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Re: Jokes Master Thread A little early, but give it 11 days to age:

After hearing about the aravot's symptoms (no taam, no re'ach), the lulav and hadasim were both placed in quarantine.  People now understood the wisdom of the etrog, who had been self isolating in a separate box the whole time.
I heard the Ushpizin are also told not to enter because of their age.

September 18, 2020, 08:43:58 AM
Re: Corona virus and your shul
I'd be pleasantly surprised if there's mass vaccination this year. More likely is targeted vaccination in Q4.

I often wonder how long it will take from vaccine approval to actually hitting a critical mass of vaccinated people. Even if distribution and manufacturing can be ramped up quickly - I don't know if I for one want to be among the first guinea pigs- I'd rather wait a couple of months to see how the early birds fare, and if any complications arise.

September 18, 2020, 03:13:45 PM
Re: Jokes Master Thread Seen on reddit:

A man sees a new medical clinic has opened on his block. The clinic has a bold sign that says - "$20 per visit, and if we can't cure you, will give you $100". He thinks to himself, easy money. So he walks into the clinic and tells the doctor he's lost his sense of taste. The doctor takes brings in a small vial of medicine and puts one drop on his tounge. The man recoils - "Eww, that's kerosene!" he cries. The Doctor turns to him and says - 'Looks like your sense of taste is back, that'll be $20"

The next week he tries again. This time he claims that he's suffering from memory loss, and pretends he'd never visited. The doctor again takes out a small vial, puts a drop on his tounge, and he says - "Eww, that's the same Kerosene you gave me the last time". "Looks like your memory is back, says the doctor, that'll be $20".

The guy waits two weeks, and tries to get $100 out of the doctor one last time. This time he enters the clinic and claims he is having vision problems. The doctor runs a few tests, and ultimately says to him. "You know what, I don't think I can fix your vision problems. Here's your $100" and hands the man a bill. The man takes the bill to put it in his wallet, and realizes that the doctor handed him a $20 bill! "Hey," he says to the Doctor, " what are you trying to pull? This is a $20!" The Doctor then grabs the $20 out of his hand and says - " well, I guess I did cure your vision problem after all, and you owe me another $20!"

September 22, 2020, 09:43:31 AM
Re: Yom Kippur Davening
I've heard that ashirus is a segula for Maftir Yona.

I guess they ran out of ashirim in my shul, and took the guy who the book is named after.

October 01, 2020, 04:34:29 PM
Re: COVIDiots
My dad had a worker come in last week a day after she tested for COVID, and obviously the test turned out positive.
My dad is not young and has been very careful. So stupid that he now has to have exposure because people are so stupid. Besides that, he had to go into quarantine for yuntif, ruining his yuntif. What was this lady thinking. She knew she might test positive and have to tell him. What did she gain by hiding.
Besides not being able to go to their children (each one that lives locally had a kid in quarantine), my parents now spent yuntif not together. I just don't get what this virus does to make people stupid

Since you phrase it as "my dad had a worker" .... makes me think that this is your dad's business (forgive me if I am wrong). So my question is, what happens to this woman, had she said - "I took a covid test, can I stay home or work from home today?" Does she need to take a vacation day? A sick day? Will her pay get docked?

October 05, 2020, 02:19:28 PM
Re: Jokes Master Thread A young political upstart defeats an long-time incumbent as mayor of the city. He shows up to his first day on the job to find a note from his predecessor on his desk, the note reads as follows:

"Congratulations on your win. I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but as someone who has the experience of the office you're entering behind them, I decided to share some parting advice. In the top left drawer of your desk, I've left two notes on how to handle crises in office ( I figure you'll have at least two of them during your term). Open the letter marked 1 on the first scandal, and the letter marked 2 for the second."

A few months go by, and the new mayor experiences his first scandal. He remembers the letters, and opens the letter marked #1 - it has one sentence, it reads: "Blame everything on Me", and so he does. He blames the first scandal on the failings of the previous administration. The scandal passes and all is good.

A couple of years go by, and now he is facing his second scandal. He returns to the drawer, and opens letter #2, it too has one sentence:

"Sit Down, Write two letters"

November 06, 2020, 10:08:48 AM
Re: NHL Master Thread

Devastating as an Isles fan. Such a good guy, veteran player on the back end, he helped mentor the young D-Men (of which the Isles have quite a few), had a bomb of a slapper, and was just seen as a tough but not at all dirty player.

Sad to see him have to go out like this, because of such a freak skate injury.

Very sad day indeed :( Hopefully he can stick around with the team in some capacity.

November 27, 2020, 09:26:43 AM