Author Topic: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)  (Read 1937 times)

Online ExGingi

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #40 on: February 04, 2022, 02:28:32 PM »
I don’t think anyone suggests העמיד דור ישרים מבורך is about praising descendants, it’s considered an accomplishment (or impact left on the world) of the deceased.

Did I write העמיד?
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Offline Yonah

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #41 on: February 04, 2022, 03:10:13 PM »
I can see why you would consider it arrogant if one were to write approbations or titles, but if one were to want certain facts about their life or a possuk (as mentioned above), what's wrong with that? (you wouldn't know him, but while I'm sure Pinto wouldn't have asked for the inscription written on his מצבה, he would be OK with it, @gozalim don't you think so).

Even thinking of someone who many would consider arrogant, do you see something wrong here (other than considerations about not writing in English, etc.):


Yes - I would not consider Ed Koch's to be arrogant. I should have clarified. If you want something simple like a Pasuk that's fine, but not something like - "He was a Gadol Hador and Inspiration to many"

For example - my father worked in real estate. He was praised by many for his honest dealings. We added a phrase to his matzaiva that reflected it - because all of us - his children, family and friends - thought it was important to remember him by.

As opposed to him having done it - which would be a little arrogant.

Online Euclid

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #42 on: February 04, 2022, 04:04:23 PM »
(Is this the step after digging your own grave?)

Offline David61

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #43 on: February 04, 2022, 04:34:38 PM »
After experiencing several times emotional discussions and disagreements about what to write on מצבות (sometimes despite verbal instructions from the deceased), I mentioned to DW this morning that I hope to put my own נוסח המצבה in my will (which hopefully will not deal with any financial issues, as those will be dealt with in better ways), so there should be no possibility for disagreements.

Ed Koch famously wrote his own.

How common is the practice (amongst שומרי תומ"צ)?

On a related note, how common is the practice of writing a Tzava (ethical will)?

It seems it used to be relatively common in frum circles, but I'm unsure how common that is anymore. Presumably that is more about lessons, priorities, messages, blessings, even meaningful memories, and it a private document, rather than the more public self-description that goes on a Matzeiva.

Online Moshe Green

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #44 on: February 05, 2022, 04:03:18 PM »
I heard that a lot of Gedolim wrote their own... see above where a few Rabbanim are listed...
If you are such an Anav your whole life then writing a Matzeiva is possible without any Gaavah involved but us little guys would go something like this:
Yeah, he was the most awesomist guy on planet earth! What a Gadol! What a guy! etc. etc.
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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #45 on: February 05, 2022, 07:51:43 PM »
On a related note, how common is the practice of writing a Tzava (ethical will)?

It seems it used to be relatively common in frum circles, but I'm unsure how common that is anymore. Presumably that is more about lessons, priorities, messages, blessings, even meaningful memories, and it a private document, rather than the more public self-description that goes on a Matzeiva.

I don't know how common, but it pains me to a degree to see people refer to a legal will which disposes of assets as a צוואה.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
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Online AsherO

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #46 on: February 05, 2022, 08:50:36 PM »
Did I write העמיד?

I assumed that was what you were referring to as it’s what I’ve seen on tombstones. What were you referring to?

Offline gozalim

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #47 on: February 05, 2022, 10:28:57 PM »
(you wouldn't know him, but while I'm sure Pinto wouldn't have asked for the inscription written on his מצבה, he would be OK with it, @gozalim don't you think so).
I'm sure he asked for it. How else does that happen?

I'm not arguing he wouldn't want it, I'm arguing that the adults at the society should have rejected it for being too conspicuously different

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #48 on: February 05, 2022, 10:46:38 PM »
I'm sure he asked for it. How else does that happen?

When would Pinto ask for it?

He has brothers.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #49 on: February 06, 2022, 09:46:16 AM »
Unless it is a tzavo’oh to minimize praises on the matzaiva it kind of sounds like one writing his own eulogy. “He was such a humble man”.

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Re: Writing one's own נוסח המצבה (tombstone)
« Reply #50 on: February 06, 2022, 01:05:39 PM »
it kind of sounds like one writing his own eulogy. “He was such a humble man”.

I honestly don't understand why you and @Yonah would think that this is what people would write. I would imagine it would be more along the lines of mentioning a possuk, a certain connection to a tzaddik, a lifelong held belief or motto, etc.
I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan