Author Topic: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied  (Read 2675 times)

Offline Essen est zich

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #40 on: January 27, 2022, 12:51:26 AM »
https://www.lubavitch.com/building-bridges-across-the-ocean-with-israel-connect/
http://www.israelconnect.today/mentor/
I know if seniors who have been mentoring but usually they need to know how to log on to a computer.

I don't know if has been mentioned, the idea of cooking for others - I have seen in communities where thlse who are elderly have cooked for bikur cholim or other organizations.

My parents enrolled my grandmother in English classes ESL (can't remember if it was in person or online) to keep her busy and to improve her English. The local Jewish federation also had meetings where transportation was arranged but I don't know what Lakewood has to offer.




Offline gozalim

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #41 on: January 27, 2022, 02:00:01 PM »
Because of the expense? The inconvenience?  Riding with a stranger?

Can you find some more acceptable way for her to increase her ability to get around?
 
Is there some sort of ride gemach or bikur cholim that provides rides, at least for doctor visits?  Everyone has to stop driving at some point, if they live long enough, so there must be many others who require this sort of service.

Are there people in the community who give rides around town or to the airport as a way to bring in a bit of income?  Maybe you can put together such a list, and convey to her that it's actually a chessed to give them the business.  And if she can contact the same person each time, that might make her more comfortable with the idea.

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Offline ExGingi

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #42 on: January 27, 2022, 02:26:52 PM »
Because of the expense? The inconvenience?  Riding with a stranger?

Can you find some more acceptable way for her to increase her ability to get around?
 
Is there some sort of ride gemach or bikur cholim that provides rides, at least for doctor visits?  Everyone has to stop driving at some point, if they live long enough, so there must be many others who require this sort of service.

Are there people in the community who give rides around town or to the airport as a way to bring in a bit of income?  Maybe you can put together such a list, and convey to her that it's actually a chessed to give them the business.  And if she can contact the same person each time, that might make her more comfortable with the idea.

With all due respect, it sounds to me like you're not getting it because you must have never lived for an extended period of time in a city where one walks around the corner or a  couple of blocks for anything from shopping to a doctor's visit. Where children ride school busses, not because the walk would take more than half an hour, but for safety and convenience.

It is about the loss of independence. It's a cultural thing. If you're accustomed to walking for your errands, there's a mental barrier that won't let you call on someone to drive you for your errands.

ETA: In a somewhat different way, I am there. I will rarely take an Uber or a taxi. I will walk, drive, rent a Revel (and when I go to EY I make sure to always have my own vehicle). I will take a bus or train (BTW, public transportation in Brooklyn is also much more available than in Lakewood), before I take a taxi or car service. It's not about the cost, it's a mentality of not calling on someone for my needs.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2022, 04:39:10 PM by ExGingi »
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Offline ExGingi

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #43 on: January 27, 2022, 04:44:35 PM »
Attention mods: maybe this deserves merging with https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=83083.msg2494341#msg2494341 under the title Aging Parents/Grandparents Master Thread.

Alternatively maybe a Life Cycle board is called for, where discussions on various topics from dating, through marriage, childbirth, raising kids, and all the way through elder care, and thereafter are discussed.
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Offline biobook

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #44 on: January 27, 2022, 07:05:14 PM »

It is about the loss of independence. It's a cultural thing. If you're accustomed to walking for your errands, there's a mental barrier that won't let you call on someone to drive you for your errands.
I understood that, which is what I was referring to when I asked:


Or was it the freedom to make her own schedule that she misses?  In Flatbush she could go shopping whenever she wanted, while now presumably she needs to coordinate with ride-giving family members. 
But she chose to move to Lakewood, presumably because she prioritized proximity to family over the ability to walk for errands.  The question now is not where she would be more comfortable living, which is obviously a walkable city, but rather, given that she's chosen Lakewood, how can @avromie7 's family help her regain some sense of independence.  My answer was an attempt to think of possible steps they might take, since it sounds like (unlike you) she doesn't have the options of drive, rent, bus or train.  Do you have other suggestions?

Offline ExGingi

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #45 on: January 27, 2022, 07:18:09 PM »
I understood that, which is what I was referring to when I asked:
But she chose to move to Lakewood, presumably because she prioritized proximity to family over the ability to walk for errands.  The question now is not where she would be more comfortable living, which is obviously a walkable city, but rather, given that she's chosen Lakewood, how can @avromie7 's family help her regain some sense of independence.  My answer was an attempt to think of possible steps they might take, since it sounds like (unlike you) she doesn't have the options of drive, rent, bus or train.  Do you have other suggestions?

I don't know what's available in Lakewood, and it might be too late for @avromie7's grandmother. My unequivocal suggestion is an appropriate senior living facility that has sections for independent people, assisted living, and nursing unit. A second best would be an adult daycare. It's important to have friends in a similar stage in life.
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Offline biobook

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #46 on: January 27, 2022, 07:44:21 PM »
I don't know what's available in Lakewood, and it might be too late for @avromie7's grandmother. My unequivocal suggestion is an appropriate senior living facility that has sections for independent people, assisted living, and nursing unit.
That may be the best answer, but to a different question. 

You said that you reached that conclusion based on what you thought would have been best for your mother, and it may be what you imagine you'd want for yourself in the distant future, but it's not necessarily what would allow others to thrive.  Cost, location, quality of life, and personal preference may prevent many from living in the sort of facility you describe.  The problem of where to live when old, like the problem of where to live when young, has no one-size-fits-all solution. 

The specific question here was how to improve the quality of life of someone who decided to live in a residential neighborhood near family.

A second best would be an adult daycare. It's important to have friends in a similar stage in life.
This answer, and others here, are good suggestions of activities she might engage in.  My previous response was directed to the specific issue of how to help her find a solution to transportation needs, which may hinder her ability to engage in those activities.

Offline Yehuda57

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #47 on: January 27, 2022, 08:06:36 PM »
My unequivocal suggestion
Second best would be

As your own post suggests, making unequivocal suggestions for strangers isn't all that helpful. Sharing your experiences is, but you can't pretend to know what is best for someone else's grandmother based just off a few facts shared for the purposes of asking a specific question.
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Offline YitzyS

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #48 on: January 27, 2022, 10:27:04 PM »
On this subject, Rabbi Fischel Schachter once said that he helped an elderly man navigate Torah Anytime on the phone, showing him the various command prompts he could push for volume, speed, etc. The man later thanked him, telling him that it was going great, but he couldn't figure out how to forward the shiur. Upon investigating, he realized that they guy was trying to forward during a live shiur...

Offline gozalim

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #49 on: January 27, 2022, 11:05:42 PM »
On this subject, Rabbi Fischel Schachter once said that he helped an elderly man navigate Torah Anytime on the phone, showing him the various command prompts he could push for volume, speed, etc. The man later thanked him, telling him that it was going great, but he couldn't figure out how to forward the shiur. Upon investigating, he realized that they guy was trying to forward during a live shiur...

Offline ExGingi

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #50 on: January 28, 2022, 02:37:34 AM »
As your own post suggests, making unequivocal suggestions for strangers isn't all that helpful. Sharing your experiences is, but you can't pretend to know what is best for someone else's grandmother based just off a few facts shared for the purposes of asking a specific question.

My suggestion isn't just based on personal experience, but on personal observations and discussion with friends. It is still a suggestion and not a recommendation. And while there's no one-size-fits-all, there's what works (or could work) well for most people.

The time for discussion and awareness is when that situation is far on the horizon (or beyond). The closer one gets to the situation, the harder it is to make a good intelligent choice. Planning so that financial considerations don't stop one from making optimal choices is part of that.
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Offline yungermanchik

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Re: How to Keep an Elderly Woman Occupied
« Reply #51 on: January 28, 2022, 02:31:18 PM »
There is something my grandmother helped coordinate with the Township. I just have to call her for the details.
FTFM, there was art, jewelry making, crocheting.
Unfortunately, the classes were all stopped at the beginning of Covid and have yet to be restarted.
Small people talk about other people.
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