Parental support

[yr]

Asked a couple of friends. The informal numbers I’m hearing sound like for Lakewood run of the mil learning boy it would range from around $1500 at the lower end (with $1000 being an outlier) to $2500 or more ($3500 is not unheard of) with some even asking for a commitment of 150k-200k down payment on a house when the time comes. The length of support ranges from 3-7 years with some committing to longer or indefinite. Some provide a credit card for additional expenses as well.

I don't even understand this.

Who is doing the asking? The boys parents? And the whole burden is on the girls parents?  If 3-7 years is the norm, it's very reasonable to have 2 or 3 kids on "payroll" at the same time.

It seems so wrong to me.

[herb]

Asked a couple of friends. The informal numbers I’m hearing sound like for Lakewood run of the mil learning boy it would range from around $1500 at the lower end (with $1000 being an outlier) to $2500 or more ($3500 is not unheard of) with some even asking for a commitment of 150k-200k down payment on a house when the time comes. The length of support ranges from 3-7 years with some committing to longer or indefinite. Some provide a credit card for additional expenses as well.

is that between both sides?

[nbfromnj]

Many Klei Kodesh families (quintessential "Rebbe's daughter") have a very hard time because of this "system".

i don't think this is true. you'll find poor girls who get married right away and poor girls who don't. and you'll also see wealthy girls who get married right away and wealthy girls that don't. Many Klei Kodesh families can offer support that will satisfy boys who specifically want to marry into Klei Kodesh families and sometimes there are working families who are not willing to offer any support at all

[Dawie]

is that between both sides?

boys side doesn't necessary commit to anything
A car possibly

[jye]

Does the shver get a shmitta year?

You mean where the young couple stop by the house and help themselves to anything they want?

[jye]

I don't even understand this.

Who is doing the asking? The boys parents? And the whole burden is on the girls parents?  If 3-7 years is the norm, it's very reasonable to have 2 or 3 kids on "payroll" at the same time.

It seems so wrong to me.

When you have 20% more girls on the market than boys and even more girls looking for even fewer learning boys the boys dictate the terms. By the chassidim there is no boy shortage. By the sefardim I think good learning boys are even scarcer and command a higher premium from what I’ve heard anecdotaly.

In ancient times the girls family gave a hefty dowry to get a good boy so nothing really new.

[MeirS]

This is such an eye opener to me.
I mean, the concept doesn't surprise me but the idea that a shver is expected to dish out $20-30k annually on each of his married children takes the "cost of being frum" to a whole new level.

[yelped]

It's a ridiculous system that is anti-Torah and anti-Midos.

You can all go and hit the dislike button, but this is the truth.

[Yehuda57]

This is such an eye opener to me.

If this is as commonplace as some of the posts make it seem, this is a HUGE eye-opener

[jj1000]

If this is as commonplace as some of the posts make it seem, this is a HUGE eye-opener

So, the whole 2nd wife ban, is that still going on? 

[aygart]

Asked a couple of friends. The informal numbers I’m hearing sound like for Lakewood run of the mil learning boy it would range from around $1500 at the lower end (with $1000 being an outlier) to $2500 or more ($3500 is not unheard of) with some even asking for a commitment of 150k-200k down payment on a house when the time comes. The length of support ranges from 3-7 years with some committing to longer or indefinite. Some provide a credit card for additional expenses as well.

No need to worry. Those guys aren't going to stay in Kollel for as long as they think.

[Dan]

This is wild. Does anything like this exist among Lubavitchers?

[AsherO]

If this is as commonplace as some of the posts make it seem, this is a HUGE eye-opener

An eye opener? It’s a huge relief to me that I’m not subject to it.

[AsherO]

This is wild. Does anything like this exist among Lubavitchers?

Even if it does, it’s minuscule in proportion.

[Yehuda57]

An eye opener? It’s a huge relief to me that I’m not subject to it.

What are you talking about? I just sent an invoice to FIL

[jj1000]

Are there baby bonuses built in?

[yr]

It's a ridiculous system that is anti-Torah and anti-Midos.

You can all go and hit the dislike button, but this is the truth.

No, I won't hit the dislike button. In fact I'd hit the like button 100 times, if I could.

[Ephcc90]

Unpopular opinion: if we’re encouraging boys (and girls) to get married at 21-22 or younger, parents should support if they are able. No one wants the alternative where people wait until they are “financially sound” before marrying.

[TzviR]

No, I won't hit the dislike button. In fact I'd hit the like button 100 times, if I could.

It's possible if you want 

[jj1000]

Unpopular opinion: if we’re encouraging boys (and girls) to get married at 21-22 or younger, parents should support if they are able. No one wants the alternative where people wait until they are “financially sound” before marrying.

I don't think that's unpopular.