Chaim Walder dies

[YitzyS]

If he doesn't try to clear his name, no one will buy the books...

Unless I hear Daas Torah saying not to read his book, I will continue to keep them/buy them. They are great books, and unless there is a reason not to have them, I have no issue with my kids reading them (as long as they don't know anything about the author).

[Dan]

This may be true if his books did not deal with children's emotional health. I know we're far from the only ones, but I've long joked about him being an abuser with relatives, (obviously without *actually* believing he was an abuser.) His stories are very emotionally manipulative and not at all healthy educational products, IMHO.

Unless I hear Daas Torah saying not to read his book, I will continue to keep them/buy them. They are great books, and unless there is a reason not to have them, I have no issue with my kids reading them (as long as they don't know anything about the author).

So putting the abuse aside, are the books healthy or unhealthy educational products?
Can you elaborate @Yehuda57?

[YitzyS]

So putting the abuse aside, are the books healthy or unhealthy educational products?
Can you elaborate @Yehuda57?

I think the Kids Speak series is great, for the most part, but I can't vouch for his other books.

[ExGingi]

Facts
- and last fact, (social) media has the ability to literally kill people.

I think this is irrefutable and a huge problem.

[VacationLover]

So putting the abuse aside, are the books healthy or unhealthy educational products?
Can you elaborate @Yehuda57?

Very good books. Stories of struggles of kids and how they overcame it.

[ExGingi]

I think the Kids Speak series is great, for the most part, but I can't vouch for his other books.

Weren't those his first books?

Did he become a victim of his own success?

[YitzyS]

Weren't those his first books?

Did he become a victim of his own success?

He has been putting them out steadily for the last 25 years or so. Number 13 came out this year.

[ExGingi]

He has been putting them out steadily for the last 25 years or so. Number 13 came out this year.

How about 1 & 2. Weren't those his first books (that got him fame and success)?

I am also assuming that the publication of the Hebrew versions is ahead of other languages.

[Yehuda57]

So putting the abuse aside, are the books healthy or unhealthy educational products?
Can you elaborate @Yehuda57?

Not only am I not an expert in the field, I have ZERO studies or knowledge to even pass as a layman.

I can only say that we have quite a lot of kids books in our home, we only had 2 CW books, both gifted to us, both cowritten. While I wish I could take credit, this is mostly because my wife has always found his books troubling, and while she is also not professionally educated in this field in any way, she is blessed with sound wisdom and intuition in this regard.

But I have read most of the Kids Speak and People Speak series, (probably missed the most recent volumes) as well as a few other titles.

Very good books. Stories of struggles of kids and how they overcame it.

I would say: Very captivating books. Stories, which if they have any semblance of truth at all, are very heavily edited to fit certain templates and themes that are emotionally charged. Put in the light of the man in all likelihood being an abuser, I feel extremely uncomfortable having my child reading something so emotional from someone who used his talents of connecting with people on a deep emotional level to groom, manipulate, and abuse. I don't think one needs to be an expert to see the blatant issues a grooming author can have with such books. These are not whodunnit mystery novels, these are supposed tales of children harboring deep emotional pain and scars. Do I really want an abuser to provide the roadmap to help my child overcome his or her challenges?

[WonderingYid]

The leaders of any organization believe they can handle this internally, so it does not tarnish the organization. History has shown us every one of them have failed. They may have good intentions, but they are doomed to fail.

+100

[ExGingi]

https://twitter.com/yaelshevach/status/1475735287296843781?s=21

[mgarfin]

Found this online cant vouch for anything

https://issuu.com/peoplespeakbooklet/docs/people_speak_booklet

[WonderingYid]

Tried to read the whole thread and got too emotional.
It seems like everyone is caught up in the whole did he do it or not question.

Can we stop and appreciate for one second that the man is dead!!!

He wasn't just "some guy".
Reb Chaim Walder was a man that influenced hundreds of thousands of children and adults and made their lives better. He introduced, developed and furthered the importance of emotions in the (Israeli) Chareidi society that was ultra focused on wrong and right, do and don't and didn't give enough consideration to feelings, human weaknesses and emotional behavior.

There are very few religious people that weren't positively influenced on some level by Reb Chaim Walder in the last 30 years. From his beautiful, heart rendering stories through his amazing parenting advice to the different important public issues he raised and advanced, every one of our lives would look different today without this special man.

Any terrible deeds he may have done and any allegation, as serious as it may be can't erase the tremendous good that he did. The bad doesn't wash out the good just as the good doesn't excuse the bad.

Trust me on this: Even if you yourself refrain from besmirching a dead man while his body is still warm and his family is still siting Shiva, there will be plenty of volunteers to pick up the mantle and continue to destroy his reputation.
That being the case, I think we can allow ourselves to not say terrible things about such an important, tragic public figure at least until Shiva is over.
What do you think? 

R.I.P Reb Chaim Walder and thank you for all the good you did 

If he got access to his victims thru the books, I think that changes things.

[WonderingYid]

https://twitter.com/yaelshevach/status/1475735287296843781?s=21

Can someone translate?

[aygart]

I think this is irrefutable and a huge problem.

It is not a new thing that מות וחיים ביד לשון

[nbfromnj]

This whole story is horrific on so many levels. We cannot change the world but when hearing such things we must think what we are supposed to learn from it. These are some thoughts I had.
   1. We all have a yetzer hara. The way of the yetzer hara is to get us to do small things and slowly get worse. Beware and fight the yetzer hara even if it isn't a cardinal sin. No one is too great to fall.
   2. The torah teaches us how to fight the yetzer hara. Know halacha and follow it. I don't think such stories can happen if people know and keep the laws of yichud.
   3. Feel the pain of Hashem and His children and daven hard for mashiach

[shimino1]

I read your post

Not sure if responding to you is a good way to release my painful emotions or if it will turn into a back and forth, ping-pong, popcorn thread.

I understand that you are furthering a very important agenda.

Of course I know people/of people that have been the victims of sexual abuse and yes, it can lead to  extremely destructive results. Of course in the case of a convicted criminal we need to support the victims and not the abuser.

Of course the discussion of where to drew lines and at what point do we publicly need to shame and destroy someone's life in order to protect the past and/or future victims is an important one.

Of course we need to ask ourselves if there is something systemic about our beautiful and (relatively) sheltered society that makes it easier for abusers to operate undetected for years.

Of course we need to ask ourselves how to educate our kids about personal safety without causing them to suspect every teacher and leader.

But can't we wait one week and just be silent? Just let ourselves as a society process and get over the shock without having to drew lines and defend positions? Just let the poor family grieve quietly? Let them try to begin to comprehend what will either way be a devastating tragedy that will terribly impact their lives forever?

Why must we immediately delve into the "true or false" of it where basically none of us has any clue what really did or didn't happen?

Let's come back the (important) factual discussion and all it's repercussions right after the Shiva.
Until then, let's have a safe thread for people to grieve and share their emotions without having to defend or attack anyone.

[nbfromnj]

Can someone translate?

My mother-in-law sent us a picture in which we are next to Chaim Walder who came to us immediately after the shiva and brought books for everyone.
It opened here a fruitful and healthy discourse on protection from falls, on forgiveness, on repentance, on good and evil.
And by and large about the human complexity that exists in everyone.
Was not easy but empowering.
Praying for my children.

[ExGingi]

While I don't know how to deal with accusations, and thankfully it is not and has not been my job, I would like to offer what I once heard from a menahel in my son's yeshiva:

The abuse cases happen to those whose parents didn't talk to them in advance. Those who had talks with their parents about "the bees and the birds" and about urges and difficulties, are by far less likely to be victims of abuse.

Another thought that came to mind is that every therapist, clergyman, teacher, etc. should have signs that are visible from any direction quoting the mishna and reminding that "עין רואה, ואוזן שומע וכל מעשיך בספר נכתבים" and there should be video and audio recording of all meetings that should be handed to the client/patient etc. After every encounter.

[eljay]

I think the Kids Speak series is great, for the most part, but I can't vouch for his other books.

+1