Doing these things like they used to do it in the small shtetel inderheim is what everyone yearns and wishes, but will very unlikely happen. We've become real New Yorkers. Pay $$$ for a party planner and caterer and get the aufruf/sheva bruchos off my head.
-1 people forget very quickly. As soon as life goes back to normal , even if it takes a yr or 2, people will ( unfortunately) go back to doing the same chasunas.
Same with Pesach hotels, people here think that industry is over, I think that’s laughable. Too big of a a need ( real for some, imagined for most) for so many people, and too much money to be made...
Your are for sure correct about Pesach programs because of the trauma of this year!!

And maybe I’m being naive about future Simchas.
I also think that what you are saying just shows how all the “accompaniments” to weddings have gotten out of hand. Even in Denver, people use party planners and caterers for weddings and bar mitzvahs but do so for any of those others parties/dinners before and after wedding would just look totally ridiculous here. Just like people don’t want to look cheap, they also don’t want to come off as obnoxious and ostentatious and maybe I’m naive but I think standards can be reset. On the other hand maybe it’s self selecting, and instead of fighting their local trends, people who don’t like that showy NY and LA culture often purposely move OOT (it was one of my main reasons for leaving LA) which may be why the expectations of the people who choose to stay get worse and worse.
I also see why people from small communities often seek shiduchim for their children from families in other small communities because they have more culturally in common. I’ve been a shadchanit for a few couples and also helped make “research” calls with rebbeim I know in Los Angeles. Now I routinely make sure to ask if the boy (it’s usually the girl from here) and his family would be embarrassed by a small Vort in the home or relieved to find a more simple girl. I personally feel it’s as important as discussing religious hashkafa, as expectations can be so wildly different.
I truly hope I’m not offending anyone, just giving the perspective of someone who left and has now “gone native” as a real OOTowner.