Wow, I post something about weird punishments, walk away for a few days and come back to this. A lot of the comments hear both bring back good memories, and positively reinforce decisions DW and I have made about our own children and how we're raising them.
I will start of by saying despite my experiences, I can't even begin to suggest I am doing it right.
I have two parenting philosophies:
Would you ever put a screw in with a hammer? You could try, but even if you managed to get it in the wall, it wouldn't be in there as tightly as you think it is, and your most likely damaging the wall.
Please don't misread - hammer in this case isn't a metaphor for spanking or other corporal punishment, but rather a metaphor for parenting. The idea here, is you need to understand what you are dealing with, and take the time to use the correct tool. My tone of voice varies with each of my children, my attitude and the urgency that I use varies with the situation. For example, I am not going to punish an overtired child for not doing something right now that doesn't immediately need to be done when s/he needs to go to bed.
The other philosophy is tied to
@Dan 's comment below:
Is there a connection between Chabad's focus on ahava instead of yirah and my small data set?
Having spent time in a handful of very different yeshivos, you often find yourself comparing and constrasting styles. When I was a teen, I drew a distinction between the position of Mashgiach in the litvish world and that of the Mashpia in the Chabad world.
Forgive me if my am haratzos (ignorance) shows. When I hear the word mashgiach, I think of it in the food context - the Mashgiach is the Supervisor or Overseer. His job is to make sure things are done the right way and to correct them when they're not. In a yeshiva, the Mashgiach is in charge of making sure the boys are kosher.
Mashpia literally means 'influencer' - i.e. influence by his actions - His job is to create the example for which the boys would want to emulate.
Yes - I am sure that each of you could cite examples supporting or contradicting my theory - about how your 'Mash' wasn't like that. I have gone to Yeshivos with excellent and poor examples of both, that's not my point, my point is the concept, and the approach.
Is it better to live your life the correct way and have your example set the tone for your kids - or - is it better to keep your kids in line when they do something wrong.
I generally opt for the former. Does it work? Not sure. It definitely works for modeling middot for your kids, not sure about Yiddishkeit though - ask me again in ten years.
