BREAKING: Chicago Jew maintains non-Jewish slaves to man his bathroom
An allegedly Jewish Chicago man has admitted to utilizing slave labor to turn his sinks on on the Jewish holy day of Shabbos. The man, identified only by his handle of "CountValentine," has specified that he seeks out "goys," or non-Jews, for this labor.
"I have a goy waive (sic) his hand over it," the Chicago native wrote on a popular deals forum site, in response to a question of how to activate an electric water faucet on Shabbos.
Jews are forbidden to activate electric devices on their holy day, which begins Friday at sundown and culminates Saturday night.
"Who would've believed that in the 21st century, such behavior can take place," flaming community activist [insert name] spewed. "And the Jews want to know why there is Antisemitism in America?"
Staff of [media outlet] were not able to confirm the Jewish ethnicity of the perpetrator, but his frequenting of the predominantly Jewish deals forum site "Dan's Deals Forums" points to that conclusion.