" It says that we are each born with a half a neshama, and then when we get married, both half-souls unite into one unit. So the wife when she gets married becomes complete, and the husband when he gets married is finished."
Title: Re: joke for sheva brachot
Post by: TimT on August 16, 2019, 12:52:51 PM
It’s been well established that the wife is always right while the husband is always wrong. So when a man tells his wife “you’re right” is he right or wrong ?