Topic Wiki

Initiative to lower the standards:   https://simchainitiative.org/

Mishpacha Article link:                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs/
                                                     https://mishpacha.com/at-all-costs-the-conversation-continues-2/

Jewish Pr. Interview W/R Reisman   https://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/interviews-and-profiles/over-1300-sign-pledge-to-hold-simpler-weddings-an-interview-with-rav-yisroel-reisman-rosh-yeshiva-of-torah-vodaath/2020/05/13/

Some interesting articles covering the guidelines from similar efforts 20 years ago

https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2002-V35-N06.pdf  page 10 article by Prof. Aaron Twerski
https://agudah.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/JO2006-V39-N041.pdf page 43 article by R Aryeh Zev Ginzberg
https://www.nytimes.com/2002/05/25/us/religion-journal-a-big-wedding-with-a-smaller-bill.html
« Last edited by David61 on May 28, 2020, 06:29:23 PM »

Poll

Wedding expenses in the frum community

Thank G-d for simchas
12 (6%)
This has gotten out of hand and a remedy is needed
149 (74.9%)
It's a problem but has always been this way and we'll manage as we have till now
38 (19.1%)

Total Members Voted: 199

Author Topic: POLL: Wedding expenses in the frum Community - BH for simchos? or out of hand?  (Read 120051 times)

Offline yungermanchik

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This isnt totally related to this thread, but i couldnt find a more relevant one. My friend's babysitter is getting married, but she and her chosson are both really poor and parents cant help much. Obviously they arent planning even a simcha initiative wedding, but are there gmachs that would help them get married/get basics like a set of dishes, towels etc. (they are a bit more modern)? I would think there are gmachs that use economies of scale to get these simple stuff, and possibly a small hall (or backyard) wedding, rather than them doing a go fund me and somewhat irresponsibly just buy everything at different stores.
Yad Batya L'kallah has a warehouse of essentials that they discreetly deliver to the family (in brooklyn)
Small people talk about other people.
Average people talk about things
BIG PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IDEAS.

Offline Jellybelly

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This isnt totally related to this thread, but i couldnt find a more relevant one. My friend's babysitter is getting married, but she and her chosson are both really poor and parents cant help much. Obviously they arent planning even a simcha initiative wedding, but are there gmachs that would help them get married/get basics like a set of dishes, towels etc. (they are a bit more modern)? I would think there are gmachs that use economies of scale to get these simple stuff, and possibly a small hall (or backyard) wedding, rather than them doing a go fund me and somewhat irresponsibly just buy everything at different stores.

Which community? Lakewood has TDL, tiferes Devora lkalleh
And I think Chicago also has something

Offline shmaya

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You're not giving a clear answer.

I'll answer it for you (or at least try to). All teaching "financial literacy" does is create a support group to counter the social pressure. It's not any sort of new understanding of finances that fixes the problem, because there isn't anything taught.

I think “financial literacy” is not the issue so much as money management.

It would make sense that many of the people on this forum are more financially literate than Your average young couple.

When I was in Kollel I organized a money management seminar and I think most of the ideas were brand new for the attendees.

Things like: “there is always more month left at the end of the money”,  “pay yourself first” How compounding interest works for or against you and the difference between an asset and liability (rich dad poor dad.)

Just to understand the extent to which people tend to be bamboozled: most frum families who lease or buy a new car refer to it as an “investment “.

Financial literacy is the next step, And may be

Offline ExGingi

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Just heard that caterers are making up for the smaller weddings (and months with almost no business) by charging higher rates.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline Yikes2179

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Just heard that caterers are making up for the smaller weddings (and months with almost no business) by charging higher rates.
Don't forget that prices of meat have gone up quite a bit as well

Offline ExGingi

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Don't forget that prices of meat have gone up quite a bit as well

I don’t recall seeing any beef at the wedding. Only chicken, which IINM didn't go up so drastically.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

Offline 12HRS

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Just heard that caterers are making up for the smaller weddings (and months with almost no business) by charging higher rates.

as are the barbers

Offline David61

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Just heard that caterers are making up for the smaller weddings (and months with almost no business) by charging higher rates.

Higher rates per person? Or higher rates for the cost of the total chasuna?

The former is to be expected with a certain portion of the costs being fixed (being spread across fewer people).
If the latter it must be demand outstripping supply which supports that, perhaps justified by the recent financial losses

Offline shmaya

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So my sister and 3 of my cousins got engaged over the past few weeks, and unfortunately it seems like there is no attempt being made to utilize the current crisis in mitigating the cost of simchas.

I was very hopeful when I saw the backyard weddings, but it looks like unless there is a proper push to make people aware that the decisions they are making now Will have a very long term impact for the community, we will go right back to weddings that are actually more expensive.

As I told my parents, they can save me well over $150k by helping change the standards now.

Offline Dan

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So my sister and 3 of my cousins got engaged over the past few weeks, and unfortunately it seems like there is no attempt being made to utilize the current crisis in mitigating the cost of simchas.

I was very hopeful when I saw the backyard weddings, but it looks like unless there is a proper push to make people aware that the decisions they are making now Will have a very long term impact for the community, we will go right back to weddings that are actually more expensive.

As I told my parents, they can save me well over $150k by helping change the standards now.
Sad.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Kobe Bryant

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Offline Dan

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Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Sam Finkelstein

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I don’t want to sound like a total fool, but myself and plenty of others have gotten married within the past several years at beautiful yet modest affairs. So please don’t tell me it’s impossible.
Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. –J. Paul Getty

Offline Chapshnell

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I don’t want to sound like a total fool, but myself and plenty of others have gotten married within the past several years at beautiful yet modest affairs. So please don’t tell me it’s impossible.

who says it is impossible? Its a shame people dont live within their means! Even if someone wants to by a wedding there is 2 sides

Offline 12HRS

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who says it is impossible? Its a shame people dont live within their means! Even if someone wants to by a wedding there is 2 sides

yea the mother and the mother-in-law

Offline EliJelly

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Great advice from hizzoner Gov. Coumo:

Quote
“You can get married; you just can’t have 1,000 people at your wedding. You get the same result at the end of the day,” Cuomo said. “It’s also cheaper.”

https://www.ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/news/2020/10/17/williamsburg-wedding-of-10-000-attendees-ordered-canceled-by-cuomo

Offline yesitsme

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Online aygart

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Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline ad120

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My friend was meant to get married at the Decorum in London after חנוכה. The hall cancelled.

Offline David61

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So. . . With the vaccine now here. . .

Are any of these suggestions going to stick?
Any halls agree to offer compatible packages post-COVID?
Any communities take action to support these initiatives on a permanent basis?