Menschlichkeit Tips and Tricks

[jye]

Not saying please and thank you in kosher food establishments. Huge pet peeve of mine. I hear it all the time "gimme 2 slices" or a little better but still bad "I will take the burger". Is it really that difficult to add the please? I think its more prevalent in heimishe food places, than lets say a supermarket, like there is no need for manners in those places because its frum people??

Or even worse “I need pancakes and hash browns.” Really. You need?

[AsherO]

This is exactly the topic instead of being about a specific case where we don't know details that an individual felt they didn't get something they were entitled to.

The title is tips and tricks, not a debate about a certain situation

[S209]

Incorrect. I didn't perform a whole analysis, but it was the free advice where they saw what they were missing elsewhere.

I would consider that more in the realm of a sales pitch, no?

[S209]

does that apply strictly to Drs or all professions?

All professions, but if you *are* going to ask someone on vacation for medical advice it better be a doctor.

[aygart]

I would consider that more in the realm of a sales pitch, no?

Any time anyone has an opportunity to showcase their services can be called that. It was not the intention. The only real difference for a doctor is the liability that can come with the advice.

[aygart]

The title is tips and tricks, not a debate about a certain situation

Which is why discussion of that case is irrelevant but a more general discussion of asking informal  advice is relevant.

You can always report @jj1000 to yourself.

[jj1000]

Which is why discussion of that case is irrelevant but a more general discussion of asking informal  advice is relevant.

100%

That thread was locked because it was mostly gossip based on rumors and one guys vendetta without actual information.

A discussion about what can and can't be expected of doctors or other professionals is fitting for this thread IMO.

[S209]

Any time anyone has an opportunity to showcase their services can be called that. It was not the intention. The only real difference for a doctor is the liability that can come with the advice.

True. When we needed to switch pediatricians after Dr. Hirsch’s A”h petirah the main reason we chose Dr. Fenster was because of a few interactions we had with him previously, including once when we walked over on Shabbos to ask a semi-urgent question about an allergic reaction and he was extremely helpful despite being in middle of his seuda.

[dasmo801]

Someone once told me: “I’ll do all kinds of favors for people, but never in the field in which I earn my livelyhood, for that I expect to get paid”.

I never realized that there was a dispensation for chessed in such cases.

A family member who lives OOT told me that she recently called a well known appliance store in Lakewood to discuss options and order an appliance. They told her right away that they don't ship to her location but that that would be happy to advise her about which model would best suit her needs. They spend more than 15 minutes on the phone with her.
This is something that I try to do in my own line of work. I find that it helps when we keep in mind that our efforts for parnassah are just hishtadlus and not the actual source of the parnassah.

[TimT]

A family member who lives OOT told me that she recently called a well known appliance store in Lakewood to discuss options and order an appliance. They told her right away that they don't ship to her location but that that would be happy to advise her about which model would best suit her needs. They spend more than 15 minutes on the phone with her.

לפנים משורת הדין

[ExGingi]

A family member who lives OOT told me that she recently called a well known appliance store in Lakewood to discuss options and order an appliance. They told her right away that they don't ship to her location but that that would be happy to advise her about which model would best suit her needs. They spend more than 15 minutes on the phone with her.
This is something that I try to do in my own line of work. I find that it helps when we keep in mind that our efforts for parnassah are just hishtadlus and not the actual source of the parnassah.

Each case is different.

While this isn't only DDF, I will use my DDF experience as an example. People do reach out to me to ask advice and/or consultation. I usually gladly will give advice and guidance. Though occasionally I will ask if it is only the advice they want, or will they also consider doing business with me. SWSWSWN.

[ushdadude]

I never realized that there was a dispensation for chessed in such cases.

A family member who lives OOT told me that she recently called a well known appliance store in Lakewood to discuss options and order an appliance. They told her right away that they don't ship to her location but that that would be happy to advise her about which model would best suit her needs. They spend more than 15 minutes on the phone with her.
This is something that I try to do in my own line of work. I find that it helps when we keep in mind that our efforts for parnassah are just hishtadlus and not the actual source of the parnassah.

Well said. Rabbi Reisman (I think quoting Rav Pam) often says that you can do the same exact job and have completely different outcomes. If your mindset is just about making money, all you'll end up with is money. If your mindset is that you are helping people and the money will come, you end up with money and schar for the chesed.
He quotes a story about when there was that blackout in NY. One of the CY ice cream companies had a generator and allowed his competitor to use his extra freezer space. You can only do that if you have chesed mindset and bitachon

[aygart]

Well said. Rabbi Reisman (I think quoting Rav Pam) often says that you can do the same exact job and have completely different outcomes. If your mindset is just about making money, all you'll end up with is money. If your mindset is that you are helping people and the money will come, you end up with money and schar for the chesed.
He quotes a story about when there was that blackout in NY. One of the CY ice cream companies had a generator and allowed his competitor to use his extra freezer space. You can only do that if you have chesed mindset and bitachon

+1000000000000000

There is no customer, competitor, or associate who can change even one penny of how much someone makes. I have seen this over and over again. There have been those over the years who have tried to take advantage of my not hiding information and each time it became very visible very quickly that I gained more than any loss they could have possibly caused.

[dasmo801]

Well said. Rabbi Reisman (I think quoting Rav Pam) often says that you can do the same exact job and have completely different outcomes. If your mindset is just about making money, all you'll end up with is money. If your mindset is that you are helping people and the money will come, you end up with money and schar for the chesed.
He quotes a story about when there was that blackout in NY. One of the CY ice cream companies had a generator and allowed his competitor to use his extra freezer space. You can only do that if you have chesed mindset and bitachon

He often mentions that his father, of Reisman's bakery, had a competitor who's bakery was damaged in a fire. His father immediately contacted the competitor and offered the use of his own bakery after hours so that he would not lose his accounts. When Rabbi Reisman questioned his father why he would do such a thing, he answered, "I have no doubt that I will not earn a dollar more or less than i'm supposed to so why not help a yid?"

[ushdadude]

He often mentions that his father, of Reisman's bakery, had a competitor who's bakery was damaged in a fire. His father immediately contacted the competitor and offered the use of his own bakery after hours so that he would not lose his accounts. When Rabbi Reisman questioned his father why he would do such a thing, he answered, "I have no doubt that I will not earn a dollar more or less than i'm supposed to so why not help a yid?"

Yup he would call them his helpers because there are so many people hungry and he can't possibly bake for all of them

[koplonko]

https://www.chabad.org/therebbe/article_cdo/aid/3728424/jewish/The-Rebbes-Favorite-Prayer.htm

[yuneeq]

Would like to share my perspective on this. People often ask me for advice and I am happy to offer it. At a certain point it became overwhelming as I got busier but more so as some people started taking advantage and made me feel guilty if I didn’t make myself available at their whim.

I felt that once I’m being forced to offer this chesed, its no longer considered chesed. I was no longer helping these people because I wanted to; I was simply coerced and guilt-tripped into spending countless hours with them.

So I made a policy that I will give anyone 15 minutes of my time free but if they want more than that I charge a consulting fee. This instantly fixed things - people started valuing my time more and not asking me for advice unless they really needed to. And some even hired me a couple times.

Thankfully I’m past that stage; people have better learned to respect my time and I give my time free without ever mentioning consulting.

On the flip side, I have been on the receiving end of many selfless individuals that have given me their valuable time and advice, and it’s really beautiful and underrated how the community is gladly willing to help out each other.

[yesitsme]

Take a look at kna shull how to deal with this issues

[yuneeq]

Take a look at kna shull how to deal with this issues

Can you elaborate - what is kna shull

[Yehuda57]

If anyone wants tips on snark, my dms are open.