Poll

Has the whole stay-at-home situation affected your shalom bayis

Negatively?
8 (9.4%)
Positively?
39 (45.9%)
Status quo
26 (30.6%)
Too early to tell
12 (14.1%)

Total Members Voted: 85

Author Topic: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis  (Read 15307 times)

Offline pbf

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #60 on: April 27, 2020, 05:57:39 PM »
As a single, I would NOT want to get married right now at all.
Not because of the wedding. Actually having a small backyard wedding is my dream.
But because I cannot imagine, under any circumstances, how this could be a healthy way to start a marriage.
In fact, I think it can have long term detrimental effect. I think divorce is extreme, but I do think it will make something that is hard, that much harder.

Getting used to living with someone is hard enough. To do so when:
A: you are in each other's faces ALL. THE. TIME. This is not good for even the healthiest of marriages. You need routine. You need SPACE
B: it's overall a very stressful time for almost everyone, regardless of how you have been affected
C: you can't even go away for Shabbos or anything, which is hard for young girls to suddenly spring into full on housework like that

My main reason is A. If I was engaged right now, no matter how much we 'loved' each other (no I don't think that's possible in frum circles), I would do whatever I can to push the wedding.

Offline ari3

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #61 on: April 27, 2020, 10:27:31 PM »
An attempt to get this thread back to it's intended topic.

Sholom bayis impact due to corona

Pros
Very much appreciate the effort that DW needs to put in during this time. With all the kids home, no daycare and no work out of the house being a Mommy has turned into a 24/7 job.

Cons
Life is a bit more stressful with everyone (including myself) home all the time. (B"H we moved into a larger home last summer otherwise things would be ALOT more stressful).
Ironically with everyone home all the time and nowhere to go I get to spend less quality time with DW.

Being married 20+ years this isn't going to have a significant Impact on sholom bayis one way or another.

Offline herb

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #62 on: April 27, 2020, 10:28:27 PM »
As a single, I would NOT want to get married right now at all.
Not because of the wedding. Actually having a small backyard wedding is my dream.
But because I cannot imagine, under any circumstances, how this could be a healthy way to start a marriage.
In fact, I think it can have long term detrimental effect. I think divorce is extreme, but I do think it will make something that is hard, that much harder.

Getting used to living with someone is hard enough. To do so when:
A: you are in each other's faces ALL. THE. TIME. This is not good for even the healthiest of marriages. You need routine. You need SPACE
B: it's overall a very stressful time for almost everyone, regardless of how you have been affected
C: you can't even go away for Shabbos or anything, which is hard for young girls to suddenly spring into full on housework like that

My main reason is A. If I was engaged right now, no matter how much we 'loved' each other (no I don't think that's possible in frum circles), I would do whatever I can to push the wedding.
all true but how long could you push off already? Long engagements aren't healthy either

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #63 on: April 27, 2020, 10:30:47 PM »
Could we get an option for never been better?
Only on DDF does 24/6 mean 24/5/half/half

Online AsherO

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #64 on: April 27, 2020, 10:37:51 PM »
Being married 20+ years this isn't going to have a significant Impact on sholom bayis one way or another.

Longer marriage won’t necessarily “cause” you to have better Shalom Bayis in this crisis, but there’s definitely at least some correlation.
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Offline EliJelly

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #65 on: April 28, 2020, 12:45:40 AM »
Could we get an option for never been better?
Interesting, on the contrary, my wife is actually upset I spend so much time on DDF ;D ;D

Offline Luvisrael

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #66 on: April 28, 2020, 02:23:03 AM »
Interesting, on the contrary, my wife is actually upset I spend so much time on DDF ;D ;D
well than you better get off here

Offline Luvtotravel

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #67 on: April 28, 2020, 02:37:29 AM »
i know someone who got engaged just a month ago and got married last week. she chose to have such a short engagement so that shell have someone she enjoys to quarantine with...
Don't wait for the perfect moment; take the moment and make it perfect.

Offline PlatinumGuy

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #68 on: April 28, 2020, 03:12:37 AM »
i know someone who got engaged just a month ago and got married last week. she chose to have such a short engagement so that shell have someone she enjoys to quarantine with...
Let us know how it goes
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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #69 on: April 28, 2020, 06:23:35 AM »
i know someone who got engaged just a month ago and got married last week. she chose to have such a short engagement so that shell have someone she enjoys to quarantine with...
This has to be the best thing for those that just married.
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Offline ilherman

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #70 on: April 28, 2020, 10:13:34 AM »
This has to be the best thing for those that just married.
Did you read the entire thread?   ;)
You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline Yard sale

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #71 on: April 28, 2020, 10:26:09 AM »
Very rosy thread here. B”h I would put myself in the unchanged to better category. I have what I would consider to be a really good marriage but looking way back to Shana Rishona something like this would’ve been a serious threat to my marriage at that point. It’s only because we had our space and time for ourselves that we were able to work things out during what for most people is a very rocky time. Many other couples I know of have the same dynamic, and it is well known that it is a trying time for most. Then there are a huge amount of people out there who are suffering from mental illness and this situation makes what was barely tolerable into a simply horrible situation for the other spouse, especially for those with severe personality disorders. Just ask any of the helplines and crisis organizations. Let us not forget that there are thousands who are suffering to various degrees from this.

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #72 on: April 28, 2020, 10:26:46 AM »
Did you read the entire thread?   ;)
Yes but maybe I misunderstand Shalom Bayis?
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Offline EliJelly

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #73 on: April 28, 2020, 10:47:15 AM »
well than you better get off here
You don't get it..

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #74 on: April 28, 2020, 10:48:51 AM »
i know someone who got engaged just a month ago and got married last week. she chose to have such a short engagement so that shell have someone she enjoys to quarantine with...
as someone who just got engaged id want the relationship to mature a bit before you get married

Offline Shmobaum

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #75 on: April 28, 2020, 10:54:19 AM »
as someone who just got engaged id want the relationship to mature a bit before you get married
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Offline ckmk47

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #76 on: April 28, 2020, 11:34:02 AM »

Being married 20+ years this isn't going to have a significant Impact on sholom bayis one way or another.
May I suggest  you do little thoughtful things so she knows you care about her.
Not just group helpful things like take out the garbage, or put away the toys.
More like keep the kids from eating the last bowl of her favorite cereal or playing her preferred music.
« Last Edit: April 28, 2020, 11:57:56 AM by ckmk47 »
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Offline Redbull3

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #77 on: April 28, 2020, 11:46:09 AM »
NGL it's been a bit of a challenge at first but one we're embracing and we've come a long way in the last couple weeks to the point where I'd now say it's a positive.
Also I second the notion of doing small/thoughtful things. Get her a card (or even draw one). This stuff goes a long way.

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #78 on: April 28, 2020, 11:48:46 AM »
For the very few women here the small/thoughtful things goes both ways.  ;)
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Offline ckmk47

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Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #79 on: April 28, 2020, 11:59:07 AM »
yup.  But it was a guy's post I was responding to.
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