POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?

[Dan]

Don't go down the rabbit hole with the wedding night should't total more than $5k. Even $10k- $5k per side is great. So many other pricier and less important wedding costs to cut away first.

I have never advocated for a cap and yes, $5K per side is also great compared to the previous reality.
I'm just amazed at those that think it's impossible to do on a budget and immediately go into fake news mode. My experience with everything that I've put my mind to is that it can be done for a lot less and there's a lot of fat to trim.

[coffeebean]

Amazing that there are restaurants with 1 cook that can churn out more than that many meals in a day.
Must be a miracle or black magic without 12 people working 8 hours.

I've yet to see a restaurant with a chef and less than 2-3 people doing prep. Actually maybe in ben yaakov falafel store
Eta: and those stores have 2 people sitting down with 1 person waiting on line

[Dan]

I've yet to see a restaurant with a chef and less than 2-3 people doing prep. Actually maybe in ben yaakov falafel store

Come to CLE?
But even 2-3 kitchen and 2-3 waiters for several hours isn't 12 for 8 hours. Of course a lot depends on the food being made and how its presented.

[EliJelly]

I have never advocated for a cap.
I'm just amazed at those that think it's impossible to do on a budget and immediately go into fake news mode.

With so many takanah halls all over it's already possible to do it on a budget. How about abandoning the old minhag of buying Italian furniture and rather buy a decent set from Wayfair? from there to dresses, silver etc. Time to realize we're not marrying off princes.

[yesitsme]

I have never advocated for a cap and yes, $5K per side is also great compared to the previous reality.
I'm just amazed at those that think it's impossible to do on a budget and immediately go into fake news mode. My experience with everything that I've put my mind to is that it can be done for a lot less and there's a lot of fat to trim.

could be you're right but people/are motivated by $$$$$$$$$, with out making profit to marry off your kids+vacation who's going to run your events?

[coffeebean]

link? Not seeing this article

https://twitter.com/LakewoodScoop/status/1270521074661445638?s=19

[Dan]

With so many takanah halls all over it's already possible to do it on a budget. How about abandoning the old minhag of buying Italian furniture and rather buy a decent set from Wayfair? from there to dresses, silver etc. Time to realize we're not marrying off princes.

Absolutely. But we did none of that, so I can't relate or write well about that.

[yungermanchik]

I've cooked for 100 people before. It takes man power or time. 8 hours for 100 people from start to finish takes at least 6 staff. This is in just the kitchen.

I don't know about breading shnitzel but taking chicken quarters and lining them up on cookie sheets and drizzling some sort of sauce (viznitz BP style) and shoving them into an oven shouldn't take more than 30 minutes. same for the potatoes and green beans altogether. Soup can take a little longer with cutting the veggies and all but not more than an hour. While making knishes from scratch may take a while, the pre-made ones are just a dollar a piece and it should take less than 30 minutes to line them up and put in the oven.

I think your hasagos of what's acceptable are too high to look at this objectively.

[shapsam]

Absolutely. But we did none of that, so I can't relate or write well about that.

Well (as you can read in the Mishpacha) those costs are much more than the wedding night, and you're not gaining much by cutting down the wedding night and not all the other stuff.

Someone close to me recently married off a son, total cost was $60k without anything that is considered extra/fancy.

[Dan]

Well (as you can read in the Mishpacha) those costs are much more than the wedding night, and you're not gaining much by cutting down the wedding night and not all the other stuff.

Which communities have these minhagim?

[shapsam]

Which communities have these minhagim?

I think It's what mainstream people across most communities do, and expect.

[EliJelly]

Which communities have these minhagim?

The Chassidim in NY, Montreal, London, Antwerp etc. Not sure about the Yeshivish guys. And I'm sure in Israel they have lower standards too.

[grodnoking]

15 people times 15 an hour times 8 hours equals $1,800. There's just no way

The cheap weddings generally give 2 tables (+/-10 ppl each) for 1 waiter, the same guys start with setting up before the wedding, moving the tables and chairs during the chupah, prep the main course in the kitchen during the first dance and clean up during the second. For 100 people you need 6 waiters and a kitchen manager.

[Dan]

I think It's what mainstream people across most communities do, and expect.

They're all buying Italian furniture? I find that hard to believe.
Please define what exactly these expectations are and which communities.

[coffeebean]

The cheap weddings generally give 2 tables (+/-10 ppl each) for 1 waiter, the same guys start with setting up before the wedding, moving the tables and chairs during the chupah, prep the main course in the kitchen during the first dance and clean up during the second. For 100 people you need 6 waiters and a kitchen manager.

Kitchen staff?

[Dan]

The Chassidim in NY, Montreal, London, Antwerp etc.

That's hardly all mainstream communities...

[EliJelly]

They're all buying Italian furniture? I find that hard to believe.

So the brainstorms now invented Chassuna mall/wedding plaza where you can get Italian designed- Chinese made furniture for less..

[grodnoking]

Kitchen staff?

They are the waiters. I've been to weddings where I met the janitor of the local elementary school. He works in the kitchen at the school when he's not mopping, and does the same at the wedding hall. What do you think, there are Michelin star chefs in that kitchen ?

As he said

I don't know about breading shnitzel but taking chicken quarters and lining them up on cookie sheets and drizzling some sort of sauce (viznitz BP style) and shoving them into an oven shouldn't take more than 30 minutes. same for the potatoes and green beans altogether. Soup can take a little longer with cutting the veggies and all but not more than an hour. While making knishes from scratch may take a while, the pre-made ones are just a dollar a piece and it should take less than 30 minutes to line them up and put in the oven.

I think your hasagos of what's acceptable are too high to look at this objectively.

This is how they make the food...
They put a waffle chip in the mashed potatoes and somehow it look fancy.

[coffeebean]

They are the waiters. I've been to weddings where I met the janitor of the local elementary school. He works in the kitchen at the school when he's not mopping, and does the same at the wedding hall. What do you think, there are Michelin star chefs in that kitchen ?

I've never seen that. It's usually set up, serve to guests, clean up by waiters. Prep, cook, put food on plates by kitchen staff

[EliJelly]

That's hardly all mainstream communities...

Not my words. Anyway, that's what the Mishpacha article and the like is all about. No discussion for communities without this problem.