COVID-19 Related Humor

[yos9694]

received via text:

"The US has now confirmed over 2 million corona jokes with 1 million in bad condition."

Must be a chinese news source... the bad condition number is grossly underreported

[Yehudaa]

[chevron]

מַעֲשֶׂה בְּרִבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר, וְרִבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ, וְרִבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן-עֲזַרְיָה, וְרִבִּי עֲקִיבָא, וְרִבִּי טַרְפוֹן, שֶׁהָיוּ מְסֻבִּין בִּבְנֵי בְרָק
ואז באה משטרה

[good sam]

מַעֲשֶׂה בְּרִבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר, וְרִבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ, וְרִבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן-עֲזַרְיָה, וְרִבִּי עֲקִיבָא, וְרִבִּי טַרְפוֹן, שֶׁהָיוּ מְסֻבִּין בִּבְנֵי בְרָק
ואז באה משטרה

On Twitter there was a picture

[Jolu]

Coronavirus is like S'micha.

  You say you have it even if you weren't tested,
  It's better to get it when you're younger,
  Everyone in Bnei Brak has it,
  And the less Yeshivish you are the more serious you take it.

[SwellCindy]

Attached.

[Dan]

[Savingsbeast]

So my childrens school sent home a pack of arts & crafts activities for the children.

Going through to see what was sent, I come across coloring books for Pesach Sheni and Lag B'omer, awesome, just in time. Then, a little further I see Shavous coloring pages and I think to myself, well, I guess they want to make sure just in case.

Near the end of the pack I noticed that they included Rosh Hashana, Yom Kipur and Succos books as well. That touched a nerve and I became furious. All fired up I call up the teacher, "Al Tiftach Peh, how dare you send home these worksheets?" Waiting calmly for me to finish my rant the teacher then asks me, "do you know this weeks Parsha?"

[CountValentine]

I don't get it. 

[yitzgar]

I don't get it. 

This will be a tough one....

[justmeha]

I don't get it. 

do you want us to move it to this thread ?

[yitzgar]

Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kipppur and sukkos are in September. However this week's weekly portion of the Torah discusses these holidays, hence the projects

[Dan]

Fwd:
Due to Citi field being closed for Corona virus concerns. This years anti internet asifa will be held over zoom.

[Dan]

[Dan]

https://twitter.com/MendyTV/status/1257743436884725761

[Dan]

[Dan]

[etech0]

Mitzva Notes:

Dear Rebbe,
This letter is to let you know that Chaim was careful not to mix milchigs and fleishigs while he ate during your entire class.

Dear Morah,
Chani has been working on her reading skills.  She finished the entire “Go My Son” while on your daily teleconferences.

Dear Rebbe,
This letter is to inform you that you have inadvertently been teaching Torah in the bathroom. Please advise your Choshuv Talmidim not to bring the phone along on such outings.

Dear Morah,
Shevy loves the songs you sing in your 3rd grade teleconferences, as does the rest of my family.  My mesivta son made up motions to the songs, if you’d like he can send a video to teach them to the rest of the class.

Dear Rebbe,
Thank you for your daily Halacha conference. Chaim’l wants to know if you call on him when he is sleeping, should he say Modeh Ani and wash negel vasser before answering you or is it ok if he waits? Does it matter if he intends on going back to sleep?

Dear Morah,
Our 4 month old is really enjoying the teleconferences you provide him with. Just letting you know he is teething and constipated and he rolled over!! We’re so proud!

Dear Rebbe,
Chanina is trying so hard in class. He is enjoying the Meforshim on Arba Misos Beis Din and has practiced them on his younger sisters.

Dear Rebbe,
Thank you for your daily teleconferences on the Shmona Shratzim. Unfortunately Yanky can no longer join.  He was outside trying to collect specimens for you and dropped our phone into a large pit where it was eaten by a large snake. 

[yesitsme]

https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/1861908/stop-the-spread-major-shortage-of-cholov-yisroel-cream-cheese.html

[Dan]

https://babylonbee.com/news/in-powerful-statement-covid-19-vows-not-to-infect-anyone-protesting-inequality