POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?

[Euclid]

"Peer pressure is when you do something beyond your means that you don't really want in order to keep up with others..... We keep to the standards set by others even though we couldn't afford it and took tzedaka money to do so. "

I guess in their mind once you actually want it then it is no longer peer pressure.

We made 3 weddings which were beautiful without spending this amount and without taking a penny from anyone but rather helping pay for a different wedding the same night made by someone who couldn't afford basics.

Can you volunteer to be featured?

[Euclid]

28000 for shabbos sheva brachos and the best you can say is the food was "plated exquisitely"?

Gold plated!

[yelped]

I have a feeling something got lost in translation here by the time it got to print, as this just makes zero sense.

[EliJelly]

I have a feeling something got lost in translation here by the time it got to print, as this just makes zero sense.

+1
$300k total expenses is an overkill to point to craziness.

[MoYS]

I have a feeling something got lost in translation here by the time it got to print, as this just makes zero sense.

Thinking the same thing
Maybe the income is very recent, I'm trying to figure out how there are no savings.

[Just A Jew]

I'm nauseous. No words.

[WayBackMachine]

Dana Bash did an incredible job on anti-semitism on CNN/Anderson Cooper's Whole Story tonight.

wrong thread?

[Just A Jew]

wrong thread?

Maybe. I, for one, could use a reminder about ahavas yisroel in this thread. Enough people hate us. I don't need to be thinking less-than-kind thoughts about fellow Jews right now.

[Definitions2]

I think $600k with 7 kids is upper middle class/"well todo"

In my mind 600k is past that point. It's rich.
I understand why you say 7 kids is a factor. It shouldn't be.

In my mind >200k is well to-do

[ckmk47]

In my mind 600k is past that point. It's rich.
I understand why you say 7 kids is a factor. It shouldn't be.

In my mind >200k is well to-do

When someone with 7 kids makes $60,000, he's got breaks for tuition and government help with rent, medical insurance, food, etc.
Once someone makes more than the income cutoff, he's paying out of pocket for all the things listed above, which has a value into the tens of thousands. Besides paying 30% in income taxes. So a person with $200,000 in income doesn't have a tremendous amount more to spend than the person with $60,000 in income.


So my cut off for comfortable is closer to $300,000.
$600,000 is nicely upper middle class.
Rich to me is being able to buy houses for your kids. That's much more.

[shapsam]

"Peer pressure is when you do something beyond your means that you don't really want in order to keep up with others..... We keep to the standards set by others even though we couldn't afford it and took tzedaka money to do so. "

I guess in their mind once you actually want it then it is no longer peer pressure.

We made 3 weddings which were beautiful without spending this amount and without taking a penny from anyone but rather helping pay for a different wedding the same night made by someone who couldn't afford basics.

If you're interested, would love to see the breakdown.  If it wasn't within the last year or so, you'll need to adjust the number for inflation.

[shapsam]

When someone with 7 kids makes $60,000, he's got breaks for tuition and government help with rent, medical insurance, food, etc.
Once someone makes more than the income cutoff, he's paying out of pocket for all the things listed above, which has a value into the tens of thousands. Besides paying 30% in income taxes. So a person with $200,000 in income doesn't have a tremendous amount more to spend than the person with $60,000 in income.


So my cut off for comfortable is closer to $300,000.
$600,000 is nicely upper middle class.
Rich to me is being able to buy houses for your kids. That's much more.

+1
200k isn't well to do

[TimT]

Which organizations hand out thousands of dollars for weddings ?

[Moshe Green]

Which organizations hand out thousands of dollars for weddings ?

I don't know in the US, but in Israel there are many. The Tzedaka organizations ussually have a list and how to get in touch with them.
There are also subsidized halls, bands, flowers, dress gemachs, etc. etc.
Some who wants to make a cheap Chasuna in Israel can easily do it under $20,000 including everything.

[Just A Jew]

+1
200k isn't well to do

200k puts you in the top 5% of households in this country. That we don't look at that as at least upper middle class says a lot about us.

[flyingace]

200k puts you in the top 5% of households in this country. That we don't look at that as at least upper middle class says a lot about us.

It is a nice salary, sure. But it doesn't cover much more than regular basic expenses for a family of 10 or more.

[JMHO]

200k puts you in the top 5% of households in this country. That we don't look at that as at least upper middle class says a lot about us.

Forget statistics for a minute,
How many frum families with children do you know who make 200k and are upper middle class?

Answer: (almost) zero

[iwlw2]

Besides all of the other salient points about this made above, I can't get over the Rov's advice, to not let anything shter the simcha. Very good advice to be sure, but given how this person is describing how he spent money he did not have as he now feels a major burden to somehow pay for it all (not to mention creating pressure on others), do you think maybe the Rov might have mentioned that to him and advised him to tone it down?? (Obviously I don't know the whole story, and I am sure there were issues-shalom bayis or otherwise, or maybe the Rov just thought he wouldnt listen, but I just found it ironic that he's quoting his Rov's advice to basically not let the strain - financial or otherwise - affect the simcha, when more targeted advice would have seemed to be to not get into the mess in the first place.....)

[whacked1]

Besides all of the other salient points about this made above, I can't get over the Rov's advice, to not let anything shter the simcha. Very good advice to be sure, but given how this person is describing how he spent money he did not have as he now feels a major burden to somehow pay for it all (not to mention creating pressure on others), do you think maybe the Rov might have mentioned that to him and advised him to tone it down?? (Obviously I don't know the whole story, and I am sure there were issues-shalom bayis or otherwise, or maybe the Rov just thought he wouldnt listen, but I just found it ironic that he's quoting his Rov's advice to basically not let the strain - financial or otherwise - affect the simcha, when more targeted advice would have seemed to be to not get into the mess in the first place.....)

Once you have a gym membership, you can tackle anything. I wonder if he told his rov that he took a 175k personal loan to pay for it.

[Dan]

200k puts you in the top 5% of households in this country. That we don't look at that as at least upper middle class says a lot about us.

Or about our tuition burden?