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Re: Are You Elite? And don't forget to use an amex, so you get an additional year of warranty. just in case the plane breaks down.
June 01, 2008, 03:18:34 AM
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Re: Best one-liners "A woman from Washington is suing American Airlines for 5 million dollars after they lost her luggage. When the airline said that's a ridiculous amount of money for luggage, she was like, 'Now you know how we feel.'"

-Jimmy Fallon

August 03, 2010, 10:43:12 AM
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Nice Story During the Holocaust, a large group of Jewish women were rounded up to be sent to the gas chambers. As the group gathered their possessions to take with them into the camp the evil Nazi officers called out to all the villagers who were standing by watching, "Anything that these Jews leave behind you may take for yourselves, because for sure they will not be coming back to collect them!"
 
Two Polish women who were standing nearby saw a woman towards the back of the group, wearing a large, heavy, expensive coat. Not wanting to wait to see if others got the coat before them, they ran to the woman and knocked her to the ground, grabbing her coat and walked away. As the Jewish women were being led away, these two Polish women lay down the coat to divide the spoils of what was hiding inside. As they rummaged through the pockets, they discovered gold jewellery, silver candlesticks and other heirlooms, but still, as they lifted the coat it seemed heavier than it should be. After further inspection they found a secret pocket, and hidden inside the coat was a little baby girl. Shocked at their discovery, one of the women insisted to the other, saying: "I don't have any children, and I'm too old to have now. You take all the gold and silver and let me take the baby".  The deal was agreed and the Polish woman took her new 'daughter' home to her delighted husband. They raised the Jewish girl as their own, treating her very well, but never told her anything of her history. The girl excelled in her studies and became a successful paediatrician, working in the top hospital in Poland.
 
After some years the girl's 'mother' passed away. A week after, she received a knock at the door. An old woman invited herself in and said "I want you to know that the woman that passed away last week was not your real mother..." and she proceeded to tell her the whole story. The girl did not believe her at first but the old woman said to her "When we found you, you were wearing a beautiful gold pendant with strange writing on it which must be Hebrew, I am sure that your mother kept the necklace, go and look" and with that parting advice she left.

The girl went into her 'mother's jewellery box and found the necklace just as the woman described. She had it extended and wore it every day, but thought nothing more of her Jewish roots.
 
Sometime later, she went on holiday abroad and saw two Lubavitch boys. Seizing the opportunity she told them entire story and showed them the necklace. The boys confirmed that a Jewish name was inscribed on the necklace but did not know what to say about her status. They recommended that she send a letter to the Lubavitch Rebbe explaining everything. She sent off the letter and received a speedy reply saying that it is clear from the facts that she is a Jewish girl and since she had a special talent, she should use her invaluable skills in Israel, a place in desperate need of talented paediatrician's.
She took the Rebbe's advice and moved to Israel where she approached a Beis Din who declared her Jewish. She was accepted into a hospital to work, and she met her husband and raised a family.
Some years later...
When there was a terrorist attack at the Sbarro cafe in the centre of Jerusalem in August 2001, this woman was walking nearby with her husband. She told her husband to return home to the kids and she proceeded to rush to the scene where she treated the wounded and helped the injured to hospital.
When she arrived at the hospital she met an elderly man who was in a state of shock. He was searching everywhere for his granddaughter who had become separated from him. She calmed him down and went with him to search amongst all the patients in order to find his granddaughter. Asking how she could recognize her, the frantic grandfather gave a rough description of a gold pendant necklace that she was wearing. After searching amongst the injured, they finally found the granddaughter who was wearing the necklace. At the sight of this necklace, the paediatrician froze. She turned to the old man and said: "where did you buy this necklace from?" "You can't buy such a necklace" he responded, "I am a goldsmith and I made this necklace.  Actually I made two identical ones for each of my daughters. This is my granddaughter from one of them, and my other daughter did not survive the war"
 
...And this is how the Jewish Polish girl was reunited with her father.

November 29, 2010, 02:34:25 PM
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use a car not only to drive have you ever been stuck in traffic?

Does your car have windscreen wipers? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a car: If you are ever stuck in heavy traffic, and are in a big rush to get someplace, get out of your car and lift up both wipers. Now, get back in your car and put it into neutral. While pressing on the brake, switch on the rear de-mister and then turn the heat all the way up. As you do this you will notice the wipers expanding, and moving to the side. If you do this correctly, they should resemble wings. Now change quickly into reverse, hit the gas and your car will start lifting up. Once you're in the air, you drive as you would on the road. Saves you from wasting precious time on the road. Make or model is no object. This will work on ANY car with the above specifications.


Editor’s Note: It works fine! I tried it out, and the birds eye view of the BQE is amazing!!!!!

April 11, 2011, 06:19:17 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea s A lady was moving the couch to clean it for pesach, her friend asked her, "why don't you wait for your husband to come home?" she replied, "its easier to move it without someone sitting on it!"
April 13, 2011, 01:56:31 AM
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Re: Congrats to Dan for hitting 10k posts!! Ad meah v'esrim eleff?
June 03, 2011, 07:14:43 PM
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Cheap chanuka gifts - The 5 Best Toys of All Time http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2011/01/the-5-best-toys-of-all-time/all/1
December 06, 2011, 07:50:04 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? A Cessna 2 seater airplane just crashed into a cemetery in Central Poland.  Polish search and rescue workers have already recovered 300 bodies and are expecting the numbers to rise as digging continues into the evening.
January 16, 2012, 04:22:43 PM
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Re: Siyum Hashas 2012 LIVE stream??? I'm broadcasting "siyumhashas" live on @Ustream. Come watch and chat! - http://t.co/uxUChIVC (5:22pm) -- siyum hashas (@siyumhashas5772)
August 01, 2012, 05:44:14 PM
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Re: Are You Elite?
A joke.

Kinda like:

Quote from: my "programs" box
Starbucks Green, Dave & Busters Gold, CVS ExtraCare

September 11, 2012, 06:21:39 PM
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Re: The funny/strange/interesting pictures thread
#facepalm

September 23, 2012, 12:50:12 PM
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Re: How to create photo Book with Hebrew Text This might be backwards but it works. Create a page in PowerPoint for example. Type in words in Hebrew (I did it for my child, a bracha book, put a pic, added the bracha) and then save it as an image. Upload it to any online photo book and voila :)
October 14, 2012, 09:38:35 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? I saw a bunch of families packing there cars to leave Boro Park. I asked them where they were going, they said we are being evacuated. I said no that was Section A not 8!!!
October 29, 2012, 12:02:27 PM
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Re: The funny/strange/interesting pictures thread
Westboro Baptist Church rings a bell
Talk about the devil;

Anonymous Hits Westboro After Newtown Protest Threat -
HACKTIVISTS VOW TO DESTROY FRINGE CHURCH

December 17, 2012, 06:56:04 AM
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Re: The funny/strange/interesting pictures thread
January 12, 2013, 02:55:54 PM
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Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
any good bar mitzvah jokes?:)
David is telling a new joke to Yossi.
"Yitzhak and Hymie were talking one day..."
Right away, Yossi interrupts him. "Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do your jokes always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once will you David!"
So David starts again, "Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew's Bar Mitzvah...."


February 14, 2013, 08:31:11 AM
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Re: Best one-liners After the shooting in Sandy hook Elemntary there was talk about maybe beefing up security in the frum schools in Lakewood. R' Meir Stern said "Don't worry about it. Nobody can get into the schools in Lakewood"
May 07, 2013, 01:55:09 PM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? An Arab and a Jew go to a pastry shop run by a Greek.
.
The Arab whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.
 
The Arab says to the Jew: You see how clever we are? You’ll never beat that!
 
The Jew says to the Arab:  Watch this; a Jew is always cleverer than an Arab.
 
He says to the baker, give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!
 
The baker gives him the cookie which the Jew promptly eats. Then he says to the baker: Give me another cookie for my magic trick.  The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. The he says again:  Give me one more cookie... The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway.  The Jew eats this one too.
 
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:  And where is your famous magic trick?
 
The Jew says: Look in the Arab’s pocket!

May 14, 2013, 10:25:35 AM
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When Posting Amazon Deals, Please Make A DD Link If posting an Amazon deal I'd greatly appreciate if you can use this simple format so that I don't need to edit your link.

For these Twizzlers for example:
Code: [Select]
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000F8EUR6/?tag=cl03f-20&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
B000F8EUR6 is the 10 digit Amazon item number (ASIN) that every product on Amazon has in the URL.  It's also listed on every page in the product details under the ASIN field.

The DD tag is
Code: [Select]
?tag=cl03f-20
To force Amazon as the seller the smid is
Code: [Select]
?tag=cl03f-20&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
To link to any Amazon product just copy this link:
Code: [Select]
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000F8EUR6/?tag=cl03f-20&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
And change the ASIN to the product you want to post a deal about. 
For the Canon S110 for example it will look like this:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009B0MYSQ/?tag=cl03f-20&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

(Also you can search the product ASIN on DDF to see if a thread already exists.)

Thanks for posting deals, thanks for your support, and thanks in advance for helping me save some time!

June 10, 2013, 12:12:08 PM
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Re: The funny/strange/interesting pictures thread


Rebitzin David from BJJ once saw Shloime Carlebach at a Bris looking into the Ezras Nashim for the mother; she told him "לברית הבט ואל תפן ליצר".

June 23, 2013, 06:22:51 AM
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Re: The funny/strange/interesting pictures thread
October 26, 2013, 09:59:17 PM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
>:( >:( >:( >:( A cop pulling over is not funny at all  >:( >:( Paging george ASAP

Driving away while pulled over is a serious crime and should not be joked about.  ;) :D ;D :P

Beat you to it by five seconds!

April 10, 2014, 12:55:54 AM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? The last few pages of this thread were actually the funniest joke yet!
April 10, 2014, 01:42:43 PM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? A Polish man had an eye test. The optician showed him some letters and asked if he could read:
CZWKRPXWZC

"Can I read that?!" he replied, "I know the guy!"

July 16, 2014, 10:56:51 PM
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Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup? I believe this fits in this thread.

I'm on the phone now to downgrade a Sapphire Preferred to a Freedom.

The rep gave me two choices, I can get a Freedom Visa Signature or non Signature.

I played innocent and asked, what's the difference between those two?   

He answered, they're the same thing, just with the Signature card you'll have to sign when you'll make a purchase and the non Signature you won't have to sign :)

Ha ha :D

September 03, 2014, 07:20:51 PM
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Re: Best Online Backup Sounds good. Does it backup every type of file in the folder (for example a folder with executable programs in it)?

I'm thinking of a twist. I leave all the folders in place and backup my whole PC with Crashplan-free version, with the destination folder being GD. This way everything stays the same as before, and I get automatic GD cloud backup.

November 13, 2014, 10:26:40 PM
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Re: Best one-liners .
January 29, 2015, 09:07:59 PM
1
Re: Scammed by a DDF'er on the DD forums!
Right. "Hi, Amex. I paid $13 for DDSCLE and I enjoyed the refreshments, learned ways to earn $5K each year, and ways to save an additional $20K on vacations.
However, I only met AussieBochur and one of Dan's brothers so I'm not satisfied with DDSCLE and need to do a charge back."    ::)
Or this "Hi, Amex. I paid $13 for DDSCLE to hear Benny sing. All I got was some joker talking about travel hacking. I need to do a chargeback."

February 04, 2015, 05:48:39 PM
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Re: Lake George, NY Master Thread
I'm planning a trip to Montreal before pesach and would like to stop in lake George, possibly overnight, does anyone know how i can find out when attractions and activities open up for the summer?
Thank you

This newfangled thing called Google may be worth a try.

March 20, 2015, 09:33:28 AM
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Re: Vaccine Discussion Master Thread
The poll shows, majority did not buy the flu vax hype
Last time I got the shot was Oct 18, 1987. The very next day the stock market crashed. Never again for me. I LEARNED MY LESSON. I just don't understand why some can't accept the facts when they are starring them right in the face.

September 03, 2015, 09:11:37 AM
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Re: advise...
Is it supposed to say "advice"?
We'll be dan l'kaf zechus and say he means "advise" as a verb-meaning that he's advising us not to do XYZ and asking members to advise other members in this thread about other matters of advice.

September 06, 2015, 03:06:15 PM
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Re: Vaccine Discussion Master Thread
I'll miss it.  Also, it just encourages them because they say they're being silenced.

Also, buying a house can be thousands of dollars in brokerage fees.  Ever wonder why having a house is so important?

I saved hundreds of dollars on car insurance by switching to ... a bicycle.

September 09, 2015, 10:59:16 PM
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Re: Vaccine Discussion Master Thread
Is there a vaccination for stupid? Asking for a friend.

Yes, but it causes mumps.

September 11, 2015, 01:25:37 PM
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Re: Jokes Master Thread




October 23, 2015, 03:19:52 PM
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Re: Anyone famous here? Then there's always this guy.
December 01, 2015, 10:51:58 PM
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Re: Best one-liners I got it!

Purim and Erev Pesach.

February 04, 2016, 12:32:30 PM
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Re: How to create photo Book with Hebrew Text If you build each page in Photoshop you could make whatever you want. Upload it one page at a time.
March 23, 2016, 12:39:14 AM
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Re: German Cars
Like I said, it's a proximity thing. In another generation or 2 tops it'll be gone.

+1

In another generation or 2 we will be living in ימות המשיח!

May 08, 2016, 10:28:04 PM
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Re: German Cars
+1

In another generation or 2 we will be living in ימות המשיח!
Amen!
And even sooner!

May 08, 2016, 10:55:45 PM
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Re: Really awesome appliance deals!
It's a waist of time!
*waste

May 17, 2016, 08:55:51 AM
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Re: Really awesome appliance deals! 1 of the replies


Who wants to join me in a class action/breach of privacy lawsuit?

Not only don't they know how to fulfill orders, they also don't know how to send out emails.

May 17, 2016, 02:01:15 PM
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Re: Site Suggestions
Here's what would need to be changed: http://www.simplemachines.org/community/index.php?topic=506743.msg3699974#msg3699974
Changed to 99ccff.
Thoughts?

August 29, 2016, 09:34:51 PM
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Re: Site Suggestions Please someone like this comment. I can't stand seeing 0 likes near my username. It's bad for my self esteem.  ;D
August 30, 2016, 12:43:21 AM
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Re: Site Suggestions IMO a better design would be having the Like button on the top right near the quote, and highlighted message about the actual likes. I made this in Paint so someone could definitely do better but that's the basic idea.


August 30, 2016, 09:48:38 AM
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Re: Great DDF One-Liners
I thought this thread would die after the invention of the Like button but I see it lives on.
The purpose of this thread is to bring it all to one place, so others who didn't visit that particular thread can also enjoy.

August 31, 2016, 03:10:32 PM
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Re: Help Me Find It! - The Search Master Thread
I didn't want to interfere with your job :)
lol. That earns you a "Like"

August 31, 2016, 10:04:14 PM
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Re: Stuff Your Kid Tells You
"you probably mean an SD card. theres a new one in the amazon box. enjoy your trip!"  ;D
"The Amazon box"

August 31, 2016, 11:13:57 PM
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Re: BOGO Tuition Scam
An administrator at a Lakewood school told Matzav.com dryly, “It’s called the Bogo Fund, but it might has well be called the Bogus Fund.”

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:yow1TXjQE2UJ:matzav.com/suspicious-bogo-tuition-fund-raising-concern-among-askanim/+&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

Or the Pogo fund, checks guaranteed to bounce :D

September 04, 2016, 08:34:17 PM
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Re: BOGO Tuition Scam
and not? Cash?
Cash too. You need to fax it from a Chase bank  ;)

September 04, 2016, 11:07:17 PM
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Re: Vote: Keep Or Ditch Likes? So how do I get my likes back??  :'(
September 08, 2016, 12:15:49 AM
1