Author Topic: PC friday question of the day.  (Read 67839 times)

Offline chevron

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #520 on: November 18, 2019, 12:55:26 AM »
Neither do I. Dentist and Doctors are also causing pain, No one ever argued that a slap in the hand is fun. You're dismissed.

If a parent or teacher did that as part of a well documented plan, sure.

Rarely it's the case, if my dentist stabbed me with a knife every time I annoyed him, he'd be bankrupt from my lawsuits.

I've had a gemara teacher tell me "put your nose in the gemara" as a joke I put my nose litarelly in the gemara. He came over, smashed my head in the gemara.  I can show you 23 years later, the blood

Ironically it was makot, which I used to know, with Rashi and tosafos

Offline chevron

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #521 on: November 18, 2019, 12:58:00 AM »
I actually still know the first 4 blatt of makot by heart.

Or the favorite part of a teacher who is chayav galus for hitting his student and killing him, yay!


Offline EliJelly

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #522 on: November 18, 2019, 01:01:50 AM »
If a parent or teacher did that as part of a well documented plan, sure.

Rarely it's the case, if my dentist stabbed me with a knife every time I annoyed him, he'd be bankrupt from my lawsuits.

I've had a gemara teacher tell me "put your nose in the gemara" as a joke I put my nose litarelly in the gemara. He came over, smashed my head in the gemara.  I can show you 23 years later, the blood

Ironically it was makot, which I used to know, with Rashi and tosafos
My dear @chevron, try taking another dip into Ms. Makos with Rashi and Tosfos, and try to forget what a bad tempered teacher did to you the last time you learned it, You'll be the happiest person! Full of spiritual happiness, like your famously described feelings on Motze Yom Kipur! :D

Offline CountValentine

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #523 on: November 18, 2019, 01:03:18 AM »
The pain is hardly an issue. Find me a boy that's scared of pain? I jumped off the roof of my child hood home for fun

What hurts is the shame, the fear, the anger, the rejection
Kneeling on a three edge ruler in front of the whole class covers just about all those emotions.
You're so far up Trump's a** you can see Giuliani's feet.  HT Baruch

Offline chevron

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #524 on: November 18, 2019, 01:08:54 AM »
My dear @chevron, try taking another dip into Ms. Makos with Rashi and Tosfos, and try to forget what a bad tempered teacher did to you the last time you learned it, You'll be the happiest person! Full of spiritual happiness, like your famously described feelings on Motze Yom Kipur! :D

I'm not bitter, but let's not try to make this all sound like I'm shulem Dean with a grudge or a chip.

In fact my primary complaint is that a child / teen / adult etc losses the feeling of love and joy.

I haven't seriously opened a gemara in 20 years, maybe I'm lazy? But maybe I'm just bitter. Who knows

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #525 on: November 18, 2019, 01:10:53 AM »
So some guy can call you a beheima because you need some anivus or God forbid you'll become a Baal gaaveh and for good measure let's put you down and maybe throw a glass bottle of vodka at you and knock out some teeth.. all true events
https://chabadlibrary.org/books/admur/hymym/12/24.htm
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline chevron

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #526 on: November 18, 2019, 01:14:34 AM »
https://chabadlibrary.org/books/admur/hymym/12/24.htm

Why do you assume I understand the Hebrew? I don't and my ADD kicks in.. fail.

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #527 on: November 18, 2019, 10:13:30 AM »
This isn't how I see things but the way the real world sees things. Closed communities is not the way the real world works. Now you can argue is that better or worse (closed communities) and that is fine. My point is that reality is most hit their kids to inflict pain and is not a show of self-control.
Agrred but what does the way they do things have to do with those speaking here? (Other than @chevron but it seems that there may have been a larger underlying issue there) I have heard parents from outside of the community tell their kids in Walmart that they were going to beat the ___ out of them (they used those words) because they were impatient in the shopping cart. I can't even imagine seeing someone in the community doing that. Maybe you are right that by being out too much you are not understanding what many here are saying.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline chevron

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #528 on: November 18, 2019, 10:33:44 AM »
Agrred but what does the way they do things have to do with those speaking here? (Other than @chevron but it seems that there may have been a larger underlying issue there) I have heard parents from outside of the community tell their kids in Walmart that they were going to beat the ___ out of them (they used those words) because they were impatient in the shopping cart. I can't even imagine seeing someone in the community doing that. Maybe you are right that by being out too much you are not understanding what many here are saying.

I think we are supposed to be different ? Also as mentioned, if one of disciplined in a religious framework, one comes to hate it.


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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #529 on: November 18, 2019, 10:35:24 AM »
I think we are supposed to be different ? Also as mentioned, if one of disciplined in a religious framework, one comes to hate it.


Like everything else in life there is a balance.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline CountValentine

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #530 on: November 18, 2019, 10:46:03 AM »
Agrred but what does the way they do things have to do with those speaking here? (Other than @chevron but it seems that there may have been a larger underlying issue there) I have heard parents from outside of the community tell their kids in Walmart that they were going to beat the ___ out of them (they used those words) because they were impatient in the shopping cart. I can't even imagine seeing someone in the community doing that. Maybe you are right that by being out too much you are not understanding what many here are saying.
I get what you are saying. It just doesn't jive with human behavior.
Heck there was one post where you hit your child 5 times and tell him it should have been 6 but you are giving them a break. What kind of insane logic is that?
You're so far up Trump's a** you can see Giuliani's feet.  HT Baruch

Offline Yonah

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #531 on: November 18, 2019, 01:10:28 PM »
Wow, I post something about weird punishments, walk away for a few days and come back to this. A lot of the comments hear both bring back good memories, and positively reinforce decisions DW and I have made about our own children and how we're raising them.

I will start of by saying despite my experiences, I can't even begin to suggest I am doing it right.

I have two parenting philosophies:

Quote
Would you ever put a screw in with a hammer? You could try, but even if you managed to get it in the wall, it wouldn't be in there as tightly as you think it is, and your most likely damaging the wall.

Please don't misread - hammer in this case isn't a metaphor for spanking or other corporal punishment, but rather a metaphor for parenting. The idea here, is you need to understand what you are dealing with, and take the time to use the correct tool. My tone of voice varies with each of my children, my attitude and the urgency that I use varies with the situation. For example, I am not going to punish an overtired child for not doing something right now that doesn't immediately need to be done when s/he needs to go to bed.

The other philosophy is tied to @Dan 's comment below:
Is there a connection between Chabad's focus on ahava instead of yirah and my small data set?

Having spent time in a handful of very different yeshivos, you often find yourself comparing and constrasting styles. When I was a teen, I drew a distinction between the position of Mashgiach in the litvish world and that of the Mashpia in the Chabad world.

Forgive me if my am haratzos (ignorance) shows. When I hear the word mashgiach, I think of it in the food context - the Mashgiach is the Supervisor or Overseer. His job is to make sure things are done the right way and to correct them when they're not. In a yeshiva, the Mashgiach is in charge of making sure the boys are kosher.

Mashpia literally means 'influencer' - i.e. influence by his actions - His job is to create the example for which the boys would want to emulate.

Yes - I am sure that each of you could cite examples supporting or contradicting my theory - about how your 'Mash' wasn't like that. I have gone to Yeshivos with excellent and poor examples of both, that's not my point, my point is the concept, and the approach.

Is it better to live your life the correct way and have your example set the tone for your kids - or - is it better to keep your kids in line when they do something wrong.

I generally opt for the former. Does it work? Not sure. It definitely works for modeling middot for your kids, not sure about Yiddishkeit though - ask me again in ten years.



Online skyguy918

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #532 on: November 18, 2019, 02:10:54 PM »
Is it better to live your life the correct way and have your example set the tone for your kids - or - is it better to keep your kids in line when they do something wrong.

I generally opt for the former. Does it work? Not sure. It definitely works for modeling middot for your kids, not sure about Yiddishkeit though - ask me again in ten years.
Why are these mutually exclusive? Modeling appropriate behavior may lessen the need to 'keep your kids in line' (whatever form that may take for you), but if you've been modeling appropriate behavior and the child is behaving inappropriately right now, do you not do something to address that in the moment?
« Last Edit: November 18, 2019, 03:17:59 PM by skyguy918 »

Offline Yonah

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #533 on: November 18, 2019, 03:25:17 PM »
Why are these mutually exclusive? Modeling appropriate behavior may lessen the need to 'keep your kids in line' (whatever form that may take for you), but if you've been modeling appropriate behavior and the child is behaving inappropriately right now, do you not do something to address that in the moment?

I don't think that these are mutually exclusive across your child's lifetime, but they are mutually exclusive in the sense of how you tailor your parenting philosophy.

As an example - am I going to be the parent who expects that my children will learn from my good example (occasionally punishing them when they step out of line). Or am I going to instill in my kids a fear of not doing the right thing so that they make the right choices in most arenas, but in some areas, I will expect that they follow my good example.


Offline EliJelly

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #534 on: November 18, 2019, 03:30:44 PM »
Why are these mutually exclusive? Modeling appropriate behavior may lessen the need to 'keep your kids in line' (whatever form that may take for you), but if you've been modeling appropriate behavior and the child is behaving inappropriately right now, do you not do something to address that in the moment?
Right point. Additionally, modeling appropriate behavior doesn't apply to certain misbehavior at certain ages, i.e. how do you model appropriate behavior to your child running into the street? Which brings us back to the point that for proper parenting you need a large tool box, be wise and cool, be yourself a role model, and above all a lot of Tfilah to Hashem.

Offline CountValentine

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #535 on: November 18, 2019, 04:52:28 PM »
PSA: Due to the overwhelming response to the last PC Friday question there will be no questions accepted this coming Friday. Your corroboration would be greatly appreciated.
You're so far up Trump's a** you can see Giuliani's feet.  HT Baruch

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #536 on: November 18, 2019, 04:55:08 PM »
PSA: Due to the overwhelming response to the last PC Friday question there will be no questions accepted this coming Friday and no discussion about last week's question until this coming Friday. Your corroboration would be greatly appreciated.
FTFY

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #537 on: November 18, 2019, 06:33:21 PM »
PSA: Due to the overwhelming response to the last PC Friday question there will be no questions accepted this coming Friday. Your corroboration would be greatly appreciated.

Just have the mods prune this discussion and give it a thread of its own titled "Is it right or wrong to hit your kids?"
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline Dan

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #538 on: November 18, 2019, 06:37:57 PM »
Just have the mods prune this discussion and give it a thread of its own titled "Is it right or wrong to hit your kids?"
Tough split as it branched from another topic.
Where would you split from?
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline mmgfarb

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Re: PC friday question of the day.
« Reply #539 on: November 18, 2019, 06:46:48 PM »
Tough split as it branched from another topic.
Where would you split from?
Don't split
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