POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?

[Definitions]

First off, if you think that people in our community, especially children and young adults, have enough of an understanding of money, finances, savings, and what it takes to make enough money to pay for the things they expect, then I think you are either an idiot or just woefully unaware of how people actually live.
Second of all, I wasn't advocating for financial literacy courses, that's a stupid idea that will teach a few guys in more modern yeshivos a little bit more about finances, that doesn't really solve anything. If you actually read all my posts from today you would have seen that I was saying that parents don't do enough of a job giving their kids an understanding of what it actually costs them to pay for the things they are coming to take for granted. And if you think there isn't a sense of entitlement among young people in our community, especially when it comes to paying for them to get married and start a life together, then I refer you back to paragraph one.

This point I might change my mind about and agree with you. Especially regarding the support part. When I said there's only embarrassment I had in mind specifically the wedding alone. You could been referring to other expenses (which was your whole point in a different comment). Yada yada. Ok fine skip this for now

But when I said financial literacy I was referring to what you meant about parents not explaining to their kids. That part I still don't understand.

[aygart]

I'm pretty sure this has been mentioned in a different thread a while ago. (Maybe it was should yeshivas teach financial literacy).
 I don't understand this whole thing about teaching financial literacy. Which person with any sense in their head doesn't understand that a dollar is a dollar. There's nothing to teach or understand.

And I'm not understanding the the idea that it's (also) the parents fault for raising kids a certain way that they feel entitled. There's no feeling of entitlement here, there's a feeling of embarrassment if it's not done.

There are people who simply don't think through things before they do them and base their decisions only on what they see in front of them that second without any consideration of longer term consequences. This comes out in so many ways and is not limited to financial issues. Just look at  how different people dealt with the virus.

[aygart]

So, it is #Fakenews

https://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/2020/06/update-hall-in-lakewood-offers-all-inclusive-wedding-package-for-4500.html
Yesterday, TLS reported about a hall in Lakewood offering an all-inclusive wedding package for $4,500.
Upon TLS releasing the phone number, the hall was inundated with phone calls from parents looking to take advantage of this ridiculously-low price.

So what’s the catch?

The hall says they are offering this price to the first 25 bookings, after which the price will change to $7,000.

The package includes a meal for 100 – plus an additional 120 people for dancing, music and singer, flowers, photographer, and a videographer.

“This is an innovation that is long overdue and is now open to the public,” the hall said.

Call 848-226-2299 to inquire about available dates

[Euclid]

There are people who simply don't think through things before they do them and base their decisions only on what they see in front of them that second without any consideration of longer term consequences. This comes out in so many ways and is not limited to financial issues. Just look at  how different people dealt with the virus.

https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=116887

[Chapshnell]

As long as we're on the topic, one of my biggest pet peeves was being dumped after one date.

First girl I dated, I flew out to LA, had a one date, she wasn't interested in dating again.

As a 23 year old introvert with 5 brothers, making small talk with a girl on a first date, let alone connecting with her, was hardly going to be an area I excelled at.

I was angry at a system like that, it seemed so senseless over a date where research had been done, money had been spent, and didn't go horribly bad.

My wife was the 8th girl I dated, and by then I had some idea what I was doing, though I was the first person she dated. I learned much later that she wouldn't have gone out on a 2nd date had I not flown to KC. But we dated for 2 weeks after that, got engaged, and the rest is history.

Point being, have patience, even if it's not the best date at first

Anyway, perhaps this should be a separate thread...

I once heard a few speakers say... OOT dates when traveling occurs.. there is a 2 date minimum

[pbf]

Someone start a thread for worst dating stories

[aygart]

Someone start a thread for worst dating stories

I can't imagine there isn't one in JS

[Dan]

Someone start a thread for worst dating stories

Go for it

[pbf]

https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=117348.msg2273602#msg2273602

Done

[Shmulie]

Someone start a thread for worst dating stories

Please don't!
If you do I may never start dating!!!

[flyingace]

First off, if you think that people in our community, especially children and young adults, have enough of an understanding of money, finances, savings, and what it takes to make enough money to pay for the things they expect, then I think you are either an idiot or just woefully unaware of how people actually live.
Second of all, I wasn't advocating for financial literacy courses, that's a stupid idea that will teach a few guys in more modern yeshivos a little bit more about finances, that doesn't really solve anything. If you actually read all my posts from today you would have seen that I was saying that parents don't do enough of a job giving their kids an understanding of what it actually costs them to pay for the things they are coming to take for granted. And if you think there isn't a sense of entitlement among young people in our community, especially when it comes to paying for them to get married and start a life together, then I refer you back to paragraph one.

This is not particular to our communities. It occurs in many middle or upper-middle class communities, as well.

[David61]

So, it is #Fakenews

https://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/2020/06/update-hall-in-lakewood-offers-all-inclusive-wedding-package-for-4500.html
Yesterday, TLS reported about a hall in Lakewood offering an all-inclusive wedding package for $4,500.
Upon TLS releasing the phone number, the hall was inundated with phone calls from parents looking to take advantage of this ridiculously-low price.

So what’s the catch?

The hall says they are offering this price to the first 25 bookings, after which the price will change to $7,000.

The package includes a meal for 100 – plus an additional 120 people for dancing, music and singer, flowers, photographer, and a videographer.

“This is an innovation that is long overdue and is now open to the public,” the hall said.

Call 848-226-2299 to inquire about available dates

So with all the talk is anyone aware of one hall that has indicating willingness to offer a "simchainitiatives" compatible chasuna (250 meals) for less than the price of a takanah chasuna?

[mmgfarb]

This is not particular to our communities. It occurs in many middle or upper-middle class communities, as well.

I'm sure. I'm also sure that I don't particularly care if regular middle-class kids expect their parents to pay for their college education. I do care however, that kids in our community seem to take it for granted that their parents will spend $50-$100k getting their lives set up when they get married.

[aygart]

So with all the talk is anyone aware of one hall that has indicating willingness to offer a "simchainitiatives" compatible chasuna (250 meals) for less than the price of a takanah chasuna?

What is the difference between an SI chasuna and the current takana chasuna in Lakewood?

[mmgfarb]

What is the difference between an SI chasuna and the current takana chasuna in Lakewood?

Not much really. As I've said, they're really missing the point IMO.

[David61]

What is the difference between an SI chasuna and the current takana chasuna in Lakewood?

SI has fewer people for the meal (250) and presumably something additional for the simchas chosson v'kallah, whereas current takanah still typically assume a minimum of ~350 guests.

[Ergel]

Just spoke to someone who recently made a wedding in Israel, cost for 300+ eating guests, including a band (though only singers as it was in Yerushalayim), photographer, etc. (all in) was 50,000 ILS

[moko]

Just spoke to someone who recently made a wedding in Israel, cost for 300+ eating guests, including a band (though only singers as it was in Yerushalayim), photographer, etc. (all in) was 50,000 ILS

Very doable in the US as well.
Like everything in life, $50,000+ for a "normal " wedding doesn't mean sane.
It's very normal to spend $1000 on a cellphone. That doesn't mean it's sane. Especially when you can buy a decent phone for around $200

[shiframeir]

This isnt totally related to this thread, but i couldnt find a more relevant one. My friend's babysitter is getting married, but she and her chosson are both really poor and parents cant help much. Obviously they arent planning even a simcha initiative wedding, but are there gmachs that would help them get married/get basics like a set of dishes, towels etc. (they are a bit more modern)? I would think there are gmachs that use economies of scale to get these simple stuff, and possibly a small hall (or backyard) wedding, rather than them doing a go fund me and somewhat irresponsibly just buy everything at different stores.

[mmgfarb]

This isnt totally related to this thread, but i couldnt find a more relevant one. My friend's babysitter is getting married, but she and her chosson are both really poor and parents cant help much. Obviously they arent planning even a simcha initiative wedding, but are there gmachs that would help them get married/get basics like a set of dishes, towels etc. (they are a bit more modern)? I would think there are gmachs that use economies of scale to get these simple stuff, and possibly a small hall (or backyard) wedding, rather than them doing a go fund me and somewhat irresponsibly just buy everything at different stores.

I know there are tzedakas for these kinds of things. I think they are more community specific but you can call a rav in their community and ask if there's a hachnasas kalla fund.