Poll

Has the whole stay-at-home situation affected your shalom bayis

Negatively?
8 (9.4%)
Positively?
39 (45.9%)
Status quo
26 (30.6%)
Too early to tell
12 (14.1%)

Total Members Voted: 85

Author Topic: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis  (Read 15311 times)

Offline ilherman

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2013
  • Posts: 8935
  • Total likes: 227
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 35
    • View Profile
  • Location: Brooklyn
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #40 on: April 27, 2020, 03:28:14 PM »
https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/1839427/psak-from-harav-yitzchak-yosef-no-mass-tefillah-at-the-kosel-assur-to-delay-weddings.html



“Regarding weddings, they should not be pushed off under any circumstances and should be held on time in a minimized way according to instructions.”

You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline Lurker

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2019
  • Posts: 5054
  • Total likes: 6390
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: As always, silence is NOT an admission of agreement on DDF. It just means that people lack the stamina to keep on arguing with made up "facts", illogical arguments, deceiving statements, nasty and degrading comments, and fuzzy math. - @yelped
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #41 on: April 27, 2020, 03:29:41 PM »
https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/1839427/psak-from-harav-yitzchak-yosef-no-mass-tefillah-at-the-kosel-assur-to-delay-weddings.html



“Regarding weddings, they should not be pushed off under any circumstances and should be held on time in a minimized way according to instructions.”

Lol. March 12. Pretty sure there was still a psak to keep the shuls and schools open then.
Failing at maintaining Lurker status.

Online aygart

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 17406
  • Total likes: 14342
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
    • Lower Watt Energy Brokers
  • Programs: www.lowerwatt.com
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #42 on: April 27, 2020, 04:02:41 PM »
I did not see a single rav suggesting to push off. By default most rabanim I know say to not push off.
Your whole conversation was based on this
I heard that the Lakewood rabbanim are now advising couples to push off their wedding because the ppl who got married in the past few weeks are finding it very hard to start a new life together in such crazy circumstances with nowhere to go and nothing to do.

About which you wrote
Do you know that pushing off a wedding is the last resort al pi kabalah?

Again, if there is a real reason then you gotta ask a real rav, but for challenges like these?
But now you are writing this
I did not see a single rav suggesting to push off. By default most rabanim I know say to not push off.
Are you listening to rabbonim or not? Only when you like what they say?

Maybe @Shmobaum heard wrong. I don't know. But why shouldn't anyone discuss it with a Rov?
Feelings don't care about your facts

Online Something Fishy

  • Global Moderator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: Jan 2011
  • Posts: 8710
  • Total likes: 6078
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 44
    • View Profile
    • Kosher Horizons
  • Location: Iceland
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #43 on: April 27, 2020, 04:07:33 PM »
Amazing. It took 6 posts for this thread to devolve and go off topic. That's 6 more than I expected, so not too bad.
Check out my site for epic kosher adventures: Kosher Horizons

Offline ilherman

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2013
  • Posts: 8935
  • Total likes: 227
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 35
    • View Profile
  • Location: Brooklyn
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #44 on: April 27, 2020, 04:08:35 PM »
Your whole conversation was based on this
About which you wroteBut now you are writing thisAre you listening to rabbonim or not? Only when you like what they say?

Maybe @Shmobaum heard wrong. I don't know. But why shouldn't anyone discuss it with a Rov?
To be perfectly clear. My understanding was that he was referring to rumors. I did not accept in any way that a competent rav in lakewood has said so. Hence my comments.
You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline ilherman

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2013
  • Posts: 8935
  • Total likes: 227
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 35
    • View Profile
  • Location: Brooklyn
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #45 on: April 27, 2020, 04:09:31 PM »
Amazing. It took 6 posts for this thread to devolve and go off topic. That's 6 more than I expected, so not too bad.
This is what we, here at ddf do best.  8)
You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline lubaby

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2010
  • Posts: 5335
  • Total likes: 736
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 12
    • View Profile
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #46 on: April 27, 2020, 04:15:40 PM »
But your comments aren't  :)
Only if people know the person behind the username..

Online Shmobaum

  • Dansdeals Platinum Elite + Lifetime Silver Elite
  • *****
  • Join Date: Nov 2017
  • Posts: 595
  • Total likes: 221
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood
  • Programs: National EE, Hertz Presidential, Marriott Gold Elite, Daf Yomi Presidential Platinum Premier
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #47 on: April 27, 2020, 04:26:24 PM »
To clarify, I didn’t hear this from some random guy in the mikva.
Heard it from a reliable source. Obviously one must ask their Rav when deciding what to do.
Having said that, יותר מה שקראתי...

Online skyguy918

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Mar 2011
  • Posts: 3810
  • Total likes: 826
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: Queens, NY
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #48 on: April 27, 2020, 04:29:03 PM »
What percentage of shidduch daters really love their wife before they get married?
Love is something that grows with time.
When I got engaged, I expressed something like this sentiment to my now wife (growing to love each other), and she would tell me later on how strange she thought it was that I had said that. Now, just shy of 10 years on, she fully understands and agrees, even if she still loves to poke fun about it being a terrible 'proposal'.

Offline Dan

  • Administrator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime 50K Diamond Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 67601
  • Total likes: 16913
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16442
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: CLE
  • Programs: UA GS, AA EXP, DL Dirt, Hyatt Glob, Fairmont Lifetime Plat, DD Diamond, Blocked By @NeriaKraus
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #49 on: April 27, 2020, 04:33:21 PM »
When I got engaged, I expressed something like this sentiment to my now wife (growing to love each other), and she would tell me later on how strange she thought it was that I had said that. Now, just shy of 10 years on, she fully understands and agrees, even if she still loves to poke fun about it being a terrible 'proposal'.
I said the same thing. We dated for 2 weeks and the shadchan was applying pressure. No reason not to be perfectly honest about the situation and where I was holding. The goal at that point is more compatibility than love.

I asked what percentage feels love, but really I wonder if anyone feels true love in that situation. There may be desire or infatuation or a strong liking, but I don't see how there could be love.

Hence my problem with

If you really love your wife and are excited to get married then whats the problem?
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Chapshnell

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Apr 2013
  • Posts: 4818
  • Total likes: 275
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 12
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: BP
  • Programs: Delta Skypesos, AA Shilling, AS Pounds.
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #50 on: April 27, 2020, 04:37:58 PM »
I said the same thing. We dated for 2 weeks and the shadchan was applying pressure. No reason not to be perfectly honest about the situation and where I was holding. The goal at that point is more compatibility than love.

I asked what percentage feels love, but really I wonder if anyone feels true love in that situation. There may be desire or infatuation or a strong liking, but I don't see how there could be love.

Hence my problem with

My Mom tells her kids when we date to see if there is chemistry.. Love comes later..

Offline Dan

  • Administrator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime 50K Diamond Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 67601
  • Total likes: 16913
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16442
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: CLE
  • Programs: UA GS, AA EXP, DL Dirt, Hyatt Glob, Fairmont Lifetime Plat, DD Diamond, Blocked By @NeriaKraus
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #51 on: April 27, 2020, 04:39:09 PM »
My Mom tells her kids when we date to see if there is chemistry.. Love comes later..
Exactly.
Some girls I dated said they were looking for love. They kept looking for a long time afterward...
Shidduch dating and hollywood movies are 2 very different stories.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline ilherman

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2013
  • Posts: 8935
  • Total likes: 227
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 35
    • View Profile
  • Location: Brooklyn
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #52 on: April 27, 2020, 04:40:36 PM »
After going out with my wife a couple of times I went to ask someone I trust how to proceed. He didn't ask me "do you love her" he asked do you guys seem to understand each other? And his next question was "can you think 2 minutes with closed eyes and imagine to yourself, her being the wife that you love and admire in 10 years from now"
You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Online Yehuda57

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jan 2014
  • Posts: 4891
  • Total likes: 14688
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 6
    • View Profile
    • Squilled
  • Location: Brooklyn
  • Programs: Official Dansdeals salad correspondent
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #53 on: April 27, 2020, 04:43:57 PM »

Arrange a Minyen in your backyard


Greatest troll job in the history of DDF. Bravo, sir, bravo.

Online Yehuda57

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jan 2014
  • Posts: 4891
  • Total likes: 14688
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 6
    • View Profile
    • Squilled
  • Location: Brooklyn
  • Programs: Official Dansdeals salad correspondent
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #54 on: April 27, 2020, 04:52:06 PM »
My Mom tells her kids when we date to see if there is chemistry.. Love comes later..

If I found chemistry, I ended the date immediately. I would never marry a girl who went to college.

Offline hvaces42

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Nov 2013
  • Posts: 5588
  • Total likes: 1148
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #55 on: April 27, 2020, 04:59:11 PM »
After going out with my wife a couple of times I went to ask someone I trust how to proceed. He didn't ask me "do you love her" he asked do you guys seem to understand each other? And his next question was "can you think 2 minutes with closed eyes and imagine to yourself, her being the wife that you love and admire in 10 years from now"
Come on, I know your shver. He held the Glock to your head and said Nu!!!
Fair warning - Any PMs sent in response to forum posts are fair game for ridicule in public.

Offline ilherman

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2013
  • Posts: 8935
  • Total likes: 227
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 35
    • View Profile
  • Location: Brooklyn
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #56 on: April 27, 2020, 05:01:53 PM »
Come on, I know your shver. He held the Glock to your head and said Nu!!!
Once I said yes. Ye I had no way out  :P
You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline hvaces42

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Nov 2013
  • Posts: 5588
  • Total likes: 1148
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #57 on: April 27, 2020, 05:02:48 PM »
Once I said yes. Ye I had no way out  :P
Love that man!
Fair warning - Any PMs sent in response to forum posts are fair game for ridicule in public.

Online etech0

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 12863
  • Total likes: 3321
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: not lakewood
  • Programs: DDF
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #58 on: April 27, 2020, 05:30:17 PM »
If I found chemistry, I ended the date immediately. I would never marry a girl who went to college.
They teach it in high school too
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Online Yehuda57

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jan 2014
  • Posts: 4891
  • Total likes: 14688
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 6
    • View Profile
    • Squilled
  • Location: Brooklyn
  • Programs: Official Dansdeals salad correspondent
Re: Covid-19 and Shalom Bayis
« Reply #59 on: April 27, 2020, 05:36:11 PM »