Topic Wiki

Initiative to lower the standards:   https://simchainitiative.org/

Mishpacha Article link:                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs/
                                                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs-the-conversation-continues-2/

Jewish Pr. Interview W/R Reisman   https://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/interviews-and-profiles/over-1300-sign-pledge-to-hold-simpler-weddings-an-interview-with-rav-yisroel-reisman-rosh-yeshiva-of-torah-vodaath/2020/05/13/

Some interesting articles covering the guidelines from similar efforts 20 years ago

https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2002-V35-N06.pdf  page 10 article by Prof. Aaron Twerski
https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2006-V39-N041.pdf page 43 article by R Aryeh Zev Ginzberg
https://www.nytimes.com/2002/05/25/us/religion-journal-a-big-wedding-with-a-smaller-bill.html
« Last edited by David61 on May 28, 2020, 06:29:23 PM »

Poll

Wedding expenses in the frum community

Thank G-d for simchas
12 (6%)
This has gotten out of hand and a remedy is needed
149 (74.9%)
It's a problem but has always been this way and we'll manage as we have till now
38 (19.1%)

Total Members Voted: 199

Author Topic: POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?  (Read 120165 times)

Offline David61

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In Lakewood it is very easy to get the entire wedding including hall, music, and photographer for well under 20k

interesting. How much under 20K? Which halls?

What about outside of Lakewood? are takanah-packages sub-20K?
« Last Edit: April 17, 2020, 01:10:18 AM by David61 »

Offline Yehuda57

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In Lakewood it is very easy to get the entire wedding including hall, music, and photographer for well under 20k

How many guests?

Offline good sam

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How many guests?
I've been to a few Lakewood weddings. 600 guests, 200 seats.
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline Yehuda57

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I've been to a few Lakewood weddings. 600 guests, 200 seats.
You can do a CH wedding with 200 dinner guests for 20k

Offline CountValentine

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You can do a CH wedding with 200 dinner guests for 20k
Would the monetary gifts from the guest cover that?
Only on DDF does 24/6 mean 24/5/half/half

Offline Yehuda57

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Would the monetary gifts from the guest cover that?
I don't know, my oldest kid is 8 . I'm basing my comment on someone who just married off a child a few months ago.

But I would imagine for most,* the parents are paying for the wedding and the bride and groom keep the gifts.

*obviously these are not blanket rules that cover everyone

Offline CountValentine

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Normally (non-Jewish) for weddings the gifts cover the hall/food. Rule of thumb is you give a gift plus how much per plate it is. This gets throw out the window when kids are invited. Rule of thumb: Don't invite kids.  :)
Only on DDF does 24/6 mean 24/5/half/half

Offline Yehuda57

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Normally (non-Jewish) for weddings the gifts cover the hall/food. Rule of thumb is you give a gift plus how much per plate it is. This gets throw out the window when kids are invited. Rule of thumb: Don't invite kids.  :)
When you say (non-Jewish) you actually mean "in my circle) as obviously there are thousands of different cultures in the non Jewish world with different customs.

Same within the Jewish world, every community is going to be different.

But you absolutely should invite children to a wedding. Our view of a wedding, as stated a few weeks ago in a different thread, is fundamentally different.

Offline CountValentine

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When you say (non-Jewish) you actually mean "in my circle) as obviously there are thousands of different cultures in the non Jewish world with different customs.
I actually go out of my circle all the time. I am outside of it more than inside of it.
Only on DDF does 24/6 mean 24/5/half/half

Offline aygart

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How many guests?
A basic takana package in a noice hall is $15000+tax for 350 adults including hall, food, music, photo, silk flowers.

Upgraded to included different menu and some more random stuff is $17500

No gifts do not cover.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline Yehudaa

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A basic takana package in a noice hall is $15000+tax for 350 adults including hall, food, music, photo, silk flowers.

Upgraded to included different menu and some more random stuff is $17500

No gifts do not cover.

Is that subsidized? Does one have to qualify based on income?

Offline aygart

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Is that subsidized? Does one have to qualify based on income?
no and no
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline EliJelly

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no and no
Privately owned or Kehilah/mosed?

Offline aygart

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Privately owned or Kehilah/mosed?

The one I am referring to is a school. Similar packages are available at every hall in Lakewood. Some a little more some a little less for those interested in the limitations of the packages.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline EliJelly

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The one I am referring to is a school. Similar packages are available at every hall in Lakewood. Some a little more some a little less for those interested in the limitations of the packages.
A school makes sense, same for Brooklyn and Upstate, even lower price options too. Not possible for privately owned to make a profit, they have much more expenses than a congregation.

Offline aygart

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A school makes sense, same for Brooklyn and Upstate, even lower price options too. Not possible for privately owned to make a profit, they have much more expenses than a congregation.
The private one is slightly higher
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline David61

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A basic takana package in a noice hall is $15000+tax for 350 adults including hall, food, music, photo, silk flowers.

Upgraded to included different menu and some more random stuff is $17500


That's not too bad.

I guess more modestly-sized events being encouraged could still save a nice chunk (perhaps 25%) off of that . . . .  and less-keeping-up-with-the-Joneses could have a trickle down effect of reducing some of the thousands spent on peripheral items like custom-made-gowns (as opposed to beautiful rentals), complete fresh new wardrobes, etc. . . 

Also, I assume Lakewood is an outlier with regard to those relatively low prices.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2020, 05:38:05 PM by David61 »

Offline ad120

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I actually go out of my circle all the time. I am outside of it more than inside of it.
Where is your circle?  ;)

Offline CountValentine

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Where is your circle?  ;)
Warsaw but I am in Krakow most of the time.
Only on DDF does 24/6 mean 24/5/half/half

Offline shaulyaakov

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We made a small wedding in Monsey (for ourselves, mostly paid for by our parents--we preferred a "block grant").

It was smallish (200 guests, Sunday wedding during the post Purim "season") and it was about 20k all in - hall, photographer, 5 piece band, photographer, video (should have nixed that in retrospect), flowers, wine, invitations (mostly did paperless). If we wanted to, we could have cut down on band and done it for closer to 17k.

Othwr than video, I don't have regrets.

Adding an extra 100 people wouldn't have driven cost up so much. The hall we did (a small one) had a minimum, and the marginal cost per couple was pretty low beyond that.