Parental support

[yelped]

G) Which Yeshiva does the boy learn in and who is his Rosh Yeshiva? Does he demand more?

This in particular makes me barf.

[aygart]

Okay I misunderstood. Sorry

Okay. I was referring to the shortfall to cover.

[YitzyS]

Rav Gershon Ribner talks about this subject regularly. I just checked the website and I see at least one recent question on the subject: https://rebgershonribner.com/

I also heard from Rav Kalman Krohn that it's a neis how Yerushalmi Yidden marry of kids. If it costs half a million for a chasunah and apartment, and they have 12 kids, where did they get $6 million from? He said that it's an open neis, but it happens over time, so we don't see it so blatantly.

[shwarmabob]

Rav Gershon Ribner talks about this subject regularly. I just checked the website and I see at least one recent question on the subject: https://rebgershonribner.com/

I also heard from Rav Kalman Krohn that it's a neis how Yerushalmi Yidden marry of kids. If it costs half a million for a chasunah and apartment, and they have 12 kids, where did they get $6 million from? He said that it's an open neis, but it happens over time, so we don't see it so blatantly.

So how exactly do they pay the $6 mil??

[yr]

So how exactly do they pay the $6 mil??

It's a neis.

[AsherO]

It's a neis.

The neis is that we don’t have more nervous breakdowns from the pressure…

[yesitsme]

whatever the standard is make sure to add in the contract an interest rate to protect against inflation

[jye]

I don't know who your friends are and while I'm sure there are all kinds of numbers that are "not unheard of" and all kinds of demands that "some" are making, this is far from the norm. What you are calling the "lower end" would be much closer to what most regular poshute people are doing. And I'm speaking as someone who is in this parsha right now.

I guess it depends on your circles. My kids are just about up to the parsha so my numbers are anecdotal from some friends with marrieds. I have relatives who are old Lakewood who had almost nothing to offer in terms of support. The daughter is married to a wonderful yungerman; they just made a bar mitzvah and he is still learning. YMMV.

[yuneeq]

So how exactly do they pay the $6 mil??

They collect it

[Euclid]

I don't know who your friends are and while I'm sure there are all kinds of numbers that are "not unheard of" and all kinds of demands that "some" are making, this is far from the norm. What you are calling the "lower end" would be much closer to what most regular poshute people are doing. And I'm speaking as someone who is in this parsha right now.

+1 a relative of mine just got engaged to a well-todo family and they're getting $1800, that's it.

[jye]

If they are putting aside all that extra money into savings they can just put it into
https://www.dansdeals.com/points-travel/banking/last-chance-buy-2021-series-savings-bonds-earning-7-12-interest/

[yuneeq]

I'm sure some here would like to anonymously share their own experiences.
Maybe someone can set up a google form?

[avromie7]

I'm sure some here would like to anonymously share their own experiences.
Maybe someone can set up a google form?

Didn't we already do that?

[Redbull3]

This is such an eye opener to me.
I mean, the concept doesn't surprise me but the idea that a shver is expected to dish out $20-30k annually on each of his married children takes the "cost of being frum" to a whole new level.

Same. I just don't see how the numbers being talked about are remotely palatable for typical mid-level people. Weddings are hard enough for big families to pay for

[ushdadude]

I have to imagine people borrow (HELOC etc)

[Redbull3]

At risk of venturing too far out of my lane, a random question for my DDF friends across the Orthodox spectrum. Any chance we can stop calling them "boys and girls"? Boys and girls should not be getting married; men and women should. This is not even a comment on what is the appropriate age/education/financial independence/etc before marriage - just on the emotional maturity/readiness.

[yuneeq]

Didn't we already do that?

Could be but not that I'm aware of

[avromie7]

Same. I just don't see how the numbers being talked about are remotely palatable for typical mid-level people. Weddings are hard enough for big families to pay for

FWIU, The idea generally is that the parents continue paying the childrens expenses the way they did until they got married. Until now they were paying for tuition, food, clothing, etc. so now they just give the money they "save" to the child.

[yuneeq]

At risk of venturing too far out of my lane, a random question for my DDF friends across the Orthodox spectrum. Any chance we can stop calling them "boys and girls"? Boys and girls should not be getting married; men and women should. This is not even a comment on what is the appropriate age/education/financial independence/etc before marriage - just on the emotional maturity/readiness.

Agree but this isn't an Orthodox thing, most of society calls people of that age "boys and girls".

[biobook]

Agree but this isn't an Orthodox thing, most of society calls people of that age "boys and girls".

No, not in the society where I live (American).  People over 18 are called men and women.