When I found out that I was to be counted as part of the minyan in the B"M for shachris for the 1st time in a really long time, the feeling I experienced was that of וגילו ברעדה. Joy over the opportunity to once again be allowed in the 'שמחתתי...בית ה נלך .בית ה. But there was also a fear, I didn't want to mess it up. Friday night, I had a hard time sleeping, knowing that I had to be up on time and they were relying on me. But when I got there I realized that I was in fact not "part" of the actual minyan in the B"M. Rather, I was to be mitzteref from the Ezras Nashim. Because the seats in the B"M were given out in age order and there were 10 people older than me who signed up before שבת. But, by mincha one of them decided to go back to the outside minyan that had less strict guidelines. At this point, I was allowed in the B"M. Its hard to describe, but it was a feeling of הביאני המלך חדריו. That Hashem finally let me in to his inner chambers. הלואי, that I would continue to feel that way whenever I daven in a Bais Medresh.
