A new initiative has gotten off the ground. Its hard to know if it will last, but its nice to see so many people have signed up!
https://simchainitiative.org/
I don't think you can reasonably insist on much less.
I have put some thought into this:
My thoughts are that perhaps it should be about limiting numbers of courses, band sizes, shmorgs and bars, rather than capping invitees.
The reality is that it is not easy for a prominent individual to limit guests. There may be many employees and acquaintances, aside from neighbors, relatives and associates. And who wants to snub neighbors by only inviting some of the block?
Of course if Rabbonim attend such events it makes it even harder.
Suppose it was about limiting the grandiosity. Rules can include things like a max number of courses, a limit on the shmorg size, no more than a 5-piece band, max 1 singer, and no bars. All this, but no cap on invitees.
It would be more doable and help with affordability and social pressure. And less excusable. A guy says now, look I have a lot of people I must invite. Fair point, but it doesn’t require a bar and a 10-piece band.
It would be nice if the people behind this initiative would consider this.
Im sure the initiative is well intended, but it doesn't actually address the problem.
I think that we are going about the wrong away, trying to make
Takonos doesn't work outside of a few tight-knit sects of the Chasidic community. ( and the few i've seen are absurd)
For the most part those that can't afford it and are making lavish weddings , are the same people that drive an expensive lease while in debt or living paycheck to paycheck, while the neighbors who live below their means ( and possibly have a higher income) buy a 3 YO used car, and have hundreds of thousands of $ in their 401K, IRA and Retirement funds, and are making a nice simple wedding they can afford.
Here are some excerpts that make you wonder, how we've come to such a state of financial ignorance.
"Our family is solidly middle class, with everything that implies. we usually carry credit card debt from month to month"
spent $ 67,000
"And while the business is doing well,we still have some debt to pay off"
" we didn't have any money in savings when our daughter got engaged"
"Still, even if we can afford it, we intend to curb the spending next time"
spent $151,000
"we live from paycheck to paycheck,and i wasn't going above my means to conform to communal standards. and then i did."
spent $94,000
These high cost weddings are a symptom of an overall issue of not living within one's means.