Wow, as usual, beautiful and timeless wisdom.
I totally agree with you. I think though that @yzj was more trying to tell the OP to have a true and honest reckoning with himself (this seems like a guy asking) 
about the both the upsides along with possibly profound and permanent downsides?
@Philosophypsychologypsych I totally agree with others that you must ask an actual Sheila to someone who knows you well. Since you did ask here and since it is anonymous, can I ask how old you are? A fifty-year old solidly established family man, who studies Torah, experiencing something like this would be very different than a 25 year old single guy seeking his place in the world. I don’t understand the appeal of drugs and alcohol but since I live in Colorado, I know way more than I want about Marijuana. It seems that each day they are discovering more about how detrimental it is to use it before the age of 26 and that it literally arrests your brain development irreversibly, for life. Did these tribes that used this drug have strict taboos that only allowed its use amongst their elders (like we have taboos about learning Kabbalah outside of certain contexts)? Did they have other taboos around it that you may also not know about?
Just some other things to maybe think about...
I believe that the general taboo against Kabbalah these days is one of the most misunderstood, people dont know the backround of when that taboo was initiated and the SPECIFICS of what parts of kabbalah it was in regards too and is simply detrimental and has almost literally caused an important and fundamental part of our holy torah to be forgotten almost in entirety.
The Chesed L`Avraham writes, that these days it is not only Muter but it`s a Mitzvah for EVERYONE young and old to be learn these Inyanim as much as possible, and he then says and i dont take this lightly "And it is in the zchus of learning this subject that will ultimately bring moshiach, and not in ANY OTHER" (his lashon, Vlo Bzchus Acher!!).
In case you are unfamiliar, the Chesed l`avraham is not a random safer, he was was very much revered by all the gedolim of his time, and was the Great-Grandfather of the Chidah.
People hear the word Kabbalah and immediately cringe, picturing names of malachim and the making of a golem, thats like someone hearing the word judaism and responding "Oh thats the thing with the long sidelocks?" from that comment you realize the misconception the person holds, I might be exaggerating a bit, but not by much.
I could go on and on, but I wont, but the mere fact that if someone today (And I mean a Yeshivah Boy like me, more or less ) starts learning the subjects and has deep fundamental questions
it is almost impossible to find any semi mainstream talmid chacham that is qualified to answer such questions, (and im saying this after seeaaarrchhing, more or less anyone in NY,NJ) and yes I listen to R` Efraim goldstein, and R` michel handler and all the current online accessible shiurim in these inyanim, and the only people well versed enough in these subjects are R"L either irreligious or at the very most modern orthodox professors teaching in the Universitys around the US, such has been my experience, and I think its a tremendous Chillul Hashem.
