Author Topic: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?  (Read 13275 times)

Offline Lurker

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #220 on: March 12, 2021, 09:56:26 AM »
Maybe if everyone just submits their pictures with masks on (maybe put on a face shield for good measure)THAT would change the shidduch picture conversation :P

Might be the only thing to get some people to wear masks...
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Offline whacked1

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #221 on: March 12, 2021, 11:42:50 AM »
Is he allowed to point out a masked girl to his non-posek (poser?) Rebbe on Shabbos?...
For shidduchim reasons or stam gossiping girls?

Online AsherO

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #222 on: March 12, 2021, 11:47:08 AM »
For shidduchim reasons or stam gossiping girls?

The hypothetical situation is being posited for us to gossip about

Offline Yonah

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #223 on: March 12, 2021, 02:31:46 PM »
What I love about DDF - I post something, come back 3 days later, and we've moved on to completely different topics :)

w/r/t the OTD and some of the other mental health related items - stigmas in our community are a huge problem. Take for example, a young man with a learning disability. How many of our Yeshivos can help these kids - and that's when they are diagnosed. What about that kid who has a learning disability that's undiagnosed? Or what happens to him even if it is? Very few yeshivos (although I think that it's changing, and please enlighten me if I am wrong) can support kids with some learning disabilities. The kid isn't learning, but is otherwise bright and has outbursts. He's treated as a troublemaker. Maybe even kicked out. The Rebbiem can't connect with him and it turns him off to learning. So what happens? Come high school the 'good' yeshivas don't want him. He winds up in a less respected Yeshiva because that's the best he can do, and the kids in in his grade are likely to include kids that are truly trouble makers.... and you see where this path is going.

This hit a chord for me. I had learning issues, which were treated as laziness, which made me a target for the rebbiem, which led me to be turned off to torah learning in a four year span where I was in four different schools. I had a smart principal who (even though I was being asked to leave his yeshiva) suggested to my parents to find a smaller school. Which they did. It was the best thing for me. My largest class had about 10 kids. It was a small yeshiva OOT, and being in a city where I wasn't surrounded by Jews made me learn a lot about myself, religion, and what it meant to me.

I don't think it's fair to say I was ever OTD. I always kept shabbos and kosher. But I definitely didn't see myself as a member of the Yeshivish community I grew up in. I can only imagine how difficult my shidduch life might have been (even 20-25 years ago), had I opted to go that route.

I think I've mentioned it here before, but at my bar mitzvah I wore a hat - wore it through 9th grade, because at that time that was the policy of my Yeshiva. At some point between 10th and 11th grade, I stopped wearing a hat. My rationale was this. I enjoyed learning, I went to minyan, but I also went to movies, and talked to girls. If I wore a black hat, and did the latter two, I'd be viewed as a faker, if I didn't wear a hat, I'd be viewed as the modern guy who likes to daven and learn, so I opted out of wearing a hat.

I know this kind of post will get plenty of comments and quotes. B"H - I am happy where I am in life and my relationship with Hashem. While I may have chosen a path slightly different from the one people might have expected of me as a child, I am truly blessed. I was also a kid who came from a good, frum home, with married and caring parents, and B"H no history of abuse or drugs.

It's Friday and I am drifting, the TL;DR here - there are many reasons kids go OTD. One of them is being labeled because of their learning disability. While I know the situation is improving, we need to keep on working so that we don't lose these kids too.

Offline Ellen

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #224 on: March 13, 2021, 07:35:56 PM »
I didn't disagree with the sentiment, but dismissing a prospect out of hand because s/he has divorced parents is wrong. Don't be lazy, do due diligence, and find out if the person was raised in a way where they had this exposure.
Many times, children of divorced parents will build beautiful homes and have better marriages because they come in with the knowledge that marriage is work and are more willing to put the work in.

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #225 on: March 13, 2021, 07:45:59 PM »
Many times, children of divorced parents will build beautiful homes and have better marriages because they come in with the knowledge that marriage is work and are more willing to put the work in.

True. But many times they’re starting in the red due to lack of healthy role models in their family of origin.

Offline Shmulie

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #226 on: May 03, 2021, 11:31:40 AM »



Offline Dan

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #227 on: May 03, 2021, 11:33:08 AM »


It is time to get my pet peeve project pushed through thanks to a tragedy o'clock?
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Shmulie

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #228 on: May 03, 2021, 11:33:39 AM »
It is time to get my pet peeve project pushed through thanks to a tragedy o'clock?

Pretty much my thoughts exactly

Offline Lurker

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #229 on: May 03, 2021, 11:45:47 AM »
It is time to get my pet peeve project pushed through thanks to a tragedy o'clock?

Please share.
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Offline YitzyS

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #230 on: May 03, 2021, 11:48:04 AM »
Please share.
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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #231 on: May 03, 2021, 12:11:43 PM »
It is time to get my pet peeve project pushed through thanks to a tragedy o'clock?
It's incredible that the spread of Coronavirus just so happens to be caused by all the things I personally disapproved of before the virus existed.
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Offline Shmulie

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #232 on: May 03, 2021, 12:45:30 PM »






Offline Randomex

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #233 on: May 04, 2021, 10:58:59 AM »

q q w e t i d x

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #234 on: May 06, 2021, 12:13:30 AM »
Apparently 220 Shadchanim made a kabbalah that they won't send out shidduch pictures for the next 30 days in memory of the meron tragedy. First off it's a beautiful thing to make a kabbalah and I'm in no way going to belittle the concept, especially since there are plenty of Rabbonim who endorse it. My question is if it's the wrong thing to send pictures why would they continue doing after 30 days, and if it's the right thing to do why do people who need pictures (Mothers not boys) not be able to get them for the next 30 days wouldn't that just pause them from looking for a shidduch?
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Offline Saulius

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #235 on: May 06, 2021, 01:03:48 PM »
Apparently 220 Shadchanim made a kabbalah that they won't send out shidduch pictures for the next 30 days in memory of the meron tragedy. First off it's a beautiful thing to make a kabbalah and I'm in no way going to belittle the concept, especially since there are plenty of Rabbonim who endorse it. My question is if it's the wrong thing to send pictures why would they continue doing after 30 days, and if it's the right thing to do why do people who need pictures (Mothers not boys) not be able to get them for the next 30 days wouldn't that just pause them from looking for a shidduch?

Exactly what I was thinking. Plus, what about the out of town people that have to fly? I think it's a totally useless kabbalah. Instead they should make a kaballah to only read shidduchim to those who will make a commitment to go out a few times instead of rejecting after one date.

Offline Something Fishy

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #236 on: May 06, 2021, 01:24:35 PM »
go out a few times instead of rejecting after one date.

This should be a standing rule IMO. There are very very few cases where saying no after one date is right.
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Offline drosenberg88429

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #237 on: May 06, 2021, 01:43:17 PM »
This should be a standing rule IMO. There are very very few cases where saying no after one date is right.

You don't think it's possible that two people meet and it's quickly evident to both of them that there's no potential (whether for hashkafic disparities, life vision disparities, personality disparities, or plain old they can't stand each other)?

Offline Zalc

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #238 on: May 06, 2021, 01:46:39 PM »
You don't think it's possible that two people meet and it's quickly evident to both of them that there's no potential (whether for hashkafic disparities, life vision disparities, personality disparities, or plain old they can't stand each other)?
If the research has been done right, then there should be very few cases that don't warrant another look.

Offline Something Fishy

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Re: Would this change the shidduch picture conversation?
« Reply #239 on: May 06, 2021, 01:49:34 PM »
If the research has been done right, then there should be very few cases that don't warrant another look.

Exactly
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