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DansDeals Forum => Just Shmooze => Topic started by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 04:13:35 PM

Title: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 04:13:35 PM
I keep coming across posts (especially in the JS board...) that have wonderful line mentioned in them, even more so when taken out of context. I figured I'll start this thread to share some of the things that got me to smile.

DISCLAIMER: I don't mean to offend anyone anyone personally, and everything should be looked at in its original context before attacking or commenting about it.

So here we'll start:
If I were a chicken id love to get out for a day before I die.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 04:16:44 PM
Abso-freakin-lutely not ;D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Centro on March 17, 2016, 04:44:02 PM

Like!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on March 17, 2016, 05:05:29 PM


I keep coming across posts (especially in the JS board...) that have wonderful line mentioned in them, even more so when taken out of context. I figured I'll start this thread to share some of the things that got me to smile.

DISCLAIMER: I don't mean to offend anyone anyone personally, and everything should be looked at in its original context before attacking or commenting about it.

So here we'll start:

I didn't even know where my own line was being quoted from.

Where's the "uch I hate you" line?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 05:10:55 PM

I didn't even know where my own line was being quoted from.

Where's the "uch I hate you" line?
this (http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=2853.msg643873#msg643873)?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on March 17, 2016, 05:12:46 PM
Uch. I hate you.


Yeah. It's probably the most quoted line on DDF.

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 05:13:32 PM
I have some good ones compiled from over the time I've spent on DDF.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 05:20:31 PM
OT: Since when is tomato a fruit?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 06:40:09 PM
Comes across as a whiny, petulant, over-entitled n00b.  Oh, IMO.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 06:50:40 PM
look at me like I have three heads and ask me, "What the FUK, dude?" I'll be able to say, "precisely."
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 07:30:46 PM
I know I wouldn't want to be memorialized for those comments on that thread.
You didn't even post in that thread. Except if you have more than one username...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 07:33:20 PM
my knees slowly turning to applesauce
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: David Smith on March 17, 2016, 07:33:27 PM
You didn't even post in that thread. Except if you have more than one username...
I meant if I were the person you quoted. Is that sacrilegious to say?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 17, 2016, 07:35:04 PM
I meant if I were the person you quoted. Is that sacrilegious to say?
Misunderstood, sorry.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: David Smith on March 17, 2016, 07:40:05 PM
And with that I needed to change my underwear.

That entire TR was pure gold, for that matter. Many great pearls there.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on March 17, 2016, 09:07:29 PM
It's not weird when weirdos act weird.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: 12HRS on March 17, 2016, 11:02:43 PM

Here at DansDeals we don’t do buses. (http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/35313)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: 000 on March 17, 2016, 11:28:34 PM
That entire TR was pure gold, for that matter. Many great pearls there.
I added the bold. :P :P
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: benjie1305 on March 18, 2016, 11:07:30 AM
Fine/Dry Wine is one drink I just haven't been able to acquire a taste for.
For me it's Moscato all the way.

Always laugh when I see this one.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Ydad on March 18, 2016, 11:13:21 AM
No Mesh lines?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: benjie1305 on March 18, 2016, 11:19:00 AM
You do understand that many people are simply not decanting properly.. this is like you credit score..


Genius!  :D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stbaum on March 18, 2016, 11:35:18 AM
following
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakrot on March 18, 2016, 11:41:21 AM

following
+1
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 18, 2016, 03:56:34 PM
+1
Yup! That's also a great one-liner you quoted there...  ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 28, 2016, 11:45:47 PM
she's a damn goy, vaytur!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: CS91 on March 29, 2016, 12:57:18 AM
.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 29, 2016, 01:49:27 AM
.
???
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: CS91 on March 29, 2016, 01:53:42 AM
???
Aka following.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 29, 2016, 02:00:10 AM
Aka following.
Woops.
Maybe another suggestion for the acronym thread...?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yochiek93 on March 29, 2016, 11:40:33 PM
Everybody is goyim and kofrim. We're all going to hell. Cheers. :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 30, 2016, 03:41:57 AM
That's Chazer Treif!  ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Dan on March 30, 2016, 10:31:29 AM
Always laugh when I see this one.
Things change from when you go from being 25 to 30 :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: benjie1305 on March 30, 2016, 10:35:54 AM
Things change from when you go from being 25 to 30 :)

Couldn't agree more!  :D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 30, 2016, 11:25:23 PM
If I wanted to be an apikores I sure as hell would not ask an opinion of this forum.


Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on March 31, 2016, 10:00:11 AM
Bet you cant find me a guy that talks in shull as a matter of principle... well, maybe.. but he'd be one deprived soul... 
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 31, 2016, 02:52:02 PM

That thread has some good ones.
Title: Re: Great DDMS One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 03, 2016, 03:40:19 PM
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/86112 (http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/86112)
Quote
$1,400 and bonus miles for a kosher meal gone missing? That’s a whole lot of gefilte fish!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: good sam on April 03, 2016, 11:39:44 PM
Maybe we can have a DO where we smell each other's scalps.
count me in
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on April 03, 2016, 11:42:10 PM
Out of context it looks weird.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on April 03, 2016, 11:45:09 PM
Oh, it's you again.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yochiek93 on April 04, 2016, 12:08:22 AM
It's great
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on April 04, 2016, 09:35:31 AM
You get a negative hat tip for bad news ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on April 04, 2016, 09:46:28 AM
Congrats!

(This will not look good on tapatalk android)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 04, 2016, 01:51:06 PM
count me in
Or
Do you thank OP for your fresh-smelling scalp?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yochiek93 on April 04, 2016, 02:15:26 PM
(This will not look good on tapatalk android)
Thanx for mentioning that
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on April 05, 2016, 03:57:04 PM
Why can't we all just agree that we like arguing
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 05, 2016, 06:33:55 PM
I think the country is going to hell in a handbasket rather quickly.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Sport on April 05, 2016, 07:49:23 PM
There should be a lot more here from @freddie, there was one week where he was spouting great lines non stop.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 05, 2016, 10:42:54 PM
There should be a lot more here from @freddie, there was one week where he was spouting great lines non stop.
Link? Topic?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Sport on April 05, 2016, 10:45:13 PM
Link? Topic?
Dont remember, it wasnt one topic he was just on a roll across the board.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 12:42:20 AM
People do funny things when trapped in a metal tube for a few hours.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 12:45:55 AM
Now that's probably the most useful post I've read in all my time on DDF.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 12:47:40 AM
Better than the gatkes thread now, isn't it?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 12:49:58 AM
Henche calls me a jerk and a rasha on one thread and I am honored
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 12:53:08 AM
It doesn't matter how other people dress for flying.
...a langer rekel stained with chicken grease...should be the rule of thumb.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 01:44:44 AM
Just please don't comb through my PMs!
Ok, so I'll stop here. For now.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 02:07:14 AM
I have biases and bewilderment but I'm nobody's fool.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 02:14:25 AM
Is it weird that I type Amex every time I try typing Amen?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: bestwatchman on April 06, 2016, 04:08:35 AM
Tip for life,  if you weren't such a hater and get involved in all this nonsense that has nothing to do with you you'd live a life with alot less stress, and chances are you'd be a happier person.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Achas Veachas on April 06, 2016, 06:53:52 AM
Ein meviim raayah miDan
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 02:30:41 PM
It's been tried before & the threads ended up in area 51.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on April 06, 2016, 02:35:56 PM
Thanks for the tribute, @Work-for-ur-muny. Personally, my favorite one-liner (although it may have been a couple sentences) that I wrote on this forum was the free Starbucks coffee method. I know it's poor form for a comedian to laugh at his own jokes but that one had me LOL'ing when I wrote it.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 02:37:30 PM
I welcome any scammers
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 02:38:30 PM
Thanks for the tribute, @Work-for-ur-muny. Personally, my favorite one-liner (although it may have been a couple sentences) that I wrote on this forum was the free Starbucks coffee method. I know it's poor form for a comedian to laugh at his own jokes but that one had me LOL'ing when I wrote it.
link?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: benjie1305 on April 06, 2016, 02:40:43 PM
What you do is order two vente Americanos. One, you throw in the barrista's face while it is scalding, and the other you grab and run out the door with.

You mean the "throw the hot drink in the face" trick? Ein hochi nami. It's just gotta be a hot drink. Ice coffee = fail.

The truth is you can order an ice coffee... just make sure to also order the hot coffee. And make sure that the one you toss in the barrista's face is the hot one.

Obviously I do not eat at McDonald's and it would be maris ayin for a religious Jew to step inside.... but here is how I would do it if I had to do it (a la OJ's book title.)

You go in, you order meal. Get whatever you want that you can fit in one bag (this will be important for when you grab the bag and run.) At some point in your order, you have to ask for a coffee. Preferably a large coffee. Loosen the top of the coffee nonchalantly while he is ringing you up. Then, when the cashier is done ringing you up... THROW THE COFFEE IN HIS FACE... then grab your bag of food and RUN!

That's how it would be done.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on April 06, 2016, 02:47:07 PM
Nice. It still made me giggle after all this time.

As long as I am admiring my own posts, I also liked the "do-it-yourself-bump" method of getting a standby ticket when you're second on the list.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: David Smith on April 06, 2016, 02:47:37 PM


 >:( Beat me to it, after I searched the thread!


Reminds me of a trick a veteran on the FT Trick-It thread once gave a noob how to find an effective 3x:

First you use your credit card to book the most expensive and luxurious first-class ticket out there. Then for the 3x, you book a one way ticket to some third world jungle. You take the first class journey, which will be the dream trip of a lifetime. Then you don't pay the credit card bill. This only works because of your 3x:  you take the flight to the third world country and never come back. 100% success rate.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yitrap on April 06, 2016, 03:27:37 PM
>:( Beat me to it, after I searched the thread!


Reminds me of a trick a veteran on the FT Trick-It thread once gave a noob how to find an effective 3x:

First you use your credit card to book the most expensive and luxurious first-class ticket out there. Then for the 3x, you book a one way ticket to some third world jungle. You take the first class journey, which will be the dream trip of a lifetime. Then you don't pay the credit card bill. This only works because of your 3x:  you take the flight to the third world country and never come back. 100% success rate.
Lol reminds me of this
If im not mistaken its when Batchy fills his tus tus up with diesel and then has to flip it upside down to dump the fuel.... bec his tus tus only takes 89 unleaded
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yochiek93 on April 06, 2016, 03:29:38 PM
Roflmao
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 06, 2016, 05:24:53 PM
i'm such a loser...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: 12HRS on April 06, 2016, 06:06:26 PM
clicked to see if that was the weight loss game thread...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yochiek93 on April 07, 2016, 12:37:27 AM
You dare ask a question on the holy wiki ?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on April 07, 2016, 07:13:05 PM
I have more pulls then a sweater in a thrift shop
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 08, 2016, 12:34:44 AM
WTH I hope this isn't the new normal for Crapatalk.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Ergel on April 10, 2016, 12:15:20 AM

That's my quote. How'd it get attributed to Dan

Here first:
How many times do I have to say it
Ein meviim raayah mi'Dan
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 10, 2016, 02:32:03 PM
if you're  concerned about plane crashes don't go on a plane as the buckle won't help much.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 11, 2016, 08:25:57 PM
There's nothing scientific about a man "feeling like a woman".
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakrot on April 14, 2016, 03:52:34 PM
Whoopdadamdoo.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 04, 2016, 12:56:21 AM
Since when is Florida a verb?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 05, 2016, 07:55:40 PM
these appliances are definitely not kosher.
Neither is DDF.
So don't eat it
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Super Speed on May 10, 2016, 12:43:56 AM
Quit while you're behind ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 12, 2016, 07:41:44 PM
Women just know how to milk the most out of any given situation. >:D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 29, 2016, 02:59:42 PM
Only good in context so I'll quote the post beforehand too...

The crayon has left the states.  I hope to hear soon that it landed.
Looking forward to the TR :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on June 08, 2016, 06:56:19 PM
DDF is a cyber dictatorship.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on June 09, 2016, 02:27:41 PM
I reject your rebuke and I counter-rebuke you, sir.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on June 09, 2016, 06:28:10 PM
You want to know the funniest thing?
I've actually said that in real life... more than once.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on June 09, 2016, 06:37:28 PM
You want to know the funniest thing?
I've actually said that in real life... more than once.
And what was the response from the one you said it to? Probably more like  ??? :o ??? :o ??? :o ??? :o
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on June 09, 2016, 06:51:22 PM
And what was the response from the one you said it to? Probably more like  ??? :o ??? :o ??? :o ??? :o
That's actually a pretty good depiction.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on July 04, 2016, 03:16:16 PM
are you in a rush to get your poop emoji pillow?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on July 07, 2016, 11:14:20 PM
Na. Seems like an otherwise normal poster. But it just goes to show what 1 year on DDF can do to your brain.
Date Registered: July 14, 2015, 04:28:52 PM.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on July 08, 2016, 03:14:39 PM
+2. Anyway to change username?
Why would you want to do that? Pick a name and stick with it.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yochiek93 on July 08, 2016, 03:19:13 PM

lol
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on July 11, 2016, 02:48:51 PM
One of the best ones I've seen out there!!!! (Especially when read out of context.)

I didn't look at the item, I am trying to figure out how we can get free stuff here
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on July 19, 2016, 01:22:41 PM
I don't think I'm going to bother sorting through all of my unsolicited garbage just to find my solicited garbage.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on July 21, 2016, 04:36:33 PM
n00bs are funny.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on July 28, 2016, 11:46:21 PM
They say that if you bury your electronics in rice and leave them overnight, the rice will attract Orientals who will come and fix your device for you.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 04, 2016, 05:36:47 PM
Is it a crime to clip your toenails on a public bus?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 07, 2016, 03:42:37 AM
Can you search a little before opening a new thread every time you wanna sneeze?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on August 10, 2016, 10:42:10 PM
On the day the guy climbed Trump Tower:

Well, for a few hours at least, Donald Trump wasn't the craziest man at Trump tower.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 11, 2016, 07:56:18 PM
I'm making lots of money. I'm a paid troll.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 15, 2016, 10:51:40 PM
Is there a yiddish word for "troll"?
Shmuck
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on August 15, 2016, 11:09:33 PM
Also, I'm making lots of money. I'm a paid troll.



Is there a yiddish word for "troll"?



Shmuck


So ur a paid shmuck?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: LoLo on August 18, 2016, 02:21:01 PM
Not DDF, from DDMS (http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/93629)
Quote
It’s the best money I never spent.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on August 21, 2016, 03:10:32 PM
Here's one hot off the press
Opinions are like a..holes.
Everyone's got one and they all stink.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Chief Rabbi of New York on August 21, 2016, 06:43:19 PM
Here's one hot off the press

Only problem is when you come across one that smells good
Oy vey
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 22, 2016, 04:19:16 AM
Compensation for time spent in the bathroom? What exactly do you want?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 22, 2016, 04:20:09 AM
The guy who sleeps between 1am and 7am is either a troll or works for Seasons!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 22, 2016, 04:21:56 AM
I'm still trying to make sense out of this; but loving it, nevertheless...

It's so beautiful because not only is it wrong, it's the OPPOSITE of right.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 24, 2016, 04:26:45 PM
This thread is like a whatsapp group for the extremely bored old bachurim.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yuneeq on August 25, 2016, 12:28:27 AM
I'd say we can fight until elul so we got time!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on August 31, 2016, 10:43:34 AM
I heard from an ovel recently that he was sentenced to 1 week house arrest and 11 months of community service...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on August 31, 2016, 10:51:32 AM
That's a good line. Where is the DDF one-liner about the yiddene who got up from shiva l"a and said, "Now I know... shachris doesn't take 15 minutes and maariv doesn't take 2 hours"? Tim T?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: coralsnake on August 31, 2016, 10:53:46 AM
That's a good line. Where is the DDF one-liner about the yiddene who got up from shiva l"a and said, "Now I know... shachris doesn't take 15 minutes and maariv doesn't take 2 hours"? Tim T?
A woman got up from shiva and tells her husband "I learned two things: Shacharis doesn't take only 15 minutes and maariv doesn't take an hour and a half!"
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on August 31, 2016, 10:54:56 AM
Nice job, @coralsnake.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: emjee on August 31, 2016, 01:47:30 PM
+1
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on August 31, 2016, 02:04:17 PM
+1

Nu, use the like button! >:(
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on August 31, 2016, 02:08:47 PM
Nu, use the like button! >:(
+1
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on August 31, 2016, 02:34:13 PM
+1

Now you're messing with me.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on August 31, 2016, 02:41:16 PM
I thought this thread would die after the invention of the Like button but I see it lives on.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 31, 2016, 03:10:32 PM
I thought this thread would die after the invention of the Like button but I see it lives on.
The purpose of this thread is to bring it all to one place, so others who didn't visit that particular thread can also enjoy.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 31, 2016, 03:11:12 PM
Nu, use the like button! >:(
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on August 31, 2016, 03:11:56 PM
Now you're messing with me.
Why I liked your post before I did +1!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on August 31, 2016, 05:52:04 PM
Nu, use the like button! >:(
Not on your life. In case you can't see it I am sitting on my hands and I refuse to hit the like button. I am protesting the oppression of non-Jews on this forum. To me, this is bigger than DDF and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are credit cards in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with denying me for no reason.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on August 31, 2016, 05:55:04 PM
Not on your life. In case you can't see it I am sitting on my hands and I refuse to hit the like button. I am protesting the oppression of non-Jews on this forum. To me, this is bigger than DDF and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are credit cards in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with denying me for no reason.
we can't even tell you to leave-been there done that
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: hachover on August 31, 2016, 06:42:08 PM
Not on your life. In case you can't see it I am sitting on my hands and I refuse to hit the like button. I am protesting the oppression of non-Jews on this forum. To me, this is bigger than DDF and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are credit cards in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with denying me for no reason.

I deny you!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on August 31, 2016, 06:51:00 PM
we can't even tell you to leave-been there done that
I deny you!
This is what I am talking about. Maybe I can get Freddie to articulate my point better.  >:(
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on August 31, 2016, 06:52:39 PM
How much would you pay me to be your spokesman?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on August 31, 2016, 06:56:07 PM
How much would you pay me to be your spokesman?
Do you get a notification ever time someone mentions your name?  :P
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: emjee on August 31, 2016, 07:40:38 PM
Do you get a notification ever time someone mentions your name? 
Like!
Nu, use the like button! >:(
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on September 01, 2016, 12:00:33 PM
I'm trying to like, but it says:

"Likes are currently disabled for this user, he is under investigation for Like-fraud"
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on September 01, 2016, 12:28:45 PM

Soon to be renamed "Likegate"
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 04, 2016, 03:06:07 PM
Nisht oif DDF gerret, but...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on September 05, 2016, 08:33:26 PM
If something sounds too good to be true, it ain't true................. unless Dan posts it on DansDeals.   :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on September 07, 2016, 08:49:37 PM
Ball-zapping is one thing, but murder is a bit much for this crowd.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on September 07, 2016, 10:24:38 PM

A one-liner implies that the whole line was good. This was a LOL for me but really just for one phrase.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on September 08, 2016, 07:06:37 PM


Women Of The Mall...

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on September 12, 2016, 07:43:02 PM


Finally something I've been wanting to say for a long time. They should rename this thread: Noobs trying to get to israel for free!

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 13, 2016, 01:44:47 PM
I guess I am saying that as someone who has a knack for storing strange and often "deplorable" information, just trust me on this.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: joe1234 on September 16, 2016, 12:40:33 AM
Quote
A good deal is like a joke, if you don't understand it, the joke's on you, if you explain it it's DEAD!!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 25, 2016, 03:56:40 PM

I hope you all have a gut gebentcht yur and may *** ****** **** in particular burn in hell :)

Cheers!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on September 26, 2016, 09:46:54 AM
An ignorant chacham? What will the world see next?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on September 26, 2016, 06:33:10 PM
It's real. It was posted on Facebook
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on September 26, 2016, 07:33:23 PM
You bigot. You assume she's still a dog just because he once was one.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on September 27, 2016, 09:55:53 AM

It makes the line so much better if u know that the context is referring to @meshugener
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: craziness on September 27, 2016, 09:57:19 AM


Congratulations, you can take something out of context..
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on September 27, 2016, 10:12:30 AM
Congratulations, you can take something out of context..
Read the wiki. This thread is meant for the best one-liners usually taken out of context
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on September 27, 2016, 10:58:11 AM
Congratulations, you can take something out of context..
You forgot to post under your regular handle. Unless you need to hide here also...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Cheesecake on September 27, 2016, 11:02:31 AM
You forgot to post under your regular handle. Unless you need to hide here also...
What would be the point off posting there under a new screen name if he would out himself in a different thread?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on September 27, 2016, 11:50:29 AM
What would be the point off posting there under a new screen name if he would out himself in a different thread?
Anybody can state that something is taken out of context. Doesnt mean that its his/her/its/their post.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: craziness on September 27, 2016, 11:54:49 AM
Read the wiki. This thread is meant for the best one-liners usually taken out of context

It's not the wiki it's the first post but regardless I didn't read it. I apologize to etech for not taking it in the spirit it was intended. Out of context it is a pretty great one liner.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: SearchGuy on September 27, 2016, 11:51:21 PM
DDF is my wife!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: joe1234 on September 27, 2016, 11:52:11 PM

I knew it would get here...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: SearchGuy on September 27, 2016, 11:53:03 PM
I knew it would get here...
So your wife can see it 😂😜
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: joe1234 on September 27, 2016, 11:56:03 PM
So your wife can see it 😂😜
Lol! She knows DDF is her tzarah!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on September 27, 2016, 11:57:06 PM
Lol! She knows DDF is her tzarah!
That shud go in the best ddf one liner thread. Oh were already here. Lol
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: SearchGuy on September 27, 2016, 11:58:22 PM
Lol! She knows DDF is her tzarah!
It was meant for the wife in the quote... but whatever...🙃
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 29, 2016, 02:34:49 PM
Politeness is that I don't mention who I don't respect.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 29, 2016, 11:07:26 PM
ones credibility is stronger when using his real username,
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: MeirS on October 05, 2016, 12:38:00 AM
Lol! She knows DDF is her tzarah!
Good stuff!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on October 07, 2016, 12:21:16 PM
Removing pin may be muktza - more correct is to move the pins that move up or down... Even so YMMV on this issue.

YMMV on a halacha shaila 😂
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Cheesecake on October 07, 2016, 12:22:33 PM
YMMV on a halacha shaila 😂
Your Moreh (hora'ah) May Vary
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on October 09, 2016, 06:41:19 PM
ich bin nisht a Rebbe.

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on October 20, 2016, 12:47:37 PM
I don't want to get dragged in here.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on October 20, 2016, 12:57:55 PM
Only funny if you know who is saying it, but yes.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on October 20, 2016, 08:49:22 PM
At first i was going to post in the comments...speechless thread.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on October 20, 2016, 08:59:21 PM
At first i was going to post in the comments...speechless thread.
Link?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on October 20, 2016, 09:19:50 PM
Link?
http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=6071.0
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on October 20, 2016, 09:23:18 PM
http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=6071.0
I was asking what he was reffering to not for the speechless comments thread. Thanks though.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on October 20, 2016, 10:58:39 PM
I was asking what he was reffering to not for the speechless comments thread. Thanks though.
The quote from CBC, six posts up.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on October 21, 2016, 09:29:11 AM
Nah, most people who live in passaic are dentists.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on October 21, 2016, 10:44:43 AM
Only funny if you know who is saying it, but yes.



I don't want to get dragged in here.....

..... So don't get me wrong, I am not addressing the rebbe, just what you post as your understanding of the minhag.

With all due respect, the Rebbe clearly explains that the reason you and the chasidim do not sleep in the succah is because of a petur of psychological tzar.

He does not address why you, who are "mehader" to eat in succah, even when potur because of real physical tzar, don't sleep. (Other than say that if the rebbeh didn't do it than you shouldn't even if his reasons of petur don't apply. This too is not sufficiently explained. How is it compared to a hiddur in haddasim..)
I don't understand how when you are "nebach potur" you call it a hiddur.


(Just btw, I happen to have recently learned,  the inyan of psychological tzar. - imho it is pretty clear from the poskim that there is a chiyuv leyesuvey daatei in most cases... Interesting stuff)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on October 31, 2016, 07:24:15 PM
If I have extra time, I'll be visiting my wife
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on November 07, 2016, 11:54:41 AM
I did 12 tenders at a time. I did not want to test these limits
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2016, 11:45:46 PM
I haven't yet figured out a way to get paid for posting on DDF.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on November 09, 2016, 11:58:08 PM
Thanks for the nomination but I didn't even mean it humorously.
I guess that makes up for all the jokes I make that people take seriously.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Yehuda57 on November 10, 2016, 12:08:24 AM
Thanks for the nomination but I didn't even mean it humorously.
I guess that makes up for all the jokes I make that people take seriously.
Be careful with people taking your jokes seriously. You may become president
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on November 10, 2016, 12:12:39 AM
Be careful with people taking your jokes seriously. You may become president

That was the point of this thread: http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=67825.msg1589742#msg1589742

Not sure if anyone even saw it though.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 10, 2016, 07:04:10 PM
Thanks for the nomination but I didn't even mean it humorously.
I guess that makes up for all the jokes I make that people take seriously.

See OP of this thread.

I keep coming across posts (especially in the JS board...) that have wonderful line mentioned in them, even more so when taken out of context. I figured I'll start this thread to share some of the things that got me to smile.

DISCLAIMER: I don't mean to offend anyone anyone personally, and everything should be looked at in its original context before attacking or commenting about it.

So here we'll start:
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 14, 2016, 08:27:46 PM
Unless there is a rule against having multiple accidents
#autocorrect
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on November 14, 2016, 08:49:54 PM
#autocorrect
What, you never had your accidents shut down?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: David Smith on November 17, 2016, 02:35:11 PM

In context, this is a classic.

Also, I am not interested in trying refundable stuff like PGGM as I was told by a Rav not to do it.

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: cholent on November 17, 2016, 02:38:56 PM
In context, this is a classic.

If it's a classic in context only, please provide a link
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: David Smith on November 17, 2016, 02:40:24 PM
If it's a classic in context only, please provide a link
If you click on the post it brings you there.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: cholent on November 17, 2016, 02:41:50 PM
If you click on the post it brings you there.

Thank you, how did I never know that?  :-[ :-[
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 17, 2016, 03:46:13 PM
Thank you, how did I never know that?  :-[ :-[
GET OFF MY LAWN!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on November 17, 2016, 04:47:26 PM
Ha, last week I was ready about 3 min before shkiya - I had no clue what to do with the extra time.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: nafnaf12 on November 17, 2016, 05:37:49 PM
Why would I deal with a company that has one plane when I could deal with a company with thousands of planes in their fleet and who fly that route multiple times a day?

It's like forcing my wife to drive me to the airport when I could order an Uber.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: koplonko on November 17, 2016, 08:25:32 PM

ALOL
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 22, 2016, 03:08:05 PM
Stupidity is mankind's greatest asset, except for those endowed with it...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on November 23, 2016, 06:33:12 PM
Story: Someone booked a Park Hyatt stay. The next shower he took at home he had a decent bathrobe. The end.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on November 24, 2016, 11:49:08 AM
Whoever creates a vomit emoji will get 100 likes.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 25, 2016, 02:23:47 AM
I think what you're really trying to say is FU.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on November 25, 2016, 03:14:00 PM
Leave racism to me and I will leave the Torah to you.  ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: avadah on November 26, 2016, 02:39:03 PM
Yea. Those charedim are terrible. So you want a place with a hechser thats catering to charedim but you dont want the charedim?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: chinagel on November 26, 2016, 10:11:40 PM
"My grandpa once told me not to argue with a fool. You gotta go down to his level because he can't come up to yours; and he has more experience down there."
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on November 26, 2016, 10:15:57 PM
We don't choose where idiocy chooses to display itself.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on November 26, 2016, 10:30:29 PM

My first nomination, I'm truly flattered.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 30, 2016, 01:39:35 PM
salmon=cinnamon
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 30, 2016, 06:59:53 PM
Are you calling a transgender female puppy a nutcase? You bigot.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on November 30, 2016, 11:19:37 PM
I look at passing a FR like a yellow light. You floor it and don't look back.  :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on December 08, 2016, 01:49:34 PM
A has a right to dispute the charge. Is it ethical or legal, no.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yuneeq on December 08, 2016, 02:22:30 PM


-1000

One of the worst lines here.
It's the equivalent of saying "A has the right to lie, cheat, and steal, I mean everyone knows its  illegal and wrong, but he has that right."
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on December 08, 2016, 06:01:35 PM
-1000

One of the worst lines here.
It's the equivalent of saying "A has the right to lie, cheat, and steal, I mean everyone knows its  illegal and wrong, but he has that right."

Is there a "worst of DDF"?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Emkay on December 08, 2016, 06:02:46 PM
Is there a "worst of DDF"?
Yup. JS.
Title: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on December 08, 2016, 06:03:38 PM
Is there a "worst of DDF"?
Is there a "Worst of DDF..."?
http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=3802.0

Apparently it's been deleted
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on December 08, 2016, 06:28:35 PM
Please DON'T USE ALL CAPS. IT'S VERY FREAKING ANNOYING. But thanks for reporting back.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 13, 2016, 05:11:39 PM

My name is XYZ I have 100K SPG my phone # is abc my ssn is 123 and my home address is blah please come visit me!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on December 15, 2016, 12:43:01 AM
Beer is for females, cigars are for old men, Friday is for those that don't make shabbos, and shuk is far.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on December 15, 2016, 12:18:36 PM
Nice! Sometimes I learn more on DDF than I did in school....
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on December 20, 2016, 11:58:10 AM
Right, but that's simply not true.

???
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 03, 2017, 04:23:29 AM
I tried stealing them but they didn't work and when I called the number on the back they refused to help me.

Trying to get compensation now.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 05, 2017, 12:45:40 AM
What exactly did I just buy 3 of?

I didn't look at the item, I am trying to figure out how we can get free stuff here
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shulem92 on January 05, 2017, 02:05:58 AM


That is why I MS. In case someone likes Trump gets elected.

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on January 05, 2017, 11:03:11 AM
It is not because the word is a slur but because he is referring to him by his race in a context where race is irrelevant.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 05, 2017, 04:13:25 PM

Yes. Very well written.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on January 05, 2017, 04:33:13 PM
yet no likes?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 05, 2017, 04:34:05 PM
yet no likes?
Ok, fine. I liked it.  :P :P :P :P
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on January 05, 2017, 04:38:48 PM
yet no likes?
Likes are meaningless. Look at my total for proof. I am think as using your line as my signature!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 05, 2017, 04:42:55 PM
Likes are meaningless. Look at my total for proof. I am think as using your line as my signature!
O, my dear humble leopard...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on January 05, 2017, 11:52:00 PM
Let me rephrase.
Lines are for people that have patience, such a fine attribute. I applaud them for their fine character and demeanor while I pass them.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 09, 2017, 11:16:09 PM
being at work at 8 am isnt fun. But when it is in the bronx- shit!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on January 12, 2017, 03:12:59 PM
No contest at all. Mesh has to try and be mean. To me it just comes natural.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 12, 2017, 03:16:29 PM

Hmmmm... Gold digger!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on January 17, 2017, 11:06:12 PM
Was this nominated already? I only just saw it tonight.

If you want a warm sense of nostalgia, maybe wet yourself while wearing a pair of onesie pajamas and sucking your thumb instead of crying about a sandwich shop  it seems you haven't even tried.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: David Smith on January 17, 2017, 11:08:49 PM
ABDL?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on January 22, 2017, 09:06:22 AM
It would likely still be gibberish, but it will at least be readable gibberish.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on January 24, 2017, 07:45:08 AM
every thread is the halacha/Kashrus thread.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on January 24, 2017, 08:06:27 AM
every thread is the halacha/Kashrus thread.
That sounds like an old one of mine
you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used to start a religious discussion
It has gotten more and more true. I think I will make that my sig.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on January 24, 2017, 08:07:24 AM

That sounds like an old one of mine
Lol, that's good.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on January 24, 2017, 11:38:48 AM
I need something just to do amex offers , multi tabs. Up to 50 tabs at a time. Would this be fast enough ?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: bznt on January 24, 2017, 11:40:49 AM

That was not warranted. I am serious
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JTZ on January 24, 2017, 05:55:10 PM
You missed the huge worm that snuck out.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 29, 2017, 11:50:31 AM
If Ush was smart enough to become a dentist I trust he could walk and chew gum at the same time.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 02, 2017, 02:36:14 AM
Look at me as your LOR.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 03, 2017, 01:01:26 PM
Cursing in Hebrew doesn't make you look any better than cursing in English.

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 05, 2017, 10:52:59 PM
Aren't all Jews from Lakewood?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on February 06, 2017, 12:24:17 PM
Why do people think that they are somehow more 'important' because they have simply wasted more of their time making useless posts resulting in a higher post count?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Yehuda57 on February 06, 2017, 02:55:10 PM
You must pee in your pants from reading Laffy Taffy jokes.

Only because if we don't post it here, Freddie will be very sad. No one wants a sad Freddie.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 06, 2017, 03:00:33 PM
Only because if we don't post it here, Freddie will be very sad. No wants a sad Freddie.
Did you ever try? It might just be much more fun!  :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidmal on February 08, 2017, 06:00:10 PM
This post won this thread. Everyone can go home now.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 08, 2017, 06:02:22 PM
This post won this thread. Everyone can go home now.


This post won this thread. Everyone can go home now.
:P
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 12, 2017, 02:28:36 PM
Dunno if it's your own, but a great one nevertheless.

I'm boycotting boycotts until they come up with gender neutral terminology for the practice :P
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on February 14, 2017, 01:06:28 AM
great line someone submit it to that thread with good lines in that thread somewhere
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 14, 2017, 01:07:37 AM

Lol
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidmal on February 14, 2017, 01:11:26 AM
You need to actually click the Like button, it's not voice activated.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on February 16, 2017, 12:07:40 AM
Proves your arrogance and ignorance at the same time.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on March 02, 2017, 07:23:46 PM
Imagine everything you eat is slow boiled.  When you move into an old age home,  you won't even know the difference
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on March 26, 2017, 02:21:01 PM
If any kids are in boosters, they usually fit overhead.
The overhead compartments can hold a squirming 2 year old? I'll keep that in mind.
sure. It keeps them from squirming too much
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Moshe123 on March 28, 2017, 04:43:12 PM
http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=75774.msg1706785#msg1706785

I believe its Potter aval Assur
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 14, 2017, 05:27:49 PM
Simple and straight forward doesn't exist in the Jewish vernacular
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on April 19, 2017, 02:01:03 PM
I found this exchange humorous
Do B6 gift cards work?
B6 sells gift cards?
whats B6 ?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: JACKBLUE on April 19, 2017, 02:03:33 PM
I found this exchange humorous
HEY NO FUN MAKING PLEASE!!!!!!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: lubaby on April 19, 2017, 02:06:36 PM
I found this exchange humorous
;D ;D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on April 19, 2017, 02:10:24 PM
HEY NO FUN MAKING PLEASE!!!!!!
My intention was not to make fun of anybody.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on April 24, 2017, 03:30:40 PM
I've heard it said that a "heimishe hashgocha" is one where the rov/mashgiach stays at home...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on April 24, 2017, 03:32:13 PM

It's not great. It's sad and unfortunate
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on April 24, 2017, 04:26:39 PM
It's not great. It's sad and unfortunate
The line is great, the context is sad
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Emkay on April 24, 2017, 04:28:04 PM
It's not great. It's sad and unfortunate
Also untrue for the most part. Is that the unfortunate part?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on April 24, 2017, 04:51:21 PM
Also untrue. Is that the unfortunate part?
Follow back the quote to the thread. I know that it's not untrue.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Emkay on April 24, 2017, 04:55:28 PM
Follow back the quote to the thread. I know that it's not untrue.
I read that thread, still untrue. Whatever you refer to is the exception.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: joe1234 on April 24, 2017, 09:11:21 PM

R' Belsky ZT"L said this...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: myi on April 25, 2017, 11:00:14 PM
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112340#comment-1309337
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: koplonko on April 26, 2017, 05:45:31 PM
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112340#comment-1309337
Poor guy, probably thinks he's getting paid those amounts to buy it...

Maybe he's related to this guy?
http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=5396.msg1716328#msg1716328
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Luvtotravel on April 26, 2017, 05:53:53 PM
Poor guy, probably thinks he's getting paid those amounts to buy it...

Maybe he's related to this guy?
http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=5396.msg1716328#msg1716328
don't see the connection and am I the only one who sees something fundamentally wrong with dissecting a post with someone's identifying info in it? I know this should have been posted (if anywhere) with the OP...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 26, 2017, 07:22:44 PM
don't see the connection and am I the only one who sees something fundamentally wrong with dissecting a post with someone's identifying info in it? I know this should have been posted (if anywhere) with the OP...
???
Which post dissects someone with identifying info? Am I missing something here?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Something Fishy on April 27, 2017, 03:05:03 PM
For years I would say that deferring taxes is akin to פישן אין די הויזן, at first you are relieved and warm, but at the end you stay wet and smelly.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on April 27, 2017, 03:19:23 PM
For years I would say that deferring taxes is akin to פישן אין די הויזן, at first you are relieved and warm, but at the end you stay wet and smelly.
If you quoted this cuz you thought he was referring to you, let me just clarify: He meant it with a dagesh in the feh...  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Something Fishy on April 27, 2017, 03:28:27 PM
If you quoted this cuz you thought he was referring to you, let me just clarify: He meant it with a dagesh in the feh...  ;D ;D ;D

ALOL
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: lechatchileh ariber on April 27, 2017, 03:48:53 PM
If you quoted this cuz you thought he was referring to you, let me just clarify: He meant it with a dagesh in the feh...  ;D ;D ;D
Way below the belt
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on April 28, 2017, 12:28:38 AM

Way below the belt
AALOL
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 03, 2017, 06:07:21 PM
Why is this in JS?  ???
Thats where all the important conversations go.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 03, 2017, 08:13:16 PM
The guy wants money from tourists because he has a rat on a dog.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Iz on May 05, 2017, 04:22:32 PM
It was a spectacular display of incompetence at every step.
And that is a spectacular display of articulacy. :D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 09, 2017, 10:02:06 PM
You think they just paid Hilton $10m for an afikomen present?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on May 10, 2017, 08:24:33 AM
Not a one liner, but still great!

#60
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/108449
#61
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/108901
#62
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/109164
#63
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/109205
#64
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/109227
#65
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/109247
#66
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/109278
#67
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110014
#68
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110082
#69
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110112
#70
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110283
#71
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110329
#72
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110393
#73
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110433
#74
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110493
#75
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110519
#76
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110639
#77
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110708
#78
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/110717
#79
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/111130
#80
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/111444
#81
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/111940
#82
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112020
#83
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112129
#84
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112176
#85
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112215
#86
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112234
#87
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112360
#88
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112396
#89
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/92215
#90
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112664
#91
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112680
#92
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112687
#93
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112844
#94
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112855
#95
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112858
#96
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112890
#97
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112896
#98
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/112953
#99
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113023
#100
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113171
#101
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113319
#102
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113381
#103
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113474
#104
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113552
#105
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113644
#106
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113815
#107
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113679
#108
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113931
#109
http://www.dansdeals.com/archives/113953


 


Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 10, 2017, 05:08:38 PM
Not a one liner, but still great!
Then should probably go here (http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=53386.0).  :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on May 10, 2017, 05:17:28 PM
B'Kavod!  -- Except that since it didn't generate any buzz, its like a one-liner.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 10, 2017, 05:57:32 PM
B'Kavod!  -- Except that since it didn't generate any buzz, its like a one-liner.
I like the hagdara.  :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: CreamofSoup on May 11, 2017, 05:32:43 PM
The problem is that one guy here said that less is more and someone responded that more is less and some people felt that by posting more there will be less.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: thaber on May 17, 2017, 11:52:41 AM
I guess we can now deduce that Chabad are humans :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 17, 2017, 06:34:11 PM

As the saying goes, (and was probably mentioned dozens of times on the forums) "Chabad is the religion closest to Judaism".
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on May 17, 2017, 11:53:11 PM
I guess that's why its DansDeals and not MooseDeals.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: username on May 19, 2017, 10:56:34 AM
Even on a Friday I am not going to get dragged into this
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on June 18, 2017, 02:40:49 PM


Fish is my backup.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: rs242 on June 19, 2017, 07:18:06 PM
I got a notification that I was quoted here... was it deleted ?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on June 19, 2017, 07:18:47 PM
I got a notification that I was quoted here... was it deleted ?
Yes. You missed nothing.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: whYME on June 27, 2017, 04:06:48 PM
Lipa the badchan is fantastic, Lipa the Hassidic Lady Gaga is cringetastic.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on June 29, 2017, 05:25:29 PM
And to top it all off, my kids have to deal with a drunk father.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: whYME on June 30, 2017, 12:34:29 AM
This is a case of reverse identity theft. Usually it is a few people using one identity. Here it is e few identities using one person.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on July 03, 2017, 05:21:01 PM
“The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.”
— Benjamin Franklin
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: jj1000 on July 03, 2017, 05:24:54 PM
“The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.”
— Benjamin Franklin

Had no idea he was on DDF.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on July 03, 2017, 05:25:39 PM
Had no idea he was on DDF.
Oops, wrong thread :) feel free to move it
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stbaum on July 03, 2017, 07:11:09 PM
“The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.”
— Benjamin Franklin
Huh... I Saw that somewhere and had it as my whatsapp status (before whatsapp went rogue) for the longest time. Nice to know the source
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on July 03, 2017, 07:21:39 PM
Huh... I Saw that somewhere and had it as my whatsapp status (before whatsapp went rogue) for the longest time. Nice to know the source
If you believe it... I'm just reposting :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on July 03, 2017, 07:29:46 PM
If you believe it... I'm just reposting :)
A quick Google search seems to attribute it either to Ben Franklin, or John Ruskin.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on July 07, 2017, 01:18:35 PM
You sound like such a NY'er

What if there aren't 12 kosher restaurants within 2 blocks?

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on July 14, 2017, 06:13:54 PM
If your name is Levi and you live in Los Angeles, 90036, I got your walmart paperwork in my order. Huge breach of privacy. You should demand the rest of your tissues as compensation.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on July 24, 2017, 02:25:57 AM
Coming up:
In the Catskills. Maybe just for masochistic pleasure I'll drive to Woodbourne and break my fast on greasy pizza that I'll have to wait in line an hour for while being mobbed by hungry, kvetchy people who haven't bathed in 9 days while it just broke 90 today.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on July 24, 2017, 02:27:51 AM
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on July 24, 2017, 02:59:03 AM
I don't give heterim for free.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 07, 2017, 07:36:27 PM
Basically, I spent the weekend just staring at Dan, in all of his marvelousness.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on August 10, 2017, 04:16:34 PM
DD: Turning bugs into features since 2004 :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidmal on August 10, 2017, 07:19:58 PM

Great one
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 16, 2017, 01:46:59 PM
Then DDF must love stale popcorn!  :P
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on August 24, 2017, 03:20:27 PM
And @ChaimMoskowitz is a leading Rabbinical Authority
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on August 30, 2017, 08:32:18 AM
I'm calling it a Friday.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidmal on August 30, 2017, 10:14:27 AM
I get these in the 99-cent store for $0.98
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 01, 2017, 12:47:32 AM
Over here it's יום שכלו פריידעי.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Yammer on September 06, 2017, 02:44:46 AM
Yes,  agreed.  Your free trial is only a month though
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yakov116 on September 07, 2017, 03:13:51 PM
Never use an English dictionary to process DDF posts.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 12, 2017, 03:35:41 AM
some people find threads of cranberry and popcorn beautiful
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 13, 2017, 08:47:21 PM
Dan can buy ticket and henche can fly on it
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 14, 2017, 07:50:26 PM
the post of yours that deserves the "hate" button has a bajillion likes.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stooges44 on September 15, 2017, 01:50:38 PM
DDMS but still..

https://www.dansdeals.com/shopping-deals/amazon/aluminum-headphones-stand-0-90-shipped-amazon-plus-no-rush-shipping-credit-prime-members/#comment-1325437
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: a mirrer on September 17, 2017, 05:33:54 AM
Holy cow! You're this bitter and you haven't even started paying tuition yet? You're in for a treat!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 19, 2017, 08:49:42 PM
I don't know if you meant what I think that meant, but if you meant what I think you meant that you know what I meant.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on September 24, 2017, 08:54:22 PM


That's like eating a filet mignon through a feeding tube

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on September 24, 2017, 10:04:45 PM
That's like eating a filet mignon through a feeding tube
That one is especially great in the context it was said.

I didn't witness that minyan, but telling by the timing I am 99% certain it was M.G.'s minyan. He's a great guy, a good friend, and has a great head (I actually think he processes information a lot faster than most people, which is why the speed is acceptable for him). He is actually capable of savoring the fillet mignon even when fed through a tube! Probably not true for the rest of the minyan.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 26, 2017, 03:52:11 AM
Will taste better than a football but not by much.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on September 26, 2017, 03:52:31 AM
You have blinking lights on your nose? I think we need to have a discussion about this....
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on September 27, 2017, 11:35:07 AM
I was going to complain about taking this thread OT
Sure you were :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on September 29, 2017, 11:29:35 AM
Sure you were :)
...but then I stopped myself.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on September 29, 2017, 11:29:48 AM
I never defend him. I defend truth. Sometimes he is a side beneficiary.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: whYME on October 02, 2017, 10:07:35 AM
Sometimes he doesn't allow his theoretical לומדות be confused by practical facts
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: hachover on October 10, 2017, 07:57:16 PM
Long, but still

It would be like if some reporters asked you, "Isn't it highly unusual and suspicious activity that you applied for over FIFTY credit cards in one year?!" and you would be like, "Oh my goodness, you guys are so out of your element. No!" And then they would hock you again, "But fifty?!" and you would be like, "I bet you guys carry a balance, don't you?"
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on October 16, 2017, 01:51:17 AM
You're probably the guy who makes the announcement not to bavarf until after the haftorah
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on October 17, 2017, 09:45:44 PM
because of you my 1 yr old will never get to eat real food!!!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on October 19, 2017, 10:38:34 PM
Is it hard to type with your head in the sand?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on October 23, 2017, 06:38:35 PM
BLM (Lakewood, NJ area)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yelped on October 23, 2017, 08:14:06 PM

? Don't get the greatness of this line... :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on October 23, 2017, 08:24:33 PM
? Don't get the greatness of this line... :)
BLM in the Lakewood area
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yelped on October 23, 2017, 10:50:36 PM
BLM in the Lakewood area
It's not? Forgive me for being dumb.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on October 23, 2017, 10:55:11 PM
It's not? Forgive me for being dumb.
Not dumb, in fact, I purposely took it out of context. Follow the link to the quoted post.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yelped on October 23, 2017, 11:14:41 PM
Not dumb, in fact, I purposely took it out of context. Follow the link to the quoted post.
I did. Still don't get it.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on October 23, 2017, 11:22:16 PM
I did. Still don't get it.
BlackLivesMatter
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yelped on October 23, 2017, 11:55:04 PM
BlackLivesMatter
It's a typo. It's supposed to say Black "Hats" matter...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2017, 07:45:57 PM
you cant drop such a sad video without warning its embarrassing to start crying in public
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stooges44 on November 09, 2017, 07:47:46 PM
Whoever said that HTs are useful?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2017, 07:49:10 PM

Ask @Freddie about that. He probably has some use of them.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on November 09, 2017, 07:54:11 PM
Ask @Freddie about that. He probably has some use of them.
For likes not HTs
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2017, 08:00:03 PM
For likes not HTs
For likes I don't have to ask him, I already know. He surely has something for HTs as well.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on November 09, 2017, 08:04:56 PM
For likes I don't have to ask him, I already know. He surely has something for HTs as well.
He has said that it is only likes IIRC
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on November 09, 2017, 08:35:21 PM
He has said that it is only likes IIRC

Only likes.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on November 09, 2017, 08:36:06 PM
Only likes.
Told you so
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2017, 08:40:03 PM
Told you so
I sit corrected. Oh, and you get a like for compensation.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on November 09, 2017, 08:58:07 PM
I sit corrected. Oh, and you get a like for compensation.
yum
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2017, 09:08:13 PM
yum
Hey Hey!!! They're for your kids!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on November 09, 2017, 09:42:54 PM
I sit corrected. Oh, and you get a like for consumption.
FTFY
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2017, 09:45:20 PM
@as2 Coincidence? I gave you your 180th like at the same time you gave me mine?  :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on November 09, 2017, 09:47:50 PM
@as2 Coincidence? I gave you your 180th like at the same time you gave me mine?  :)
ALOL that is kind of cool though.
By the way, I gave you the few before it too ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 09, 2017, 09:51:35 PM
ALOL that is kind of cool though.
By the way, I gave you the few before it too ;)
Can't say that about myself, sorry.  :(
Thank you, though!  :)

ETA: Someone bumped me, so you got another one.  :P
JK, really liked it.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on November 10, 2017, 12:45:17 AM
Can't say that about myself, sorry.  :(
Thank you, though!  :)

ETA: Someone bumped me, so you got another one. 
JK, really liked it.
I bumped you!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 20, 2017, 09:50:36 PM
Was catching up on this thread, and found two.

Jewish carry-ons tend to be the size of freight containers.

Excuse me, can I borrow your cell phone?... Thirty minutes later: Thank you very much. But you knbow you really shouldnt have a smartphone.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 28, 2017, 03:36:29 PM
Here is an important one:

If you don't like popcorn, just stay away. Why ruin the party?
You might not be a DDFer if... (http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=37195.0) ...you don't know this...  ::)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on November 28, 2017, 03:51:49 PM
That’s no way to talk about a woman who was this close to becoming president >:( :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on November 28, 2017, 04:38:35 PM
Here is an important one:
You might not be a DDFer if... (http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=37195.0) ...you don't know this...  ::)
Brings back memories how clueless most here were.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 28, 2017, 05:02:13 PM
Brings back memories how clueless most here were.
Hmmm,
You only joined in 2014, how do you know what was going on here beforehand...?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on November 28, 2017, 05:04:53 PM
Hmmm,
You only joined in 2014, how do you know what was going on here beforehand...?
Many will lurk first so they know what they are getting into.  :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 29, 2017, 02:29:57 PM
that's a whole nother rabbit hole
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on November 29, 2017, 02:43:54 PM
Amazing what a typo could lead to.  ;D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on November 29, 2017, 02:45:50 PM
Quote
Quote from: ExGingi on Today at 02:43:18 PM
A mere לו seconds to be nominated!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 29, 2017, 02:54:13 PM

A mere לו seconds to be nominated!
Must have been a really  לו (כתיב: לא) good one  ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on November 29, 2017, 03:01:59 PM
Must have been a really  לו (כתיב: לא) good one  ;)
Reminds me of this beautiful shiur (https://www.theyeshiva.net/jewish/110) (might find it easier to listen if you speed it up to 1.5x).
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 29, 2017, 06:05:25 PM
When I say "Oink" its because Im being kind.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on November 29, 2017, 06:20:03 PM
Don't confuse visitation or mivtzaim with a prison or jail experience.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: whYME on November 29, 2017, 07:12:44 PM
When I say "Oink" its because Im being kind.

I was thinking of putting this one here :)
Oink...
And I say that with the utmost respect.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stooges44 on November 30, 2017, 01:54:31 PM
I know, I know, this is for DDF but after reading the so far 92 comments where the majority are folks saying "dead" or "doesn't work" this one is awesome!

https://www.dansdeals.com/shopping-deals/kitchen/price-mistake-hurry-lg-electronics-gas-range-ovens-sale-home-depot-save-hundreds-dollars-off-retail-prices/#comment-1333023

(https://i.gyazo.com/1381d2edb6442f976d38a6164edb8370.png)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on November 30, 2017, 04:37:59 PM
How society treats its most vulnerable defines them,
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on December 01, 2017, 12:52:24 PM
Unless you're in Chicago where that kind of unlucky magic happens all the time.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on December 03, 2017, 05:23:16 PM
Sorry, but even according to your logic, 1+0 is still greater then 0+0.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: whYME on December 03, 2017, 07:31:37 PM
It's the thread that keeps on giving :)

Yingele, this thread is for big boys, go back and play with your magformers
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: YossieW on December 03, 2017, 11:53:12 PM


So don't write stupid statements.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 04, 2017, 01:53:24 AM
There's OT and there's stupid, we're well beyond the latter.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 04, 2017, 01:53:42 AM
Too many people don't really want the geulah. They love their country and FB too much.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 04, 2017, 01:54:02 AM
paging @aygart please insert your religious discussion here..
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: a mirrer on December 04, 2017, 06:30:21 AM
There's a point where you're foot is so far in your mouth you keep stuffing it, in hopes when it comes out the other side it will work just as it did before...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Yehuda57 on December 04, 2017, 08:17:20 AM


I would have gone with "you put your foot in your mouth so far, you just keep it in there trying to casually play it off as a toothpick."
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on December 04, 2017, 08:37:44 AM
I would have gone with "you put your foot in your mouth so far, you just keep it in there trying to casually play it off as a toothpick."
Well, you just nominated yourself, and all in the proper thread
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: good sam on December 04, 2017, 10:25:05 AM

A mere לו seconds to be nominated!
Reminiscent of the אור הגנוז and right on time for חנוכה.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 04, 2017, 02:17:23 PM
Well, you just nominated yourself, and all in the proper thread
This thread is for Reporting New Popcorn threads only. NO DISCUSSION Of Popcorn In This Thread!
Same rule goes here? No good one-liners in this thread?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on December 04, 2017, 02:33:26 PM
Same rule goes here? No good one-liners in this thread?
Hmmm I'll leave that to the judges
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 05, 2017, 10:53:37 PM
Contrary to popular belief likes do not feed my family, yet
Paging @Freddie Teach the guy how, please.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on December 07, 2017, 12:01:41 PM
The women always know what the men are thinking.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on December 07, 2017, 12:45:31 PM
@srap Are you an English teachah or sumfin'?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 10, 2017, 11:22:05 PM
Old McDonald had a farm...





I was thinking of putting this one here :)
I dont like the taste of oink...
You have to speak oink.
I'm sorry i hurt your feelings by saying oink.
I hope oink doesn't have any long term affect on you.
You can always go to work and take it out on someone else who wont call you oink.
Dehumanized by the oink.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 11, 2017, 03:29:08 PM
Pure gold!

2 things on anger that are well known but bear repeating:

1. Anger is allowing someone to live rent free in my head.

2. Anger is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.
It reminds me of other sayings on the topic:

- "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal to throw at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

- "Speak when you are angry and that will make the best speech you'll ever regret."

- "Remember, for every minute you're angry you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: hvaces42 on December 11, 2017, 03:39:48 PM
Feel like I'm being stalked.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 11, 2017, 03:47:33 PM
Feel like I'm being stalked.
Ooooooops. I don't mean any of the like. I can stop posting great ones from you, if you stop posting great ones altogether...  :P
In any event, I apologize if something other than what I intended came out of my posts.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: hvaces42 on December 11, 2017, 03:49:52 PM
Ooooooops. I don't mean any of the like. I can stop posting great ones from you, if you stop posting great ones altogether...  :P
In any event, I apologize if something other than what I intended came out of my posts.
Not at all. I just dont see the greatness. But you're free to admire as you wish.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: hachover on December 11, 2017, 04:42:11 PM
Not at all. I just dont see the greatness. But you're free to admire as you wish.

Celebrity status does that.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: hvaces42 on December 11, 2017, 05:09:37 PM
Celebrity status
That and $2.75...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on December 14, 2017, 03:15:10 PM
If I wanted to get put into a box, I'd get dressed in white first.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Freddie on December 14, 2017, 03:15:37 PM
...but I don't play. I quit school because of recess.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 15, 2017, 04:12:49 AM
Are you implying @henche doesn't belong in prison?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 15, 2017, 04:13:09 AM

I'm not going to try and think what goes on in "environmentalists" minds.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 18, 2017, 04:08:27 PM
ALOR or @aygart
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 19, 2017, 09:19:28 PM
I expect the BS from D's and R's but not from members here.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on December 21, 2017, 01:50:39 PM
Please dont offer me higher
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 21, 2017, 06:16:45 PM
Social media is about as far from a social life as possible.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on December 31, 2017, 03:35:57 PM
דד״פ נקרא ולא מתרגם
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Work-for-ur-muny on January 01, 2018, 01:11:01 AM
More often than not, it's the choice of the person being bothered as to whether they are bothered or not.


It reminds what I come across a lot in chinuch. "It's only because you punished him for doing it that it turned into a crime in the first place."
IOW, part of being a mechancech is to be able to not see or hear things. It can get hard for some, but a true mechanech is someone who judges by mind, and not by personal feelings.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on January 02, 2018, 07:55:53 AM
With DDF around, who even uses Google these days??  ???
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yandmk on January 04, 2018, 12:27:51 PM

Though at least LY has the better J product.

Maybe it should be in the thread of Comments that leave me speachless...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on January 04, 2018, 12:34:07 PM
Maybe it should be in the thread of Comments that leave me speachless...
Indeed. Indeed.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: a mirrer on January 15, 2018, 07:23:29 AM
for many of us growing was and is a constant process. For others it ends when they're about 3 years old.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on February 03, 2018, 12:47:14 PM
People don't need to answer every irrelevant question you decide to stick in to a conversation.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on April 09, 2018, 12:14:34 AM
I tried it once. It sounds like a cellophane factory in your ear.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on April 17, 2018, 03:35:45 PM
You can't be a DDFer and not remember this!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: letav_aved on April 17, 2018, 11:31:37 PM
+1
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stooges44 on May 15, 2018, 09:42:15 AM
I generally try to make calls to amex while walking to work so she's not around.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yelped on May 15, 2018, 09:46:28 AM

You (purposely?) misunderstood him...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: aygart on May 15, 2018, 10:15:42 AM
You (purposely?) misunderstood him...
I keep coming across posts (especially in the JS board...) that have wonderful line mentioned in them, even more so when taken out of context. I figured I'll start this thread to share some of the things that got me to smile.

DISCLAIMER: I don't mean to offend anyone anyone personally, and everything should be looked at in its original context before attacking or commenting about it.

So here we'll start:
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: farmbochur on May 16, 2018, 01:05:32 AM
You (purposely?) misunderstood him...
Funny that it's probably more accurate when taken out of context 🤣
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: mmgfarb on June 24, 2018, 05:22:49 PM
I do believe Dan is an anti semite!!!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on June 27, 2018, 09:30:32 AM
we will be starting a gofundme page for ben89 who recently fell into tremendous debt
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidrotts63 on July 09, 2018, 08:04:52 PM
Anybody have ... I will ask Google next...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Abey on July 10, 2018, 12:14:39 PM
Start walking.
Best
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yelped on July 12, 2018, 06:04:03 PM
Have they considered opening a united credit card?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: as2 on July 12, 2018, 06:09:32 PM


Have they considered opening a united credit card?

like given!!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidrotts63 on July 29, 2018, 03:15:23 PM


Dan is pretty good

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: a mirrer on July 31, 2018, 05:09:21 AM
I find talking to my family in person works better vs emails
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yandmk on July 31, 2018, 02:58:58 PM
Does DDMS count?
Quote
Bookable on Orbitz. Tickets purchased from Priceline today are refundable until 11:29pm ET tomorrow.
https://www.dansdeals.com/airfare-deals/international-flights/united-fly-nonstop-round-trip-london-los-angeles-292-kids-394-adults/
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ben89 on July 31, 2018, 03:08:42 PM
Does DDMS count?https://www.dansdeals.com/airfare-deals/international-flights/united-fly-nonstop-round-trip-london-los-angeles-292-kids-394-adults/
wrong thread
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: yandmk on July 31, 2018, 03:09:54 PM
wrong thread
Sure. Which thread?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ben89 on July 31, 2018, 03:19:18 PM
Sure. Which thread?
maybe here https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?action=post;topic=61709.495;last_msg=1962783
But it’s definitely not a great one liner
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidrotts63 on July 31, 2018, 03:21:48 PM


But it’s definitely not a great one liner

-1
It's legendary.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: Something Fishy on July 31, 2018, 11:18:22 PM
That's typically the point of Alcoholics Anonymous
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidrotts63 on July 31, 2018, 11:20:51 PM
being banned from the FF program might be worse then being banned from the airline.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: 12HRS on July 31, 2018, 11:56:01 PM
2 in one day. sweet
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: davidrotts63 on July 31, 2018, 11:58:48 PM
2 in one day. sweet
Was going to link your profile here instead of a specific post.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: farmbochur on August 01, 2018, 05:25:41 PM
Is this one here yet?



Put your wife in EY F and see if she's still rolling her eyes.

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: TimT on August 01, 2018, 05:32:42 PM
Is this one here yet?
Is now
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: a mirrer on August 14, 2018, 10:36:09 AM
Or better yet just let us complainers complain.  :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: shapsam on August 15, 2018, 12:21:38 PM
Office of DD is walking on Collins ave right now :D
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: a mirrer on August 24, 2018, 09:16:21 AM
(I know, would be the saddest use of human brain cell ever recorded, but nevertheless)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stooges44 on August 29, 2018, 06:28:48 AM
I do it because my Rov does it :)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stooges44 on August 30, 2018, 09:09:29 AM
We paly these games to get around the T&C's. Then when we get caught we cry like babies. Take the hit and just move on.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on September 04, 2018, 04:01:19 PM
Even if it's not a scam it's still a scam.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ChaimMoskowitz on September 25, 2018, 01:56:25 PM
A clown in a circus. Perfect.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: grodnoking on November 05, 2018, 04:41:35 PM
Employment is only one factor out of many that effects unemployment.

Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: stooges44 on November 20, 2018, 04:11:20 PM
Dan always talks about food ;)
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on November 25, 2018, 11:56:11 AM
The originators of fake news before fake news was cool.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: YitzyS on November 25, 2018, 12:06:48 PM
And again, you are ignoring the main point that they deliberately slandered Jews to cover their @$$€$. AND IT WORKED! Imagine any other airline or company doing that to any other minority?! I mean twitter couldn't buy enough bandwith to handle the outrage. And you want people to be appreciative of that?!
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: a mirrer on December 30, 2018, 08:53:32 AM
I think this can be boiled down to when people don't use their brain when deciding whether to reply or reply all. The vast majority of this thread boils down to people not using their brain regarding various different things.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: ExGingi on July 28, 2019, 07:42:06 PM
That's because the type of people that would do it are the same type of people that don't know that it's in Parshas Pinchas...
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on August 07, 2019, 10:41:31 PM
Which is worse, DMV, or flying frontier?
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on September 25, 2019, 11:15:02 AM
If I knew how to predict the future I'd be retired by now.
Title: Re: Great DDF One-Liners
Post by: etech0 on November 19, 2019, 07:34:42 AM
Better uncommon sense than common nonsense.