What kind of Shvigger?

[Yehudaa]

How’s she supposed to know which “mommy” you’re referring to ?

It's often evident from context, but when it's not, I use that mother's last name or initial of her last name when I first mention her in a conversation- i.e. "Mommy A said" or "Mommy B said". Then for the rest of that conversation just go with Mommy stam.

It's a small price to pay for the credit you'll earn with your in laws (and spouse).

[EliJelly]

How’s she supposed to know which “mommy” you’re referring to ?

It depends what comes afterwards, If it's "Mommy should mind her own business" then it's her mother. If it's "I'm going up to Mommy now" then it's his mother.

Jokes aside, we all have that eyebrows raising moment when we learn that people actually call their shviger mommy.

[Yehuda57]

Poll is missing “Bubby”

Added

[Yehudaa]

I should add that I imagine there's a great divide in cultural norms here between different parts of klal yisroel. I recall that I once called my mother in law for something and she answered on bluetooth while driving with some of her chasiddishe coworkers in the car. She commented to me afterwards that her coworkers were shocked at the conversation. I don't remember exactly what they were shocked at, but I recall that the impression my MIL got was that it was clear that their relationship with their sons in law was far more formal than what a parent-child relationship might usually look like.

Just something to keep in mind when discussing our differences on an online forum with people from all sorts of backgrounds...

[Yehuda57]

Hate to be the one to disagree, but I think it's one of the easiest investments a young chassan or kallah can make in the relationship with their in-laws (ETA: and spouse). I'm pretty sure parents in law typically appreciate it. It may feel awkward the first few times, but you get used to it quickly enough.

It also helps in talking to your spouse about their parents- I don't think "your mother said" sounds quite as nice as "mommy said", etc. It puts you and your spouse on the same team with the same sets of parents.

/.02

It's a cultural thing. My MIL would *not* want me to call her mommy or Ma.

[Yehudaa]

It's a cultural thing. My MIL would *not* want me to call her mommy or Ma.

Understandable. See my post immediately above yours. I'm sure every community is different.

[EliJelly]

I should add that I imagine there's a great divide in cultural norms here between different parts of klal yisroel. I recall that I once called my mother in law for something and she answered on bluetooth while driving with some of her chasiddishe coworkers in the car. She commented to me afterwards that her coworkers were shocked at the conversation. I don't remember exactly what they were shocked at, but I recall that the impression my MIL got was that it was clear that their relationship with their sons in law was far more formal than what a parent-child relationship might usually look like.

Just something to keep in mind when discussing our differences on an online forum with people from all sorts of backgrounds...

Such things may vary by family too even within the same community/culture.

[sillypainter]

Paging @yerushabubby for a real world perspective with somebody who is a bubby and inherited a yerusha.

[ExGingi]

Starts at 4:58. This is an imitation but that's what I found now.

https://t.me/YiddisherHumor/57

[Dan]

It's a cultural thing. My MIL would *not* want me to call her mommy or Ma.

Or Bubby for that matter. That's a label for the grandkids (or when referring to her to the grandkids), not for me to call her...ever.

[ExGingi]

Reminds me of my shvigger's sister (from Kfar Chabad) once describing how her sons-in-law call her (one of them grew up as a next-door neighbor).

1. Shvigger
2. First Name
3. Savta
4. <doesn't call> (probably the equivalent of :throat clearing:)

[skyguy918]

Hate to be the one to disagree, but I think it's one of the easiest investments a young chassan or kallah can make in the relationship with their in-laws (ETA: and spouse). I'm pretty sure parents in law typically appreciate it. It may feel awkward the first few times, but you get used to it quickly enough.

It also helps in talking to your spouse about their parents- I don't think "your mother said" sounds quite as nice as "mommy said", etc. It puts you and your spouse on the same team with the same sets of parents.

/.02

גם אני מצטרף להנ"ל. Definitely felt awkward in the beginning, but no less awkward than the other choices. And my in-laws are always around, so most of the avoidance type options kinda break down in the long run.

I think my general rule is that when I'm having a conversation with anyone on my wife's side (including my wife) about anyone else on that side, I call them what the person I'm talking to calls them. Which is why it's funny that this one hits different:

To my wife's sibling's spouse: Awkward fumbling while saying "Mommy/Ma"

Some how with my sibling's spouses it's totally fine - maybe it helps that I don't think any of them call their parents the same way I and my siblings call mine. But with my wife's siblings-in-law it just doesn't work for whatever reason.

How’s she supposed to know which “mommy” you’re referring to ?

Definitely think it changes the equation if you and your spouse both call your mothers the same way. This is a (different but similar) more common problem by grandparents that in my family is solved by a whole mishmash of terms.

Not now GPT, not now 

This is interesting to me for 2 reasons. First of all, because 'first name' is probably the least common option for frum Jews, and yet it's gotta be one of the most common options for the average American. But also because of the fact that 'mother-in-law' is dismissed as to formal, yet somehow shvigger doesn't feel that way at all.

[Dan]

But also because of the fact that 'mother-in-law' is dismissed as to formal, yet somehow shvigger doesn't feel that way at all.

One of the great Yiddish words that has no equal in English.

[yelped]

Hate to be the one to disagree, but I think it's one of the easiest investments a young chassan or kallah can make in the relationship with their in-laws (ETA: and spouse). I'm pretty sure parents in law typically appreciate it. It may feel awkward the first few times, but you get used to it quickly enough.

It also helps in talking to your spouse about their parents- I don't think "your mother said" sounds quite as nice as "mommy said", etc. It puts you and your spouse on the same team with the same sets of parents.

/.02

To me (and my shvigger) it sounds absolutely ridiculous. That is not how she envisions herself and it's just not the same. Your Shvigger is just not your Mommy. 🤮

The whole poll speaks to your relationship with your shvigger...

Exactly. She is my shvigger, not my Mommy.

I don't get what is so complicated here. You call your mother, Mommy (or whatever you call her) and your mother in law, Shvigger. Nice and simple and no reason for it to be confusing and difficult. Only reason would be if your Shvigger wants to pretend to be your Mommy, to which I would run 10ft away.

[ExGingi]

One of the great Yiddish words that has no equal in English.

Starts at 4:58. This is an imitation but that's what I found now.

https://t.me/YiddisherHumor/57

[mevinyavin]

Hate to be the one to disagree, but I think it's one of the easiest investments a young chassan or kallah can make in the relationship with their in-laws (ETA: and spouse). I'm pretty sure parents in law typically appreciate it. It may feel awkward the first few times, but you get used to it quickly enough.

It also helps in talking to your spouse about their parents- I don't think "your mother said" sounds quite as nice as "mommy said", etc. It puts you and your spouse on the same team with the same sets of parents.

/.02

Not enough options, yes, due to context, as noted 100 times above. Or something like that.

When not in the presence of the kids, she is Mommy, which was easy because my mother is Ema. (Same deal with the shver/my father.)
In the presence of the kids, she is "Uma" (or "Uma -insert city name-" when differentiating between my mother in law and her mother). Again, my mother is Bubby, and my grandmother is Grandma, so the kids (and my wife) always know who we are discussing.

I don't think my shvigger is my mommy. It's just an honorific - respectful and at the same time creating a space between us that her name would not.

[yelped]

I don't think my shvigger is my mommy. It's just an honorific - respectful and at the same time creating a space between us that her name would not.

How is it honorific and not calling her your mommy at the same time?

[Yehuda57]

How is it honorific and not calling her your mommy at the same time?

Because it is?

[yelped]

Because it is?

I just don't get it. You're literally saying Mommy.

[Euclid]

I just don't get it. You're literally saying Mommy.

OP's scenario his mother is Ema