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I created an account to say this

I am a survivor of abuse

I tried to type up a longer, more detailed post but it got too hard. The bottom line is the following

There's no such thing as universal feelings, reactions, desires, needs that all victims share. Each one is an individual who suffered alone and carries the unique scars that stay with them and each one will react to future situations in life in their own way.

Therefore, there is no single response to abuse that will leave all victims feeling safe, secure, validated, supported, closure and everything else all the well meaning people here want to give them.

However, I think there is a single response that would leave all victims feeling further pain and trauma and that is "It can't be."

Rabbi Shimon Russell - How to Safeguard and Protect our Children

https://youtu.be/fefqSvXf0JI


« Last edited by Yehuda57 on January 12, 2022, 05:44:00 PM »

Author Topic: Chaim Walder dies  (Read 178797 times)

Online Saulius

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #320 on: December 28, 2021, 09:42:30 PM »
Its can happen in more situations then people think. IE Uber late at night etc...

Not to mention https://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/2017/11/frightening-photo-terrorist-who-killed-8-in-manhattan-drove-two-lakewood-residents-from-airport.html

https://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/2016/06/nightmare-lakewood-woman-yells-im-being-kidnapped-from-window-of-alleged-uber-vehicle.html

--  On top of hilchos yichud, take a picture of license plate before you get into a car, and if one is using Uber/Lyft, verify the license plate number matches of what shows up on the app.  Be aware that Uber and Lyft have in-app Emergency Button to call authorities.

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #321 on: December 28, 2021, 09:52:23 PM »
Hilchos yichud doesn't address male/male scenarios which makes up a huge part of abuses.

https://twitter.com/Hasidic_3/status/1470141471428857859   (Yoel Roth in Yiddish speaking /warning about male scenarios)

Offline Euclid

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #322 on: December 28, 2021, 10:27:28 PM »

Offline AsherO

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #323 on: December 28, 2021, 10:32:11 PM »
https://twitter.com/Hasidic_3/status/1470141471428857859   (Yoel Roth in Yiddish speaking /warning about male scenarios)


“Kick him where he wants to touch you” 👌
DDF FFB (Forum From Birth)

Offline koplonko

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #324 on: December 28, 2021, 10:52:39 PM »
“Kick him where he wants to touch you” 👌
Right on, and he's talking to kids

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #325 on: December 28, 2021, 10:55:08 PM »

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CYAoTBOFztu/?utm_medium=copy_link
Thanks for the clip. I'm halfway through the shiur he referenced (link below). Some eye opening stuff, and very practical important guidelines that would never have occurred to me but make a lot of sense in retrospect.
https://613tube.com/watch/?v=fefqSvXf0JI
« Last Edit: December 28, 2021, 11:01:45 PM by g_t »

Offline Essen est zich

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #326 on: December 28, 2021, 11:43:06 PM »
Shloffen Shloft Zich

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #327 on: December 28, 2021, 11:53:58 PM »
and on ivelt Yiddish forum they don’t let to discuss this topic which bothers me. I hope that in that community they don’t have this problems!

If you know about "ivelt" then you know "in that community" these things gets shoved under the rug, quickly

Ivelt is extremely moderated. It's discussed on the offshoot site kaveshtiebel.com

Offline YossieW

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #328 on: December 29, 2021, 12:15:52 AM »
https://twitter.com/Hasidic_3/status/1476031018775756800

its worth hearing the longer version it starts on this topic at around the 1 hour mark

« Last Edit: December 29, 2021, 12:52:36 AM by YossieW »

Offline sky121

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #329 on: December 29, 2021, 12:22:37 AM »
Tried to read the whole thread and got too emotional.
It seems like everyone is caught up in the whole did he do it or not question.

Can we stop and appreciate for one second that the man is dead!!!

He wasn't just "some guy".
Reb Chaim Walder was a man that influenced hundreds of thousands of children and adults and made their lives better. He introduced, developed and furthered the importance of emotions in the (Israeli) Chareidi society that was ultra focused on wrong and right, do and don't and didn't give enough consideration to feelings, human weaknesses and emotional behavior.

There are very few religious people that weren't positively influenced on some level by Reb Chaim Walder in the last 30 years. From his beautiful, heart rendering stories through his amazing parenting advice to the different important public issues he raised and advanced, every one of our lives would look different today without this special man.

Any terrible deeds he may have done and any allegation, as serious as it may be can't erase the tremendous good that he did. The bad doesn't wash out the good just as the good doesn't excuse the bad.

Trust me on this: Even if you yourself refrain from besmirching a dead man while his body is still warm and his family is still siting Shiva, there will be plenty of volunteers to pick up the mantle and continue to destroy his reputation.
That being the case, I think we can allow ourselves to not say terrible things about such an important, tragic public figure at least until Shiva is over.
What do you think? 


R.I.P Reb Chaim Walder and thank you for all the good you did  :'( :'( :'(
I literally can't get over this post. Special man?

Do special men rape girls?


No words.
"Not all who wander are lost"

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #330 on: December 29, 2021, 12:34:09 AM »

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Offline yandmk

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #332 on: December 29, 2021, 04:03:48 AM »
Rabbi Avi Wiesenfeld covering hilchos Yichud past 3 days:

https://www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=173186  (part 1)
https://www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=173287 (part 2)
https://www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=173410 (part 3)
Thanks. So far I watched part 1, and he's pretty good...

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #333 on: December 29, 2021, 08:31:32 AM »
Has anyone here learned hilchos yichud is yeshiva or high school? I sure didn't, and I'm not aware of anyone who did.

Sounds like a pretty big oversight for a subject that's so applicable to everyday life.
Absolutely did learn it. More than once. And the school I work in teaches it as well.
       

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #334 on: December 29, 2021, 08:40:00 AM »
Has anyone here learned hilchos yichud is yeshiva or high school? I sure didn't, and I'm not aware of anyone who did.

Sounds like a pretty big oversight for a subject that's so applicable to everyday life.

My daughters all learned it in high school.
Feelings don't care about your facts

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #335 on: December 29, 2021, 08:44:47 AM »
Has anyone here learned hilchos yichud is yeshiva or high school? I sure didn't, and I'm not aware of anyone who did.

Sounds like a pretty big oversight for a subject that's so applicable to everyday life.

Didn’t learn hilcos yichud in high school but is there a kid that doesn’t know the basics that a man and woman aren’t allowed to sit in a closed room together? Same way we learned about waiting 6 hours after meat without learning issur veheter.
Visibly Jewish

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #336 on: December 29, 2021, 09:00:54 AM »
https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/featured/2045852/support-victims-of-abuse-let-not-history-repeat-itself.html

"We have set our community back light years, creating a tragic scenario where innocent victims will be afraid to speak out because the community will label them as rodfim and murderers, instead of placing the blame squarely where it belongs – on the shoulders of those who abuse children."


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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #337 on: December 29, 2021, 09:19:34 AM »
https://twitter.com/freifeldracheli/status/1475842632467296257?s=21

I saw a picture of the Yated article, and wanted to post about it here, but didn't manage to do it easily and didn't have time to find a way to do it.

IMO If Yated (which has history) doesn't fold up over this, I think it is a MAJOR failure. (Not sure to what extent the English/US Yated is affiliated, but if they can, they should rebrand and disassociate).

I've been waiting over 5 years with bated breath for someone to say that!
-- Dan

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #338 on: December 29, 2021, 09:20:10 AM »
Didn’t learn hilcos yichud in high school but is there a kid that doesn’t know the basics that a man and woman aren’t allowed to sit in a closed room together? Same way we learned about waiting 6 hours after meat without learning issur veheter.

It's easy enough for a respected and charismatic adult, in a position of authority, to convince a young person that those halachos don't apply in this situation.

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Re: Chaim Walder dies
« Reply #339 on: December 29, 2021, 09:28:04 AM »
Didn’t learn hilcos yichud in high school but is there a kid that doesn’t know the basics that a man and woman aren’t allowed to sit in a closed room together? Same way we learned about waiting 6 hours after meat without learning issur veheter.
People confuse heterim and don't realize the severity. For example, בעלה בעיר, would not apply in such a situation, but based on what they learned in fourth grade, they may think it's okay.
There are many examples where people either don't know or forget the basics. An example that comes to mind, is here in Israel, all cab drivers are male. A woman who needs a taxi to the airport for her 1:00 a.m. flight has a serious problem of Yichud, though most people don't even realize it.
(How many woman use male gynecologists? Does a woman know that she must go with her husband in such cases? Even a regular family doctor or a dentist, can be a problem if they lock the door)