Parental support

[yerushabubby]

In many cases that I have heard of, if the kalla has savings, much of the "support" comes from there

[jye]

In many cases that I have heard of, if the kalla has savings, much of the "support" comes from there

Boys side will often ask if the support is coming from the girls earnings or the parents pockets.

[Dawie]

In many cases that I have heard of, if the kalla has savings, much of the "support" comes from there

usually not, its for the downpayment

[Moshe123]

Data point: Friend who is kollel/ kli kodesh recently married off daughter age 21/22. Fairly modest low end kollel lifestyle. First daughter a couple years ago was just over 1k support.  He made the rounds and was told the standard has gone up recently and 1500 for 5 years is very typical. This despite his daughter earning a decent parnassa and coming into the marriage with almost 100k in savings.

היכי דמי סדום.

[yerushabubby]

Boys side will often ask if the support is coming from the girls earnings or the parents pockets.

Since hallachically, any money she earns while living under her parent's roof is at her father's discretion, it is complete emmes to say that it comes from her parents.

Someone else that I know of, the kalla "paid rent" to her parents for the time she lived with them while working, into a separate account designated for support after the chassuna.

[zh cohen]

Since hallachically, any money she earns while living under her parent's roof is at her father's discretion

Source?

[EliJelly]

Boys side will often ask if the support is coming from the girls earnings or the parents pockets.

Cringeworthy

[yelped]

Cringeworthy

Response should be "I see potential for worms crawling out of someone's ears, now get off your high and mighty horse and fulfill your side of the kesuva."

[drosenberg88429]

Response should be "I see potential for worms crawling out of someone's ears, now get off your high and mighty horse and fulfill your side of the kesuva."

There's no kesuba if they don't get married, and such a response certainly isn't conducive to marriage ensuing.

[yesitsme]

Wiki added

[yelped]

There's no kesuba if they don't get married, and such a response certainly isn't conducive to marriage ensuing.

That's the point.

[GEMARAKOP]

There are working boys who will not “charge” support. Everyone is welcome to look for such a boy. The fact of the matter is if you want a certain type of boy there are people who are happy to have a son-in-law learning and are willing to pay for it. It’s the way the world works. Live with it.

[AsherO]

There are working boys who will not “charge” support. Everyone is welcome to look for such a boy. The fact of the matter is if you want a certain type of boy there are people who are happy to have a son-in-law learning and are willing to pay for it. It’s the way the world works. Live with it.

Username checks out

It’s the way the world works.

You need to get out more…

[aygart]

There are working boys who will not “charge” support. Everyone is welcome to look for such a boy. The fact of the matter is if you want a certain type of boy there are people who are happy to have a son-in-law learning and are willing to pay for it. It’s the way the world works. Live with it.

Sounds very considerate to the daughters of those who were moiser nefesh to remain learning to that point.

[aygart]

Username checks out

-1

[AsherO]

-1

The ALL-CAPS part does…

[EliJelly]

There are working boys who will not “charge” support. Everyone is welcome to look for such a boy. The fact of the matter is if you want a certain type of boy there are people who are happy to have a son-in-law learning and are willing to pay for it. It’s the way the world works. Live with it.

Wow, אוכל פירותיהן בעולם הזה literally, charging for it and making sure it does not come from the girl's prior paychecks (although l'halacha it likely belongs to her father), no fooling around in this business.

(Ftr, I have nothing against voluntarily supporting your Kolel eidem/son, it's the biggest zchiya, but don't claim this mandatory standard is the way it's ought to be)

[Euclid]

-1

Gemara Kop, like Grammar Nazi.

[GEMARAKOP]

Sounds very considerate to the daughters of those who were moiser nefesh to remain learning to that point.

I know people,who,don’t give support and their daughters don’t need much. They are marries to nice learning boys. There are other boys whose parents believe they should have a certain amount of support. Whether because their used to a standard or whatever the reason. The fact is that boys in some communities are almost “not allowed” to work and definitely not before they get married. You can’t blame boys parents for asking for support. No one is saying it’s the girls families inherent responsibility. Everyone knows what a kesuba says. The fact is that the girls fathers whom a lot is being asked from would never consider sending their daughter out with a boy who can support her himself.

[drosenberg88429]

Sounds very considerate to the daughters of those who were moiser nefesh to remain learning to that point.

And who wouldn't let their daughters get anywhere near someone who put in the effort to make it unnecessary to need support.

For the most part, though, I don't think those are the parents that are really getting squeezed. They seem to marry people with similar sheifos and economic vistas and try to live a frugal and hardworking life together. They aren't scared of mesiras nefesh.

It seems it's the ones whose daughters are habituated to a higher standard of living, and want a more with it guy and lifestyle, but also wouldn't consider someone who has a foot in the financially productive world, who are the most in need of support. If you want the "best" of both worlds, it's gonna cost someone.