You should
probably definitely meet with a professional, and not rely on the advice of random strangers, even if it is DDF.
But to answer your questions:
I keep reading about bank fees in Israel. It seems that keeping transactions like withdrawals and debit card use to a minimum is important. First, is this true?
What's actually important is getting a bank account that doesn't have fees. That way you don't have to deal with all the ridiculous shenanigans of the Israeli banks - who will try and charge you for absolutely everything. (Why does it make sense that taking money out of the bank's own ATM should cost you 3.5NIS every time?!)
- Some banks have accounts that will waive fees perpetually as long as you have a minimum monthly deposit (e.g. most Yahav accounts)
- Some banks have accounts that will waive fees for 2-3 years (e.g. Mizrachi accounts, most Student/Soldier accounts in all banks) and then you have to call them up every year and complain. (I was able to get the fees waived for an additional 2 years, and then the third year they said we're charging you no matter what so I said I'm leaving no matter what).
- All banks have accounts where they don't waive any fees. Don't open one.
Second, what are the best options for everyday spending and paying the bill with shekalim? Is it simple to use a no fee US cc for everyday spending and transfer NIS to a US bank account to pay the bill? Is that stupid?
There aren't any amazing Israeli cards for everyday spending. Some supermarket/gas cards have certain discounts, and if you are eligible there are certain consumer groups (hever, teachers, doctors, etc.) which have discounts. You can usually waive the monthly fee by calling in once a year, or by closing and reopening the credit card. (Unlike opening a new bank account, which can easily be a 3 hour endeavor for US citizens, opening a credit card is usually very quick).
While it's simple enough to use a no-fee US credit card (just make sure it doesn't have Foreign Transactions Fees) you'll have to do the math to figure out if the equation makes sense for you. Transferring NIS to a US bank account can incur significant fees (rule #1: never use the banks!), and you're reliant on the exchange rate. Unless you find a friend who earns dollars and wants shekels
Also note that AMEX is not accepted everywhere, so always have a backup.