Tried
I read your post and it is extremely emotional and well put. It seems like many, like you, are not just caught up in the whole did he do it or not question, but also in how to handle either situation, both being extremely grave.
Can we stop and appreciate for one second that there are countless victims of abuse, not just of Chaim Walder, but of people just like him, who are very much alive and reading what we say?
These aren't just "some guys" or "some girls", they are our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. Bnei Avraham, Yitzchak, v'Yaakov, Sarah, Rivkah, Rochel v'Leah. The Eibishter's very own children, the work of His holy hands, the breath of His air.
Abused by men and women who were just like Chaim Walder, people who are leaders and respected by the thousands of children and adults they have influenced.
People who have undoubtedly made the lives of many children and adults better. People who used that very standing to manipulate the emotions of children in Chareidi society, a society that was ultra focused on wrong and right, and respect for its rabbis and leaders. They used those do as they wished with their victims, with no consideration to their feelings, and preyed on victims knowing the social hierarchy would prevent the victims from coming forward.
There are no religious people that aren't influenced on some level by abuse. If it's not you, and you don't know anyone personally who was abused, I promise you someone you are close to was abused and you just don't know about it. Imagine what they feel as they see other victims watch their abuser being lauded and praised for writing beautiful, heart rendering stories, being commended for amazing parenting advice, and being thanked for influencing and advancing important public issues. Imagine the pain on his victims and other victims seeing their abuser being described as "a special man". Do you think that makes these precious individuals feel safe? Loved? Cared for? Trusted? Will this person want to come forward to let people know about the abuse and prevent the next child from getting harmed, or will they suffer in silence knowing that they will be shamed and shunned, while the accused gets honored and lauded?
Any beautiful deeds he may have done, as wonderful as they may be, can't erase the tremendous harm that he did. Even if the bad doesn't wash out the good just as the good doesn't excuse the bad, imagine the pain of victims seeing the man himself being pedestaled, not just his positive work.
Trust me on this: Even if you yourself refrain from standing up for victims to prop up their abusers while their tortured hearts and bodies remain frozen and frigid, and their families are suffering not knowing why the once-warm body is now merely a husk of its former self, there will be plenty of volunteers to pick up the mantle and continue to uphold his reputation.
That being the case, I think we can allow ourselves to not say hurtful things that will increase the pain and suffering of abuse victims, and cause them to remain in hiding and not come forward to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. What do you think? To all the victims who may be reading this, we hear you. We see you. We love you. We care for you.
We believe you.
Thank you for all the courage that you have and will show.
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I hesitate to post this because I don't want this format to come across as mocking OP, yet I believe the format lends itself to being understood better. I think it is important to add that while I'm no expert in the matter, from what I've read, abusers often use the threat of suicide to silence their victims. Imagine someone considering coming forward with their story watching this story unfold!
Another point, whenever these stories come out I go back to this article which I think is beautifully put.
https://twitter.com/JMMusings/status/1475804853314203649Though this case may be different, as the nature of his work calls into question whether it is still "good" in light of his actions, or does the bad reveal the supposed good to not be so. That's above my pay grade.
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