POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?

[Dan]

Not my words. Anyway, that's what the Mishpacha article and the like is all about. No discussion for communities without this problem.

Never seen this OOT for starters.
What goes on in Crown Heights @ExGingi @Yehuda57 ?

[shapsam]

They're all buying Italian furniture? I find that hard to believe.
Please define what exactly these expectations are and which communities.

Doesn't have to be Italian per se, but a bedroom set, sofa, dinette set and dining room set (although recently I'm hearing of more and more people that didn't get a dining room set) from a regular Jewish furniture store, not wayfair etc. And this is just furniture...

I don't know about specific communities, this is in general that I see at least in the Brooklyn/Monsey/Lakewood communities.

[shapsam]

Then there's gifts, Shabbos oifruf/sheva brochos, linen, china/silverware/pots/small kitchen appliances, sometimes all/some big appliances, clothing for the choson/kallah and the family, shtreimals, sheitels, etc.

[shapsam]

In Lakewood I know many people get a $10-15k car for the couple, but this is already a different discussion about peoples expectations to support the couple, ranging from paying their rent to basically full financial support for 2-5 years, which is also pretty mainstream.

[yeshivabucher]

In Lakewood I know many people get a $10-15k car for the couple, but this is already a different discussion about peoples expectations to support the couple, ranging from paying their rent to basically full financial support for 2-5 years, which is also pretty mainstream.

personally for me while i would have liked the previous model camery i made sure to work within my budget and got a few years earlier for less then half the price (btw saved a ton on taxes and insurance)

[yeshivabucher]

personally for me while i would have liked the previous model camery i made sure to work within my budget and got a few years earlier for less then half the price (btw saved a ton on taxes and insurance)

parents offered to help a bit but was (fortunately) not willing to spend 12-15k got a 2011 in excellent condition for 5500 and more then happy

[yesitsme]

So the brainstorms now invented Chassuna mall/wedding plaza where you can get Italian designed- Chinese made furniture for less..

that break before you get to use them

[PlatinumGuy]

while i would have liked the previous model camery

May that be your greatest תאווה

[aygart]

I don't see how it's possible for them to make a profit.

If it can be done for a Bar Mitzva why can't it be done for a wedding?

[shaulyaakov]

If it can be done for a Bar Mitzva why can't it be done for a wedding?

The labor alone should make this a losing proposition -

Photographer - $1,000 (including photo touch ups and digital photos)

OMB - $800

Waiters - 5 x 20 per hour x 5 hours = 500

Kitchen/cleaning staff for event - 4 x 15 per hour x 5 hours = 300 + chef @ 200 per diem = 500

Hall manager - $200 per diem

Total 3000. That leaves 1500 for food costs (including prep), flowers, and overhead.

Even if you cut a couple hundred off of this, it's not profitable. Either there has to be a donor here, or all these people are hurting so much, they're willing to do events on the cheap to just get something.

[coffeebean]

The labor alone should make this a losing proposition -

Photographer - $1,000 (including photo touch ups and digital photos)

OMB - $800

Waiters - 5 x 20 per hour x 5 hours = 500

Kitchen/cleaning staff for event - 4 x 15 per hour x 5 hours = 300 + chef @ 200 per diem = 500

Hall manager - $200 per diem

Total 3000. That leaves 1500 for food costs (including prep), flowers, and overhead.

Even if you cut a couple hundred off of this, it's not profitable. Either there has to be a donor here, or all these people are hurting so much, they're willing to do events on the cheap to just get something.

Agree

[aygart]

The labor alone should make this a losing proposition -

Photographer - $1,000 (including photo touch ups and digital photos)

OMB - $800

Waiters - 5 x 20 per hour x 5 hours = 500

Kitchen/cleaning staff for event - 4 x 15 per hour x 5 hours = 300 + chef @ 200 per diem = 500

Hall manager - $200 per diem

Total 3000. That leaves 1500 for food costs (including prep), flowers, and overhead.

Even if you cut a couple hundred off of this, it's not profitable. Either there has to be a donor here, or all these people are hurting so much, they're willing to do events on the cheap to just get something.

You did not address my question at all.

[shaulyaakov]

You did not address my question at all.

Are bar mitzvahs this cheap?

[yelped]

In Lakewood I know many people get a $10-15k car for the couple, but this is already a different discussion about peoples expectations to support the couple, ranging from paying their rent to basically full financial support for 2-5 years, which is also pretty mainstream.

And you don't think that it is ridiculous?

[aygart]

Are bar mitzvahs this cheap?

Definitely doable easily for 100p.

[pbf]

How about this radical idea.

Let people get married when they're a bit older than 18 and have been able to save up.

If they want a more expensive wedding, or something above standard, let them pay for it themselves.

I am single and have some ideas for what I would want extra at my wedding, but I would never ask my parents or in-laws to pay for it.

[shapsam]

And you don't think that it is ridiculous?

For parents to go into debt for it, of course its ridiculous. I happen to know someone that was already in debt that is supporting the couples 2 year Israel excursion because his daughter decided she wants to live in Israel.

[shapsam]

Definitely doable easily for 100p.

What's 100p, $100 per couple? The bar mitzvas in my family were about $6-7k for 40 couples, that includes the hall, caterer, waiters/kitchen staff plus tips, mashgiach fee, party planner, not over the top flowers, no paid music or photographer. I know in Lakewood it can be a little cheaper, but still not what we're talking about for $4500.

[shaulyaakov]

I think the takana wedding is a good idea, but I'm not sure the takanos go far enough. I think a limit of 100 non immediate family (grandparents, siblings' families) makes sense.

The bar should be set that 150-200 people is standard and anything more is excessive. Right now, the low-end seems to be 300-400.

This would change the economics faster than saying the type of food that can or can't be served.

[Jellybelly]

How about this radical idea.

Let people get married when they're a bit older than 18 and have been able to save up.

If they want a more expensive wedding, or something above standard, let them pay for it themselves.

I am single and have some ideas for what I would want extra at my wedding, but I would never ask my parents or in-laws to pay for it.

That won’t help for the Yeshiva community, where the boys usually  don’t work. Unless your talking about the girls waiting longer, but I think you’ll have organizations like Libbi on your case