Topic Wiki

Initiative to lower the standards:   https://simchainitiative.org/

Mishpacha Article link:                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs/
                                                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs-the-conversation-continues-2/

Jewish Pr. Interview W/R Reisman   https://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/interviews-and-profiles/over-1300-sign-pledge-to-hold-simpler-weddings-an-interview-with-rav-yisroel-reisman-rosh-yeshiva-of-torah-vodaath/2020/05/13/

Some interesting articles covering the guidelines from similar efforts 20 years ago

https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2002-V35-N06.pdf  page 10 article by Prof. Aaron Twerski
https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2006-V39-N041.pdf page 43 article by R Aryeh Zev Ginzberg
https://www.nytimes.com/2002/05/25/us/religion-journal-a-big-wedding-with-a-smaller-bill.html
« Last edited by David61 on May 28, 2020, 06:29:23 PM »

Poll

Wedding expenses in the frum community

Thank G-d for simchas
12 (6%)
This has gotten out of hand and a remedy is needed
149 (74.9%)
It's a problem but has always been this way and we'll manage as we have till now
38 (19.1%)

Total Members Voted: 199

Author Topic: POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?  (Read 119933 times)

Offline Dan

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A Tesla today costs less than an Odyssey EX-L. But that is completely missing my point.
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Offline EliJelly

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Crazy. Happy that's not my world.
What kind of not well off family can afford to blow $60K post tax dollars like that?
Yep, seems you're getting the reason for this thread :)

Offline yesitsme

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I read the mishpacha article some write the wedding night cost some include furniture cost some only write their share and some the full cost so its not comparable

regarding the Tesla I'm craving for one sorry if I hurt your feelings

regarding how much should be spent, if you have money and you can afford to spent 100K on a wedding go for it if it makes you happy, (and you give enough tzadaka) everyone has soft spots that they enjoy and we shouldn't judge were they should spend it, some go to Antarctica and some enjoy spending it on family

Offline Dan

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I read the mishpacha article some write the wedding night cost some include furniture cost some only write their share and some the full cost so its not comparable

regarding the Tesla I'm craving for one sorry if I hurt your feelings

regarding how much should be spent, if you have money and you can afford to spent 100K on a wedding go for it if it makes you happy, (and you give enough tzadaka) everyone has soft spots that they enjoy and we shouldn't judge were they should spend it, some go to Antarctica and some enjoy spending it on family
No feeling hurt. I don't begrudge people from spending within their means.

But the flippant response about the mechutanim being not-well off but nearly splitting the cost of a 6 figure wedding did not sit right with me.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline 12HRS

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But the flippant response about the mechutanim being not-well off but nearly splitting the cost of a 6 figure wedding did not sit right with me.

sometimes I wish these discussions would take place before the dating starts.

Offline lubaby

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sometimes I wish these discussions would take place before the dating starts.
“But it’s Bashert!”

Offline shapsam

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sometimes I wish these discussions would take place before the dating starts.
Many research this before dating starts.

Offline aygart

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Many research this before dating starts.
We did. If foir no other reason, because it would be unlikely to be a good shidduch for my children and would possibly lead to issues later on.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline Shmulie

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What I think about those with tesla's

You gotta be kidding me!

Spending 60k on a party for one night vs a car that you can expect at least 10 years worth out of (which in my opinion has the potential to actually make me money in the long term (Tesla Network)) is a huge difference

I thought long and hard before I bought my car. Between the fed tax rebate, gas savings, and almost no maintenance, it is actually much cheaper than most people think

Offline yeshivabucher

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Spending 60k on a party for one night
especially when that shouldnt be the focus of the night

Offline yelped

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especially when that shouldnt be the focus of the night
100%. Thank you Hashem for a Chasan with a head on his shoulders. Is making a bash that the whole neighborhood will talk about (at least that's what they think) the point of the night? It is something much different and finer than that.

Offline flyingace

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I read the mishpacha article some write the wedding night cost some include furniture cost some only write their share and some the full cost so its not comparable
This. Does the $95,000 include all the gifts and furniture?

Offline Chapshnell

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these are not normal relatives

haha it is out of control & to think a vaad can make takanos is silly, at the best its encouragement to make people feel its the norm, in the end it comes down to how you brought up your children from day 1, although I will admit you have mechetunim to take into consideration. Its not a one sided simcha & that makes it so tricky

Offline Dan

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Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Yehuda25

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Call me naive, really seems to be too many people trying to live upto the joneses. Can make a beatiful takanah wedding in lakewood for very cheap, no reason everyone feels the pressure to make a huge ateres avrohom type of event.
“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”


― Aristotle

Offline Dan

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Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline myi

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Call me naive, really seems to be too many people trying to live upto the joneses. Can make a beatiful takanah wedding in lakewood for very cheap, no reason everyone feels the pressure to make a huge ateres avrohom type of event.
Nothing more nothing less, well said!
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Offline shiframeir

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Call me naive, really seems to be too many people trying to live upto the joneses. Can make a beatiful takanah wedding in lakewood for very cheap, no reason everyone feels the pressure to make a huge ateres avrohom type of event.
i had a "huge ateres avrohom type of event" (at ateres avrohom). it was very nice, but a total waste of money. nonjewish friends talk about their fantastic getaway weddings with only close family and friends and the price is cheaper, and i tell them yeah, i got married in a basement in williamsburg with 500 people (of which i was friendly with about 100)...

Offline sams

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i had a "huge ateres avrohom type of event" (at ateres avrohom). it was very nice, but a total waste of money. nonjewish friends talk about their fantastic getaway weddings with only close family and friends and the price is cheaper, and i tell them yeah, i got married in a basement in williamsburg with 500 people (of which i was friendly with about 100)...
Ur parents were friendly with another 100 so were hers and she had 100 friends other 100 were Collectors lol

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All the discussions on this topic are missing the primary evil. People have to be educated to be more responsible financially. How they make their Simcha's will be a result of that.
״וזה כלל גדול: שישנא אדם כל דבר שקר. וכל מה שיוסיף שנאה לדרכי השקר – יוסיף אהבה לתורה.״ - אורחות צדיקים