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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? This was already posted in a different thread, but i think it belongs here a lot more so I'll take the liberty of re-posting it.

Quote
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle.'

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.'

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb asses put him up there to begin with.

July 17, 2008, 08:50:02 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? Another sticker:

All my money goes to Chicago University,
My daughter too...

November 09, 2010, 06:30:11 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? This tzedakah letter was going around today...


"Dear Fellow Jew
Even though the current economic situation is very tough for all of us, we
turn to you for help for a Chosson who just recently got engaged. His whole
life nebach has been one of great tragedy, his parents were divorced when he
was still a young child and when he was just eighteen years old his mother
was a passenger in a car that was involved in major accident and
unfortunately died as a result of  the injuries she sustained.
Due to his family situation he had no other choice other than to join the army, and now at the age of twenty-eight  after many years of hardship and
great difficulty he has finally found his zivug.
We trust you won't turn him away in his time of greatest need.
Please send donations marked 'Hachnosas Kalloh' to the address below.





Send Donations to:

Buckingham Palace,
Buckingham Palace Rd,
London SW1A 1AA,
United Kingdom"

November 18, 2010, 05:14:44 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? Lol...
December 05, 2010, 01:17:24 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? Since  more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be
a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code)...
 
ATD:  At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The  Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By  Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving  While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot  Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker  Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel  Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My  Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's  On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry,  Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get  Up
TTYL: Talk To You  Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture  Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need  Oil

December 21, 2010, 03:05:09 PM
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Re: joke for sheva brachot a husband & wife were fighting on a drive through the countryside. after a cold silence they passed some cows grazing on the side of the road. the wife turns to the husband and asks, "relatives of yours?" "yup" he answers "in-laws"
February 07, 2011, 05:52:39 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? Can u spare just $2? Ahmed is a 24yr old muslim man in ramalah. He has one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles for water along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the dvd- its hilarious
February 10, 2011, 08:06:30 AM
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Re: Dan's Inbox: Where Fun Happens!
hello dany

lasle week one car crash me at the ohel and the guy left without excuse i want to know who this guy is but i dont want to sue him in court for that i have the licence plate number but i could find online how to know the name (the guy look like satmenr?!!)
the plate is a new york plate "xxxxxxx" if you can help i will be very very happy.

thank you.
xxxx


I'm going to stop sending you emails if I can't trust you to keep them confidential :P

March 05, 2011, 10:18:55 PM
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Re: Zman Magazine Chutzpah!!!!!!!
Dan, what agreement have you reached with them? You seem to have gotten very quiet on this topic very fast ;D

you understand that if dan is working anything out with them he cant do to much talking over here bc they will read it and know what he is thinking. besides what makes you think he got quite.   (lets not forget dan has a couple of chase acc and a couple of citi acc a couple of amex acc a couple of aa acc a couple of ba acc a couple of spg a couple of unied a couple of continan a couple of....... why would you think he has only 1 ddf account)

April 13, 2011, 11:41:16 PM
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Re: Zman Magazine Chutzpah!!!!!!! for starters dan should get a commission for every forum member that went out and bought the zman :D
April 14, 2011, 01:43:25 PM
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Re: Zman Magazine Chutzpah!!!!!!!
you are welcome. I was just pointing out that he probably won't answer you again.
Actually Dan should also thank you for saving him time responding.

May 13, 2011, 01:40:08 AM
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Re: DDF Demographics.
Uh-huh.  And my name is Bill Gates.

I always knew Dan was an alias ;)

May 25, 2011, 07:50:09 PM
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Re: present buying he is a male. (what kind of female chavrusa can a Cholentfresser have?!?)
June 21, 2011, 10:05:15 PM
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Re: Zman Magazine Chutzpah!!!!!!! Just read this thread for the first time.
One thing I can tell you is that the member "shimon" who commented on the begining of the thread is the owner of Zman.

August 15, 2012, 02:46:25 PM
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Re: Zman Magazine Chutzpah!!!!!!! gonna vote for obama?
fool me once... ;D

August 15, 2012, 09:34:03 PM
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Re: Zman Magazine Chutzpah!!!!!!!
gonna vote for obama?
fool me once... ;D

I think the sad state of our leadership (lack thereof, actually) is in both parties.

August 16, 2012, 12:05:26 AM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?  Dear automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm... but I wasn't done yet :)
September 16, 2012, 02:18:57 AM
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Re: Avatars
This is one big lesson I learnt here on DDF:
Is that a DDF member in your mouth?  :)

October 23, 2012, 10:21:27 AM
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Re: Avatars
Is that a DDF member in your mouth?  :)
you! :P

October 23, 2012, 10:29:31 AM
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Re: Credit Card Wallet/Holder
So whats the verdict?
I think the verdict of this thread was points/miles is better better than cash back :D

October 28, 2012, 09:52:38 PM
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Re: Random Posts Should we be giving out prizes whenever we catch members doing this?

 njben    08:34:25 am    Searching the forum.
:P :P :P

November 02, 2012, 08:40:57 AM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
any good bar mitzvah jokes?:)
David is telling a new joke to Yossi.
"Yitzhak and Hymie were talking one day..."
Right away, Yossi interrupts him. "Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do your jokes always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once will you David!"
So David starts again, "Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew's Bar Mitzvah...."


February 14, 2013, 08:31:11 AM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? Here it is:
Quote
I took out the redundant parts ;D

February 14, 2013, 07:21:04 PM
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Re: You might be a ddfer if... ...you spend more money on your CC's in one month than you make all year...
March 01, 2013, 11:15:31 AM
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Re: Avatars
Hope he doesn't have the same end.
think anyone here is going to rat him out?

March 20, 2013, 08:03:20 AM
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Re: Avatars
Now you have a pic of my great (x alot) grandfather as your avatar  :)
Nice!  You're grandfather put my grandfather in cherem.   :)

March 20, 2013, 11:51:52 AM
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Re: Avatars
If you are Catholic, my apologies for the disrespect.
I appreciate it but an apology is not necessary. There are always strong feelings when it comes to religion as it should be.

March 21, 2013, 11:51:38 AM
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Re: Re: The funny/strange/interesting pictures thread
:o
Condition used?? How'd he pull that off...

May 28, 2013, 03:27:30 PM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? גבאי Goes over to someone to call him up for an עליה.  He asks him,"what is your name".  He answers "שרה בת ברכה״״". The גבאי says "no I need your name".
The man answers "I am having financial trouble and I am doing everything in my wife's name these days"

June 04, 2013, 06:48:38 PM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? A man walks in to a suit store and asks "Can I try on that suit in the window" Rep: Sure but we have changing rooms also"!
June 10, 2013, 04:59:32 PM
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Re: Redeeming miles for concord flights
When it opens I'll think about it.

BTW sorry OP for hi-jacking the thread.
To bring it back on-topic. Yankel Miller says he was once in London and got an emergency call for a Levaya so he had to take a Concord flight. He landed before the Petirah :))

June 13, 2013, 05:47:58 PM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? THE JEWISH QUARTERBACK

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West  Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.  KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.  KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world.  I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get attacked!"  The
old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,..........

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!!!!

July 01, 2013, 06:03:48 PM
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Re: Thanks to a few individuals... See you with another new screen name tommorow.
July 17, 2013, 11:35:39 PM
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Re: Thanks to a few individuals... Since it has been less than 90 days AFAIK you can get your membership fee refunded.  :)
July 18, 2013, 12:28:13 AM
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Re: Random Posts For Non-Meshugeners I just want everyone to be aware: posting in this thread (or creating it) don't automatically make you a non-meshugener.
September 04, 2013, 05:06:04 PM
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Re: Random Posts For Non-Meshugeners
What happens if you overpay a Sprint bill by 1.5K?
Are you trying to earn points?

September 10, 2013, 03:38:52 AM
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Re: Random Posts For Non-Meshugeners
Something like this? :P
Meshugener, is that you :-*

September 12, 2013, 11:01:36 PM
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Re: Random Posts For Non-Meshugeners
It's personnel, not personal. :)
Its not personal its business.  ;D

September 17, 2013, 10:48:07 PM
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Re: Master Thread of Pet Peeves
Ppl who daven shmone esre loud enough to disturb the guy next to them

that's the same guy who stands up for shmone esre and just leaves his chair behind him instead of tucking it under the table.

October 07, 2013, 09:01:30 PM
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Re: Do You Really Think Dan Didn't Read The Baby Present Thread??
You should get a life.  :)
I already got one.
Does it expire or I keep it for life?

October 08, 2013, 06:54:07 PM
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Re: Tent City Lakewood
I apologize for my absence.  I intend to fully catch up with this thread as soon as I am able.  I have been very busy promoting several events pertaining to Tent City...
You should post in the thread for Meshugeners!


November 07, 2013, 12:49:01 AM
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Re: 説明刺す人防ぐために銃が難しい隠しやすい UGG 通販
しばらく泣い木唐玉峰フラッター、これは静かに部屋のドアを飛に押し、涙転送宿を拭いてください.死はあまりにマサカ眠って、まだ壁の服に直面して、近づいている知っている飛. "ドラゴンブラザーは、私を嫌いではありません、 "彼女は酔っ飛睡眠を見て、痛みも言うことは悲しいですが、 "私はあなたが私を許してくださいました、あなたを殺すために最後の手段でしたが、ので、私は私の弟とを救出自殺後のアバはあなたと一緒に行くために自分たちの生活不運な家を愛するように、あなたに謝罪します. UGG 通販 "それから彼女は悩みの種は、王飛の過去を刺したバックに向かって折りたたみ歯を持ち上げた.防ぐために銃が難しい隠しやすい説明刺すの人々が、親友はほとんど外に免れることができない人、あなたに向かって暴力的な手を置く.したがって、唐玉峰王飛に眠っているが突然鋼鉄ファンのアキレス腱に刺され. "ああ! "彼は突然血を放出、悲鳴をスナップ、彼の背中にロールオーバーしてベッドの上に倒れた. "ドラゴンの弟は、私はあなたに、私は申し訳ありません、あなたがああなっていません. "王飛の鼻出血を見てみると、 Dengmuは恐怖を死んだ、唐玉峰悲しみに打ちひしがれ、腸肝Yuduanは、飛、遠吠えで体の上に身を投げ、自由学園の失神. "ハッハッハ、ハッハッハ!キリングは大丈夫を殺して、良いです!
激安UGGプロ ボタン "ちょうどその時、突然笑いを誇りに思ってそこに来た.笑いで、私は部屋に侵入する、剣を持って部屋に入ってフラッシュ、王Lirong壊れた窓に関するウィンドウ1つを見ました. "王Lirongあなたはここでやって? "唐玉峰王Lirongはいつも彼女の道を非難する彼女の飛行づけして、すぐに暗い子供たちが来て見て、人を軽蔑する. "私は特にああシニア姉妹見習い暗殺王飛の達成を支援するために、人生の主要事実によって指示されています! "ウォンライ飛床は唐ユーフェンロードにtightlipped体、見て
UGG 靴専門店.多くの人々が、私は彼の頭を後ろに切り落としますので、 "いいえ、 "唐玉峰は冷たく言った、 "王飛は私を殺している、複雑な人生の主事実に戻って行くことができます! " "この子は私たちには、ブラックタイガーのヘルプを殺したその後、王Lirongは飛の首に向かってカット、剣の手の中に振るった死者へ! "敬意を払うことは行くだろう. "いいえ! "鋼鉄剣を持つ唐玉峰王Lirong Jiazhu鉄ファンは" !我広東王飛少数の勇敢な、私は斬首された、彼にSiwuquanshiを任せることはできない"と述べ、カットオフ"しかし、我々は劉飛を取った"ウォンライは言った"主な事実は、複雑な生活に戻って向かう必要があります""これはあなたが気にしないものです "と、唐玉峰"は私が説明するためにそこに劉主な事実! "言った、"王飛ヘッドはカットしてください、 "ウォンライは言った"なく飛' "頭!頭が、彼は" .あなたにアバと​​弟を殺すでしょう"彼は私と私の弟のアバを殺している、 "唐玉峰は私がまた飛をカットすることはできませんしています"と述べた
激安UGG. '
Welcome to the forum!
Next time please search. This has been answered a thousand times already.

November 13, 2013, 10:17:22 AM
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Re: 説明刺す人防ぐために銃が難しい隠しやすい UGG 通販 Wait,

You say that Chase is targeting Japanese people wearing red Uggs too?!

That's harsh. What racists.

November 13, 2013, 01:07:02 PM
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Re: Do you cook/help your wife? I do help my wife, but not by cooking her!
November 21, 2013, 10:46:24 PM
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Re: How many of your family members/relatives post on DDF? 12,664.

We are all family here on DDF.

January 08, 2014, 05:50:04 PM
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Re: Changing Usernames
How do you change a username?
try signing up next time using 2bm

January 19, 2014, 05:04:33 PM
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Re: Forum Games: Missing Link
Please read the wiki.
1 is a number,
000000 is a number.

Obama is black,
000000 is black (HTML)

I think my guess is valid.

March 06, 2014, 01:04:35 AM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? Were you mekayem the mitzvas aseh m'dorayseh "Vayomer hashem el moshe, kach lecha samim"
March 18, 2014, 01:16:45 AM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
Why does the litvishe megilla take so long? Cuz every time it says etz they bang
FTFY
In Bney Brak when it came to Shiduchim they used to ask השמנה היא עם רזה? Now they ask היש בה עץ אם אין?

March 18, 2014, 11:22:44 AM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
-1
Could of had any number of legs.
-1
If it had any other number of legs and lost 2 it wouldn't have 4 legs left. Basic subtraction man ::)

March 26, 2014, 12:51:50 PM
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