Topic Wiki

Initiative to lower the standards:   https://simchainitiative.org/

Mishpacha Article link:                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs/
                                                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs-the-conversation-continues-2/

Jewish Pr. Interview W/R Reisman   https://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/interviews-and-profiles/over-1300-sign-pledge-to-hold-simpler-weddings-an-interview-with-rav-yisroel-reisman-rosh-yeshiva-of-torah-vodaath/2020/05/13/

Some interesting articles covering the guidelines from similar efforts 20 years ago

https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2002-V35-N06.pdf  page 10 article by Prof. Aaron Twerski
https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2006-V39-N041.pdf page 43 article by R Aryeh Zev Ginzberg
https://www.nytimes.com/2002/05/25/us/religion-journal-a-big-wedding-with-a-smaller-bill.html
« Last edited by David61 on May 28, 2020, 06:29:23 PM »

Poll

Wedding expenses in the frum community

Thank G-d for simchas
8 (5.4%)
This has gotten out of hand and a remedy is needed
114 (77%)
It's a problem but has always been this way and we'll manage as we have till now
26 (17.6%)

Total Members Voted: 148

Author Topic: POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?  (Read 39122 times)

Offline David61

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Mishpacha magazine (Family First) ran a fascinating article in the Pesach edition (April 5, 2020) on the wedding expenses in the frum community in the US, with lots of detailed numbers. This is obviously an overwhelming financial burden for many but one that's hard to solve.

Being a numbers guy and being stuck at home, attached are the numbers mentioned all lined up and categorized in excel.

Among a sample of 7 families, the median spending for one side was $67K, (the average was 76K), before any financial support for living expenses or a car (which are common) and the article indicated that the boys side is generally only 15% less than the girls side.

Even the latest proposal with about 1000 people signed-up for self-imposed restraint at https://simchainitiative.org/ only addresses part of it.

Thoughts? B'H for simchos? This needs to be addressed? It's a problem we can live with (See poll)
« Last Edit: April 14, 2020, 12:03:33 AM by David61 »

Offline avrohomgelb

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Why is Boro Park double all the other ones?

Offline Chapshnell

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I just want to know one thing... is it the instagram, whatsapp, internet posting thing that makes people go over the top? For the wow, like etc?

Meaning... when did this start? When did the grand spending start?
Why should parents barely making ends meet find themselves with such expenses every 2 years in a lot of cases.

Our grandparents didnt get married this way, they lived within their means. Why cant the rich marry off rich & the poor marry off on a very low end/simple takanos etc. and the middle guy somewhere in the middle. When did this all get jumbled? Thats what I want to know first, I want to backtrack & see if we can get it back on the right track if possible

Offline JMHO

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Is there an option to check all 3 options?

Offline David61

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Is there an option to check all 3 options?

LOL. No.

Its a poll of "your position", not your thoughts or the likely reality.

Offline JMHO

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LOL. No.

Its a poll of "your position", not your thoughts or the likely reality.
We'll these are not really 'positions'. I'm sure most people here agree that Thank G-D for Simchas and that this has gotten out of hand and a remedy is needed. Your third 'option' is debatable. Not sure what I'm supposed to check here...

Online Definitions

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I'll tell you what my initial emotional reaction is. (It hasn't changed, its just that I haven't put any thought into what a realistic solution would be)

I'm against any sort of communal "takanos". Whoever chooses to continue the social trends will have to lie in the bed they made. Hopefully the pain will overcome the fear and knock some sense into people.

Like I stated elsewhere, a chasuna shouldn't be more than today's Sheva brochos.

Online CountValentine

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Why is the hall/catering so cheap? What do they serve hotdogs?  :)
You're so far up Trump's a** you can see Giuliani's feet.  HT Baruch

Offline Chapshnell

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Why is the hall/catering so cheap? What do they serve hotdogs?  :)

Its not cheap. Its what it should be. Standard appetizer usually with a soup & a chicken bottom with some sides on the low end.

Offline David61

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Why is the hall/catering so cheap? What do they serve hotdogs?  :)

Those examples under $20,000 are mostly examples where the two sides split those expenses (See row 35 for that reference to split expenses), and this represents the amount for only one side.

In one case it is the chossonís side ( and they often pay for other items rather than the hall/catering itself).

Offline aygart

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Those examples under $20,000 are mostly examples where the two sides split those expenses (See row 35 for that reference to split expenses), and this represents the amount for only one side.

In one case it is the chossonís side ( and they often pay for other items rather than the hall/catering itself).
In Lakewood it is very easy to get the entire wedding including hall, music, and photographer for well under 20k
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline Chapshnell

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In Lakewood it is very easy to get the entire wedding including hall, music, and photographer for well under 20k

And a nice hall too

Offline Dan

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In Lakewood it is very easy to get the entire wedding including hall, music, and photographer for well under 20k
Well that explains why so many CLE girls get married in Lakewood!
Halevai all weddings would be that way.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline aygart

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Well that explains why so many CLE girls get married in Lakewood!
Halevai all weddings would be that way.
Yes and why it is so hard for Lakewood families to get wedding dates.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline Let3

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Yes and why it is so hard for Lakewood families to get wedding dates.
I never got that one.
Isnít it simple suplly and demand?
If itís so hard to get a date - why not open another hall?
Itís not a Chesed org, itís a business.