Parental support

[aygart]

So a kollel couple that’s being supported has no right to save any money. Okay

They should not be demanding money just to save it. If someone wants to give them such a gift then kol hakovod.

[yeshivabucher]

So a kollel couple that’s being supported has no right to save any money. Okay

no one says not to have emergency fund saved but to go above and beyond that idk is so in line with what support should be for

[ckmk47]

I lived in a basement for 9 years; and after working for 5 years (my wife worked too) I was able to buy a house.

Were you getting money from some other hardworking couple every month?
Not if you were working.

So a kollel couple that’s being supported has no right to save any money. Okay

That's being disingenuous. A kolel couple doesn't need to only get the bare minimum.  If they saved a little at a time because they lived frugally,  and managed to gather enough for a down payment, that's admirable.
But if a couple is being supported by parents who find it difficult, they shouldn't be living 'well'.

[moko]

Where did the entitlement to own a house in a hot market come from?

I lived in a basement even after buying ahouse

[jye]

I lived in a basement even after buying ahouse

This belongs in the rental thread about landlords feeling bad for the tenants and not raising rents.

[yuneeq]

Softball question - why can't support be split between both sides?

[JMHO]

Softball question - why can't support be split between both sides?

Why aren't the wedding costs split evenly? (Not just in Frum circles)

[jye]

Softball question - why can't support be split between both sides?

If the was no boy/girl imbalance it probably would.

[hvaces42]

Why aren't the wedding costs split evenly? (Not just in Frum circles)

I dont know, but were making a wedding in 3 weeks and its split 50/50 between the sides> If I want something extra then I pay for it and same goes for my mechutanim.

[EliJelly]

Softball question - why can't support be split between both sides?

When you have a shidduch crisis for girls there is not too much leverage for the girls side to make that request.

[aygart]

Softball question - why can't support be split between both sides?

Considering that the boy is abandoning his parents out makes sense.

[smart man]

no one says not to have emergency fund saved but to go above and beyond that idk is so in line with what support should be for

So someone that’s in kollel long term shouldn’t ever buy a house? Fwiu, support is not just for basic necessities at time of support, rather to set up the couple for life too if possible.
Proof in pudding, the support in Israel is a down payment or whatever for an apartment and usually not a monthly check.

[aygart]

So someone that’s in kollel long term shouldn’t ever buy a house? Fwiu, support is not just for basic necessities at time of support, rather to set up the couple for life too if possible.
Proof in pudding, the support in Israel is a down payment or whatever for an apartment and usually not a monthly check.

Great but you seem to be pushing for both

[smart man]

Great but you seem to be pushing for both

I’m not pushing for anything. I’m just trying to show why it’s not out of whack for a father in law to go into debt to support his kids. And said son in law will probably do the same in a few years for his kids.

[Sam Finkelstein]

I’m not pushing for anything. I’m just trying to show why it’s not out of whack for a father in law to go into debt to support his kids. And said son in law will probably do the same in a few years for his kids.

Winds of change are blowing. I was one of those sons-in-law who went into marriage with zero expectations and I'm seeing more and more people do it.

I had an accounting degree under my belt when I was 22, got engaged and married at 23. My wife wanted me to learn for a year, so she worked a low-paying job in education and my parents and in-laws helped equally, and I studied for the CPA in the evenings. I started working 13 months later at age 24, CPA under my belt and BH haven't needed the support since then. While they never will admit it, I know my in-laws are very relieved that they never need to spend anything on us (and they barely do - because they aren't really able to).

It's a matter of being honest with oneself. Some people should be supported, but I find the expectation for everyone to be a bit overboard.

[drosenberg88429]

Softball question - why can't support be split between both sides?

Because the kollel model is a Yissachar Zevulun marriage partnership (oversimplification, and each marriage has its own structure and split up, but general idea). The boy learns, and the girl facilitates the financial aspect. The girls parents are helping her out to enable that, being as they and she want a learning guy. (If their mindset is that parnassa is the boy's problem, then there are plenty of guys that are making a parnassa. The ones supporting would generally say no to such a guy.)

It's not so different than a secular family supporting their kids through college. They believe it's a good investment to set their kids up. Many of us believe that Torah is at least as valuable.

[drosenberg88429]

I dont know, but were making a wedding in 3 weeks and its split 50/50 between the sides> If I want something extra then I pay for it and same goes for my mechutanim.

Mazel tov!!! May you have a tremendous amount of nachas, and only continual simcha and bracha.

[yerushabubby]

I dont know, but were making a wedding in 3 weeks and its split 50/50 between the sides> If I want something extra then I pay for it and same goes for my mechutanim.

Mazel Tov!

I agree.  In our circles, this is how it is done.  As I said upthread, we also split the first year's rent, and some of the basic furniture and appliances, but that is it as far as support. 

Personally, I think it would make more sense to start with more support, and have it taper off after about a year and a half, but so far (same total, just different distribution), none of our mechutonim have agreed.

[ckmk47]

Mazel Tov!

I agree.  In our circles, this is how it is done.  As I said upthread, we also split the first year's rent, and some of the basic furniture and appliances, but that is it as far as support. 

Personally, I think it would make more sense to start with more support, and have it taper off after about a year and a half, but so far (same total, just different distribution), none of our mechutonim have agreed.

My daughter and SIL had more trouble self-supporting after the first year, since they then B"H had to pay a babysitter and had more expenses.

[David61]

Mazel Tov!

I agree.  In our circles, this is how it is done.  As I said upthread, we also split the first year's rent, and some of the basic furniture and appliances, but that is it as far as support. 

Personally, I think it would make more sense to start with more support, and have it taper off after about a year and a half, but so far (same total, just different distribution), none of our mechutonim have agreed.

Expenses can be lumpy from month-to-month. Do supporting parents usually provide a steady amount monthly? or more like 6-months worth of support semi-annually, so the couple can manage through the month-to-month variability. (I suppose if the couple has some savings that can use that to handle the variability).