Let's get this out of the way. When the mother's life is at risk, it isn't comparable. Halacha says that the child is viewed as a rodef.
Let me ask you this - why does a woman bench gomel after childbirth? Being pregnant is a sakanah. While we can easily make the argument that it's not the same sakanah it once was, clearly our poskim agree that it still remains a sakana, otherwise wouldn't they have stopped women from needing gomel? While a couple who gets pregnant is willingly taking on the sakana to be mikayim pru v'rivu, the rape or incest victim is not. That alone should be enough for Rodeph.
You should be commended for your compassionate feelings toward the woman that underwent the harrowing experience. The wickedness of the pervert, her doctor visits, maternity clothes, the trauma. There's no doubt that the perp will be greatly punished in Gehennom and probably this world as well. But the Halacha revolves around the baby, not the mother.
With my limited couple of years of Beis Medrash, I don't think I am knowledgeable to take anyone on, and it must be that my understanding of the torah is completely wrong to the point of apikorsis. I mean, I must completely misunderstand that killing a nefel is patur avel ussur, and that using it as the basis to end a life-threatening situation for a rape victim is unacceptable. I must also misunderstand how killing a baby in the womb by attacking the mother doesn't result in a death penalty, but rather a monetary penalty instead - how is that? I must be completely mistaken, based on the approach you are taking, every abortion doctor should be chayav misah?!?
So forgive me if I don't think that halacha favors the living over the not yet alive or those not yet in chezkas kayama. Even if I agree with your assessment that halacha favors the baby over the mother, your statement above suggests that there is at least one situation where the mother comes first - so how about we say we're arguing over the bar for what makes a baby a rodeph (I have no problem agreeing that my bar is lower).
You mentioned above that you are a frum man with children. I doubt you would be a good judge because you are very partial. You need to take a step back.
This makes no sense? Are you saying that I can't be partial because I have children? Not a day goes by where I don't realize how fortunate and blessed I am. I have plenty of friends who've had a harder path to parenthood, and some are still waiting for a yeshua. I have friends who were blessed that hashem gave doctors the science to help them out, and others who've gone the adoption route.
... and some of my friends with adopted children, worry about how they will ultimately marry off their children. It's amazing that we in Jewish society doubly exclude those who can't have children - they feel excluded from communal life because they weren't blessed with children, and when they adopt, they live with the constant anxiety of having their child blend in - even if it's not obvious to see that the child is adopted.
So now, we have a woman, who is the victim of a crime. Just like the person who's car is broken into, or who's purse is stolen - she isn't to blame. And while we may suggest that any pregnancy is a blessing - this one is clearly not.
So what step back do I need to take? I agree that abortion isn't the answer, but argue that we need to allow it in at least 2 specific cases - life of the mother, and rape.
