As the OP of this discussion, I did a lot of thinking about it. Unfortunately, most of that thinking took place after I posted my initial thoughts.
I think the crux of my initial post is something we all should think about constantly. That is, we will all have to face a judgement one day, and we must realize that we have tremendous potential, and it will be a tragedy if we fall short.
However, using a specific person as an example of what
not to do was not proper IMO, and not necessary to drive the point home. Yes, I had the thought, and it was a powerful thought that moved me, but I don't think it was proper for me to have posted it the way I did. And although I justified it by saying that it can even be a zechus for him (which I think is true), that should've been counterbalanced by this:
what we say about someone after their passing does have an affect on their soul and its din
I would like to post here a segment of a PM I got from a fellow DDFer, to whom I'm grateful for having taken the time to explain this in such a clear and eloquent manner.
My opinion is that learning lessons from perceived negative happenings or attributes in someone else's life is a very dangerous thing. It requires a judgement of that person's life and/or choices, and people were not put on this world to judge. This is my opinion of judging anyone, let alone one who is no longer in this world. I think there are enough opportunities for life lessons and inspiration without belittling others, even if that wasn't the intention (and I definitely don't believe it was in this case).
Because I pretend to be a Lubavitcher, and chassidim like to tell stories, here's a story:
As a small child, Reb Zalman Aharon (the “Raza”), the older brother of Rebbe Sholom DovBer of Lubavitch (the “Rashab”), often complained that he was noticeably shorter than his younger brother.
One day, the Raza sneaked up behind his brother and pushed him lightly into a small ditch. As the Rashab stood up in surprise, the Raza seized the moment and pointed out that now he was taller.
Rabbi Shmuel of Lubavitch, the father of the two boys, observed the entire episode. The Rebbe asked for a chair, ordered the Raza to stand on it, and asked him, “Tell me, who’s taller now?”
The Raza answered excitedly that yet again he was taller.
“Aha!” said Rabbi Shmuel. “There you are! To be bigger than your friend, there is no need to pull him down. Simply elevate yourself!”
People take many different things out of this story. I'm not quoting it to accuse you ch'v of pushing down anyone else to raise yourself up. The lesson I take from that story is that personal growth doesn't rely on other's failures or shortcomings. If I need to be taller, I need to raise myself up. And how do I know I need to be taller? By seeing that everyone around me is taller than I am. Focusing on what others have achieved for inspiration, rather that what I think they could (or should) have achieved, keeps my focus positive and forward-thinking, rather than judging other people's (perceived) failures. I wouldn't want others using choices I've made in my life as examples of "failure," so I like to try to hold myself to that same standard.
Lastly, and to accentuate his point, the same concept has been portrayed for so long by a positive anecdote, which can inspire in an uplifting way, and has been posted almost immediately after my OP:
Regarding potential, I’d say the scariest story that I ever heard, is when the Netziv put out his Sefer, he said that he was almost a shoemaker. He said he could just imagine if he would’ve been a shoemaker, going up to shamayim after 120 and they would ask him, where are your Seforim that you were able to write and he wouldn’t know what they were talking about.
